How much $$ would you give as wedding gift?

[Chocolate Cake]

$500

I know that is on the modest side for 5 people, but I am assuming you have already invested a lot since your daughter is in the wedding.

 

[Hisgirl]

WHOA!!! We come from upper middle class with a sprinkling of 1% thrown in and the most money I got for anything was $1,000 and that was from my parents. Most folks, even family gave $100 or less. You mention your grown kids, $100 each to a cousin is high, IMO. Why not let them give their own gift, relative to what they can afford? And you and your spouse give what you want to give. For me, we send a gift and maybe $100-$200. It would never occur to me to send $500 unless it was my own child.

 

[Toolulu22]

Given how close you are, my DH and I would likely give $500 from us as a couple. You have adult children, who it seems you are covering as well? If so, I would add from there.

 

[mjkacmom]

WHOA!!! We come from upper middle class with a sprinkling of 1% thrown in and the most money I got for anything was $1,000 and that was from my parents. Most folks, even family gave $100 or less. You mention your grown kids, $100 each to a cousin is high, IMO. Why not let them give their own gift, relative to what they can afford? And you and your spouse give what you want to give. For me, we send a gift and maybe $100-$200. It would never occur to me to send $500 unless it was my own child.

It’s regional/cultural, as you can see by the majority of the responses. No one in my area would send an actual gift.

 

[mjkacmom]

Holy crap!! I should have invited all of you to my wedding.

Here, there’s no obligation to cover your plate or take into consideration how many people are on one invitation. $500 for a wedding gift is ridiculous.

Go with what you can afford and they should be happy for whatever they get.

Would they turn up their noses if you gave them a nice toaster and some silverware and a blender?

Why hating on the couple? Nowhere in the OP are they made out to be greedy vultures. You do what you do, let others do what they do. It amazes me how intolerant people are about other’s cultures and traditions, how offended they get.

 

[kiddo76]

I would give $500 to my niece/nephew from DH and me. If your adult children are in college, I think $50 each is reasonable. If working, $100 each.

 

[DisneyHardin]

Holy Moley - I want to get remarried and invite all you all to my wedding!!!

My half-sister just got married and she got $400 from one of her aunts and was SHOCKED by such a generous gift. Most other people gave them $50-$100. When I got married 10 years ago, I got $100 from my Grandma and that was my biggest gift.

 

[jrmasm]

$200

 

[mjkacmom]

Holy Moley - I want to get remarried and invite all you all to my wedding!!!

My half-sister just got married and she got $400 from one of her aunts and was SHOCKED by such a generous gift. Most other people gave them $50-$100. When I got married 10 years ago, I got $100 from my Grandma and that was my biggest gift.

My grandma gave me $1000, very appreciated.

 

[Hrhpd]

I would give minimum $1,000 if 5 from your family are attending.

If she is a close niece then a little more would be nice.

My son is getting married next summer. You are definitely on the invite list.

Hmmm, this cover the plate thing may work. Since it is a destination wedding in Europe, we are inviting all 200 people to the rehearsal dinner. So, they better take into account how expensive the rehearsal dinner is along with the black tie reception.

NOT. While the couple thinks it extremely tacky to put "no gifts" on the invites, as MOG, I will be putting the word out that their presence at the wedding is gift enough, especially with airfare and having to take time off from work (bride's family is funding the hotel rooms.) They chose to get married in a very expensive venue across the pond and they are extremely grateful for anyone willing to come. Even if the wedding was stateside, they would be absolutely horrified if any of their friends or family thought they had to pay an admission into their wedding. They want the wedding they can afford and don't want anyone to think anyone has to help them. They don't want to have to change their venue to meet their guest's budgets. It is their choice, and they want to share that with their GUESTS. Their biggest gift is being able to share their day with their dearest friends and family. They would be so sad if someone didn't come because they thought they would look cheap if they couldn't afford to "cover their plate."

 

[ronandannette]

Most of our nieces and nephews married between 15 and twenty years ago; expectations were different then. We've got two young'ish nephews on DH's side the same age as our son and they will all be "marriagable" within the next 5 or so years. We're not super close to them but would expect to be invited to their weddings, as we will invite them if DS marries. We'd give $100 in cash or an equivalent priced gift if they registered.

