Parents of son's friend invitied him on a Disney trip for spring break next year

[Darcy03231]

First of all I think it was very poor judgment on the other parents part to discuss the trip with your child before talking to you about it to see if he could go.

Second, I've been the giver of a trip. We took my daughter's friend on a cruise. I did it because (1) we could afford to cover all the expenses, (2) the girls we very good friends and got along great. It gave my daughter someone to pal around with, (3) the mom was a stay at home mom and picked my daughter up for school every day and brought her home after school (we lived in a walking neighborhood) for three years of middle school. As a working parent that was priceless to me as the kids had to cross a busy road.

This was my way of "pay back." She had the time, I had the financial resources. It was a win-win for everyone.

Just because you feel you can't reciprocate financially, you could reciprocate in other ways if that's important to you.

 

[Dadof3inNH]

Been reading along, been watching how this goes along ..... I think I'll just add some food for thought ...

- Your family has been through alot, I understand that
- My father died when I was in high school and I am the oldest of three
- My mom had no job so had to go out and get one
- I only needed one class to graduate so got permission to only attend 1st period then go to work
- After work I did the grocery shopping, cooking and laundry
- I was lucky that I did have a nice home, my own room and never felt less than others
- I would have given up anything I had to have my Dad back
- YOU are clearly having a difficult time with life right now, you seem lost and I feel like you need support
- NOT support from people you know but like PP said, maybe a private grieving or single parent group
- You've made a good start here, can you find such a group online if you aren't comfortable in person
- If you show even part of your feelings we see to your kids, you will transfer your anxieties on them
- For them, find a way to heal yourself

Now the Disney trip ..

- I get it for different reasons
- I never let my kids travel with other families, for a number of reasons
- I took DD friend to beach one year, no real cost to us to add her
- I took DD friend to Disney for DD Grad Trip, I figured they'd go off but they stayed with us
- She had to pay for her own park tickets and spending money, I covered the rest
- Here is where you can possibly compromise .............
- Sounds like the family really wants to take him for their DS
- Their over and above will be airfare, park ticket and dining
- Let them pay for the airfare, again it's so their DS has a friend, maybe the best for their trip
- Dining, don't worry about it but I would tell my DS to order inexpensive items, glasses of water etc
- Tell your DS that he can go with the understanding HE has to raise the money for his park tickets
- Maybe you can kick start his fund with $50 for incentive
- There is time and he's old enough
- Odd jobs, babysit, shovel snow, be creative, have him ask for cash in lieu of holiday gifts
- And tell him he has to have XXX saved before they book the plane tickets, good faith
- Never too early to teach kids how to earn, how to be an entrepreneur and how to save
- If he says he doesn't want to do the work to earn the trip, then HE decided not to go





I kudo you on seeing the importance of a college/trade school education. I hope you are impressing that importance on your children. BUT I also want to impress on you that YOU are likely going to live way beyond the time they live with you, and YOU will need savings for when you are older. If you are at a point where the "kid's savings" are putting you week-to-week with no extra savings, then I suggest you rename that "kid's savings" to "your retirement fund".

My mother could have paid for my college education, my parents had investments to do that, but when my Dad died I realized that I was not going to take what might be important for her retirement. I paid my way through college. I lived at home and commuted. I worked 40 hours a week then went to college at night. It took me 7 years. I graduated with my degree DEBT free and my Mom still had her savings.

My kids were told by middle school that while we could, we were not going to pay for Tuition. We would continue to pay for their insurance & basics and we would pay for their dorm/food for 4 years. They would have to figure out the tuition part. Guess what, they both chose in state schools (after doing the math on out of state), they both worked hard. DS saved for years working a job all through high school then worked every summer. DD maintained a grade that she had a scholarship for most her tuition all four years. DS ended up transferring to a school by home and commuted while working. He graduated with his undergrad debt free. He is now in grad school for which he got a student loan for tuition. He commutes from home, he works, he drives an 11 year old car and is debt free other than this new school loan. DD moved home and commuted her senior year to save money. DD went to grad school using up all her savings, multiple scholarships and working two jobs. She graduated with her grad with a small student loan.

My point .... your children are responsible for their own educations. Now with so many good local schools and online schools there really is no excuse for not going to college - IF YOU WANT. Living at home, studying close or online saves tons. Scholarships, apply to them all. Grades in high school matter from day one for those scholarships. Private schools often have huge amounts of scholarship money they can do as they please. Talk to your kids, set a plan in place and help them tap in to all resources. As a parent it could be the best thing you can do. Myself, my DH, my kids .... we can all be proud that we put ourselves through school. Was it easy for us, nope, none of us but I wouldn't have it any other way.

You say your DD wants to enter the military and travel. She should look into military education benefits. My kids went to a school with many classmates going to school with these funds. I know someone who put 10 years in the military, came out then went to college with military benefits. Undergrad/two masters and now has a great job.

