I must be really out of it because I don't get how it's NOT tacky to ask for a 16 piece set of china but it IS tacky to include a honeymoon fund as a gift possibility. Can someone maybe explain? I might be missing something really obvious.
My guess is that wedding registries came about so that folks like
@KMarston weren't getting tons of phone calls from guests who wanted to get the couple something they actually wanted and didn't have to return. This was a way for a guest to purchase something the couple wanted, and hopefully didn't already have because the store was keeping track. It is not that the couple is asking for a 16 piece of china, they are just listing what their china is and that is helpful.
Asking for cash is asking for cash. Yes, many will choose to give cash so the couple can do whatever but it's different when it is specifically asked for. For some it equates to paying admission to the wedding.
If it's tacky to mention gifts on invitations, how do people find out where the couple is registered?
Also, if the couple wanted/needed tools and lawn equipment, why is that not acceptable?
This thread is confusing the heck out me! Ha.
Most have a page on a wedding site like The Knot. It has links to registries, hotels and other info. We've gotten invites where a small slip of paper is printed with how to get to the site, and how to log in if it is locked. This will help those needing to make hotel info etc without having to deal with phone calls. Some even use websites for RSVP, but that is another part I dislike. A couple weddings set up like this we could see everyone who was invited and who was coming .... and who wasn't invited ..... and sometimes it's awkward or hurtful.
I'm 55 and from the south. I was raised that ANY mention of gifts on an invitation (other than a shower hosted by anyone other than immediate family) is tacky. Etiquette dictates that even mentioning that "your presence is present enough" isn't socially acceptable. Gifts are more common here than cash by members other than family.
My daughter did not want china, crystal or silver. She chose everyday patterns. I wish she had registered for them somewhere she could have exchanged them for other things because my phone rang for months with people inquiring where she was registered for the expensive items. I told them all that she had inherited my mom's and that seemed to be acceptable. The truth is that my little tomboy would have rather had registered for tools and lawn equipment!
I understand that this generation is different. I get that times have changed. I personally think the honeymoon registry is as tacky as a recent wedding invitation I received asking for cash. But I sent cash. I don't think I'd have done a honeymoon registry but probably would have sent cash. Times are changing for sure! Hope she has a blessed and beautiful wedding!
From the north but live in the south so I understand that gifts are common. It's like wanting to feel you made the effort to shop and give something personal to them I suppose. Hard to pin point but it's like proper manners. I often find the conversations here eye opening as it seems that gift vs cash, or even the variety of amounts given as cash vary widely by region or small areas.
When we got married (LONG LONG time ago) I had no showers. I don't believe in them. When they started it was because brides and grooms lived at home and moved out with nothing. They needed the hand towels, spatulas, wash clothes, ice cream scoops etc. Even when I was getting married bridal shower gifts were beginning to be what was wedding gifts, so I had none. I still don't go but DH/DD went to one and they were asked to address their own thank you which came as a generic note am sure everyone got the same. They had no idea what gift they got, DD should have just written her own thank you note.
OH your DD should have registered at Home Depot or somewhere like that. I've seen that by several couples. I know my DS good friend is getting married and while we are not going to wedding, they have just bought a house so I'll likely send them a Home Depot gift card since they'll need all that yard stuff. PS: I didn't get any fancy stuff either other than some crystal glasses I have never used. Wasn't my style.
Had a friend of DS come by today. The wedding is in 3 weeks and she can't wait until it's over. While no real drama, it hasn't been fun planning and dealing with everything, and worrying (and she has a planner) ... certainly not like what you dream of growing up. Something came up about gifts and she said to me "We have been on our own a few years, have most of what we actually need. We don't expect gifts, we just want folks to come celebrate with us." How refreshing .... to know they look at it as a celebration of their day.
Back in 90’s a friend of mine worked at Tiffany’s in nyc. She said it was very common for brides to be to return all shower gifts from the registry and head to the jewelry counter to upgrade the diamond!
So as a guest/family/friend took time out of their days to go shopping for something bride had on your registry, then took more of their time to attend a shower/celebration of the bride, then the bride takes the gift back to cash in so that she can get a bigger diamond ..... on her engagement ring. They should have just started an Engagement Ring Fund and be honest rather than waste everyone's time shopping and going to a shower.
