At what age is it no longer appropriate for kids to be pantless when company is over?

[Disneylovingmomof2]

It was DMUM's invite and she has had thought about uninviting them. But its hard to when its on the other side of a 3 foot high fence.

I understand, and it sounds like there’s some other stuff going on (him having issues in preschool). Honestly if your sis and bil aren’t on the same page that probably doesn’t help and then having extended family chiming in with different rules is probably making it even worse. I kind of feel bad for him if he’s got stuff going on and then all the adults around him expecting different behavior...

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

This is how it has been up until this point in our family. Dsis has had a change of heart. I think it may have to do with him having issues at preschool/daycare.

I mean, once the dynamics change it is what it is... I think at that point you have to respect the boundaries set by the mother and bring up the issue to your brother and let him handle it from there.

 

[smiths02]

I wouldn't have corrected his behavior myself because it was neither your child nor your house. I think it would have been appropriate for your mother to say something, though, since it was dinner at her house.

That being said, any child of mine who walks would be wearing pants/dress/shorts/romper/bathing suit when OUTSIDE.
Also, when company is over, they are to remain fully clothed. However, I wouldn't "count" grandma, aunt, uncle, and others as "company" especially not to a 5 year old. My twins are 5 and just started school, so we are still in the process of teaching them to do things like dress and go to the bathroom privately.

 

[Hikergirl]

For the record I don't care what the rules are when it's just the 4 of them, but when company is over, the rules change. DD9 hasn't be less than fully clothed at the table since she was potty fully trained. DNeice 3 was fully clothed.

OP, this is what you said in your OP. It is clear you wanted to control the situation, and maybe knowing that your sister and her dh aren't always in agreement you manipulated the situation to put the two of them at odds over it. Personally I think doing that in front of their child is way worse than said 5 year old child sitting at the outside dinner table in his undies.
Somehow I think this about getting at your sister and not really about a young kid not wearing pants.

 

[Nancyg56]

I have spoken with DBIL (the father) he agrees with me. My sister overules her husband. This time he put his foot down.

Oh my gosh, you are in the middle of a husband and wife, and you are happy that you cause this? Shameful IMO.

Its my sister, and brother in law. Brother in law has mentioned numerous time before at previous sunday dinners for HIS Son to go put pant or shorts on.

You created the conversation when you and your husband inserted yourselves into this situation. Had my sister done this the conversation would have turned to her proper behavior and what I would never tolerate.

Not enforcing OUR values, HIS FATHER also told him to put pants on at previous Formal Sunday dinners hosted by DMUM.

Again, you were speaking where you should have been quiet.

For the record I don't care what the rules are when it's just the 4 of them, but when company is over, the rules change. DD9 hasn't be less than fully clothed at the table since she was potty fully trained. DNeice 3 was fully clothed.

OP, this is what you said in your OP. It is clear you wanted to control the situation, and maybe knowing that your sister and her dh aren't always in agreement you manipulated the situation to put the two of them at odds over it. Personally I think doing that in front of their child is way worse than said 5 year old child sitting at the outside dinner table in his undies.
Somehow I think this about getting at your sister and not really about a young kid not wearing pants.

I agree. I cannot understand how anyone feels validated by creating dissension between a couple, especially in front of their child. IMO the OP needs behavioral training, rather than the child.

 

[BLAZEY]

For the record I don't care what the rules are when it's just the 4 of them, but when company is over, the rules change. DD9 hasn't be less than fully clothed at the table since she was potty fully trained. DNeice 3 was fully clothed.

OP, this is what you said in your OP. It is clear you wanted to control the situation, and maybe knowing that your sister and her dh aren't always in agreement you manipulated the situation to put the two of them at odds over it. Personally I think doing that in front of their child is way worse than said 5 year old child sitting at the outside dinner table in his undies.
Somehow I think this about getting at your sister and not really about a young kid not wearing pants.