Start teaching your younger ones that there are lots of options out there, lots of types of education and training, lots of ways to get it and pay for it. We need every person at every job to make the world work. They should pursue something that interests them and motivates them to do what they need to do. You can help them tap into all the resources but also empower them. I get you want to help financially; maybe that help is letting them live with you while attending school, you buying groceries, maybe some gas money and helping guide them through the process. Let them own their education.

Yes, education is part of the the reason my daughters wants to join the military and it's for the benefits and she is already aware of that. My children will probably have to work while going to college, but I want to help them as much as I can that way I can feel that I didn't fail them when it came to education. I have already failed my kids when it comes to not being able to give them good trips, nice clothes, and other nice things. So yes, helping them with college is something that I want to do to at least make sure I didn't completely fail them in life.

 

[Tigger in a kilt]

I'm very careful with money so I don't risk things like small trips or special outings. My oldest daughter is right, she has missed out on a lot in her life and I hate that when she or her sister get married they won'thave a mother around to help them out with that special day.

This is far bigger than a Disney trip. You really need to find a way of processing your grief, guilt and anger over your berevenent, for your kids’ sake, if not your own. Your though processes are fairly erratic, and it would be very sad if any of your children have to miss out on anything more than the inevitable. You can’t change the past or the fact that they have lost their mother, but you are the biggest influence in all of their lives right now, and you can influence the direction their lives take.

You mentioned in another comment that your daughter wants to join the military in order to see other places. That is a pretty common draw, and is one of the ways the military advertises itself. That is not necessarily either a reflection or a rejection of your parenting. Many kids at that age want to see the world, no matter the financial circumstances of their parents.

 

[MrJT]

Honestly, I'm not sure this is even real, or why the OP posted it here,

That was the same vibe that I got off of this.

 

[Dadof3inNH]

This is far bigger than a Disney trip. You really need to find a way of processing your grief, guilt and anger over your berevenent, for your kids’ sake, if not your own. Your though processes are fairly erratic, and it would be very sad if any of your children have to miss out on anything more than the inevitable. You can’t change the past or the fact that they have lost their mother, but you are the biggest influence in all of their lives right now, and you can influence the direction their lives take.

You mentioned in another comment that your daughter wants to join the military in order to see other places. That is a pretty common draw, and is one of the ways the military advertises itself. That is not necessarily either a reflection or a rejection of your parenting. Many kids at that age want to see the world, no matter the financial circumstances of their parents.

I'll admit that I'm not completely happy about my daughter joining the military because it's risky and the thought of her being killed in some conflict scares me. A part of me does feel guilt that she has to resort to joining the military when anything can wrong in this world.

 

[ShayBells]

I’ve asked this before, other posters have asked this... What was the point of this thread? What are you looking to get out of it?

Maybe if you answer we can help. Cause right now with your responses we are not helping one bit even though we’ve all tried.

 

[CarolAnn856]

OP, you have yet to answer the question several posters have asked you. Why did you post this thread? You have clearly already made your decision, and you counter every comment in support of your son going. Did you just feel like arguing today? Or did you just want justification of a selfish attitude? Of course, those questions only apply in the off chance that this is actually legit.

ETA...does anyone else feel like they've read almost this exact same scenario before? Everything from the initial post to the digging in of heels seems like something I've read previously. Not sure whether here on the Dis or another Disney site.

 

[NHdisneylover]

she is also sad that we never had a family vacation when my wife was still alive.

I think it is important to consider this. Your oldest regrets that your family did not give themselves the luxury of a family vacation before circumstance beyond your control took away that ever being a possibility again.
Saving for future education is an admirable thing---but doing so at the expense of ever enjoying luxuries and life NOW isn't generally a wise idea---and it can be really awful if something unexpected happens and then the future plans cannot come to fruition and the life led until then was one of only sacrifice for something that doesn'T get to be.
Balance is a really good thing---and seems lacking in your plans/life.

 

[Squirlz]

I’ve asked this before, other posters have asked this... What was the point of this thread? What are you looking to get out of it?

Maybe if you answer we can help. Cause right now with your responses we are not helping one bit even though we’ve all tried.

Who knows why people do this kind of thing. Stop playing along and it will end.

 

[HopperFan]

Yes, education is part of the the reason my daughters wants to join the military and it's for the benefits and she is already aware of that. My children will probably have to work while going to college, but I want to help them as much as I can that way I can feel that I didn't fail them when it came to education. I have already failed my kids when it comes to not being able to give them good trips, nice clothes, and other nice things. So yes, helping them with college is something that I want to do to at least make sure I didn't completely fail them in life.

