2019 Disney Cruises, Pregnancy and Zika concerns

[starry_solo]

Why don't you (and your family) just not go on the cruise at all? Tell your parents to book it without you and then, lo and behold, if your wife doesn't end up pregnant so many months before the cruise, to book at the last minute (and you pay for the cruise, not your parents).

Perhaps your parents/mother wants to go with the other couple that is also celebrating their 50th anniversary because they are closer to them and see them more often than they see you and your family? And that your parents/mother are using this celebration as a reason to see their entire family together at one time?

 

[JW9DVC]

We are not saying "no" to going on a cruise. We are just saying we strongly prefer not to subject ourselves to going to a location that could put our potential future kid in jeopardy. We just want them to consider their family's needs first before their friends' preferences if they keep saying or implying things like "it's really important that ALL of you make it" - since they are paying, ultimately they will decide the destination and schedule but that does not give them the right to guilt trip us into going.

The whole problem with the argument of "working it out while on the cruise" is if either of us gets bitten. The chances of it happening might be low but the potential consequences are severe enough to make most of us not want to take that chance... "sure I'll run into the house to grab the $500 I left in the dresser drawer, even though it's up in flames - let's hope this works out!" - while it may not be quite that drastic, the concept remains the same. They are asking us to put our family at risk of something with grave consequences at the expense of their own desires. I'm sure many people will look at this as "you're overreacting" - I'm guessing most of these people probably are done with having kids or don't have kids.

Also, as far as people living in areas with Zika, this is not a good comparison: we have the choice to *not* vacation somewhere that is Zika impacted. But most people already living in a Zika area, and who have probably lived there for a long time, aren't just going to pack up their bags and move.

Sure. Your choice. Just seems your argument is very small compared to your parents wanting to have the family with them. I guess it’s childish in both respects.

 

[FigmentSpark]

Only you know your family dynamics, but you are both adults trying to please your parents. You are correct. You have to do what's right for your immediate family first, your wife and children, not your parents. While that relationship is very important, your first responsibility is to your wife. How does she feel about the pressure your parents are putting on you? I bet she's not happy at all. How do her parents feel? I'm betting they don't want their daughter and future grandchild exposed to a potentially devastating disease for no reason. I'm betting they won't be happy that you are letting your parents control you and their daughter for nothing more than a number. Next year will be 51. Ten years from now will be 60. They are great milestones, but they are numbers.

So tell your parents you love them and you hope you can go with them, but you WILL NOT put your family at unnecessary risk for the sake of a vacation. You hope they understand, but that is your decision.

 

[jplee3]

Sure. Your choice. Just seems your argument is very small compared to your parents wanting to have the family with them. I guess it’s childish in both respects.

Considering every doctor and nurse we've asked has advised us *not* to go, I wouldn't say our argument is "very small" - I'm not sure how it's "childish" asking and urging our parents to consider another destination because we're concerned about a very real risk.

 

[jplee3]

Only you know your family dynamics, but you are both adults trying to please your parents. You are correct. You have to do what's right for your immediate family first, your wife and children, not your parents. While that relationship is very important, your first responsibility is to your wife. How does she feel about the pressure your parents are putting on you? I bet she's not happy at all. How do her parents feel? I'm betting they don't want their daughter and future grandchild exposed to a potentially devastating disease for no reason. I'm betting they won't be happy that you are letting your parents control you and their daughter for nothing more than a number. Next year will be 51. Ten years from now will be 60. They are great milestones, but they are numbers.

So tell your parents you love them and you hope you can go with them, but you WILL NOT put your family at unnecessary risk for the sake of a vacation. You hope they understand, but that is your decision.

My wife is *very* unhappy and feels like this is my mom's way of exerting control, passively. She does not like it at all, just as you guessed. And her parents feel similarly - while my FIL understands my mom's desires, he also thinks it's ridiculous that they're asking us to wait to have a kid until after the cruise. I think my parents (and probably many others who have trouble empathizing) don't realize how long it could take after the cruise given all the CDC warnings and facts as well as the actual risk itself. But yes, my in-laws don't want us exposing ourselves to such a risk for the sake of a big number.

 

[FigmentSpark]

Listen to your wife. End of story.

 

[DietCokeMommy]

Personally, I would not let my parents’ vacation plans dictate the timing of when we conceive. You have to live your life and add to your family if and when you see fit. An age gap can never be changed, so it doesn’t make sense to me to go to such lengths to plan around a 7 day vacation.

With that said, we were on vacation in the Caribbean last month and did not see one mosquito. I don’t know if the time of year played into it at all, but we were in Puerto Rico (San Juan and Fajardo), St. Thomas, Castaway Cay, and Orlando and literally not one mosquito. We did make sure to not stay out too late, especially on the beach in San Juan.

I was a little worried ahead of time because Zika is a nasty disease even if you’re not pregnant and they have no idea what the long term effects will be on kids. But we never even used the bug spray I brought. And my husband’s the kind of person mosquitos love. If we take a 10 minute evening walk down our street in the summer he’ll come home with at least 5 bug bites. If there had been mosquitos around I’m positive they’d find him.

 

[jplee3]

Personally, I would not let my parents’ vacation plans dictate the timing of when we conceive. You have to live your life and add to your family if and when you see fit. An age gap can never be changed, so it doesn’t make sense to me to go to such lengths to plan around a 7 day vacation.

With that said, we were on vacation in the Caribbean last month and did not see one mosquito. I don’t know if the time of year played into it at all, but we were in Puerto Rico (San Juan and Fajardo), St. Thomas, Castaway Cay, and Orlando and literally not one mosquito. We did make sure to not stay out too late, especially on the beach in San Juan.

I was a little worried ahead of time because Zika is a nasty disease even if you’re not pregnant and they have no idea what the long term effects will be on kids. But we never even used the bug spray I brought. And my husband’s the kind of person mosquitos love. If we take a 10 minute evening walk down our street in the summer he’ll come home with at least 5 bug bites. If there had been mosquitos around I’m positive they’d find him.

Thanks - I don't know what the weather is like in Tortola and St. Thomas in June usually, but from reading around it seems like it's "less rainy" than in August/Sept? I could probably bet you that we would end up being fine. But I'm not into high stakes betting either