2019 Disney Cruises, Pregnancy and Zika concerns

[Shanti]

Hey guys,

My family has planned to do a Disney cruise (Eastern Caribbean) in mid-2019 (targeting June) for my parents' 50th anniversary. They were really insistent on it being this year due to their anniversary.

In any case, my wife and I have been talking about potentially trying for another kid in roughly the same timeframe, which would end up spilling into the 2019 timeframe. My biggest concern would be with Zika if we were to happen to go and while my wife might be pregnant.

Has anyone had experiences with cruising in the Caribbean while pregnant and issues with mosquitoes, etc? The ports of call are Tortola, St Thomas, and Castaway Cay.

It isn't worth the risk to an unborn child. I'm mom to a special needs child and can tell you that parenting a special-needs child can be harder than you can even imagine now, and can strain you & your wife's relationship in ways that you can't imagine now.

I strongly recommend that you sail to Alaksa, Europe, or the Pacific coast of Mexico until you're done having babies.

 

[jplee3]

Why is it going to cost you $100 if you cancel before the Paid In Full date? Typically deposits are fully refundable up until that date. Unless you're booking a Concierge room, those deposits are non-refundable. And they're usually more than $100.

I think it's because my parents are using a travel agent to book - so he probably takes a cut on cancellations

 

[PrincessShmoo]

I think it's because my parents are using a travel agent to book - so he probably takes a cut on cancellations

That's one of the things to watch out for using a TA. Not all off them charge fees.

 

[hdnyc]

Hi - I have the same concerns and we just booked the 5-night Bahamian cruise in April. As of last week when I checked, the CDC has said that the Bahamas, Cayman Islands, Martinique, and St. Bart's are currently Zika-free and it is safe for pregnant women to travel there. St. Bart's is a disaster after the hurricane, so that isn't part of any conversation until end of 2018. Remember that men aren't supposed to get pregnant for 6 months after traveling to Zika areas, so it really messes up your vacation plans!

The 5-night Bahamian cruise only goes to FL and the Bahamas, so it is safe according to the CDC. That can change in the future, but it is currently safe. Note that the CDC recommendations can change at any time if they find evidence of Zika there.

In addition to not being able to bring a child under 6 months on board, you also can't board if you're over 24 weeks pregnant.

I think it is a little selfish of your parents to expect you to plan having children around their anniversary. They can plan a trip - if you can make it, great. If not, then that's life. Speaking as someone who had a very difficult time getting pregnant - took a year for our first and 2 years and two miscarriages for our second - I think it is absurd to tell people to plan their children around possible vacations.

We had a similar issue - my in-laws booked a big Jamaica trip a year in advance for our entire family. All of the siblings told the parents that this wasn't ideal because everyone was in the midst of having kids and we weren't sure how the timing would work, but they insisted on booking it. Well Zika rolls around, 2 of the kids are pregnant and the third is trying to get pregnant. We had to cancel the trip. My in-laws rebooked it for the next year, but we still couldn't go due to pregnancies - so they just brought their adult friends.

 

[Dug720]

Remember that men aren't supposed to get pregnant

Isn't that a given???

 

[hdnyc]

Isn't that a given???

hahahahah sorry, men shouldn't impregnante anyone for 6 months after traveling to a Zika country!!

 

[jplee3]

Hi - I have the same concerns and we just booked the 5-night Bahamian cruise in April. As of last week when I checked, the CDC has said that the Bahamas, Cayman Islands, Martinique, and St. Bart's are currently Zika-free and it is safe for pregnant women to travel there. St. Bart's is a disaster after the hurricane, so that isn't part of any conversation until end of 2018. Remember that men aren't supposed to get pregnant for 6 months after traveling to Zika areas, so it really messes up your vacation plans!

The 5-night Bahamian cruise only goes to FL and the Bahamas, so it is safe according to the CDC. That can change in the future, but it is currently safe. Note that the CDC recommendations can change at any time if they find evidence of Zika there.

