Just need to say it out loud

[Hikergirl]

I disagree. And I wouldn’t allow my child to do it. A year is not that long in the grand scheme of things. I’d imagine his parents know him better then she does

Different strokes. I personally wouldn't disallow my 19 year old adult child to speak to her boyfriend's parents if that was her decision. I don't control/micromanage them like that. I also encourage my kids to have relationships with their significant other's parents so speaking to them about serious concerns they have wouldn't be an issue.
What if he was suicidal, or doing drugs? His behavior is destructive and may become debilitating without treatment. It doesn't have to be something that puts him in immediate jeopardy, but it also isn't something that shouldn't be discussed with those who care about him and want him to get help.
Another difference is that when my kids are in relationships for a year it is serious for them, I as their parent may not agree but again I'm not into controlling my adult kids like that. The seriousness of their relationship is up to them, not me.

 

[xlsm]

My 15 year old was recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety. He had become so adept at hiding it from everyone - no one who met him would ever imagine he was suffering through these things.

He eventually confided in a friend that he had been cutting and having suicidal thoughts. Thank god she told someone - it's how we were able to get him the help he needed.

She tells him "you are fine, you are a perfectly healthy 19 year old kid" and he tells her he isn't and she doesn't know what she is talking about and to stop saying that. At first she laughed it off but now she is starting to get annoyed and doesn't give much merit to when he starts his "episodes" as she calls them.

He isn't a perfectly healthy 19 year old if he is suffering from depression and anxiety. It isn't normal. However, it is treatable!! At his age he has all the opportunity in the world to work toward a better future for himself. If he is telling her no, I am not ok, she needs to listen to him. If she is not equipped to deal with someone suffering from a mental illness, she needs to walk away. At her age, that isn't something she needs to take responsibility for!! But she also needs to make it clear to him that it is time to seek REAL, ACTUAL help before it escalates beyond a point he can control.

THIS is a great article written by Wil Wheaton

 

[Poohlove]

My 15 year old was recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety. He had become so adept at hiding it from everyone - no one who met him would ever imagine he was suffering through these things.

He eventually confided in a friend that he had been cutting and having suicidal thoughts. Thank god she told someone - it's how we were able to get him the help he needed.



He isn't a perfectly healthy 19 year old if he is suffering from depression and anxiety. It isn't normal. However, it is treatable!! At his age he has all the opportunity in the world to work toward a better future for himself. If he is telling her no, I am not ok, she needs to listen to him. If she is not equipped to deal with someone suffering from a mental illness, she needs to walk away. At her age, that isn't something she needs to take responsibility for!! But she also needs to make it clear to him that it is time to seek REAL, ACTUAL help before it escalates beyond a point he can control.

THIS is a great article written by Wil Wheaton

When she is telling him that he is a perfectly happy 19 YO she means physically in the sense that he doesn't have the brain tumor he has convinced himself of.

I am glad that your son is getting treatment for his anxiety and depression.

 

[Skellingtonj]

Different strokes. I personally wouldn't disallow my 19 year old adult child to speak to her boyfriend's parents if that was her decision. I don't control/micromanage them like that. I also encourage my kids to have relationships with their significant other's parents so speaking to them about serious concerns they have wouldn't be an issue.
What if he was suicidal, or doing drugs? His behavior is destructive and may become debilitating without treatment. It doesn't have to be something that puts him in immediate jeopardy, but it also isn't something that shouldn't be discussed with those who care about him and want him to get help.
Another difference is that when my kids are in relationships for a year it is serious for them, I as their parent may not agree but again I'm not into controlling my adult kids like that. The seriousness of their relationship is up to them, not me.

I don’t see it as micromanaging. Unless she’s a certified counciler Or a mental health professional she has no right to speak to them. On a subject she knows nothing about

 

[cabanafrau]

I don’t see it as micromanaging. Unless she’s a certified counciler Or a mental health professional she has no right to speak to them. On a subject she knows nothing about

She doesn't need any background or training in mental health to speak to his parents if she has genuine concerns for his wellbeing. I have no idea whether this case could potentially reach the level of self harm or suicide in the future, but even someone untrained in mental health matters might legitimately have fears watching someone's condition deteriorating. Contacting his parents would be the decent, humane and rational action to take if that appeared to be a possibility.

 

[Poohlove]

If my daughter feels that talking to his parents is warranted that is her decision but there arent any suicidal thoughts, self harm, drug use etc. so at this point in time I am not encouraging her to do so. The parents are getting the explanation of benefits in the mail for each time he seeks medical attention so they are aware. They also know that he freaks out over side effects of medications etc because he and I have had that conversation.

If he wanted to harm himself i dont think that he would be so quick to panic over medical conditions he doesnt actually have killing him in his sleep and my daughter concurs because I did ask her if she felt he would harm himself. Again, I'm not a professional.

 

[Colleen27]

I don’t see it as micromanaging. Unless she’s a certified counciler Or a mental health professional she has no right to speak to them. On a subject she knows nothing about

This seems like a destructive way of thinking... no one should step in out of concern for a loved one's wellbeing unless they've made a career of mental health? So a kid who has concerns about a friend's drinking, or cutting, or drug use, or suicidal thoughts should just stay out of something he knows nothing about, rather than enlisting a parent or other trusted adult who might know more to address the situation? I know it is a little more complicated with young adults, but to me, the issue is the same - if someone knows that a friend, sibling or SO is struggling with issues that seem to require professional help, there's nothing wrong with enlisting other people who love the ill person to help get him the resources he needs to cope.

I wouldn't push that course of action, because I'd assume my young adult knows more about whether or not involving others is necessary and about the family dynamics in terms of how helpful the parents might be, but I also wouldn't discourage it if she thought the situation warranted it. ​

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Googling medical symptoms would induce anxiety in anyone.

No doubt. Weakness in your left arm. Google google google. OH DEAR IT'S ALS!!!! My doctor has a poster in his office. It's a cartoon where the doctor tells a patient it will be double price if they google symptoms.