Those things are things.
Those things will mean nothing in the long run.
I live in HIGHLY HIGHLY affluent area where kids get new Mercedes and $50k trucks for their 16th.
We chose to teach our kids different values, work for what you want ...
Teaching values is so much better than fancy things.
I have to think you have already taught them so much with the care of their mother.

I'll admit that I'm not completely happy about my daughter joining the military because it's risky and the thought of her being killed in some conflict scares me. A part of me does feel guilt that she has to resort to joining the military when anything can wrong in this world.

She doesn't have to resort to this. As I said you can get a college education from your kitchen table right now, on your own time on your own hours. It sounds like it's something she wants to do to hopefully have opportunity to travel. Travel is completely optional as well. I would take the time to discuss with her all the options in case she thinks this is the only one ............... but some kids want to be part of the military life, maybe that is just what she wants.

I’ve asked this before, other posters have asked this... What was the point of this thread? What are you looking to get out of it?

Maybe if you answer we can help. Cause right now with your responses we are not helping one bit even though we’ve all tried.

Don't normally participate here, naturally suspicious, and I hear all those who think it's fake .... or why?

But you know if its the beginning of some therapy
or someone helps a light bulb turn on for him to move towards a positive path ... maybe it's worth it.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Those things are things.
Those things will mean nothing in the long run.
I live in HIGHLY HIGHLY affluent area where kids get new Mercedes and $50k trucks for their 16th.
We chose to teach our kids different values, work for what you want ...
Teaching values is so much better than fancy things.
I have to think you have already taught them so much with the care of their mother.




She doesn't have to resort to this. As I said you can get a college education from your kitchen table right now, on your own time on your own hours. It sounds like it's something she wants to do to hopefully have opportunity to travel. Travel is completely optional as well. I would take the time to discuss with her all the options in case she thinks this is the only one ............... but some kids want to be part of the military life, maybe that is just what she wants.



Don't normally participate here, naturally suspicious, and I hear all those who think it's fake .... or why?

But you know if its the beginning of some therapy
or someone helps a light bulb turn on for him to move towards a positive path ... maybe it's worth it.

That's what I was thinking....

 

[ashley0139]

Very few kids get every material item or experience they want in life. Part of being a teenager is complaining about what you don't have. It's not a reflection on YOU, like you seem to think it is.

 

[luvsJack]

I'm very careful with money so I don't risk things like small trips or special outings. My oldest daughter is right, she has missed out on a lot in her life and I hate that when she or her sister get married they won'thave a mother around to help them out with that special day.

You know there is a saying "Work to live, don't live to work". You are living to work so you can save. Being careful with money is great but not at the expense of living a life. Now, that life does not have to include expensive travel and certainly not Disney but a local waterpark outing or the movies; enjoying the time and moments with your kids is living.

I hate that your daughters won't have their Mom on their wedding day too but you cannot change that. My niece is getting married soon and she has had some tough times in the planning because she won't have her father here to walk her down the aisle or have a father/daughter dance with. Its tough on anyone when they are missing a parent. But you cannot let that define your children's lives.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I'll admit that I'm not completely happy about my daughter joining the military because it's risky and the thought of her being killed in some conflict scares me. A part of me does feel guilt that she has to resort to joining the military when anything can wrong in this world.

If the main draw for her is seeing places---perhaps help her explore other ways of seeing the world?
Is she a Girl Scout (if not she is still able to join while in Highschool)? Our Chalet in Switzerland, Sangram World Center in India and Nuestra Cabana in Mexico are all often taking volunteers for 4-12 month positions working with scouts which come through---often scholarships are available to cover airfare and room/board/etc are covered. It is great experience which can lead to good jobs, lots of fun, and sees much of the world.

Or my niece is 20. She has spent the a few moths of each of the past three years on church sponsored trips to camps, etc to teach English. She's been to Nepal and Estonia in the past two years. The time is not paid, but all her expenses are, and the experiences are fabulous for her and the experiences she gained has helped her land really good jobs in between.

The military is the most well known way to travel the world as a young person with limited/no funds---but it is far from the only option.

 

[nkereina]

Saving for future education is an admirable thing---but doing so at the expense of ever enjoying luxuries and life NOW isn't generally a wise idea---and it can be really awful if something unexpected happens and then the future plans cannot come to fruition and the life led until then was one of only sacrifice for something that doesn'T get to be.

This exactly. If the OP's story is real, he should know how quickly and unexpectedly life can change. A lot of times, unexpected deaths result in people wanting to live for the moment because the future isn't promised.

And on a smaller scale, not all kids go to college or vocational school. My aunt and uncle saved and saved for my cousins' college tuition, and neither of them ended up going to school. My aunt and uncle took their savings, retired early, and took a vacation.

