What stresses you out the most during the holidays?

[Turn the Page]

Stress is a strong word but my biggest worry is trying to figure out what to get DH's family and keeping everything as even as possible for our kids.

I try really hard to keep everything as even as possible between the kids as far as money spent and, when they were younger, number of presents. DH rolls his eyes when I pull out my list and tally up everything and the other day went so far as to tell me if I didn't put the list away he was going to make me use it as toilet paper lol. He doesn't understand the need because he had a family that kept everything equitable. My mom grew up in a family where that was not the case and my grandmother used gifts as punishment. I'm not fanatical about it but try to keep the money spent the same within $20 or so.

DD12 is older now and understands that some gifts cost more than others and therefore she will have fewer gifts. She is also starting to like experiences more than, or as much as, gifts which means there are even fewer things under the tree for her to open. I tallied everything up the other day and right now it looks like DS is trailing about $100 behind DSD8 and $150 behind DD12 but he has more presents than either of them. So now I'm worried about trying to even it out when in reality, DS is currently 7 months old. All he cares about is eating the wrapping paper so I'm not sure I will get him too much more. DD12 is running higher right now because her big gift is likely going to be SCUBA diving lessons which are expensive and will be a combined birthday/Christmas present. Even so, I ended up spending a bit more on her this year due to that so I probably won't get her much of anything at all to open on her birthday in a few months.

 

[luvsJack]

This year, DS works Christmas Eve (paramedic). FDIL decided she wants for her, DS, her dad, her sister and her grandmother to go out to eat Chinese Food on Christmas night. They used to do this when her mom was alive. They are going to her grandfather's house for lunch. So that leaves breakfast at my house. I told DS that I didn't want them to just come over for an hour and then leave. He assured me they wouldn't but they probably will. And they'll probably expect me to cook the day after Christmas. I'm trying really hard to not have hurt feelings over this, but it's not working too good. I know there are worse things, but I really am upset by this.

I understand completely! Its hurtful when you feel like you are just getting smooshed in between other family.

 

[marthachick]

I understand completely! Its hurtful when you feel like you are just getting smooshed in between other family.

Thanks for validating my feelings! I thought maybe I was just being petty.

 

[Monykalyn]

I like the decorations.
I hate all the expectations.

Can I vote this one the best of the thread? Pretty much sums it up.

 

[BLAZEY]

I love most of it. Scheduling so we get to see everyone at some point causes some stress. Everyone wants the coveted Christmas Day. All our family lives in town closest being my sisters family and my mum at a 2 minute drive to DH dad and stepmother at 30 minutes away. We always see DH family on Xmas Eve for the carol sing as DBIL has their Nana's piano. DH say who ever invites firs get first dibs. This year we will have dinner at my sisters home. that morning is still a toss up.

 

[Kitty 34]

Want to hear this scenario?

I invited my parents and my inlaws to our church to watch a "Live Nativity Scene" play.
I told my parents I would pick them up, we would either have lunch before or supper after and then I would take them back home. They live 15 minutes away.
They cancelled on me.
My MIL asked if she could have the tickets for her sister and husband, which is my husbands aunt and uncle.
I said ok, since the show was sold out --. their nephew and his wife and baby were playing Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus.

My Mother-in-law called me yesterday, the day of the play and told me they were going out to eat after with her sister and husband after the show.
She told me we would do supper another time.
I was confused and wondered why we all could not go along.

My dh knew right away when it comes to his mom's sister-we would get ditched.

Luckily my dd and her husband and my sister and brother -in-law attended the play and we all went out for supper after.

My parents and in-laws just confuse me. They tell us to spend time with them and do things with them, because they do not need anything.

I planned this well in advance, nothing was last minute.

This was suppose to be our Christmas present to both set of parents-am I stressed out-yes-because now I have to come up with another idea,
which will probably mean, me making a special meal and supper for both of them.

I know I should be grateful for my parents and my in-laws-but I am tired, trying to make them happy, they "ditched me".

Ok, that would just suck and hurt.

 

[Kitty 34]

I love most of it. Scheduling so we get to see everyone at some point causes some stress. Everyone wants the coveted Christmas Day. All our family lives in town closest being my sisters family and my mum at a 2 minute drive to DH dad and stepmother at 30 minutes away. We always see DH family on Xmas Eve for the carol sing as DBIL has their Nana's piano. DH say who ever invites firs get first dibs. This year we will have dinner at my sisters home. that morning is still a toss up.

