Cash wedding presents vs. honeymoon fund?

[GreatLakes]

I'm honestly not seeing how providing a limited registry so that people would read between the lines and give you cash, so that you could say you did not directly ask for it, is less tacky than being upfront about what you would find useful and giving people who are expecting to give you a gift regardless a way to choose something that fits your relationship with one another and personality. Checks/cash are fantastic, sure, they are money, who is going to say no to money? But they are also the easiest gift imaginable for guests to give because they don't have to think at all and that's probably partially why they are so popular.

We didn't have a limited register so people would give us cash. We had a limited register because that is all we needed and weren't going to ask for stuff we didn't need.

Some people gave us cash, some stuff that wasn't on the registry but they thought we would like, some gave us gift cards. The important thing is never to actually ask for money or gift cards. It just comes off as tacky.

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

TBH, I find all registries tacky. I also find honeymoon funds tacky. Just let people give you money and do with it what you want. I think it's so weird to buy a couple their bedsheets, or bath towels, for example. It's never sat well with me. I'm 40 years old. We didn't do a registry, but we had a destination wedding at WDW so didn't expect gifts. We got some cash, but most people didn't give an additional gift, at our request, because we were all broke, young, just out of college kids.

In a lot of places, money isn’t really done as a wedding gift. So, if you don’t have a registry then your guests are just going to go out and pick something and you may end up with 12 toasters. I guess the couple should just be grateful they can make as much toast as they want lol.

These threads are always so weird to me. Like if you don’t want to give a gift then fine, but it’s almost like people want to go out of their way to get the couple something they don’t want/can’t use just because it’s what they want to do or are imposing their values on the couple. I’d think it’d bring joy to give something a couple wanted to celebrate. Unless it’s like “don’t come to the wedding unless you bring x gift” everything is just a suggestion.

 

[skyblue17]

We didn't have a limited register so people would give us cash. We had a limited register because that is all we needed and weren't going to ask for stuff we didn't need.

Some people gave us cash, some stuff that wasn't on the registry but they thought we would like, some gave us gift cards. The important thing is never to actually ask for money or gift cards. It just comes off as tacky.

Ah, sorry, I saw "We let people come to their own conclusion on what to do when they saw the very short registry list. Most people can read between the lines and we got a lot of cash" and assumed that you hoped that is what would happen. My apologies.

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

I think wedding gifts have gotten ridiculous. It seems like in most cases, it has become an expectation that you should receive something, or in the guest's case, that you should gift something, regardless of whether or not anything is needed, and it's just strange, TO ME. I know others won't agree with me, I'm just stating my opinion and not trying to indicate that everyone should agree.

Wedding registries, to me, seem like they should be for practical things that a couple has a need for when starting a life together. If they don't really have a need for anything because they've been living together for a while or already have the essentials, then I really don't see the point in registering. I find it odd that grown adults are registering, and in general EXPECTING to receive large gifts (whether physical items, cash, donations to honeyfunds, whatever) from a bunch of wedding guests that usually include distant family, old co-workers, etc. Many people that you wouldn't give birthday or Christmas presents to and wouldn't receive those types of gifts from. It seems like because traditionally couples didn't have much starting out and needed a lot of the essentials, that practice has carried over and expanded for those that get married and don't really need the gifts that were traditionally given. Now it's the expectation that I don't need household items, but couples get gifts when they get married, so give me cash or donate to my honeymoon. On the other side, it's well, since gifts are always given when people get married, then as a guest, I have to give something, even if they don't need the essentials.

I think it's great if people want to give cash or donate toward a honeymoon or whatever, but it does seem to be like an expectation nowadays that guests should give you something for getting married. That's where registering/asking for gifts towards a honeymoon or other luxuries fits into this for me. It's like saying we don't need anything, but I know you're still going to give me something so here's what I want you to give me. There's that bit of expectation in there, even if it's not what the couple is intending. If you register for just what you need/have no registry, then guests can still decide for themselves if they wish to give you cash or whatever else once everything on the registry is gone, but it seems less like you're expecting guests to give you something and more like you actually just want to celebrate with them.

