How much $$ would you give as wedding gift?

[mjkacmom]

Where am I hating on the couple? I didn’t call them names either. I’m not intolerant, just amazed at the numbers being thrown around. I’m not the only one either.

But you are one of a few, the majority said around $500. I’m amazed at a lot of things that’s normal for other cultures.

 

[shoney]

Oh come on, let's be realistic. You are only fooling yourself if you actually believe it is because they "want" to bust the budget, to put things aside, just to give a "cover the plate" amount. It is absolutely because they feel they have to. Nobody wants to look cheap if they don't follow the standard. I grew up in Saddle River. It was and still is all about appearances.

On a previous thread, somebody said the MOB actually kept a spreadsheet of what people give, giving the thin excuse that they need to reciprocate equally in case they go to their weddings. That in itself is rude. If it was really what people "wanted" to give, there would be no tit for tat and only giving what someone else has given. People would give what "they" wanted.

I only hear wedding party people complain about the costs because the expectations have gotten a bit crazy!

I think people want to adhere to gift norms and $100 pp is not covering plates these days so that it out the window!

 

[antmaril]

A minimum of $500.

 

[North of Mouse]

Wow, at what some of these answers are!! I say give a nice thoughtful gift according to how close you are to the couple (family or friend) and your budget.

Wedding gift expectations by some couples have gone beyond the extreme. There are no set amounts on what should be spent/given to the wedding couple. Anything should be welcomed and appreciated.

 

[kiddo76]

Wow, at what some of these answers are!! I say give a nice thoughtful gift according to how close you are to the couple (family or friend) and your budget.

Wedding gift expectations by some couples have gone beyond the extreme. There are no set amounts on what should be spent/given to the wedding couple. Anything should be welcomed and appreciated.

When I was married 16 years ago, we had no expectations on what we would/would not receive. Everything we received was extremely appreciated. Average was about $100-$200 a couple, but we had people that gifted more and less than that.

As a guest now, I give what I feel comfortable giving. For me, that would probably be about $200. I don't necessarily subscribe to the "cover your plate" rule in that my gift varies on the venue. But I do kind of think about what DH and I would spend for a nice night out, plus more for a gift. When I was in college, that meant about $50. When first starting out, about $100. Now that we're established $200.

For a niece/nephew at least $500, maybe more, but I am also extremely close to them and do not have my own children.

 

[rigs32]

Cover your plate is extra terrible for out of town family/friends. They have to pay to travel AND if they come from a lower cost of living area, with lower average salaries, are expected to gift the equivalent of a week’s pay?

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Who cares how much the venue costs? The OP is a guest at a party. Guests have no say over the venue the bride selects. It is tacky to expect guests to pay their way for a bride's party. Or even that the guests should feel obligated to pay an admission fee to a wedding.

Give what is comfortable, whether that is $50 or $500. If you are going to subscribe to the ridiculous "cover your plate" recent mentality (I grew up in Bergen County so am familiar with the area) then make sure you deduct the cost of the shower gift, the cost of the engagement gift, the bridesmaid dress and any other expenses you have already "helped" the bride with.

HAHAHAHAHA.

Bride opens gift envelope.

$500 cover our plates less
$2000 plane tickets,
$400 hotel for 3 nights.
$200 Rental car fees
$100 Gas
$300 misc.
$500 food for 3 days.

Your bill comes to: $3,000.

 

[NYCgrrl]

Oh come on, let's be realistic. You are only fooling yourself if you actually believe it is because they "want" to bust the budget, to put things aside, just to give a "cover the plate" amount. It is absolutely because they feel they have to. Nobody wants to look cheap if they don't follow the standard. I grew up in Saddle River. It was and still is all about appearances.

On a previous thread, somebody said the MOB actually kept a spreadsheet of what people give, giving the thin excuse that they need to reciprocate equally in case they go to their weddings. That in itself is rude. If it was really what people "wanted" to give, there would be no tit for tat and only giving what someone else has given. People would give what "they" wanted.

