Cash wedding presents vs. honeymoon fund?

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I guess I'm just too old fashioned but I find asking for specific gifts from others to be tacky in general. A registry is fine because it's an assortment of things that shows what types of things the bride and groom like, what colors they want in their home, etc. But very specific requests for cash only or gift cards to a specific store only just turn me off.

When my husband and I did our registry we actually wanted the items we asked for. Do people actually know how much work goes into making a registry? We spent several hours in Bed Bath and Beyond (a common place to do registries here) scanning items lol. We scoured their website too.

If guests got something different that was totally ok but we didn't create a registry because we wanted X thread count sheets. We asked for specific sheets because we wanted to upgrade and liked the one we put on there (we also put a less expensive one on there too). We asked for a particular wall decor clock not because we just wanted any of them but because we wanted that one.

We didn't ask for things with thoughts of what colors we wanted in our home. We were in separate apartments anyways and then moved into a rental house just 1 1/2 months before the wedding that we had no intention of living there for a long time (it ended up being 18 months).

If all I wanted was people to see 'wall decor clock, X thread count sheets, plates, etc' and come up with their own ideas of what particular item I wanted I wouldn't have bothered doing all that work and just let guests figure it out themselves. Again we had zero issues with people getting us whatever they wanted but make no mistake we actually wanted that particular plate set in that particular color. If that makes me tacky I'm cool with that

 

[motherof5]

Spring's coming, time to crank up the wedding threads! DD is getting married in June. She and her fiance have been living together for almost 3 years, so have a lot of their housekeeping things already. They are registering at Target and Bed/Bath/Beyond, but the lists are short as they have most of the things they need already. They are talking about setting up a honeymoon fund, but I know sometimes people think this is tacky, as it is basically asking for money. However, it seems to be "the thing" to do. Do you think this is generational, that the younger folks think it's a great idea but older people think it's tacky? I personally am mixed; not crazy about being asked to donate to something specific, but I also like knowing what my money gift is going towards. I am not sure how to advise her. I do know that most people of our acquaintance will give money as a wedding present, but am not sure how they'll take being asked to donate to a honeymoon fund (and pay a fee to do so). Opinions?

I am 40 and never liked when people did this, but that is my own personal opinion. I always give money when I go to weddings though I feel like asking for it to go to a honeymoon or something in particular means they are asking for the money. I also know alot of older generation feel like they make their wedding a fundraiser when asking for something versus just accept what is giving, especially when most times it's money any way. I would say look at your family and friends and see how they would feel and do what is best for your family. Congratulations.

 

[motherof5]

Around here, almost everyone gives cash gifts. Registries are typically only used for showers. (And there’s always a few who give material items not on the registry, for example, a Lenox vase, or something like that.)

I wouldn’t mind contributing to a honeymoon, although it seems easier to just give cash with no strings attached, for the couple to spend as they wish. I dislike the idea of a third party charging a fee.

That said, I also don’t think a couple should plan an extravagant trip they can’t afford, with the expectation that their guests will fund it.

Also if a guest were to give $100 for example and now paying a $5 fee they might give the couple a $95 gift. This is giving less to the couple, but the guest is spending the same amount.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I've been thinking about it, and I guess this is why I don't care for honeymoon registries:

You pick, plan and pay for your honeymoon ahead of time. If you can't afford a lavish honeymoon, well, then--don't take one. Or find somewhere else to cut back. Or scale back your expectations and have a shorter, less pricey honeymoon. Nothing wrong with a few days in DC or some place close to home, enjoying each other's company.

Then, if you're blessed with cash gifts, put them towards a lavish vacation in the future. Or save your own money, now that the wedding is out of the way, and pay for it yourself.

Setting up a honeymoon registry, to me, is saying, "We want this, but can't afford it for ourselves, so you pay for it."

As always, YMMV.

 

[skyblue17]

Setting up a honeymoon registry, to me, is saying, "We want this, but can't afford it for ourselves, so you pay for it."

As always, YMMV.

I just think that applies to a lot of physical gifts as well. "I would never buy this for myself because it costs too much, but since 100+ people are giving us gifts, it's the perfect reason to ask for it and maybe we'll get it!" No difference.

 

[verleniahall]

I'm 31 and 100% think a Honeymoon Fund is tacky

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

"We want this, but can't afford it for ourselves, so you pay for it."