In addition to not being able to bring a child under 6 months on board, you also can't board if you're over 24 weeks pregnant.

I think it is a little selfish of your parents to expect you to plan having children around their anniversary. They can plan a trip - if you can make it, great. If not, then that's life. Speaking as someone who had a very difficult time getting pregnant - took a year for our first and 2 years and two miscarriages for our second - I think it is absurd to tell people to plan their children around possible vacations.

We had a similar issue - my in-laws booked a big Jamaica trip a year in advance for our entire family. All of the siblings told the parents that this wasn't ideal because everyone was in the midst of having kids and we weren't sure how the timing would work, but they insisted on booking it. Well Zika rolls around, 2 of the kids are pregnant and the third is trying to get pregnant. We had to cancel the trip. My in-laws rebooked it for the next year, but we still couldn't go due to pregnancies - so they just brought their adult friends.

Thanks! This really resonates with me, especially because we even recommended the 5-day yet my mom was insistent on keeping things as they are. Their take on it seems to be "let's just book it [Eastern Caribbean] and wait and see" hoping that things will be OK by the time. I think they want to lock everything in and not have to change their plans last minute, as well as saving face and not 'disappointing' the other family/friends... I still can't wrap my head around how going with this family and being constrained to *their* schedule is the number one priority, despite my parents talking about how important it is that OUR *entire* family makes it a priority to vacation together. On top of that, both my dad and one of my brothers have made comments about how the Eastern Caribbean doesn't seem like it would be that preferable in general compared to just going on the Bahamas cruise. And several of us actually have stronger preferences for the shorter 5-day versus a 7-day (less duration on the water and seasickness, in particular), yet my mom's desire to go with these friends of hers is overriding pretty much all of these preferences/concerns/etc. And because the *other* family has this hard requirement to see the Caribbean, that's what they're going to do (honestly, I think the other family could care less if we join them or not... so I'm really confused as to why my parents are the ones feeling as if they need to tag along here)
At the end of the day though, my parents have the upper-hand and leverage to plan whatever they want however they want to because they are effectively paying for it. So while we've shared our preferences and concerns with them, they're going to do what they're going to do. I told them to go ahead and book it but with the understanding that we may decide to cancel. I think they're just burying their heads in the sand about the "canceling" part, probably thinking we're overreacting (which my brothers probably think too with the whole Zika thing, especially since their kids are older and they're done having kids...), and thinking everything will be fine come June 2019. But my mom did come back and start laying down a passive-aggressive guilt trip about how she doesn't want her kids to be distant from each other because this is what happened with her family - very few of my cousins/aunts/uncles make an active effort to keep in touch or visit when they're in town, so my mom gets so sad because nobody is able to ever get together... unfortunately, the reality is that this is *not* a norm from what I've seen. My mom is extremely idealistic when it comes to family and how things should be - she's basically a control-freak, and if things don't go her way she is resentful. I just don't think most of my extended family values the extended family relationships - it doesn't help that my mom is the one who moved out of state either. But even between the uncles and other aunt, there's just not a ton of hanging out going on. I think things were different when all us cousins were younger, but we've all grown apart. Unfortunately, that just happens, and I think my mom is trying her darndest to prevent this... she hates what's outside of her control.

 

[hdnyc]

I think you’ve done what you can - telling them you aren’t sure if you can make it, if it works out you’re thrilled to go, but you will have to cancel if it doesn’t.

Would your wife be terribly upset if you went without her? Would the other kids come as well? No offense to your wife, but your parents are probably more concerned about you being there as their son, and also having their grandkids there. I would be bummed to miss out on a fun vacation while pregnant, but I would also very much enjoy having the house to myself and just being able to relax without interruptions! Just wondering if that would maybe make your mom feel better about things. Or maybe if you end up having the baby, maybe your parents can take your other kids and you and your wife can stay home with the baby? Just seems like this doesn’t necessarily have to be a black and white issue.