MIL here with three sons and three DILs. I haven't had Christmas Day since the youngest left the nest 7 years ago. One son and wife did stop by two years ago so I could unwrap a gender reveal Christmas present. They stayed for 15 minutes, but I was excited they were having a boy!

A couple of times I got the 26th and the last two years I got the 23rd. I do really push for them all being together as they would never see each other as the boys all live a couple of hours anyway from each other. And if I can get at least 2 to 3 hours, I'm a happy MIL.

 

[OhMari]

MIL here with three sons and three DILs. I haven't had Christmas Day since the youngest left the nest 7 years ago. One son and wife did stop by two years ago so I could unwrap a gender reveal Christmas present. They stayed for 15 minutes, but I was excited they were having a boy!

A couple of times I got the 26th and the last two years I got the 23rd. I do really push for them all being together as they would never see each other as the boys all live a couple of hours anyway from each other. And if I can get at least 2 to 3 hours, I'm a happy MIL.

I hear you. I am the MIL, that schedules, after everyone else has their schedule. We are actually having Christmas on Sunday, Dec. 16, for just a breakfast get together. We are all attending a wedding on Saturday, it is my sons best friend that lived and worked with him in NYC. My son has to fly back home at 2 in the afternoon with his wife, so the only time we can all get together is Sunday morning. We are not exchanging or giving gifts. I am giving each couple money and the grandchildren gifts. My dd will not be there, since she has to work, but her husband is bringing their 2 kids. Over Christmas vacation, we are driving to Chicago to pick up our Son in Law and 2 grandchildren and driving them to Minneapolis, so they can spend a week with their other grandparents. We were invited to spend the nite, once we get there, but my husband won't do that. We will drive back home to Wisconsin.

 

[BLAZEY]

MIL here with three sons and three DILs. I haven't had Christmas Day since the youngest left the nest 7 years ago. One son and wife did stop by two years ago so I could unwrap a gender reveal Christmas present. They stayed for 15 minutes, but I was excited they were having a boy!

A couple of times I got the 26th and the last two years I got the 23rd. I do really push for them all being together as they would never see each other as the boys all live a couple of hours anyway from each other. And if I can get at least 2 to 3 hours, I'm a happy MIL.

The easiest Christmas's are when we host dinner, that way we see everyone without leaving the house! We are very fortunate that all our families get along extremely well. My sister's house has never been big enough to host Christmas until now (she bought 1/2 of our childhood home from our mum) and has been remodeling it to suit her taste and needs. It is now the biggest and most easily accessible home, especially for our aging parents and grandparents. She is both excited and nervous about hosting her first big family holiday. Fortunately with mum and I so close we will be helping her some.

 

[TheDisneyNurse]

Seeing which days I get off. Lol! I enjoy gift giving, but it was definitely a much greater source of stress when I was broke in college.

 

[amberpi]

Separating Christmas from January birthdays. So I rush to get the Christmas decor down the day after Christmas to decompress and gear up for those upcoming birthdays.

I've got a Dec. 1 and Dec. 29 bday. All decorating has to be up and out between those. I feel you.

 

[leebee]

Money and time... a lack of both.

 

[amberpi]

DH and I really have had to discuss the holidays. This year, we get the kids Christmas Eve until past their bed time. All grandparents are coming here. We went to his family for Thanksgiving and we'll go to mine Christmas day and the in laws are all invited.

I'm most stressed because I didn't spend on the ILs what I do on my folks after being told it was too much. My parents go overboard, so I'm a bit concerned how that's going to play out. We'll see.

 

[bigbabyblues]

Coming up with gift lists for the grandmothers - seems like it's a chore every year and now that our kids are older, it's even worse, especially when they really don't need much (yeah, I know, first world problems )

That is what I was going to say, only it is only MIL and GMIL. I reminded kids today (18 & 15) that I need a few things to tell them and neither could come up with anything.

 

[yoopermom]

My biggest stressor is being the meat in the sandwich generation . DS is the only child/grandchild, and he is *VERY* good about making time to spend with us (his parents) and his three sets of grandparents (mine are divorced/remarried to others). However this year he has to work over Christmas, so the weekend of the 15/16 I have to schedule the three Christmases with the grands, then DH and I are going to DS's house to spend Dec 22-24 with him as an "immediate family". In a perfect world our Christmas would end there, but i feel too much daughter guilt over leaving the grands alone on the actual holiday, so DH and I alone will then travel so we can spend Christmas Eve and Day with the three sets of our parents, even though we will already have celebrated Christmas ten days earlier.