That's probably one of the root causes for the ick-factor for some.

People assume things....

But just know you can absolutely 100% pay more money going to DC than going to Jamaica or Hawaii Museums may be mostly free if you're sticking with Smithsonian but you still have lodging, transportation (not only airfare but also while you're there including if you're taking the Metro, rental car if you want to go to certain outlying areas or Ubers/Lyfts or taxis, etc), food costs, etc.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I just think that applies to a lot of physical gifts as well. "I would never buy this for myself because it costs too much, but since 100+ people are giving us gifts, it's the perfect reason to ask for it and maybe we'll get it!" No difference.

I sorta have to laugh at this.

My mother-in-law is still very much into buying Christmas gifts for us. It makes her happy. In any case my husband and I found this year we were asking for stuff we wanted but we didn't want to buy on our own. It's hard to explain but if you've ever had that feeling like you want something it's just not something you'd really want to buy for yourself you'd get it.

In any case I'm not joking one of the gifts I asked for (and received too) was an $8 and change dishwasher magnet that had a sliding thing where you could show "Dirty" or "Clean". My husband asked for (and received too) this electronic converter thing (I don't really know what it is TBH lol) and it was $12 and change. I'm pretty sure we asked for things on our wedding registry that were similar to that- we put a wide variety of gifts in a variety of pricing so help our variety of guests.

But yeah there were a few things we asked for that were, at least to us, more than we really wanted to spend. One of which I remember was something like $80 king-size sheets. We had pretty cheap, but still usable, Wal-Mart branded sheets we were using but our wedding was an opportunity to upgrade to nicer ones (to some $80 sheets may seem like nothing to spend but to us it was especially at the time).

 

[skyblue17]

I sorta have to laugh at this.

My mother-in-law is still very much into buying Christmas gifts for us. It makes her happy. In any case my husband and I found this year we were asking for stuff we wanted but we didn't want to buy on our own. It's hard to explain but if you've ever had that feeling like you want something it's just not something you'd really want to buy for yourself you'd get it.

In any case I'm not joking one of the gifts I asked for (and received too) was an $8 and change dishwasher magnet that had a sliding thing where you could show "Dirty" or "Clean". My husband asked for (and received too) this electronic converter thing (I don't really know what it is TBH lol) and it was $12 and change. I'm pretty sure we asked for things on our wedding registry that were similar to that- we put a wide variety of gifts in a variety of pricing so help our variety of guests.

But yeah there were a few things we asked for that were, at least to us, more than we really wanted to spend. One of which I remember was something like $80 king-size sheets. We had pretty cheap, but still usable, Wal-Mart branded sheets we were using but our wedding was an opportunity to upgrade to nicer ones (to some $80 sheets may seem like nothing to spend but to us it was especially at the time).

Right, didn't mean to imply that people only ask for expensive things, or things that they couldn't afford to buy the things, just that it's a perfect time for many to ask for things you might not ordinarily buy yourself for any reason. Cost, especially for higher end home items, definitely applies.

 

[DisneyHardin]

I've been thinking about it, and I guess this is why I don't care for honeymoon registries:

You pick, plan and pay for your honeymoon ahead of time. If you can't afford a lavish honeymoon, well, then--don't take one. Or find somewhere else to cut back. Or scale back your expectations and have a shorter, less pricey honeymoon. Nothing wrong with a few days in DC or some place close to home, enjoying each other's company.

Then, if you're blessed with cash gifts, put them towards a lavish vacation in the future. Or save your own money, now that the wedding is out of the way, and pay for it yourself.

Setting up a honeymoon registry, to me, is saying, "We want this, but can't afford it for ourselves, so you pay for it."

As always, YMMV.

I don't understand how this is different than a regular registry though. If I can't afford a Dyson vacuum on my own, then should I not register for one?

 

[QueenIsabella]

That's probably one of the root causes for the ick-factor for some.

People assume things....

But just know you can absolutely 100% pay more money going to DC than going to Jamaica or Hawaii Museums may be mostly free if you're sticking with Smithsonian but you still have lodging, transportation (not only airfare but also while you're there including if you're taking the Metro, rental car if you want to go to certain outlying areas or Ubers/Lyfts or taxis, etc), food costs, etc.