 

[shoney]

WHOA!!! We come from upper middle class with a sprinkling of 1% thrown in and the most money I got for anything was $1,000 and that was from my parents. Most folks, even family gave $100 or less. You mention your grown kids, $100 each to a cousin is high, IMO. Why not let them give their own gift, relative to what they can afford? And you and your spouse give what you want to give. For me, we send a gift and maybe $100-$200. It would never occur to me to send $500 unless it was my own child.

I have no explanation as to why but it does seem that people in the nyc metro area just give more
Your family can clearly afford to give more but chose not to.
I don’t know anyone that has taken on a loan to give a gift. But people will forgo other things to budget for a nice gift because they want to not because they have to.

$100 for a couple was on the low end at our wedding 26 years ago.

 

[kimblebee]

Why hating on the couple? Nowhere in the OP are they made out to be greedy vultures. You do what you do, let others do what they do. It amazes me how intolerant people are about other’s cultures and traditions, how offended they get.

Where am I hating on the couple? I didn’t call them names either. I’m not intolerant, just amazed at the numbers being thrown around. I’m not the only one either.

 

[Hrhpd]

I have no explanation as to why but it does seem that people in the nyc metro area just give more
Your family can clearly afford to give more but chose not to.
I don’t know anyone that has taken on a loan to give a gift. But people will forgo other things to budget for a nice gift because they want to not because they have to.

$100 for a couple was on the low end at our wedding 26 years ago.

Oh come on, let's be realistic. You are only fooling yourself if you actually believe it is because they "want" to bust the budget, to put things aside, just to give a "cover the plate" amount. It is absolutely because they feel they have to. Nobody wants to look cheap if they don't follow the standard. I grew up in Saddle River. It was and still is all about appearances.

On a previous thread, somebody said the MOB actually kept a spreadsheet of what people give, giving the thin excuse that they need to reciprocate equally in case they go to their weddings. That in itself is rude. If it was really what people "wanted" to give, there would be no tit for tat and only giving what someone else has given. People would give what "they" wanted.

 

[Floridaman999]

I can't answer until I know the diameter of the plates.

 

[_19disnA]

^^ and what the entree is.....LOL.

 

[ols386]

I would say in that particular venue, and knowing you are close with the bride, maybe $500. Maybe a bit less since your daughters are in the wedding.

 

[Toolulu22]

My son is getting married next summer. You are definitely on the invite list.

Hmmm, this cover the plate thing may work. Since it is a destination wedding in Europe, we are inviting all 200 people to the rehearsal dinner. So, they better take into account how expensive the rehearsal dinner is along with the black tie reception.

NOT. While the couple thinks it extremely tacky to put "no gifts" on the invites, as MOG, I will be putting the word out that their presence at the wedding is gift enough, especially with airfare and having to take time off from work (bride's family is funding the hotel rooms.) They chose to get married in a very expensive venue across the pond and they are extremely grateful for anyone willing to come. Even if the wedding was stateside, they would be absolutely horrified if any of their friends or family thought they had to pay an admission into their wedding. They want the wedding they can afford and don't want anyone to think anyone has to help them. They don't want to have to change their venue to meet their guest's budgets. It is their choice, and they want to share that with their GUESTS. Their biggest gift is being able to share their day with their dearest friends and family. They would be so sad if someone didn't come because they thought they would look cheap if they couldn't afford to "cover their plate."

When we were married, we had a destination wedding too (WDW ). We knew our guests would be taking off from work, traveling, and purchasing hotel rooms etc. We budgeted a wedding we could afford, and didn’t expect to cover it with our guests gifts. Don’t most people do this? I think the notion of “covering one’s plate stems from - is it a backyard wedding where family cooked the meal or a fancy place that cost the family some dough. I give based on my relationship with the couple and In the spirit of going forward- helping them start out life together. I don’t give what I don’t have and don’t expect others to either.

For our wedding, we told our guests that we have all we need, just come and celebrate with us. We received a few presents, and monetary gifts In varied amounts up to $2000. All were appreciated, none were frowned upon.

 

[NYCgrrl]

Not to stop the flow of the discussion but since when did an engagement party require a gift?
Just trying to keep up with these modern times.

 

[Momto2minniemice]

Give what you are able to. I would be happy that you took time off work to attend. Also the cost of hotel, clothing, etc. Adds up!