Could you write your mom a card and send some flowers - just tell her that she’s an amazing mom, you are so appreciative of the offer and it would be an amazing trip, but it is really difficult to plan that far in advance at this stage of your life and 100% commit? I don’t even think the Zika problem is the main issue here - it’s more the chance of being 24+ weeks pregnant or having a baby under 6 months old. Sometimes things come across as being more sincere and appreciative in writing!

 

[jplee3]

I think you’ve done what you can - telling them you aren’t sure if you can make it, if it works out you’re thrilled to go, but you will have to cancel if it doesn’t.

Would your wife be terribly upset if you went without her? Would the other kids come as well? No offense to your wife, but your parents are probably more concerned about you being there as their son, and also having their grandkids there. I would be bummed to miss out on a fun vacation while pregnant, but I would also very much enjoy having the house to myself and just being able to relax without interruptions! Just wondering if that would maybe make your mom feel better about things. Or maybe if you end up having the baby, maybe your parents can take your other kids and you and your wife can stay home with the baby? Just seems like this doesn’t necessarily have to be a black and white issue.

Could you write your mom a card and send some flowers - just tell her that she’s an amazing mom, you are so appreciative of the offer and it would be an amazing trip, but it is really difficult to plan that far in advance at this stage of your life and 100% commit? I don’t even think the Zika problem is the main issue here - it’s more the chance of being 24+ weeks pregnant or having a baby under 6 months old. Sometimes things come across as being more sincere and appreciative in writing!

My wife and I did discuss having only me go with one or two kids. We're not so sure about that yet... we certainly don't want to plant this idea in my parents' minds as it is likely prone to becoming an expectation. As time passes, and depending on circumstances, we will have that in our back pocket. I think my wife is OK not going. She always has gotten seasick on these cruises anyway.

In any case, we will see how things pan out over the course of the next year and a half.

 

[FigmentSpark]

All the best to you both. Don't let this stress you out. You've done what you can for now. Anyway, your parents will come around, if your DW gets pregnant, I'm sure.

 

[Kanga&TwoRoos]

I think it’s time to drop the subject with your parents and just do what you want to do. It is ridiculous to ask someone to plan pregnancy around a vacation. It’s not your parents place to approve how you space your kids either. If your mom wants a close family the worst way to accomplish that is by making unrealistic demands. If I was your wife I would be really upset about your parents’ attitude. I think the best thing you can do is keep them completely uninvolved in your family planning from now on. Tell them when/if your wife gets pregnant but no discussion of when you're trying etc.

 

[jplee3]

I think it’s time to drop the subject with your parents and just do what you want to do. It is ridiculous to ask someone to plan pregnancy around a vacation. It’s not your parents place to approve how you space your kids either. If your mom wants a close family the worst way to accomplish that is by making unrealistic demands. If I was your wife I would be really upset about your parents’ attitude. I think the best thing you can do is keep them completely uninvolved in your family planning from now on. Tell them when/if your wife gets pregnant but no discussion of when you're trying etc.

This was the dilemma - we felt it wasn't necessary to really tell them... at the same time, they would probably be even more upset if we sprung it on them AFTER booking the trip. In this case though, we've probably created more trouble by trying to be more up-front with them... and even then they passively aggressively complain; in more or less words: "we've been planning this trip since 2017 and you tell us this now?" - I'm sorry, I didn't know we were supposed to give 5 and 10 year roadmaps of when we want to have our kids!

 

[Shanti]

This was the dilemma - we felt it wasn't necessary to really tell them... at the same time, they would probably be even more upset if we sprung it on them AFTER booking the trip. In this case though, we've probably created more trouble by trying to be more up-front with them... and even then they passively aggressively complain; in more or less words: "we've been planning this trip since 2017 and you tell us this now?" - I'm sorry, I didn't know we were supposed to give 5 and 10 year roadmaps of when we want to have our kids!

Yikes. Most parents of adults I know are eager for grandkids...

 

[jplee3]

Yikes. Most parents of adults I know are eager for grandkids...

