Lost my daughter to suicide

tinkerdorabelle

DIS Veteran
Joined
Mar 7, 2001
my daughter chose to end her life by hanging in our home, my husband and son (21) found her. She was my baby, and only 18. It's only been one month

her ex bf had done the same two weeks earlier , and his sister blamed her, as she had a new bf.

We are really broken and trying to survive . Last year I lost both my mom and stepdad in 5 days, but this is something no parent should face. I wish for nobody to have this pain.
Please keep us in whatever you do, thoughts and/or prayers
So very very sorry. I have experienced it in my world but not a child of my own. There are no words, I'm so sorry. Sending prayers and healing to all.
 
  • mommasita

    DIS VETERAN
    Moderator
    Joined
    Aug 3, 2004
    I don’t post often, I wanted to thank everyone who has posted, and give a little update , if there is one.

    I haven’t returned to work yet, there is discussion of September, I’m under ZERO pressure, only my own. My best friend things it’s a bad move, the year anniversary is in October so I’m uncertain.

    I walk a lot, I’ve gained 10 lbs back, and people seem so glad, so I guess I looked that awful. My son seems to be ok, ALWAYS such a worry. My husband will not talk to me about it, refuses therapy of any kind, is not on the same path as me. I’m not sure what path I’m on, but I’m trying to live, to survive for my son. My husband is angry always. I can’t force a 49 year old to get help, but I wish he would.

    I think we will move within a year, we will rent out this house, and move to a different city. I hate doing groceries, seeing anyone, those looks, pity , and more .

    We did get to the Jersey shore twice this summer, not easy, my children were brought up there each summer.

    However, I am trying hard at this. Extremely hard . ThNks again
     

    Christine

    Would love to be able to sit on
    Joined
    Aug 31, 1999
    I don’t post often, I wanted to thank everyone who has posted, and give a little update , if there is one.

    I haven’t returned to work yet, there is discussion of September, I’m under ZERO pressure, only my own. My best friend things it’s a bad move, the year anniversary is in October so I’m uncertain.

    I walk a lot, I’ve gained 10 lbs back, and people seem so glad, so I guess I looked that awful. My son seems to be ok, ALWAYS such a worry. My husband will not talk to me about it, refuses therapy of any kind, is not on the same path as me. I’m not sure what path I’m on, but I’m trying to live, to survive for my son. My husband is angry always. I can’t force a 49 year old to get help, but I wish he would.

    I think we will move within a year, we will rent out this house, and move to a different city. I hate doing groceries, seeing anyone, those looks, pity , and more .

    We did get to the Jersey shore twice this summer, not easy, my children were brought up there each summer.

    However, I am trying hard at this. Extremely hard . ThNks again
    Thanks for the update. I'm sure it's all still so raw and I admire your honesty and all you are doing to get through this. It must have been very hard to go back to the shore where you had so many happy memories with your kids and then not to have one with you. Take care of yourself and think through the work thing. I'm not sure how your job is, but mine is very stressful. Returning to it after something stressful would do one or two things: break me or really help me. It's hard to know what that kind of stress will do for you in this situation.
     

    Teresa Pitman

    Disney Grandma
    Joined
    Aug 29, 2005
    Thank you for taking the time to update your Disboards friends. I agree with Christine that you should think about your work options - I know for my one friend who lost her son, coming back to work helped by giving her something else to focus on and because she had supportive co-workers. But I've also known other situations where it was too stressful.

    Your husband's reluctance to talk about things or get help must be hard for you. I think that men often find it harder than women to talk about feelings (I know, I am generalizing). I think you can only focus on your own healing and let him find his own road.

    Thinking of you.
     
  • Dan Murphy

    We are family.
    Joined
    Apr 20, 2000
    Thank you fr your update, mommasita. :hug:'s

    As you said, everybody is on a different, their own paths. We all heal and cope differently. Something like this takes a long time, a lifetime. My prayers remain with you, mommasita, and your family. God bless. :hug:'s
     

    macraven

    Proud Redhead
    Moderator
    Joined
    Apr 21, 2003
    I think of you often and appreciated your update

    I understand it is still, and will be, a painful situation for you.

    You will know when it is time to return to work or make the decision to move.
    You have no need to rush on making a major decision until your heart tells you it is time.

    I wish you peace and keep you in my prayers.
     