 

[DisneyFansInNYC]

Hello everyone, I'm new here. I'm a single father of three kids and my middle child who is 13 got invited on a trip with friends. I'm undecided on whether to let him go as I don't want to accept such an extravagant gift from non-relatives that we can't pay back in any equal way. My wife passed away two years ago and it's been hard and I don't like taking help all the time unless for necessities. This past year I've done well financially as I've had a raise and a promotion. But, I can't afford to take my kids on trips and when my wife was alive we couldn't afford it as she was disabled due to a stroke that she suffered after our youngest was born. Growing up myself my family never did any trips and the first time I ever rode in plane was when I was 35 and that was the only time since then.

I've looked at Disney hotel sites and various blogs and see that Disney parks are very expensive and I'm now hesitant to allow my son to go. Like I said before, we can't pay this family back in any way. I feel like a failure that I can't give my kids extra. I'm looking for any advice on how I can pay the family back in some way or if my son can work for the trip. But, I also might not allow my son to go because it's too expensive for another family to pay for him. I'm very torn on this.

I didn't get to read through the whole thread but I just have to give you our feelings. Our oldest daughter has a best friend that too had never been to Disney and probably would never had gone if not for us. Her mom was a single mom raising two girls without their dads help in anyway. She was so excited whenever we would go to Disney even though she wasn't going. She was about 16 when we decided to take her. We asked her mom first as I didn't want her to feel bad if she was ever going to take her daughter to Disney. We are definitely comfortable financially and not rich and wanted to bless our daughter's friend as we feel so blessed to be able to go to Disney. We didn't want any money from her mother or her and our payment was seeing how excited she was when we went. We drove so there was no flight involved and we paid for everything else. I will say our daughter's friend is 23 years old now and has come with us 2 more times since then and we love when she comes with us. Our daughter's friend has become part of our family and we love it.

In terms of payment to them - I wouldn't expect to pay them anything. If you like your son's friend and his parents are trustworthy then I would send him and know somewhere down the road you can pay it forward to someone else.

 

[Tigger in a kilt]

I'll admit that I'm not completely happy about my daughter joining the military because it's risky and the thought of her being killed in some conflict scares me. A part of me does feel guilt that she has to resort to joining the military when anything can wrong in this world.

I do understand that, and I’m sure that most military parents feel some degree of concern about that. But if she grew up in a multimillion dollar house, with two parents and spent every weekend at the country club, she may still end up wanting to join the military because she craved adventure. Some people are drawn to military life.

I’m not entirely clear on her age, but she may well change her mind when it comes time to get real, apply and go off to boot camp. Right now it may seem like the easy option, but it really isn’t.

You seem to have an enormous amount of guilt about your children’s lives. Only you can know how much is warranted. Again, I really do think that you need to talk to a professional, so that you don’t let your grief and guilt cloud your judgement and prevent you from doing what is in the best interests of your children.

Who knows why people do this kind of thing. Stop playing along and it will end.

Honestly, I’m not convinced it’s a troll. If it is, it’s a troll who is doing a very good impression of someone whose thinking is distorted by depression.

I initially replied because I wanted to point out that those of us who pay for trips for other kids are not necessarily the devil. I guess I’m playing along now because if the OP is real then I’m hoping someone might get through to him about his need for help.

Edit: I agree that I’m still not sure what the OP is looking for, if indeed he is genuine.

 

[ShayBells]

Honestly, I’m not convinced it’s a troll. If it is, it’s a troll who is doing a very good impression of someone whose thinking is distorted by depression.

I initially replied because I wanted to point out that those of us who pay for trips for other kids are not necessarily the devil. I guess I’m playing along now because if the OP is real then I’m hoping someone might get through to him about his need for help.

Edit: I agree that I’m still not sure what the OP is looking for, if indeed he is genuine.

I keep going back and forth. I can definitely see this situation as being real whether it is or isn’t. Perhaps it’s another user who changed their name to really say what’s on their mind. Perhaps even fudging details to make their point seem more hopeless. Who knows? It could be a cry for help subconsciously, and I definitely perceive stubbornness, so I hope that something gets through to help the OP.

However, Nothing will change if an inch isn’t given.

 

[emer95]

I’ve been hesitant to respond to this, because I don’t want to come across as uncaring. If this person is legit, his situation is heartbreaking. He, as the dad, has every right to decide if his child goes on the trip or not, even if we don’t agree with his decision or reasons.

However, two things keep bugging me.

1. For a single father of three who is working overtime (when he can get it) he has an awful lot of time on his hands to come and repeat his position over and over again on this thread.

2. If I was a real person (which I am) discussing a difficult situation in my life, and people were insinuating that I was a troll, I’d be livid. I would address that from the very start. He has completely avoided that topic.

I hope it’s not a real scenario, because it’s so sad.

 

[cabanafrau]

It's a shame a handout is so anathema, because it sounds as if needs based aid might be just the ticket for all three kids to be able to attend college. It's strange school counselors haven't delved into this with the 16 year old, because this family situation is precisely one that's normally on their radar.