Who knows - perhaps it would have been a nice surprise for them. Interestingly, we had announced our second kid (first girl in the family) after having planned a Hawaii trip with them to see extended family (cousin got married there). My mom was definitely excited but not so much my dad... in fact, one of the first things he asked was "What about Hawaii? Are you still going to be able to make it" - LOL! Of course, now that the "princess" is here, they can't get enough of her. Especially my mom, considering this is the first (and possibly only, unless our next one is also a girl) grand daughter in the family.

I honestly think my dad has sorta just checked out from grandkids, in general. It's sad but seemingly true - they just don't seem to be as willing/eager to want to help out with watching kids even when they come here to visit. My guess is that they have gotten burnt out from helping my brothers out with their 4 kids (they both live within less than 5 minutes to less than an hour away) and now that they're all in elementary school or older, they're on an indefinite break.

 

[jplee3]

Anyone know if it's possible to change to a different ship/itinerary/destination after having booked something already?

 

[Dug720]

Anyone know if it's possible to change to a different ship/itinerary/destination after having booked something already?

Yes. You have to call to do it. There could be penalties if you are within cancellation for the original itinerary though.

 

[jplee3]

Anyone know if any regions that had the Zika advisory lifted had it placed again (meaning, has Zika re-impacted previously affected regions)? Wondering what the likelihood is of something like that happening if I were to convince my parents to re-book to the Bahamas.

 

[JW9DVC]

Just go on the cruise. Many people are pregnant and live in areas of Zika.

While I understand the worry. Take precautions and use things to ward off like bug spray. Longer clothing. Stuff like that.

Depending on the time frame of things. If you are pregnant at all. You can always work on that while on the cruise!

It’s important to your parents and maybe one day you will look back and regret either decision. Not going or going. Yet. When they are gone. They can’t go.

 

[jplee3]

Just go on the cruise. Many people are pregnant and live in areas of Zika.

While I understand the worry. Take precautions and use things to ward off like bug spray. Longer clothing. Stuff like that.

Depending on the time frame of things. If you are pregnant at all. You can always work on that while on the cruise!

It’s important to your parents and maybe one day you will look back and regret either decision. Not going or going. Yet. When they are gone. They can’t go.

We are not saying "no" to going on a cruise. We are just saying we strongly prefer not to subject ourselves to going to a location that could put our potential future kid in jeopardy. We just want them to consider their family's needs first before their friends' preferences if they keep saying or implying things like "it's really important that ALL of you make it" - since they are paying, ultimately they will decide the destination and schedule but that does not give them the right to guilt trip us into going.

The whole problem with the argument of "working it out while on the cruise" is if either of us gets bitten. The chances of it happening might be low but the potential consequences are severe enough to make most of us not want to take that chance... "sure I'll run into the house to grab the $500 I left in the dresser drawer, even though it's up in flames - let's hope this works out!" - while it may not be quite that drastic, the concept remains the same. They are asking us to put our family at risk of something with grave consequences at the expense of their own desires. I'm sure many people will look at this as "you're overreacting" - I'm guessing most of these people probably are done with having kids or don't have kids.

Also, as far as people living in areas with Zika, this is not a good comparison: we have the choice to *not* vacation somewhere that is Zika impacted. But most people already living in a Zika area, and who have probably lived there for a long time, aren't just going to pack up their bags and move.

 

[mmmears]

Wow. I guess this is why we don't travel with family unless I am the one doing all the planning. We have turned down trips when others wanted to pay (ie. control) every little thing. I'd rather stay at home in that case. Honestly, I think you should let them know what you are comfortable with and what is just not a good idea for your family at this time. Then they can decide to either go there without you (assuming that's ok with you) or alter their plans to include your family. It's easy for people to tell you to take the risk, but if something does go wrong you are the one who will be left dealing with the consequences. If you decide to go, perhaps you can get good travel insurance that will let you cancel if the area becomes an issue, especially since it sounds like the zika area keeps changing.