Floridaman999
Livin' the life
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2017
The mothers reaction, or lack of reaction, makes me wonder about a genetic component to all of this.
No, I totally agree. That's what I mean,it's really a hopeless feeling when dealing with these types of situations and I don't know what that threshold is, but I think for the most part it's taboo to even speak like that, but then we're really accepting the harm to others. I don't know I think in an ideal situation where the best possible care/treatment would be guaranteed to be provided/required, money no issue, taken out of the home if necessary etc. then there's a chance of real healing with mental health issues, but unfortunately it's next to impossible for most families to get good, consistent quality care at all, let alone the rest. I don't know, there's no good answer and either way we're providing less than adequate care for the person with the mental health challenges and to society.I'm not without compassion, although admittedly I don't deal with any similar issues personally. I'd just like to ask a "devil's advocate" kind of question: If the bolded is indeed the case, when does society require the protection of basically throwing away the key? There must be some point at which the potential risks outweigh the best interest of this child. Please give me your opinion.
Sorry IM (professional)O there are no schizophrenic children. I’m not saying he doesn’t have some mental health issues, but that’s a ridiculous diagnosis for a 9 yr old.
Getting it as a diagnosis & really having it are 2 different things. There are many psychiatrists & other mental health prof who agree it’s not a proper dx in children.I don't know what kind of professional you are, but childhood onset schizophrenia is absolutely a real diagnosis. One of my sons had a classmate with this diagnosis in his special education class when we lived in VA. He was 8. He is now 13 and according to his mom, they are considering an inpatient mental health facility for him at this time due to violent behaviors towards her (he has attacked her twice and smashed a window so far). He seemed like such a sweet kid most of the time. It's really sad. It is extremely rare to get this diagnosis so young, but it is totally a real thing.
I keep thinking about his mom. I can’t imagine how she is feeling. We all say we’d love our kids unconditionally, but would we really? He killed two of her children (his siblings), her mom (his grandma), her fiancée, and her niece (his cousin).
She just seems so indifferent when she says she called out to her kids sorry I can’t save you. She’s got to be on Valium or something. Awful, awful, awful.
No way on God's green earth could I have done that. I would have died trying to save my kids.
Actually it is possible for him to have very early onset schizophrenia. It is rare but possible.
But either way he does need intensive psychiatric care. If he didn’t before the fire he definitely will now. But I would find it extremely sad if all that was done is that he is thrown in a hospital setting and fed drugs. He needs more than that. “Juvy” isn’t the answer. That will just make him worse in the long run.
As for the mom, I would assume shock and grief both for her family members that died and her living son. She still loves him and he is still her son. A parent loves a child unconditionally. But I am sure she is pulled and twisted with her emotions.
I am not trying to start a debate, but no way, no how to I believe every parent loves their child unconditionally. For the record, I am not speaking from my own personal relationship with my parents, but I am speaking in generalities.
There are plenty of people who have children they should never have and are ill equipped to deal with even minor challenges of child rearing. Anyone can have a child, unfortunately (in some cases).
This situation is way more complicated than an mother's unconditional love for their child.
I’m not sure what your point is here. There are plenty of parents that raise their kids who are indifferent to them at the least and plenty who do not love and/or absolutely put conditions on that “love” at the worst. They still go to work everyday, feed those kids, cloth them and take care of the basics because that’s what they’re supposed to do. That doesn’t equal love but it’s still “parenting.”Having a child does not make one a parent. Loving and caring for and raising a child does. So a parent—a true parent— that loves their child does so unconditionally. What kind of parent would put conditions on their love of their child? “ I will love you until you make a mistake”? Or “I will love you IF you are successful” OR “I will love you unless you have a mental illness or a learning disability”? Do any of those sound like a parent?
And yes of course this situation is way more complicated than how she lives her child. But I don’t question that statement from this mother. I do question the not being able to get to her other children and simply telling them that before they died. Something is off with her. She seems too detached.
I’m not sure what your point is here. There are plenty of parents that raise their kids who are indifferent to them at the least and plenty who do not love and/or absolutely put conditions on that “love” at the worst. They still go to work everyday, feed those kids, cloth them and take care of the basics because that’s what they’re supposed to do. That doesn’t equal love but it’s still “parenting.”
