Do you take pictures of the deceased laying in the coffin?

[safetymom]

My son was over for a visit yesterday and thought I would ask him if he wanted to see the pictures. He had no desire to see his Dad laying in the casket. I am leaving them in the box and won't be looking either. Thank you everyone for your thoughts.

 

[hookedonears]

Now that's how I want to remember a loved one! (roll eyes)

 

[kswm30b]

My father just passed away on Valentines Day. I can't imagine anyone doing this, especially without asking permission from my mom or I, and I can't believe someone in your family did! I don't think I would ever speak to them again. And trust me, in most normal situations, no one takes more pictures than I do.

 

[sues14]

This is not at all common in my family (unheard of, really) with one exception. Nearly 20 years ago my brother & wife had a full term stillborn daughter. She was their first child. It was one of the most awful experiences I've ever encountered.

After the delivery, the nurses encouraged everyone there to see and hold the baby. They also said it was important to dress her in the outfit they brought to the hospital for her to wear and to take a few photos. We were all shocked but they said it would be important for them to have as part of their grieving and healing - to see her as a baby and love her as a real being not just as the idea of her.

They took the photos, and I've never looked at them after that day, but I'm pretty sure that my brother and his wife did.

I am a labor and delivery nurse and this is very common, if the baby is term and they now have a company that comes in a takes professional photos, they are the best they are wedding photogrophers that do this for no pay and it is very tasteful and without a lot of commotion and it is very good for these moms and dads sometimes they use these photos at the funural, it's hard to see but it's their baby, for moms that deliver tool soon they take some photos and usually give them a box with little momentos , everyone must be able to grieve in there own way.

 

[safetymom]

I am a labor and delivery nurse and this is very common, if the baby is term and they now have a company that comes in a takes professional photos, they are the best they are wedding photogrophers that do this for no pay and it is very tasteful and without a lot of commotion and it is very good for these moms and dads sometimes they use these photos at the funural, it's hard to see but it's their baby, for moms that deliver tool soon they take some photos and usually give them a box with little momentos , everyone must be able to grieve in there own way.

I can understand this for newborns if that is what the family wants.

 

[bellaDisneydncr]

My father is a Funeral Director. Throughout my entire life I don't ever remember anyone taking pictures themselves of the deceased. My father takes photos for his records and I'm sure he would be willing to share them with families, however I've never known of anyone asking about them. I don't believe it to be wrong- but I don't ever think I've seen it happen.

 

[Halbleib1]

No def. not and when our daughter passed at 10 days old we made sure that everyone knew no camera's were to be brought in. My mil made a comment about wanting a pic. but we told her no. We have pics. of her alive there was no need to have pics. of her in her coffin.

Also at the hospital they offered us the use of a polaroid camera and I told them absolutely not and that no one was to take pics. of her. I can understand parent's whose children were stillborn or did not live long after birth wanting these pics. but for us it was not something we wanted nor needed as we were lucky enough to have her with us for 10 days.

I do not even like the idea of taking a pic. of someone's grave. My mil use to take pics. of my daughter's grave every time she would place something on it.

 

[Halbleib1]

I answered no. But then I have never understood the reason for an open coffin either

It was very important for me to have an open coffin for my daughter more for reassurance that it was actually her in it than anything else. My maternal grandmother was found after being missing for about a week. She commited suicide by jumping in a local river. She had a closed coffin and no one in the family ever got the chance to identify her so still today 21 years later some of us family members still wonder if it was actually her. I also wanted an open coffin to be able to place things in the coffin that I felt was important for her to be buried with. Illogical I know but for my peace of mind it was very important to me at the time. This is also the reason why we stayed when they placed the lid on her coffin and one of the reasons why we stayed for the burial at the cemetary as well.

Staying for her actual burial was even more important to us after we had been at the cemetary earlier in the week picking out a location and the undertaker told us that they can not be sure where my paternal grandmother is actually buried. My daughter is supposed to be behind my grandmother but she may actually be beside her or even on top of her. For a baby they only go 3 ft under not the normal 6 so they would not have seen anything if my grandmother is in fact under her. This cemetary did not have accurate maps at all. For my peace of mind I wanted to be sure that my daughter was buried where we chose.