It has nothing to do with getting at my sister. Really. He can eat at their table however they see fit. But peeing in the flower pot 5 feet from the table last month and the subsequent pants rule. This was formal sunday dinner everyone else was dressed up (think church attire, even the other children)

 

[verleniahall]

5yrs old is totally old enough to be fully clothed and it shouldn't matter WHO told him - and adult is an adult

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

It has nothing to do with getting at my sister. Really. He can eat at their table however they see fit. But peeing in the flower pot 5 feet from the table last month and the subsequent pants rule. This was formal sunday dinner everyone else was dressed up (think church attire, even the other children)

Was the formal dress code stated in the invitation for this backyard event?

 

[Hikergirl]

It has nothing to do with getting at my sister. Really. He can eat at their table however they see fit. But peeing in the flower pot 5 feet from the table last month and the subsequent pants rule. This was formal sunday dinner everyone else was dressed up (think church attire, even the other children)

This thread isn't about peeing in a flower pot.
I don't care if it was the Last Supper, pitting parents against eachother in front of their child, is wrong.

 

[BLAZEY]

Oh my gosh, you are in the middle of a husband and wife, and you are happy that you cause this? Shameful IMO.



You created the conversation when you and your husband inserted yourselves into this situation. Had my sister done this the conversation would have turned to her proper behavior and what I would never tolerate.



Again, you were speaking where you should have been quiet.



I agree. I cannot understand how anyone feels validated by creating dissension between a couple, especially in front of their child. IMO the OP needs behavioral training, rather than the child.

Not creating a rift between them.

 

[Hikergirl]

Well you sure seem to get some satisfaction about your BIL disagreeing with your sister and hin agreeing with you, and her being upset about it.

 

[hodgieha]

I would and have corrected my nieces and nephews when their parents are around. If they are not doing something that is considered socially acceptable then they need to be told. If the parent isn’t going to do it then someone needs to. Someone needs to teach a child how to behave. I see nothing wrong with telling a child to put pants on. The child should be wearing pants.

 

[BLAZEY]

Was the formal dress code stated in the invitation for this backyard event?

Standard sunday dinner attire. This is a weekly event.

 

[Floridaman999]

To answer your original question, I think 5 is a fine age to expect pants. How or why those pants get worn is a completely different question.

 

[NYCgrrl]

IF I couldn't tell my nieces and nephews how to conform in society w/o getting permission from a sibling or a sibling's husband then well I guess we aren't really a family.

 

[BLAZEY]

I would and have corrected my nieces and nephews when their parents are around. If they are not doing something that is considered socially acceptable then they need to be told. If the parent isn’t going to do it then someone needs to. Someone needs to teach a child how to behave. I see nothing wrong with telling a child to put pants on. The child should be wearing pants.

Thank you.

 

[CarolAnn856]

OP, you're all over the place. You went from "time for pants buddy, dinner's almost ready" (seems like he wasn't causing any major problems) to saying he's urinated in the flower pot before and he's having problems at school. It went from a backyard dinner where the kid wearing a sweatshirt wasn't questioned to a formal dinner with everyone in "church attire."

If you really just wanted to see if others think that 5 is old enough to expect pants, you could have just asked that. The fact that you included ALL that other info comes across as if you want validation, or even praise, for correcting him. Now, that's not necessarily why you posted, but that is how it looks.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My sister would’ve totally backed me up. It all depends on the family dynamic and it sounds like the OP might have one similar to mine.

I can understand that viewpoint especially if you're very close and have a lot of interaction. But methinks the family dynamics are not quite as amicable as yours might be.

 

[Allison]

His father had no issue me correcting, only my sister. He overruled her.

And so you think what you did was a good thing? Interfering between parents? You should really just stop.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

OP, you're all over the place. You went from "time for pants buddy, dinner's almost ready" (seems like he wasn't causing any major problems) to saying he's urinated in the flower pot before and he's having problems at school. It went from a backyard dinner where the kid wearing a sweatshirt wasn't questioned to a formal dinner with everyone in "church attire."

If you really just wanted to see if others think that 5 is old enough to expect pants, you could have just asked that. The fact that you included ALL that other info comes across as if you want validation, or even praise, for correcting him. Now, that's not necessarily why you posted, but that is how it looks.

I'm sitting here trying to figure out when the 3 foot fence was erected and does it go down the middle of the yard. Also, was it before or after the mother moved into the granny suite. Hmm