I used DC as an example, because my parents did an inexpensive honeymoon there. Obviously, there are many places you COULD honeymoon, and a wide variety of prices. If DC is too pricey (requires airfare, etc.), fine--choose something closer and cheaper.

On a wedding registry, you could put china or fancy sheets or a Dyson--whatever. But if you don't get those items--NBD. Maybe you can buy them yourself later. Plus, there are hopefully items on the wedding registry in a wide variety of price points--maybe your co-workers will pitch in to get you that Dyson! I just feel that asking people to pitch in on the honeymoon is more of a "we want more than we can afford, but still want to go on this trip, right now" kind of thing.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I used DC as an example, because my parents did an inexpensive honeymoon there. Obviously, there are many places you COULD honeymoon, and a wide variety of prices. If DC is too pricey (requires airfare, etc.), fine--choose something closer and cheaper.

Well just how much do you know about couples financials including how much they are paying themselves for a honeymoon and how much that honeymoon is costing them? I think people are stereotyping destinations without thinking about so many other places. I know it happens. I'm thinking people probably don't balk at the thought of helping out towards a D.C. trip but mention a place in the Caribbean for example and suddenly it seem like they are trying to go somewhere really expensive (and yes of course those places can be expensive just not necessarily by default same as D.C. can be expensive just not necessarily by default).



I think the rest is aimed at another poster because it mentions a Dyson but I'll respond anyway.

On a wedding registry, you could put china or fancy sheets or a Dyson--whatever. But if you don't get those items--NBD.

I haven't heard anyone say it would be a big deal if they didn't get what they put on the registry

Plus, there are hopefully items on the wedding registry in a wide variety of price points

Yeah that I already explained I did.

I just feel that asking people to pitch in on the honeymoon is more of a "we want more than we can afford, but still want to go on this trip, right now"

Well shoot I had a Bissell before I got a Dyson...maybe I could phrase it as we want more than we can afford, but still want to get a Dyson (or whatever), right now" *there I fixed it for you

ETA: I get where you're coming from just playing Devil's Advocate here

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

I used DC as an example, because my parents did an inexpensive honeymoon there. Obviously, there are many places you COULD honeymoon, and a wide variety of prices. If DC is too pricey (requires airfare, etc.), fine--choose something closer and cheaper.

On a wedding registry, you could put china or fancy sheets or a Dyson--whatever. But if you don't get those items--NBD. Maybe you can buy them yourself later. Plus, there are hopefully items on the wedding registry in a wide variety of price points--maybe your co-workers will pitch in to get you that Dyson! I just feel that asking people to pitch in on the honeymoon is more of a "we want more than we can afford, but still want to go on this trip, right now" kind of thing.

I think most couples who do a honeymoon fund/registry do plan a honeymoon they can afford. If somebody wants to get them a snorkeling excursion then great. If nobody puts towards it then they’ll pay themselves or skip that excursion.

Just like if nobody buys them dyson or china. They’ll just use their cheaper vacuum and plates or buy it for themselves. I think the assumption that it’s for more than they can afford is faulty.

I’m having a really hard time seeing the difference between a regular registry and a honeymoon registry. What I gather from the responses is people feel that material items are “needs” or more acceptable and honeymoon/experiences are a “want” that the couple shouldn’t get help. I personally disagree-a Dyson is as much as a want as a trip to some exotic destination. A Bissel (or whatever budget vacuum) is good enough just like a trip to a local spot for a cheap honeymoon.

 

[luvsJack]

I've been thinking about it, and I guess this is why I don't care for honeymoon registries:

You pick, plan and pay for your honeymoon ahead of time. If you can't afford a lavish honeymoon, well, then--don't take one. Or find somewhere else to cut back. Or scale back your expectations and have a shorter, less pricey honeymoon. Nothing wrong with a few days in DC or some place close to home, enjoying each other's company.

Then, if you're blessed with cash gifts, put them towards a lavish vacation in the future. Or save your own money, now that the wedding is out of the way, and pay for it yourself.

Setting up a honeymoon registry, to me, is saying, "We want this, but can't afford it for ourselves, so you pay for it."

As always, YMMV.

But most couples do pick, plan and pay for trips they can afford. The honeymoon registry is for extras. If they don’t get them, no biggie. They can still go on the trip they wanted and either pay for the extra themselves or not do it.

