How fast it all changed.

[Eureka]

You are all in my thoughts every single day .

Me too. You have so many people (that you don’t even know!) thinking about you all and wishing we could do something.

 

[mamamary]

Very heartbreaking. You and your family are in my thoughts.

 

[sk!mom]

No words other than, I am so sorry and praying for peace, comfort, and strength for you, and your family.

 

[VictoriaT]

Many hugs and prayers for continued strength and peace for you and your family.

 

[vicwishes]

Hugs to you....

 

[antmaril]

Heartbreaking. I think about you every day.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Really sad news Rodeo. I'm so sorry.

I have major allergies to narcotics and other drugs and understand well the hallucinations. I even hallucinate on valium. It's very scary.

We are all heartbroken here for your family. Big hugs.

 

[Minnesota!]

I am so sorry

 

[J'aime Paris]

Oh Rodeo, my heart breaks for you!

 

[piglet1979]

I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 

[Mokat76]

Oh, Rodeo. So indescribably awful and sad. I’m so very sorry.
Ask your dad to make the initial calls to funeral homes if it’s come to that. He can at least gather some info for you and narrow it down so you won’t have to. That’s the kind of work someone else can and should do for you. It’s too mundane, yet gut-wrenching, for you right now. Music and stuff like that can certainly wait. Work now on loving and supporting him and your kids. And on taking care of you as best you can. All my love and prayers are heading to you in Canada.

 

[anniemae]

Oh dear, I am very sorry about this update. He seems to be declining very fast. I was hopeful he would get strong enough to try chemo and get more time. I agree with a pp to let someones else make the funeral home calls. Focus on DH. My heart is heavy for you and I will continue to pray for you and your family.

 

[TavieP]

I think about you guys every day, too. This is a heartbreaking update. This is all too brutal, too terrible. We're here for you. I'm so sorry this is happening.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

I am so sorry to read this. My friends father passed from liver cancer, and the hallucinations were the first sign his liver was totally shutting down. I hope they find the right meds to keep him comfortable. I will pray for peace for all of your family and friends.

 

[cassiopia419]

I'm so very sorry to hear this latest update! I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Please come here and vent anytime you need to and know that so many of us have an idea of what you are going through. When I lost my dad very quickly 11 years ago, I remember not wanting to share with close friends or family because it was too painful and I didn't want them to know what I was thinking/feeling. I met a great group of internet friends that I still have to this day who supported me during those difficult times. We're definitely here for you!

 

[ksjayhawks]

I am so sorry rodeo65. News like this is never easy to hear because we keep hoping, praying that a miracle will happen, that the doctors were wrong. It is good that you had the talk with your family doctor and he was honest with you as you now know what you need to do/how to spend your time in these next few weeks. Have you talked with the kids yet? Is there a family member who can come and stay at your house with them for the next few weeks so that you can focus the majority of your time on being with your dh?

Ask your dad to make calls to funeral homes and get information for you so that you can have one selected when the time comes. That isn't something that you want to have to deal with in the middle of the night or right after dh's passing.

When my mom went to hospice, we received a book that explained the care she would get, what the family could do, the signs we could look for as the end drew near. If you didn't get such a book, ask if they have one. Also ask to sit down with the director and have him/her explain what end stage looks like, the signs, what to expect. It helped me to be prepared--didn't make it easier, but I was able to see and somewhat understand what was going on.

Prayers for you and your family.

 

[Dan Murphy]

I left a note on our prayer wall at church this past Wednesday, for the prayer group at church to add your husband to their prayer list. Their prayers, with countless others, are said for him. Miracles do occur.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Sadly, today wasn't as good. DH was having hallucinations with the morphine - bugs on the wall he said, so he refused a couple of doses. Of course that put his pain level back at about a 9. So, around 11 this morning, he agreed to try hydramorphone again. They've put butterfly inserts on each arm, one for I think it's haldol?? for his hiccups that are frequent and persistent and one on the other side for dilaudid. Since he has an anti-anxiety on board long acting overnight and as needed through the day, he felt he could withstand the pain med. So, today he basically slept. Which also means barely ate or drank.

It sounds like delirium, since they are giving him haldol. This is not uncommon, and happens when a variety of changes in the body and brain cascade all at the same time, including stress, medications, pain, being in the hospital/changing rooms, changes in body chemistry, toxins in the bloodstream from systems that aren't working optimally, dehydration, altered sleep patterns, etc. It's not only challenging, but not even possible, to correct all these things right now, because he still needs his pain medicine, and still needs to sleep whenever he can, his disease is progressing, his chemistries remain off, etc.

This is why the goal will be comfort: to control his pain, to let him rest, to honor his wishes, to try to preserve his dignity, etc. (whatever his personal goals of care are). Take comfort in knowing that this is the best you can do for him right now. I know it's a tough pill to swallow - most people have a more time to process this. (And I wish that you did too.) So keep that in mind, that you have to do whatever it is that helps him be comfortable, and that those interventions are not the bad thing, the disease is. You should not and cannot feel guilty about anything that's happened or will happen, you are doing the best you can do under extremely difficult circumstances. (And none of us are perfect, though I'm just saying that, not that I think you've done anything wrong. Almost nothing is ever perfect.)

I hope this helps, I'm trying hard to say things gently, while at the same time giving you the information you need. I'm sure your caregivers at the hospice are doing the same. Sending prayers to you, your husband, your family and loved ones, and all of his caregivers, that your dear husband can remain comfortable and assured that he is in loving hands and that those around him have only his best interests at heart.

 

[Wendy31]

Your family's story has touched my heart, & I think of your husband, your kids, & you daily in my prayers.

 

[Chirple]

@rodeo65, I have been following along this thread as a lurker. I wanted to reinforce to you that you are not alone (as you can see by the number of supportive posts) and that your family is in my thoughts. I agree with others that it's okay to ask your dad to contact the funeral home and find out about arrangements.