 

[skyblue17]

I think wedding gifts have gotten ridiculous. It seems like in most cases, it has become an expectation that you should receive something, or in the guest's case, that you should gift something, regardless of whether or not anything is needed, and it's just strange, TO ME. I know others won't agree with me, I'm just stating my opinion and not trying to indicate that everyone should agree.

Wedding registries, to me, seem like they should be for practical things that a couple has a need for when starting a life together. If they don't really have a need for anything because they've been living together for a while or already have the essentials, then I really don't see the point in registering. I find it odd that grown adults are registering, and in general EXPECTING to receive large gifts (whether physical items, cash, donations to honeyfunds, whatever) from a bunch of wedding guests that usually include distant family, old co-workers, etc. Many people that you wouldn't give birthday or Christmas presents to and wouldn't receive those types of gifts from. It seems like because traditionally couples didn't have much starting out and needed a lot of the essentials, that practice has carried over and expanded for those that get married and don't really need the gifts that were traditionally given. Now it's the expectation that I don't need household items, but couples get gifts when they get married, so give me cash or donate to my honeymoon. On the other side, it's well, since gifts are always given when people get married, then as a guest, I have to give something, even if they don't need the essentials.

I think it's great if people want to give cash or donate toward a honeymoon or whatever, but it does seem to be like an expectation nowadays that guests should give you something for getting married. That's where registering/asking for gifts towards a honeymoon or other luxuries fits into this for me. It's like saying we don't need anything, but I know you're still going to give me something so here's what I want you to give me. There's that bit of expectation in there, even if it's not what the couple is intending. If you register for just what you need/have no registry, then guests can still decide for themselves if they wish to give you cash or whatever else once everything on the registry is gone, but it seems less like you're expecting guests to give you something and more like you actually just want to celebrate with them.

This is basically true. You get a prize if you unlock the achievement of getting married, and if you don't, no prize! At least that is how it seems sometimes.

 

[Hikergirl]

A question for those who have had honeymoon registries, or have been a guest where you were sent one, was it for the shower, or was it in the wedding invitation?

 

[luvsJack]

No way around it: Asking for money is tacky.
Asking for honeymoon funds is just another way of asking for money.

I'm Southern, and we aren't really on the money-as-a-wedding-gift bandwagon anyway.

I totally agree with those who say, Plan the wedding and honeymoon you can actually afford.
I'm also with those practical people who pointed out that the honeymoon is probably booked /paid for months in advance, so asking for money towards that trip is ... odd.

Funny, I am from the Deep South.

Giving money isn’t some kind of requirement but it is done and it’s becoming more and more commonplace.

I think everyone is missing the point on the honeymoon registry. They are planning g a honeymoon they can afford. How would they know what anyone is going to give? They plan and book before the first gift is bought. Anything given to them from the registry is just extra.

I mean if no one buys them dishes from the registry do you think they are going to eat off the floor? No. They will buy dishes. Same thing.

 

[luvsJack]

A question for those who have had honeymoon registries, or have been a guest where you were sent one, was it for the shower, or was it in the wedding invitation?

The ones I have seen were either listed on the shower invite or a card was included along with the other more traditional registry

 

[skyblue17]

The ones I have donated to were on the wedding website, and the website address was on the Save the Date card.

 

[nkereina]

Which is exactly what a honeymoon fund is, it's an idea that the couple would like and use. No different than registering for things for your camper so you can vacation in the style you want.

Right. I think I misinterpreted your post as being against registries, when it actually sounds like we're on the same page. So apologies for the confusion! lol!

A question for those who have had honeymoon registries, or have been a guest where you were sent one, was it for the shower, or was it in the wedding invitation?

I described up-thread that ours wasn't a typical honeymoon "registry", but rather a printed card from our travel agency advising guests that if they wished to give a gift towards our honeymoon, they can contact our travel agent at XX. These cards were included with the invitations for my bridal shower. We did not include them with the wedding invitations. We did have a wedding web site and included the information under the "Registry" section of that. But after my shower, no one else gave us a honeymoon related gift.

 

[maxiesmom]

My niece, who lives out of state, got married back here in her home state. She registered on Zola. And that worked out nicely. It was a mix of items they needed (which you could purchase and have sent to her house) and donations towards specific things they wanted to do on their honeymoon such as a horse and carriage ride.

