Cash wedding presents vs. honeymoon fund?

[LovesTimone]

Honeymoon fund... Nope

If you are getting married, your an adult and you should pay for your own honeymoon... It's not anyone else job to make sure you have some extravagant honeymoon...

 

[skyblue17]

Honeymoon fund... Nope

If you are getting married, your an adult and you should pay for your own honeymoon... It's not anyone else job to make sure you have some extravagant honeymoon...

With this logic, it's not anyone else's job that you have ANYTHING to set up your home, put towards buying house, save for later, etc. Also, nowhere does it say the honeymoon needs to be extravagant. How do you even determine that? Going to NYC for the weekend could cost more than a week in Jamaica if you want to make it so.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

With this logic, it's not anyone else's job that you have ANYTHING to set up your home, put towards buying house, save for later, etc. Also, nowhere does it say the honeymoon needs to be extravagant. How do you even determine that? Going to NYC for the weekend could cost more than a week in Jamaica if you want to make it so.

Yeah I was about to say as mentioned not everyone takes extravagant honeymoons.

Honeymoons come in all shapes and sizes.

But also having gone to Jamaica a few months ago... and having gone to Hawaii back in 2016... you don't have to be paying $$$ to go there. You can if you want to but it's not always.

I know that people think crazy things and some couples do really go out but the vast majority don't. It just seems like people accept one thing but not the other. Asking for fine china you'll never use (if you never use them) is ok knowing they cost a pretty penny but turn around and use the same amount of money on a honeymoon and suddenly it's completely and utterly wrong. A lot of that comes down to social acceptance of things.

 

[ronandannette]

DH and moved out of our parents homes after college, I lived alone, he had 2 roommates, we got married 6 years later. All of our stuff was hand me down dead aunt crap. Cheap bedding and towels, mismatched pots, plates, tablewear. Dd22 moved out of here her junior year of college, she has the same unfortunate household supplies. The COL here is crazy, a one bedroom apartment is over $1000. Why should these independent young adults be penalized for not living with their parents?

I don't think @anniemae implied they should. But interestingly, people your DD's age are the ones that set up honeymoon registries and prefer cash gifts over practical household items.

 

[HopperFan]

Honeymoon fund... Nope

If you are getting married, your an adult and you should pay for your own honeymoon... It's not anyone else job to make sure you have some extravagant honeymoon...

There is no better time than to be an adult --- have a wedding, reception and honeymoon you/family can afford.

DN1 had a "last minute" wedding that upended people's vacations etc but we all did what we had to do. Wedding was to be pond side on parents property and simple but affordable reception. THEN they suddenly wanted to do it at a venue that they couldn't afford but whatever at least it was inside. All info was a more or less appetizers and light drinks. That is perfectly okay if that is the budget we are there to celebrate the bride and groom, not put all in debt. Next thing you know DH gets a call that they really want a buffet of food but can't afford it ... so would WE help pay and provide food for the buffet? So proud of DH that he said no, let them do what they can and that will be fine. Well there was food there provided by guests (bride's parents brought bags of chips and cheetos). BUT they ended up with multiple kegs of beer and cases of wine .... they paid for - enough for plenty of drunk guests. I don't even know if they went on a honeymoon but I do know that they couldn't afford that reception.

DN5 decided with his fiance that since her parents could not afford anything and the two families were quite diverse, that they would rather spend their money they had on working on their home they just bought rather than a wedding/party. They had a lovely service by a chapel on a hillside with their parents. That is adulting.

We were young, paying our way through college so we opted to pass on a honeymoon and buy furniture.

If the parents or the bride & groom can't afford a big wedding, have a small one ... it's no less special. Don't get a loan, or max your credit cards, or ask your guests to pay for it. Some young people don't know how it all works and who does what .... that is a good time to google or ask your parents.

The one thing I don't get with this Honeymoon Fund is .........
Honeymoons are usually booked many months in advance.
Long before anyone has funded their honeymoon fund.
So I would assume he/they are fully prepared to pay for the trip.
And not able to cancel if not enough funds show up.
That means the money they got is really no different from
any other cash/gift card gift that they are normally given.
So why not just keep it simple, registry or guests can give $.

 

[mjkacmom]

I don't think @anniemae implied they should. But interestingly, people your DD's age are the ones that set up honeymoon registries and prefer cash gifts over practical household items.

Not here, 22 year olds rarely get married. My next door neighbor’s daughter got married last year at 26, I was really surprised. Dd has been dating her boyfriend for over a year (he’s 28), I don’t see her getting married for many years.