Take a Disney registry. The couple plans and books their trip. The registry includes a couples massage or a day of horseback riding or a carriage ride. None of those things are going to make them not go. And once they get the money they can choose to buy these things or something else.

 

[mjkacmom]

I just think that applies to a lot of physical gifts as well. "I would never buy this for myself because it costs too much, but since 100+ people are giving us gifts, it's the perfect reason to ask for it and maybe we'll get it!" No difference.

I’m a married mother of 5. When Christmas or my birthday roll around, I ask for things that I wouldn’t buy for myself, because to me they are wants, not needs, because my family wants to get me a gift. My roomba is one example, $500 worth of window cleaning is another. For Christmas this year, I asked for a $30 hot water kettle. Did I need it, no. Would I have purchased it for myself, no. I think most gifts are wants, not needs, they are extras, and very appreciated.

 

[skyblue17]

I’m a married mother of 5. When Christmas or my birthday roll around, I ask for things that I wouldn’t buy for myself, because to me they are wants, not needs, because my family wants to get me a gift. My roomba is one example, $500 worth of window cleaning is another. For Christmas this year, I asked for a $30 hot water kettle. Did I need it, no. Would I have purchased it for myself, no. I think most gifts are wants, not needs, they are extras, and very appreciated.

I agree! That is why I don't see why suggesting donating to a honeymoon fund is any different than registering for physical gifts. When posed with a question such as "what do you want/what would you like to celebrate your marriage?", the answer could be "I would love this four-piece set of Riedel red wine glasses! We'd also love a sunset boat ride while in Hawaii for our honeymoon, and we haven't booked that excursion yet!" The only difference is that one is a material thing and one is not, but similarly, not everyone values material things the same way either.

 

[shoney]

Ok. I think people around the country should just ignore registries honeymoon or otherwise. Give cash/checks like our area has been doing forever. No tackiness. Just money. Period.

 

[mjkacmom]

I agree! That is why I don't see why suggesting donating to a honeymoon fund is any different than registering for physical gifts. When posed with a question such as "what do you want/what would you like to celebrate your marriage?", the answer could be "I would love this four-piece set of Riedel red wine glasses! We'd also love a sunset boat ride while in Hawaii for our honeymoon, and we haven't booked that excursion yet!" The only difference is that one is a material thing and one is not, but similarly, not everyone values material things the same way either.

The only reason I don’t like honeymoon funds is the fact that it seems like most of them pretend to let you pick out excursions, only to just cut the couple a check and keep a kickback. I know that if I was planning on giving a couple $400 in cash as a gift, but saw an amazing $500 helicopter excursion, I’d probably go with the excursion, but be miffed if they didn’t actually take the excursion, but got $450 while the honeymoon registry got $50.

 

[Hikergirl]

Ok. I think people around the country should just ignore registries honeymoon or otherwise. Give cash/checks like our area has been doing forever. No tackiness. Just money. Period.

People here give cash/checks for weddings, but for showers it is gifts so registries are very much appreciated. I believe honeymoon registries are a fairly new thing but I'll happily contribute to that as a shower gift for the couple if they want that instead of household items.

It's funny today when I was up in the attic putting away my Christmas stuff I found a bin up there that I had no idea what was in it.
Turns out is was 4 sets of crystal candle holders I got for my wedding. They have been in their original boxes in that bin for over 20 years, never used. I don't want to give a couple something they are going to pack away and forget about, I want to get them something they want and are going to use.

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

I’m a married mother of 5. When Christmas or my birthday roll around, I ask for things that I wouldn’t buy for myself, because to me they are wants, not needs, because my family wants to get me a gift. My roomba is one example, $500 worth of window cleaning is another. For Christmas this year, I asked for a $30 hot water kettle. Did I need it, no. Would I have purchased it for myself, no. I think most gifts are wants, not needs, they are extras, and very appreciated.

Totally off topic of the thread, I bought a Roomba before the holidays and omg I don’t regret spending an absolutely obscene amount of money on a “vacuum” at all! I love that I have to do nothing of course lol, but it’s actually a good vacuum. I mean, my dog and I both shed a lot, but I have no idea where it keeps finding so much fur, hair, and dust!! I’m afraid it’s going to get fed up and launch itself down the stairs but I’m not sure how I got by without it!