  • mommasita

    DIS VETERAN
    Moderator
    Joined
    Aug 3, 2004
    My job , well...it’s incredibly stressful, I work for Lifeline. I have talked people out of taking their own lives, and if and when I go back, I will need to do so again.
    My doctor suggested changing jobs, but I really don’t want to. I feel like I make a difference, I’m no doctor, but in this job I knew everyday that lives were and are saved by what we do.

    I was pushing myself, and as this date is approaching I do feel concerned, I was at my desk when I found out. My doctor suggests just making an hour visit to see how that even goes. I’ll see, I have once again torn my rotator cuff , so I want to see what may be needed there prior.

    Yes, my husbands reluctance is very hard, we are so completely different, but as you mentioned, he seems to be taking to the typical manly approach, and I worry it will all explode. But right now I can only worry for my son, and make sure I take care and survive for him. This is my job right now. My husband has so many possibilities open to him, he just has to say the word.

    Once again, thank you.
     

    AnnaS

    DIS Sponsoor/Veteran
    Joined
    Jul 7, 2001
    You are in my thoughts and prayers. Appreciate the update. Hang in there. One moment at a time :grouphug:
     

    Ciao Mickey

    <font color=brown>Kind of makes you want to run th
    Joined
    Mar 16, 2007
    You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    I am so sorry for what you are going through.
     

    mommasita

    DIS VETERAN
    Moderator
    Joined
    Aug 3, 2004
    Thanks again everyone.

    I haven’t returned to work, I’m aiming for January. I am awaiting on some recent MRI results from VERY bad vertigo. I have had brain surgeries, and other events gone bad roughly 9 years ago, so it may be back, and it may be stress. The dr wants me to get those results after the holidays, because as per usual , we are taking off. FLORIDA bound we are as of Thursday. I can’t stay here, so we are going with another family. I can’t do Xmas. I’m unable.

    I have a friend whose husband took his life last month, and wants to meet before I go, not a close friend, but none the less. I am worried, but maybe it’ll do us both good.

    Not much has changed here, trying and trying to survive. Each breathe is different, and I can’t believe I have survived 14 months.

    I wish everyone a happy holiday season.
     

    Pea-n-Me

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jul 18, 2004
    Thanks again everyone.

    I haven’t returned to work, I’m aiming for January. I am awaiting on some recent MRI results from VERY bad vertigo. I have had brain surgeries, and other events gone bad roughly 9 years ago, so it may be back, and it may be stress. The dr wants me to get those results after the holidays, because as per usual , we are taking off. FLORIDA bound we are as of Thursday. I can’t stay here, so we are going with another family. I can’t do Xmas. I’m unable.

    I have a friend whose husband took his life last month, and wants to meet before I go, not a close friend, but none the less. I am worried, but maybe it’ll do us both good.

    Not much has changed here, trying and trying to survive. Each breathe is different, and I can’t believe I have survived 14 months.

    I wish everyone a happy holiday season.
    Mommasita :flower3: Wishing you a nice trip to FL and keeping you in my prayers for good MRI results.

    I was next to someone at a party last night who had also lost a family member to suicide. She was wearing a bracelet in his honor. My heart goes out to anyone affected by this.
     

    AnnaS

    DIS Sponsoor/Veteran
    Joined
    Jul 7, 2001
    Wishing you a nice trip and good results.

    We all grieve different - no two alike. I hope you, your husband and son will come to discuss it. You/they can't be afraid to discuss it. I lost many loved ones (my parents, sister, in-laws and two brother in-laws back to back) - I know it's not the same. My church's bereavement group helped me a lot (and going to mass 3-4 times a week became my therapy) - I definitely learned not to be afraid of the elephant in the room.........the loss that hit me the hardest - I know it's not a child - was my sister. I bring her into a conversation as often as possible, want. At first, I thought not talking about her was easier - but no, it was harder.

    I really have no words and there are no words........my DH lost his cousin (murdered) when she was 26, two months before her wedding. His poor aunt did not leave the house (except for the cemetery) for many years (until her other daughter got engaged/married). No two will grieve the same.........just take one moment at at time. The hole in your heart will never heal. Be strong for you, your hubby and son - but it's okay to have your moments too, you will have many...........:grouphug:
     

    mom2rtk

    Invented the term "Characterpalooza"
    Joined
    Aug 23, 2008
    My heart goes out to you.

    Warm hugs and best wishes for health and peace. :grouphug:
     


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