 

[GreatLakes]

Ah, sorry, I saw "We let people come to their own conclusion on what to do when they saw the very short registry list. Most people can read between the lines and we got a lot of cash" and assumed that you hoped that is what would happen. My apologies.

I meant people could read between the lines that we didn't need a lot of stuff and do what they feel is right for them. If their inclination was to give cash they did, I just wouldn't feel right actually asking for it. If they decided to go another route they did that.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think wedding gifts have gotten ridiculous. It seems like in most cases, it has become an expectation that you should receive something, or in the guest's case, that you should gift something, regardless of whether or not anything is needed, and it's just strange, TO ME. I know others won't agree with me, I'm just stating my opinion and not trying to indicate that everyone should agree.

Wedding registries, to me, seem like they should be for practical things that a couple has a need for when starting a life together. If they don't really have a need for anything because they've been living together for a while or already have the essentials, then I really don't see the point in registering. I find it odd that grown adults are registering, and in general EXPECTING to receive large gifts (whether physical items, cash, donations to honeyfunds, whatever) from a bunch of wedding guests that usually include distant family, old co-workers, etc. Many people that you wouldn't give birthday or Christmas presents to and wouldn't receive those types of gifts from. It seems like because traditionally couples didn't have much starting out and needed a lot of the essentials, that practice has carried over and expanded for those that get married and don't really need the gifts that were traditionally given. Now it's the expectation that I don't need household items, but couples get gifts when they get married, so give me cash or donate to my honeymoon. On the other side, it's well, since gifts are always given when people get married, then as a guest, I have to give something, even if they don't need the essentials.

I think it's great if people want to give cash or donate toward a honeymoon or whatever, but it does seem to be like an expectation nowadays that guests should give you something for getting married. That's where registering/asking for gifts towards a honeymoon or other luxuries fits into this for me. It's like saying we don't need anything, but I know you're still going to give me something so here's what I want you to give me. There's that bit of expectation in there, even if it's not what the couple is intending. If you register for just what you need/have no registry, then guests can still decide for themselves if they wish to give you cash or whatever else once everything on the registry is gone, but it seems less like you're expecting guests to give you something and more like you actually just want to celebrate with them.

People have been getting and giving wedding gifts for thousands of years, same with birthdays. Was there ever a time in history when people didn’t give wedding gifts when attending a wedding?

 

[DisneyHardin]

People have been getting and giving wedding gifts for thousands of years, same with birthdays. Was there ever a time in history when people didn’t give wedding gifts when attending a wedding?

I know. I'm somewhat laughing at all the high and mighty Disers who think you shouldn't give a gift to someone if they don't need it. Not a single person in my family needed anything at Christmas, yet I bought a gift for all of them.

I got married 10 years ago after living on my own for 7 years and my DH had lived on his own for 3 years. We had stuff, but I still registered with a full registry of household stuff. I had 4 showers and almost 200 people at my wedding - so needless to say we got lots of gifts. Honestly, I don't feel at all guilty about getting all those gifts because over the years I have given lots of gifts too and it is just a cycle that we participate in.

 

[soccerdad72]

I think wedding gifts have gotten ridiculous. It seems like in most cases, it has become an expectation that you should receive something, or in the guest's case, that you should gift something, regardless of whether or not anything is needed, and it's just strange, TO ME. I know others won't agree with me, I'm just stating my opinion and not trying to indicate that everyone should agree.

You have every right to go to someone's wedding and not bring a gift. Same as any other celebration (birthday, graduation, etc) - it's not a requirement, just customarily done.

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

People have been getting and giving wedding gifts for thousands of years, same with birthdays. Was there ever a time in history when people didn’t give wedding gifts when attending a wedding?

Actually, the concept of getting wedding gifts from GUESTS is not all that old... Like roughly 100 years old. Before that, there was the dowry provided by the bride's family, which in many cases was supposed to cover the cost of, or actually include, many of the things a new couple would need. In the late 19th/early 20th century, we got away from those customs and especially with the intent of the registry, gifts by guests became a thing, mostly again to help provide the new couple who didn't already have the essentials what they needed to start a life together.

https://www.personalisedweddinggifts.co.uk/news/history-weddings-wedding-gifts/
http://historywedding.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-history-of-wedding-gifts.html?m=1

I know. I'm somewhat laughing at all the high and mighty Disers who think you shouldn't give a gift to someone if they don't need it. Not a single person in my family needed anything at Christmas, yet I bought a gift for all of them.