Given the amount of OCD planners gathered on this forum and without either participating, knowing the tone of the writing (or my perception of it) or being aware of the thread you noted I could see many reasons why a MOB/MOG would want a spreadsheet listing amts received and from whom. The first one that comes to my mind is it would make a fine tool for writing personalised thank you cards ( personally, I despise the picture variety w/ pre-printed sentiments; so impersonal). There are other uses that come to mind but how much to reciprocate would also have a use as reference point especially if you were new to this life stage.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Cover your plate is extra terrible for out of town family/friends. They have to pay to travel AND if they come from a lower cost of living area, with lower average salaries, are expected to gift the equivalent of a week’s pay?

No one is EXPECTED to give anything. Most people here(NYC) go the "cover your plate" route, because it is what we are accustomed to doing.

 

[aprilgail]

for 5 people then the minimum I would give is 500- if it was a niece I was very close with then more but the bare minimum is 100.00 per person for a wedding and that is on the low side.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I always thought that the cover your plate mentality started with couples throwing a wedding party they clearly could not afford.

 

[shoney]

I always thought that the cover your plate mentality started with couples throwing a wedding party they clearly could not afford.

Nah. It’s been around for at least 60 plus years. A way of giving back to the couple for what the parents spent for the wedding. It gave them a start on life. The guests in return got a great dinner drinks and time with family and friends

 

[AppleDumpling]

I won’t even suggest a dollar amount because it is clearly very regional. Every time this topic comes up, people say you should consider your relationship to the couple and what you can afford. OK sure, I agree.

However, I think most people have an idea of what the approximate “going rate” is in their local area (even those who are appalled by the “cover your plate” concept.) Or at least they have their own “usual” value to give for certain occasions.

Something else to consider, OP, is that whatever you give will set a precedent for future weddings for that generation. At least it would be that way in my family, as I am equally close to all my nieces and nephews, and like to be equitable in my gift giving. Also, if the gift is from all five of you, certainly you should be more generous than if just from you and DH. IMO, your adult children (even if they still live at home), should each give their own gift as they see fit.

 

[North of Mouse]

Cover your plate mentality - another way of begging for others to pay for your wedding - not going to happen here.

We spent on our wedding exactly what we could afford and no more - neither parents were able to add much and we didn't want them to. Now, it's expected/demanded by some couples that others (parents/guests) cover their costs - no matter what the pain of doing that may be.

 

[kimblebee]

But you are one of a few, the majority said around $500. I’m amazed at a lot of things that’s normal for other cultures.

The ‘it’s ridiculous’ crowd is picking up steam.

Here’s an honest question, no snark. When you go to a kids birthday party do you base your gift on what the parents spent for the party?

 

[disneyjunkie]

Now, it's expected/demanded by some couples that others (parents/guests) cover their costs - no matter what the pain of doing that may be.

Oh for crying out loud.
It is not expected or demanded.

 

[shoney]

The ‘it’s ridiculous’ crowd is picking up steam.

Here’s an honest question, no snark. When you go to a kids birthday party do you base your gift on what the parents spent for the party?

Nope but the average price is around $20 and so is the average gift.

 

[disneyjunkie]

The ‘it’s ridiculous’ crowd is picking up steam.

Here’s an honest question, no snark. When you go to a kids birthday party do you base your gift on what the parents spent for the party?

If that kid is having a Bat Mitzvah, Sweet Sixteen or Quinceanera, I use the same system that I use for weddings. Just because a custom is different from what you are accustomed to, doesn't make it ridiculous.

There are customs outside of NYC that make me scratch my head(open houses for graduations, junior proms, high school homecoming hoopla, attending school with the same group of kids from kindergarten to high school...)I don't deem them ridiculous, just different/odd.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

I’m from the land of “cake and punch” weddings so the average is $50-$100.

For my wedding last year most people gave us a $100 or spent about that much on items on our registry.

We had our wedding in a park and due to being close friends with a photographer and chef and my mother doing wedding cakes our wedding only ended up costing $5000 for everything (ceremony, reception, rings and honeymoon).

 

[kimblebee]

Nope but the average price is around $20 and so is the average gift.

So what’s the difference? All that’s changed is the age of the kids..