 

[skyblue17]

The one thing I don't get with this Honeymoon Fund is .........
Honeymoons are usually booked many months in advance.
Long before anyone has funded their honeymoon fund.
So I would assume he/they are fully prepared to pay for the trip.
And not able to cancel if not enough funds show up.
That means the money they got is really no different from
any other cash/gift card gift that they are normally given.
So why not just keep it simple, registry or guests can give $.

One Honeymoon Fund I donated to, the couple got married in July but one half is a teacher. Rather than rush the honeymoon before the school year began, they planned their honeymoon for school's winter break. So I do think that some of the additions in the fund could easily still be arranged and funded. But you are right, if it's done in advance, what you're really doing is adding a little extra thought to the gift (such as donating to a champagne breakfast rather than giving a check for whatever amount).

 

[a1tinkfans]

Generational.
I think people should give What they want...cash gift etc and Never be Told what to give.
And if your Asking for a honeymoon fund .. you’re telling your guest to Give you Cash.

Totally Tacky and personally I find it Offensive. Especially from adults cohabitating. If you want a honeymoon.. pay for it. If you can’t afford it, save for it.
Just my opinion of course.

 

[LovesTimone]

With this logic, it's not anyone else's job that you have ANYTHING to set up your home, put towards buying house, save for later, etc. Also, nowhere does it say the honeymoon needs to be extravagant. How do you even determine that? Going to NYC for the weekend could cost more than a week in Jamaica if you want to make it so.

I have no problem and am happy with giving gifts, GC or cash for a wedding or shower gifts... helping a couple get the necessity and some nicer things, or cash or gift cards for them to buy what the need to start their new life together...

For us a honeymoon is not a necessity, while it is nice, and most people strive to have one even if it only for a night or two that's up to the new couple to figure out... that's just how we feel and its our choice and money...

We have gotten some unusual request for gifts before... one couple requested gift cards ( Target, Walmart and Local grocery store) as they were moving to a new city to start their new life when they returned from their honeymoon... Another couple that had been living together for around 8 years, requested items for camping and the outdoors and items for their camper... which is what they are into... I never saw a couple get so excited about a double sleeping bag...or a new portable grill... I even made them some fun pillow cases for the camper for a shower gift, I looked at it as stocking their home on wheels... One couple asked for a donations be made to the American Cancer Society.

 

[luvsJack]

I still simply fail to see how asking for one kind of gift (items on a registry) is ok but asking for another (honeymoon funds) is not. Especially when so many say “but I give cash for wedding gifts anyway”.

If you honestly think everything on a registry is a “need” and not a “want” you are fooling yourself. How many of us NEED expensive china or crystal? How many NEED a beautifully framed mirror? Accept it, all of it is basically a want not a need. Sure those dishes from Bed Bath and Beyond are nice but they could get dishes for 1/2 the price at Walmart.

I think most of us are just resistant to change and this is semi new and different than the was we did things or our mom’s taught us or whatever.

Couples can’t win honestly. If they mention their registry it’s tacky. If they don’t, well grandma 4 states away is upset because she doesn’t know ithey “need” the $300 cooker for the specific food that they may eat once a year, but hey it’s on the registry.

Honeymoon funds are just another way to register. If you don’t like them, buy something else or send a check or whatever. But some guests are going to want to give that way and before long the question will be “where is the honeymoon registry?”

 

[nkereina]

Admittedly didn't read all the replies, but I have seen these threads before and know that opinions vary greatly. I do think the yay vs. nay when it comes to honeymoon funds is generational, because as someone in their early 30s, I have seen this more and more frequently among people my age.

DH and I got married in 2016. Like OP's daughter, we had lived together for 10 years and owned a house together for 4 years, so we had all the household items we needed. There were a few things that could use refreshing, so I created an Amazon registry for that. An Amazon registry allows you to link items from Amazon, but also items from other web sites like Kohl's or Bed Bath & Beyond. We registered here for things like towels, dishes, etc. Not a lot of stuff, but mostly things you'd expect to see.

The travel agency where we booked our honeymoon offered a service where they would print cards up that you could include with the shower and/or wedding invitations. It basically said "so and so has their honeymoon booked with us, if you'd like to give a gift towards it, please contact XXX" and listed our travel agent name and number. When people called, they had three options: 1) Make a payment towards the balance of our honeymoon, and if they did, they'd be given a card they could put in their wedding card for us that showed how much they contributed 2) purchase a gift card for the travel agency which we could use towards the balance of our honeymoon or anything they sold their, like luggage or 3) purchase an excursion or add-on that our tour operator offered (i.e. snorkeling, a lei greeting at the airport, etc.). After the shower and wedding were all said and done, about 7 people purchased from our Amazon registry or gave an Amazon gift card, about 10 people gave us gift cards for our travel agency, and everyone else gave money.