 

[Halbleib1]

I am a labor and delivery nurse and this is very common, if the baby is term and they now have a company that comes in a takes professional photos, they are the best they are wedding photogrophers that do this for no pay and it is very tasteful and without a lot of commotion and it is very good for these moms and dads sometimes they use these photos at the funural, it's hard to see but it's their baby, for moms that deliver tool soon they take some photos and usually give them a box with little momentos , everyone must be able to grieve in there own way.

I appreciate the box that they gave us at the hospital where our daughter passed. I am esp. grateful to them for the piece of hair that they cut and placed on a small heart shaped pillow for us. I never would have thought of that myself as we were in complete shock. Also it is not something at the time that I would have felt would become important to me to have.

I also appreciated that they cleaned her up and put her in a nice outfit so that we could hold her one last time. Although it was very hard I am so grateful I got that last chance to hold her. Touching someone that was no longer alive was something that I could never have done much less actually held them. But when it is your own child it changes everything.

I do not know what I would have chosen as far as photos had I not of been lucky enough to have had my daughter for those 10 days. Up until that point I was always against those types of photos and even creeped out by the thought of it. However until you are faced with a particular situation you do not know what you would do. I can see why parent's would feel the need under such circumstances.

 

[Halbleib1]

My father is a Funeral Director. Throughout my entire life I don't ever remember anyone taking pictures themselves of the deceased. My father takes photos for his records and I'm sure he would be willing to share them with families, however I've never known of anyone asking about them. I don't believe it to be wrong- but I don't ever think I've seen it happen.

What purpose would any funeral director have to take these pics. for their records?

I have to say this bothers me more than a friend or relative taking these types of pics. as I just can not fathom what they would need or want them for.

I can understand the need for autopsy pics. being kept for a record but I do not see the need for a funeral director to have such pics.

 

[jmccormick]

I have done it, but I must confess that after transferring the images to my computer, I've not looked at it since.

My wife Alice died of cancer in 2007. For 23 years she was my best friend / lover / wife. She survived for 15 months after the initial discovery of the disease. I was alone in the room for that last moment before we left for the church service. In my case, although I did not want to remember her like that, I took the picture just to create just more moment that we could share together.

Four years later I'm married to a wonderful women who has also gone threw the lost of a spouse (in her case two). She understands that while that person is not longer around, they will always be part of your life.

So, while he may sounds creepy, I understand the need....

 

[Bell30012]

The funeral home that my father was in had a discrete sign that said no cameras permitted. We were told that if we wished to have photos of him they would take them, at no charge. The fact that they did ask us made me realize that apparently this is not something that is unusual to them.

I can see having a photo of a loved one in his/her casket to share with others that can't make it to the funeral.

 

[ratherbeatdisney]

i dont even get the open casket let alone taking pictures. Out of the about 10 funerals i have been to in my life not one was open casket. i dont understand why you would want to see the persons corpse. I Know what they looked like, i will always remember what they look like in life, why would i want to see them dead? I just dont get it, but if that is what you want to do, go for it i guess, but im glad i havent been to one yet. It must be a regional or cultural thing, all of the funerals have been in CA so far.

 

[SookieStackhouse]

NO. I have been at a visitation where somebody was doing it, TOTALLY found it to be creepy.

 

[mjaclyn]

I also don't really understand the need for an open casket. I would avoid funerals altogether if I could, but the times I've had to go to them it was in support of family members very close to me. I find open caskets (as well as picture taking of the deceased) to be very creepy. Once a person has died, they no longer really look like themselves. I honestly wish I could erase the memory of seeing them lying there lifeless. It's not at all how I want to remember them.

*The only time I could understand wanting a photo, is when my cousin's baby died at 3 days old of heart condition. The baby had tubes in his mouth and machines hooked up to him practically since the moment he had been born. The only time they were able to get a close up photo of him without all of that is right after he had died. I still think it's a little creepy and very sad, but I can understand taking a photo under that kind of circumstance more than others.