No where have I said that you shouldn't get a gift for someone getting married. What I said is I don't like the concept of registering for things if you don't need them, as that does then seem like an expectation for your guests to get you things. Gift giving should not be an expectation. Sure, many families exchange gifts at Christmas, but do you generally get gifts for and from everyone that attended your wedding for Christmas? Completely different.

You have every right to go to someone's wedding and not bring a gift. Same as any other celebration (birthday, graduation, etc) - it's not a requirement, just customarily done.

Correct. And I'm not saying I won't give a gift at a wedding, but that there does seem to be an expectation nowadays that anyone and everyone should give a gift, and by registering for wants, it seems only to reinforce that expectation.

 

[DisneyHardin]

No where have I said that you shouldn't get a gift for someone getting married. What I said is I don't like the concept of registering for things if you don't need them, as that does then seem like an expectation for your guests to get you things. Gift giving should not be an expectation. Sure, many families exchange gifts at Christmas, but do you generally get gifts for and from everyone that attended your wedding for Christmas? Completely different.

But there is an expectation for your guests to bring you a gift at wedding. Why not provide them with a list of things you would like? It's true, when I got married I didn't "need" new dishes, I had a set I had bought at a yard sale, but I wanted new ones, so I registered for them and people then knew which ones I preferred and bought them for me.

I don't get gifts for all the people at my wedding gifts for Christmas, but I will get everyone who was at my wedding a gift if I were invited to their wedding (or child's wedding).

The idea of gift registries I think are just going to have to be something people agree to disagree about. I see nothing at all wrong with them and am always glad when a couple has a full registry of gifts to choose from for their showers/wedding and I have no problem buying them something that I know they don't necessarily need, but maybe just want.

 

[mjkacmom]

Actually, the concept of getting wedding gifts from GUESTS is not all that old... Like roughly 100 years old. Before that, there was the dowry provided by the bride's family, which in many cases was supposed to cover the cost of, or actually include, many of the things a new couple would need. In the late 19th/early 20th century, we got away from those customs and especially with the intent of the registry, gifts by guests became a thing, mostly again to help provide the new couple who didn't already have the essentials what they needed to start a life together.

https://www.personalisedweddinggifts.co.uk/news/history-weddings-wedding-gifts/
http://historywedding.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-history-of-wedding-gifts.html?m=1



No where have I said that you shouldn't get a gift for someone getting married. What I said is I don't like the concept of registering for things if you don't need them, as that does then seem like an expectation for your guests to get you things. Gift giving should not be an expectation. Sure, many families exchange gifts at Christmas, but do you generally get gifts for and from everyone that attended your wedding for Christmas? Completely different.



Correct. And I'm not saying I won't give a gift at a wedding, but that there does seem to be an expectation nowadays that anyone and everyone should give a gift, and by registering for wants, it seems only to reinforce that expectation.

Of course I expect to give a gift if I go to a wedding, who would not give a gift? Yes, it’s an expectation. If I’m invited to a birthday party, I’m bringing a gift. Heck, if I’m invited for dinner, I’m not showing up empty handed. There are cultural expectations, I follow them.

 

[Keli]

I guess I'm just too old fashioned but I find asking for specific gifts from others to be tacky in general. A registry is fine because it's an assortment of things that shows what types of things the bride and groom like, what colors they want in their home, etc. But very specific requests for cash only or gift cards to a specific store only just turn me off.

 

[Hikergirl]

I guess I'm just too old fashioned but I find asking for specific gifts from others to be tacky in general. A registry is fine because it's an assortment of things that shows what types of things the bride and groom like, what colors they want in their home, etc. But very specific requests for cash only or gift cards to a specific store only just turn me off.

That is what you take from the registry, but the registry is in fact a list of specific items that the bride and groom want.
I'm just picking you out because I really am confused by the thinking that asking for specific items is OK, but asking for funds for a specific thing like a honeymoon isn't. You are asking people to spend cash either way.