Cash wedding presents vs. honeymoon fund?

[KPeterso]

Early 40s and I find the honeymoon funds to be tacky and asking for money. I normally give money at weddings, but if it is honeymoon fund, I change up my tactic and give a couple restaurant or movie theater gift cards for date nights. I am not giving a check for a honeymoon.

 

[Hikergirl]

My first thought is to say asking specifically for money is tacky, but how is it any different than a gift registry where you are asking for specific items?

 

[QueenIsabella]

My first thought is to say asking specifically for money is tacky, but how is it any different than a gift registry where you are asking for specific items?

See, registries don't bother me. They tell me what the couple might need or want. Usually, there are items in a variety of price ranges, too. If I know they want blue towels for their guest bathroom, then voila! I'm happy, they're happy. And no law says you HAVE to buy where they're registered (although it's nice to let someone know so those towels aren't a duplicate gift).

 

[luvsJack]

See, registries don't bother me. They tell me what the couple might need or want. Usually, there are items in a variety of price ranges, too. If I know they want blue towels for their guest bathroom, then voila! I'm happy, they're happy. And no law says you HAVE to buy where they're registered (although it's nice to let someone know so those towels aren't a duplicate gift).

Same rules apply for a honeymoon registry. You don't have to buy it but it lets you know what they want, same as the blue towels. And you can look at the registry and decide what you would like to pay for and just send them a VISA gift card in that amount, just like you can buy the blue towels at Target instead of at Bed Bath and Beyond.

Its just an alternative way to give a gift.

 

[rigs32]

Many people my age and younger push the “experiences over material gifts” trend so I fully support it.

The problem is that the vast majority of these honeymoon registries don't actually give anyone an experience.

When close friends got married, I took time selecting a specific activity from their honeymoon registry and spent more than I typically would have because I was excited to gift them that experience. Imagine my shock and frustration to learn the registry actually just cut them a check, with a percentage deducted, and they didn't use any of the money for things related to their honeymoon. I've had a horrible opinion of these registries ever since. I don't like being deceived.

 

[Hikergirl]

See, registries don't bother me. They tell me what the couple might need or want. Usually, there are items in a variety of price ranges, too. If I know they want blue towels for their guest bathroom, then voila! I'm happy, they're happy. And no law says you HAVE to buy where they're registered (although it's nice to let someone know so those towels aren't a duplicate gift).

Exactly my point. Gift registries are the norm and in my experience very much appreciated as a gift giver. I want to give the couple something I know they are going to use or they need.
I give cash for wedding gifts, everyone (at leas everyone I know LOL) could use more cash for something. If they need it for a honeymoon, why is it seen as tacky to ask for it for that purpose if it isn't seen as tacky to ask for blue towels if they need those?

 

[mousefanmichelle]

Are they having a wedding shower? If so then I see the purpose of a gift registry that carries over to the wedding as well - as around here (Michigan) that is usually how it goes. Most people around here give cash for the actual wedding reception gift. The couple can do whatever they want with the money but I think it is tacky to tag it as honeymoon or new house fund. I don't care what you do with my gift but just don't tell me how to give it to you, if that makes sense.

A friend of mine was invited to a bridal shower where you had to go online to give to the couple via Honeymoon Fund, New Home Fund or something else. They had a destination for the honeymoon listed (which was extremely expensive), they had Crate and Barrel listed as their only choice to purchase things for their new home etc. Don't tell me where to spend my money for you - I was in shock over this type of thing.
Long story short - they divorced before their 1 year anniversary....

 

[Pooh2]

We do cash for the wedding gift and pick something off the gift registry for the shower.

We were invited to a jack and jill instead of shower for a family member.
They listed a "honeymoon registry" through their travel agent instead of a gift registry.
I forget what the registry fee was to the hosting travel agent but we instead gave a cash gift.

 

[shoney]

Are they having a wedding shower? If so then I see the purpose of a gift registry that carries over to the wedding as well - as around here (Michigan) that is usually how it goes. Most people around here give cash for the actual wedding reception gift. The couple can do whatever they want with the money but I think it is tacky to tag it as honeymoon or new house fund. I don't care what you do with my gift but just don't tell me how to give it to you, if that makes sense.

A friend of mine was invited to a bridal shower where you had to go online to give to the couple via Honeymoon Fund, New Home Fund or something else. They had a destination for the honeymoon listed (which was extremely expensive), they had Crate and Barrel listed as their only choice to purchase things for their new home etc. Don't tell me where to spend my money for you - I was in shock over this type of thing.
Long story short - they divorced before their 1 year anniversary....

It is quite common for people
To register for wedding and shower gifts at one store. Actually until recently I never got multiple stores. Now I have received online ones with links to websites.

Cash is given at weddings around here so that is what we would give.

I would rather give to a honeyMoon fund than give a gift that they really don’t want

 

[HopperFan]

The problem is that the vast majority of these honeymoon registries don't actually give anyone an experience.

When close friends got married, I took time selecting a specific activity from their honeymoon registry and spent more than I typically would have because I was excited to gift them that experience. Imagine my shock and frustration to learn the registry actually just cut them a check, with a percentage deducted, and they didn't use any of the money for things related to their honeymoon. I've had a horrible opinion of these registries ever since. I don't like being deceived.

Honeymoon Fund we were "provided" was nothing more than a Go Fund Me account. There were no experiences or special items to give ................ but from all the posts that is pretty much fake anyway, just makes the Go Fund Me look more palatable.