Our honeymoon registry was a little different than those web sites out there, which just collect the money and take a cut of it. But I don't see anything wrong with any type of honeymoon registry, because no one is forced to contribute to it. If a guest is turned off by it, they still have the option to give cash or purchase an item they think makes a nice gift. There's no rules when it comes to gift giving, and registries are just meant to provide options for those who want to give the couple something they want or need.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

For us a honeymoon is not a necessity, while it is nice, and most people strive to have one even if it only for a night or two that's up to the new couple to figure out... that's just how we feel and its our choice and money...

Well it stops being your money once you give it as a gift .

We have gotten some unusual request for gifts before... one couple requested gift cards ( Target, Walmart and Local grocery store) as they were moving to a new city to start their new life when they returned from their honeymoon... Another couple that had been living together for around 8 years, requested items for camping and the outdoors and items for their camper... which is what they are into... I never saw a couple get so excited about a double sleeping bag...or a new portable grill... I even made them some fun pillow cases for the camper for a shower gift, I looked at it as stocking their home on wheels... One couple asked for a donations be made to the American Cancer Society.

Er..those don't seem abnormal really.

We didn't ask for gift cards but we got Walmart, Target and Bed Bath and Beyond-Bed Bath and Beyond was where we had our registry at so that made a ton of sense that some people would just give a gift card instead). We actually didn't really use much of the gift cards. They just sort sat for years in a specific place. We got married in 2013. In 2016 I converted all $150 worth of Target gift cards to Disney gift cards. I then converted $100 worth of Walmart gift cards to Disney gift cards. We used those plus a few other Disney gift cards for souvenirs for our 2017 trip. Gee.....I hope no one judged me because I used their wedding gift for a trip that I should have paid exclusively on my own for (we decided to use it for souvenirs but we could have used it for just about anything related to the trip including our hotel room reservation onsite bill). We don't shop at Target so it was just collecting dust and for Walmart while we do shop there we just hadn't been wanting to use the gift cards yet (we still have some leftover too from the wedding). Maybe even more surprising is we still have quite a bit of Bed Bath and Beyond gift cards leftover..from 2013 despite buying decor items here and there (I just like to hunt for good deals personally).

When my husband's coworker got married they asked for a weather radio (kind of a nicer one) because the bride was from AR and was sooo nervous about living where we are with winter storms like ice and whatnot and tornadoes (at least on a more constant threat I guess? IDK).

When my sister-in-law got married my husband and I gave them restaurant gift cards. That's because they lack $ and eating pure junk food all the time because its what they can afford.

I think the camping gear doesn't have anything to do with living together for 8 years. If they planned to do enough camping and thought it would be nice to get xyz to use for their trips then what perfect time to ask for those items than their wedding. I didn't live with my husband prior to marriage (well unless you count 1 1/2months before the wedding because a place came available at that exact time but we still each had our own apartments) and if I planned on going camping a lot with my husband I think that would be a brillant idea to ask for camping gear for a wedding gift.

Charity donations are becoming more common-especially on FB for people's b-day. Admittedly for wedding gifts it's not as common..yet.

 

[Hikergirl]

I have no problem and am happy with giving gifts, GC or cash for a wedding or shower gifts... helping a couple get the necessity and some nicer things, or cash or gift cards for them to buy what the need to start their new life together...

For us a honeymoon is not a necessity, while it is nice, and most people strive to have one even if it only for a night or two that's up to the new couple to figure out... that's just how we feel and its our choice and money...

We have gotten some unusual request for gifts before... one couple requested gift cards ( Target, Walmart and Local grocery store) as they were moving to a new city to start their new life when they returned from their honeymoon... Another couple that had been living together for around 8 years, requested items for camping and the outdoors and items for their camper... which is what they are into... I never saw a couple get so excited about a double sleeping bag...or a new portable grill... I even made them some fun pillow cases for the camper for a shower gift, I looked at it as stocking their home on wheels... One couple asked for a donations be made to the American Cancer Society.

None of those are a necessity unless they are living in their camper because they can't afford a house. Owning a camper and all the "wants" for one is a luxury and stocking it for them is the same as funding a vacation lifestyle for them. It is no different than a couple wanting a nice honeymoon.

 

[MrsPete]

No way around it: Asking for money is tacky.
Asking for honeymoon funds is just another way of asking for money.

I'm Southern, and we aren't really on the money-as-a-wedding-gift bandwagon anyway.

