Lots of sympathy to you, OP, and to anyone else caring for elder family members. I cared for my grandmother until her death -- ironically six years ago today -- and I'm glad I was able to do it, but it was real work. My children were mostly in high school at the time, so they were able to help.
I don't know what senior services you might have in your area, but you probably have some sort of elder-transportation. My grandmother had the option to call a day ahead and say, "I'd like a ride to the grocery store mid-morning tomorrow", and a van would arrive to pick her up. She refused to use this service, saying it was "for poor people", but it was available.
- It's hit-or-miss as to whether you get a quality worker. My daughter was in high demand -- practically everyone whom she served requested to have her back. But apparently not everyone who works home health cares as much; if you get someone you don't like, you might have to "keep trying" 'til you get a good person.
- The main thing my daughter did was help with bathing /hygiene.
- The #2 thing she did was help with meal prep. She'd cut up veg, etc. and put it into the refrigerator so the patient could cook a quick meal later.
- She occasionally did "heavy cleaning" like stripping the bed /putting sheets into the washer or running the vacuum cleaner.
- Something she said about a brother/sister who lived together struck me as smart: She was the home health worker for the brother, but the sister also had a worker. The siblings each had care 2Xs a week, and they staggered their visits so they had someone doing food prep for them on a fairy constant basis.
If money allows, you might hire someone from Care.com to come in weekly /bi-weekly to clean and do laundry. This would remove some weight from your shoulders and would allow your time with your parents to be "real visits" rather than work sessions.
Are your parents doing okay managing their money? At some point it might be wise to get control of their accounts, have their bills sent to you and pay them yourself. If they "fall behind", they might end up owing big fees.
Do you have access to their medical records /doctors? You should. Sometimes elderly people don't hear everything that the doctor says -- or purposefully don't want to remember everything they were told to do.
If the family has a plan in mind, it won't be quite so difficult when something happens. It's not a matter of whether they'll have a medical emergency, it's a matter of when /how bad.
She also lied to us occasionally about having fallen. I didn't think she would have done that, but we saw evidence in the form of bruises, and once or twice we saw her fall.
Yes, excellent advice. Meals on Wheels was the most useful single thing we had for my grandmother. It meant that five days a week someone was in and out of her house bringing her a meal. In a twist of fate, her most constant "delivery girl" was a woman who'd worked for her as a nanny when my grandmother was a young working mother. The brief daily visit was as valuable as the meal, though she liked the food. She was small and as she aged she didn't eat as much, so the lunch typically was enough for her dinner as well. She always got a carton of milk and a carton of juice with her meal, and those really piled up in her 'fridge.
I don't know what senior services you might have in your area, but you probably have some sort of elder-transportation. My grandmother had the option to call a day ahead and say, "I'd like a ride to the grocery store mid-morning tomorrow", and a van would arrive to pick her up. She refused to use this service, saying it was "for poor people", but it was available.
Yes, my now-RN daughter did this for a while during her college years. Comments:
- It's hit-or-miss as to whether you get a quality worker. My daughter was in high demand -- practically everyone whom she served requested to have her back. But apparently not everyone who works home health cares as much; if you get someone you don't like, you might have to "keep trying" 'til you get a good person.
- The main thing my daughter did was help with bathing /hygiene.
- The #2 thing she did was help with meal prep. She'd cut up veg, etc. and put it into the refrigerator so the patient could cook a quick meal later.
- She occasionally did "heavy cleaning" like stripping the bed /putting sheets into the washer or running the vacuum cleaner.
- Something she said about a brother/sister who lived together struck me as smart: She was the home health worker for the brother, but the sister also had a worker. The siblings each had care 2Xs a week, and they staggered their visits so they had someone doing food prep for them on a fairy constant basis.
If money allows, you might hire someone from Care.com to come in weekly /bi-weekly to clean and do laundry. This would remove some weight from your shoulders and would allow your time with your parents to be "real visits" rather than work sessions.
Are your parents doing okay managing their money? At some point it might be wise to get control of their accounts, have their bills sent to you and pay them yourself. If they "fall behind", they might end up owing big fees.
Sadly, I think that's a very common story: He was fine 'til something small happened, and then his health spiraled downhill. It's what happened to my grandmother too (not bronchitis, but something similar).
Do you have access to their medical records /doctors? You should. Sometimes elderly people don't hear everything that the doctor says -- or purposefully don't want to remember everything they were told to do.
You and your family would be wise to have a plan in mind: When one of your parents becomes suddenly ill and/or goes into the hospital, afterward he or she will come home to _____'s house. _____ will take care of transportation to and from the doctor. _____ will support these main caretakers by ______.
If the family has a plan in mind, it won't be quite so difficult when something happens. It's not a matter of whether they'll have a medical emergency, it's a matter of when /how bad.
Yes. My grandmother was a wonderfully sweet woman, but occasionally in her later years she bit out at me with a venom I never saw in her before. I know it was a matter of being frustrated with her declining physical abilities, but sometimes she made me cry.
She also lied to us occasionally about having fallen. I didn't think she would have done that, but we saw evidence in the form of bruises, and once or twice we saw her fall.
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(This was a lady who gave college age DS a roll of pennies a couple of years back so he would have some spending money! DS still keeps the roll in his memory box.) We had the option of either the bracelet, or the necklace, but the thing was that the bracelet didn't have falls detection, which was the thing she really needed, so she did agree to the necklace initially. The truth was that there was mostly someone always home with her (we have the in-law) with rare exception, but it was one of my siblings who was pushing the idea so Mom tried to go along with it. But the reality was she was never going to wear it, and I knew it. In fact one of the conversations I had with the company rep (not actually Life Alert, but similar) told me their biggest problem is that people don't wear them. I think many do it to appease their children but when they leave, they do what they want! FIL had gotten one but it was in his bedroom when he had a fall in the bathroom. Estimates were that he was on the ground for two hours, and he was lucky to live because his blood sugar was critically low. We have seen patients in the hospital who were on the floor for days. But it is hard to get them to wear the devices. We wound up putting a small bicycle bell on a lanyard and asked Mom to wear it. Still didn't, of course, until she couldn't get up by herself and had to call for help. I have talked to children who have cameras in their parent's houses. For some that might be a better option.
Group Hug...