 

[skyblue17]

I don't find a honeymoon fund tacky at all, especially in the specifics like your DD's, where most attending the wedding should know that the couple have been together for a significant time already and already have many of the items that they need. Since they DO have a registry of traditional items, those who do not want to donate to the fund can opt to go that route, or give cash. But I honestly don't get the issue with a honeymoon fund. Most couples go on honeymoons. Most would love to have the best trip possible, but doing so may be hard after planning/spending on a wedding. Why do wedding gifts need to be on the terms of the guests? Like, it's great you think giving someone a blender is better than giving them something they actually would like to have, but who are you doing it for?

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

Spring's coming, time to crank up the wedding threads! DD is getting married in June. She and her fiance have been living together for almost 3 years, so have a lot of their housekeeping things already. They are registering at Target and Bed/Bath/Beyond, but the lists are short as they have most of the things they need already. They are talking about setting up a honeymoon fund, but I know sometimes people think this is tacky, as it is basically asking for money. However, it seems to be "the thing" to do. Do you think this is generational, that the younger folks think it's a great idea but older people think it's tacky? I personally am mixed; not crazy about being asked to donate to something specific, but I also like knowing what my money gift is going towards. I am not sure how to advise her. I do know that most people of our acquaintance will give money as a wedding present, but am not sure how they'll take being asked to donate to a honeymoon fund (and pay a fee to do so). Opinions?

I don’t have a problem with the suggestion of cash or the honeymoon fund and here’s why:
Many couples these days are already living together and have all of the household items usually given as wedding gifts. I’d much rather give my loved ones (I’m assuming people aren’t attending the weddings of people they don’t like) gifts they’re actually use and appreciate. I know we had thrown an actual wedding I would have much preferred money to use toward our honeymoon than China or a KitchenAid.

I agree. I don’t really find them tacky and I think times have changed a bit. Most couples are getting married later and living together before marriage. In a lot of cases couples already have most registry items. Younger generations are also doing less fancy entertaining so don’t want the China, silver, crystal that generations past wanted. Plus, because people are getting married later, a lot of parents are downsizing when their kids are getting married so the China and what not is being passed down.

If you don’t want to give towards what the couple is asking then don’t. Only on the dis have I seen so much to do about there being an exact right and wrong way for gift registries. Folks on here seem to attach so many strings to their gifts that it seems like ungracious giving rather than rudeness on the recipient’s part. If you only want to buy a kitchen or home item because you think that’s what is appropriate then that’s your choice. Registries and honeymoon funds etc., like invitations, are requests not commands.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The problem is that the vast majority of these honeymoon registries don't actually give anyone an experience.

When close friends got married, I took time selecting a specific activity from their honeymoon registry and spent more than I typically would have because I was excited to gift them that experience. Imagine my shock and frustration to learn the registry actually just cut them a check, with a percentage deducted, and they didn't use any of the money for things related to their honeymoon. I've had a horrible opinion of these registries ever since. I don't like being deceived.

So in that honeymoon fund did the couple pick specific activities themselves for wedding guests to choose from to contribute to?

 

[skyblue17]

So in that honeymoon fund did the couple pick specific activities themselves for wedding guests to choose from to contribute to?

Right, the ones I have donated to were broken up. You could donate toward specific activities or meals, or just however much you want. Maybe they still got a flat check but I don't really understand how that makes a difference. Either way, now they can do the things they hoped to be able to.

 

[Sleepy425]

I was 25 when I got married, already had a house and what I needed. So I just didn't have a bridal shower. If you don't NEED anything, there is no reason for one. And as for the actual wedding, cash is customary around here so no need for a registry. I am 34 now and still find the honeymoon registries for showers tacky. If you truly don't need anything, then don't have a shower.

 

[kimmar067]

I don't like the vibe of specifically asking for money. It just seems wrong even though most people give money as a wedding gift. If I was attending a wedding with this scenario I wouldn't even consider contributing to the honeymoon registry - in fact it would incline me more strongly to choosing an actual item off the other registries.

....what SHE said!

 

[kimmar067]

Are they having a wedding shower? If so then I see the purpose of a gift registry that carries over to the wedding as well - as around here (Michigan) that is usually how it goes. Most people around here give cash for the actual wedding reception gift. The couple can do whatever they want with the money but I think it is tacky to tag it as honeymoon or new house fund. I don't care what you do with my gift but just don't tell me how to give it to you, if that makes sense....

...ITA....

A friend of mine was invited to a bridal shower where you had to go online to give to the couple via Honeymoon Fund, New Home Fund or something else. They had a destination for the honeymoon listed (which was extremely expensive), they had Crate and Barrel listed as their only choice to purchase things for their new home etc. Don't tell me where to spend my money for you - I was in shock over this type of thing.
Long story short - they divorced before their 1 year anniversary....

...shocker.

 

[kimmar067]

...DD is getting married in June. She and her fiance have been living together for almost 3 years...

...CONGRATS! My DS is getting married in May....

 

[leebee]

...CONGRATS! My DS is getting married in April....

Thanks, Kim, and congrats to you and your son!

There has already been one small shower, given by aunts/cousins on 12/28; thank you notes are in process or mailed, so no worries there! I am going to suggest DD does not do a honeymoon fund, although her argument is that "her generation" looks at money/gifting money differently than prior generations do, and she'd rather know what her cash gift is going towards. She also worries that she might not spend the cash as the giver would hope she would, and at least by doing a honeymoon fund the giver makes their intent known for how the cash should be spent (whew, what? Give me cash, I spend it on what I need/want to spend it on!). In the end, she'll do what she wants, I guess.. don't we all?

 

[skyblue17]

It sounds like your daughter has sound reasoning for why she would like to have a honeymoon fund!