I totally agree with those who say, Plan the wedding and honeymoon you can actually afford.
I'm also with those practical people who pointed out that the honeymoon is probably booked /paid for months in advance, so asking for money towards that trip is ... odd.

 

[nkereina]

None of those are a necessity unless they are living in their camper because they can't afford a house. Owning a camper and all the "wants" for one is a luxury and stocking it for them is the same as funding a vacation lifestyle for them. It is no different than a couple wanting a nice honeymoon.

But by the same token, gift registries in general are just meant to be ideas for gifts the couple would like and use. They are not mandatory lists that the gift givers must choose from. Gift givers have the option of gifting the couple whatever they want to. But some gift givers would rather give the couple something they know they want and will use, rather than a random candle holder or another photo frame (for example).

Similarly, my SIL did gift registries for my niece and nephew's birthdays. It was not meant as a "hey, here is what you can buy my kid!" but it was intended to be a list of things the kids would like or do not have, and it prevented friends and family from buying duplicate items as well. It also saved everyone from texting my SIL asking what the heck they should buy for the kids, because none of us know what they are into or what they already have. Some of us went off the registry, and others didn't. A wedding registry, regardless of what is on it, is really no different. No one is forced to use it exclusively.

 

[Hikergirl]

But by the same token, gift registries in general are just meant to be ideas for gifts the couple would like and use. They are not mandatory lists that the gift givers must choose from. Gift givers have the option of gifting the couple whatever they want to. But some gift givers would rather give the couple something they know they want and will use, rather than a random candle holder or another photo frame (for example).

Similarly, my SIL did gift registries for my niece and nephew's birthdays. It was not meant as a "hey, here is what you can buy my kid!" but it was intended to be a list of things the kids would like or do not have, and it prevented friends and family from buying duplicate items as well. It also saved everyone from texting my SIL asking what the heck they should buy for the kids, because none of us know what they are into or what they already have. Some of us went off the registry, and others didn't. A wedding registry, regardless of what is on it, is really no different. No one is forced to use it exclusively.

Which is exactly what a honeymoon fund is, it's an idea that the couple would like and use. No different than registering for things for your camper so you can vacation in the style you want.

 

[DLgal]

TBH, I find all registries tacky. I also find honeymoon funds tacky. Just let people give you money and do with it what you want. I think it's so weird to buy a couple their bedsheets, or bath towels, for example. It's never sat well with me. I'm 40 years old. We didn't do a registry, but we had a destination wedding at WDW so didn't expect gifts. We got some cash, but most people didn't give an additional gift, at our request, because we were all broke, young, just out of college kids.

 

[GreatLakes]

You are describing my wife and me. We were both in our 30s when we got married, I owned a home and she rented a home and we had most of what we needed. We would never in a million years set up a honeymoon fund or ask for anything like cash or gift cards. We registered for things we wanted to upgrade and it wasn't a very long list. We let people come to their own conclusion on what to do when they saw the very short registry list. Most people can read between the lines and we got a lot of cash or Disney gift cards since most of our friends and family knew we were going there for the honeymoon.

The person throwing the wedding shower can mention that the couple has most of what they need or where they are going on the honeymoon since you aren't throwing your own shower but I was always raised to never request cash or a cash equivalent as a gift.

 

[skyblue17]

I'm honestly not seeing how providing a limited registry so that people would read between the lines and give you cash, so that you could say you did not directly ask for it, is less tacky than being upfront about what you would find useful and giving people who are expecting to give you a gift regardless a way to choose something that fits your relationship with one another and personality. Checks/cash are fantastic, sure, they are money, who is going to say no to money? But they are also the easiest gift imaginable for guests to give because they don't have to think at all and that's probably partially why they are so popular.

 

[Toolulu22]

If I plan to give someone xx dollars for a gift- they can have that as cash/check whatever, or it can go towards a honeymoon registry which would actually be less. If there are 5% fees, they would be getting $190 instead of $200. Now, for one gift that is only $10, but if all guests use similar logic, they are losing out on significant cash.

Why not take the cash? If you are going on your honeymoon and spending it, you can make a quick stop at the bank before your flight and drop it if you really need it immediately. OMG, I remember when we got married and having a moment rolling around in all the cash we'd been given.

But, yes it is generational and it is fun to contribute to some of the experiences that couples choose on their registry. I looked into one when we got married and decided against it when (1) we learned about the fee (2) we found out the money goes into a lump sum pot and doesn't actually pay for said experiences. Meaning- you can still just take the money and do whatever you want with it, making the fee even more ridiculous.