To minimize stress, I told EVERYONE except DS/DH/DFDIL that we are NOT exchanging presents, no how, no way. For the first time since college, i am not putting the tree up at home since we will be traveling so much. And I owe the UPS man big time because I ordered what few presents I did buy solely online, and they're piling up in the garage as we speak. They may get a bow slapped on them, and the "to" written on in Sharpie, and that's it .

To reward myself, since my birthday is on the 27th (which has always been a downer), we are going to see Styx and Ann Wilson on the 29th. Heck, I might even spring for a hotel room .

Terri

 

[wenrob]

Years and years ago, I typed mine into a spreadsheet on the computer. I printed it out and put it in a 3-ring binder with a bunch of other information. For a long time, I was good about updating it, and reprinting occasionally. (I even had a column for "Christmas card list" and could sort and print just those to make it easy!) But as life got busier and busier, I started just crossing out and writing in new addresses. Eventually, we had hard drive issues and lost a lot of old files - that one included...and instead of re-doing it on the new computer, I just kept tucking in slips of paper, adding on the backs of pages, etc. - until now, most of the pages aren't even really attached. I definitely need to follow your advice!

Do you have a smart phone? That took care of the address book mess for me. My contacts are my address book. I put EVERYTHING in there, phone numbers, emails, address, birthdays etc. I can even link them to who they are related to for instance, I have my nephews contact linked to my sister. Then I have them broken down into groups, DH’s Family, My Family, DD’s Friends and so on. When someone moves or changes info I have them text it to me, the phone highlights it and I add it to the contact. Easy peasy. Bonus to doing it this way, you get maps for the addresses at your finger tips, Birthday reminders and the info is always with you. I sync mine to the cloud and to my computer so I always have a back up.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

FINALS.

 

[Monykalyn]

To reward myself, since my birthday is on the 27th (which has always been a downer), we are going to see Styx and Ann Wilson on the 29th. Heck, I might even spring for a hotel room

Spring for the room! What a great concert to look forward too!!

 

[OhMari]

My biggest stressor is being the meat in the sandwich generation . DS is the only child/grandchild, and he is *VERY* good about making time to spend with us (his parents) and his three sets of grandparents (mine are divorced/remarried to others). However this year he has to work over Christmas, so the weekend of the 15/16 I have to schedule the three Christmases with the grands, then DH and I are going to DS's house to spend Dec 22-24 with him as an "immediate family". In a perfect world our Christmas would end there, but i feel too much daughter guilt over leaving the grands alone on the actual holiday, so DH and I alone will then travel so we can spend Christmas Eve and Day with the three sets of our parents, even though we will already have celebrated Christmas ten days earlier.

To minimize stress, I told EVERYONE except DS/DH/DFDIL that we are NOT exchanging presents, no how, no way. For the first time since college, i am not putting the tree up at home since we will be traveling so much. And I owe the UPS man big time because I ordered what few presents I did buy solely online, and they're piling up in the garage as we speak. They may get a bow slapped on them, and the "to" written on in Sharpie, and that's it .

To reward myself, since my birthday is on the 27th (which has always been a downer), we are going to see Styx and Ann Wilson on the 29th. Heck, I might even spring for a hotel room .

Terri

Where is Styx playing? Sometimes a good old fashion blizzard can happen on Christmas and Christmas Eve, the best excuse for not having to go any where.

 

[ThisIsJason]

Two things:

1) Wrapping Gifts!!! Every year I try to wrap gifts, more or less have a panic attack about it, give up and go and buy gift bags. Did it tonight after work, tried to wrap a few things. Tomorrow I will hit Target/Hobby Lobby/Walmart for gift bags.

2) Honestly I think putting anything up. Maybe because this year is the first Christmas since my mom died, but I have no desire to put anything up. Inside or outside. Got the tree up Thanksgiving weekend, but that was it. Nothing else, not even outside lights. I think it was because my mom enjoyed it so much is why I did so much, even when she only came over to my house four or five times from right after Thanksgiving to after the start of the new year. Have been getting flack from family/friends/neighbors about nothing being up.