Unconditional love is trying to get to your kids in a fire no matter what. It’s also standing by your kid and trying to get help for him if he’s mentally ill. That she didn’t do one but appears to be doing the other might mean she’s standing by the kid because she‘s supposed to. Or maybe she loved him best. Or maybe she loved them all and is just plain worn out from trying to handle a seriously sick child and it affects her judgement and demeanor.
I’m with a PP who says we’ve gone to far in the opposite direction when it comes to helping the mentally ill. What do you do with a nine year old in this type of situation?
But the person you quoted was saying not all parents are capable of unconditional love. You’re essentially saying the same thing and so am I. That’s where I’m confused.What you describe does not describe a parent. It describes a caretaker. And some “parents” (legal definition) are caretakers, not parents. I was simply responding to the poster who was responding to me saying a mother loves her children unconditionally. So my “point” was just a response to what the other pp said. And that I would have never questioned her ability to still love her child even after this horrible thing he did. But the lack of emotion for her other children is puzzling.
I don’t know what the deal is with this mother. Something is off. Either she is truly unable to love her children, she loved one and not the others, she wanted out and this is it or something. A loving mother doesn’t just stand there and tell her children they can’t get to them. Perhaps she has some mental illness herself. And maybe what she is saying in the interview is just words and not how she feels at all.
Since he was recently diagnosed, it sounds like he was getting some help so she may have been trying to do that much. But as others have said many times, it a hard thing to do. As a parent, you want them to be helped but knowing they will never be “normal” is hard to come to terms with.
I do agree that we have gone too far the other way in helping the mentally ill. I don’t think this child can just receive outpatient care as he is a danger to himself and others. But simply pumping him with drugs isn’t the answer either. It’s a tragic situation.
Thank G-d I have never been in that situation and I pray I never am, but it has always boggled my mind when kids die in fires and you find the parent got out. Nope, nope and NEVER. I would die before I left a burning house with my children inside.No way on God's green earth could I have done that. I would have died trying to save my kids.
...I do agree that we have gone too far the other way in helping the mentally ill. I don’t think this child can just receive outpatient care as he is a danger to himself and others. But simply pumping him with drugs isn’t the answer either. It’s a tragic situation.The mothers reaction, or lack of reaction, makes me wonder about a genetic component to all of this.
It isn't the answer that's best for him. But for lack of any other options, it is sadly preferable to risking him hurting or killing others....I do agree that we have gone too far the other way in helping the mentally ill. I don’t think this child can just receive outpatient care as he is a danger to himself and others. But simply pumping him with drugs isn’t the answer either. It’s a tragic situation.
I would say it is like that "in theory" but the number of qualified professionals in the public system is so limited. I've often heard it said in discussions of our health-care system that access to a waiting list all too often substitutes for access to care. Psychological services are one of the few areas of medicine in Alberta that can legally be delivered on a private, for-fee basis and it must be much more lucrative because many practitioners opt to be in private practice.It’s such a tough place to be when you can’t access proper care. Because of my disease I can access doctors, tests, operations, all of it for ‘free’. Mental health should be treated the same way. Oh, you are bipolar, here’s your referral to a psychologist, no charge, just another doctor.
I don’t get why that’s so hard to figure out.
I would say it is like that "in theory" but the number of qualified professionals in the public system is so limited. I've often heard it said in discussions of our health-care system that access to a waiting list all too often substitutes for access to care. Psychological services are one of the few areas of medicine in Alberta that can legally be delivered on a private, for-fee basis and it must be much more lucrative because many practitioners opt to be in private practice.
Regarding the case we're discussing here, I must admit it hits close to home. The worst mass-murder in Calgary's history was perpetrated by a schizophrenic young adult 5 years ago. One of the victims was the son of my coworker. The perpetrator has just been granted unsupervised outings and is on the way to full release, even though it is acknowledged by everyone, including himself, that unmedicated, he will be a significant risk to reoffend.
https://edmontonjournal.com/news/crime/killer-matthew-de-grood-granted-unsupervised-outings