Would you let your 4th grader go?

[Hannathy]

But shouldnt mature adults be able to give differing opinions without name calling and criticizing??

A differing opinion would be: No I would not let her go on the field trip OR yes I would let her go on the field trip.

But what we have here is people calling her names (Helicopter parent) and making snide comment (cut the cord). I dont think she should be "ready to deal" with that.

Just checked back in this morning and I find your post very humorous! Wow kettle calling the pot black? I only made this post in response to the person who attacked us all saying if we let our children go on trips alone then we would be sorry and be reading about them in the news for not nice things having happened. It was not asking for an award (although I am extremely proud of her) I was simply pointing out that what she was threatening was not true, and speaking from experience having been there, done that, because I feel her children are still young.

So I just want to clear up your thinking, being snarky, snide, and nasty is OK if you are doing it but if anyone else uses a descriptive word or phrase YOU dislike it is forbidden?

 

[rainydayplay]

I haven't read all of the posts, so forgive me if I'm restating something someone else already said.

OP: If it were me, I would let my child go. The 5 students to 1 chaperone ratio is really good. (And if you're worried about a chaperone not being able to go/calling off at the last minute, make sure you go ahead and let the teacher know that, were such an emergency to happen, you'd be happy to step in at the last minute.)

I would instruct my child to pick a buddy in the group she's in, stay with that buddy, and keep the chaperone in sight. If they will allow the kids to carry cell phones, you can have her take a phone and check in every so often. Or, make sure the teacher has your number and ask if she'll call if there are any problems. (Which, if something were to happen -- like, say, they hit some bad traffic on the way home -- would be a good idea anyway. I teach, and I know there have been some upset parents because the people in charge of the trip didn't plan on hitting rush hour traffic and didn't have the means to call and say they would be an hour or so late.)

 

[mjkacmom]

The bolded part I actually agree with. GRADUALLY. Maybe the OP could let her go a few smaller places without her mom - movies with a friend, mall with classmates and their mother....THEN make the big step to a 14 hr field trip. I'm not sure that starting out with the field trip would be considered "gradual".

My kids have been going on field trips since preschool. They start local - firehouse, town museum - and work their way up. 6th grade is 2 nights away, middle school choir is 4 nights away. 14 hours sounds about right for 4th grade.

Incidents of bad things happening are SO rare, the media picks right up on them (we had a horrible field trip incident of a child (older) drowning on a beach without lifeguards present - so horrible and unusual it was on the news for almost a week). However, kids go on SO many field trips, without problems - they are good experiences for the kids.

 

[mjkacmom]

It was a week long trip 600 miles away. I think it would take a pretty poor parent not to go if they had the money & could take the time off from work. My kids always come first in my life.

Really? I went to a week long camp starting in 6th grade, a camp my parents have yet to see. I was picked up by a school bus and driven 300 miles away to Vermont. I went 3 years in a row. My parents were pretty well off (and very happy with the low cost of the camp - lol), and great parents. They were very disappointed when I turned down school trips in HS to Egypt and France (my friends couldn't afford to go).

I've been flying dd14 many states away for the past 3 years to camp with SIL and her friends (none of whom I've ever met), and dd is so grateful for the experience, and looks forward to it every year (rough camping, no water, to electricity, no cell service). She's not very adventurous, so I have to push her a bit. I'm hoping that she'll feel comfortable taking the bus to NYC in a couple of years.

 

[heatherwillmom]

I can't believe that someone brought up Natalee Holloway. She was an adult that had the misfortune to run into a serial killer. Someone of that age won't be watched over every second and unfortunately tragedy struck her.

I don't see how that compares to a 4th grader with several chaperones and teachers who won't let her go off by herself. Also, Austin is not Washington DC.

Natalee Holloway was 17 I think. That is still underage

 

[PlutoPony]

Natalee Holloway was 17 I think. That is still underage

According to Wiki, she was born October 1986 and disappeared May of 2005.
So 18, almost 19 years old.

That's considered to be a legal adult in many jurisdictions although up for debate I'm sure.

 

[mjkacmom]

OP here.... Not that it is really anyones business but DD is on the autism spectrum. She does not recieve any special services at school. She is 1 of 2 fourth graders at her school that is designated gifted and talented.

Just because she is designated G&T (our school starts in 3rd, usually about 6 kids, my kids are/were in it), doesn't compensate for being on the spectrum (ds12 is also ADHD, as well at GT, and his teachers have made some small modifications for him, on their own, especially while taking tests). Can you get a 504, and get automatically allowed on field trips like those mom's with kids with food allergies? My neighbor's ADHD ds has one (and he gets a little modifications).

 

[heatherwillmom]

I have been on a lot of field trips over the years since the private school that my kids went to for several years took a lot of them. We usually had several grades on one trip since there weren't very many in a class. I noticed how different some of the kids acted. Many appeared anxious that usually weren't. One of the usually calm 8th graders had a panic attack one night. She didn't have a parent on the trip. One of the other parents pulled out her cell phone & let her call her mother which calmed her down. We went to DC for a week once. Due to time restrictions, sometimes we were out at night & yes we saw some sites that we didn't want to see. It was very important at those times to have enough parents present to watch the kids. We also were watching at night at the pool once when some adult men began "hovering" over some of the girls, which the parents stopped. At those times, I was grateful that we had enough parents with us. I just think every situation is different. It seems every day that you read in the paper where there were problems on field trips. I read about a local school who had a child drown on a field trip. Another school left a child at a stop on a field trip. They can't take enough teachers to watch all the kids so it helps to have parents along.

 

[heatherwillmom]

Just because she is designated G&T (our school starts in 3rd, usually about 6 kids, my kids are/were in it), doesn't compensate for being on the spectrum (ds12 is also ADHD, as well at GT, and his teachers have made some small modifications for him, on their own, especially while taking tests). Can you get a 504, and get automatically allowed on field trips like those mom's with kids with food allergies? My neighbor's ADHD ds has one (and he gets a little modifications).

Good idea!

 

[princessmom29]

go a head, send them all out and when something happens to one of your kids, rem. this conversation.

I would rather send DD out into the world well equipped to deal with it, and risk the miniscule chance that something might happen to her than keep her home and within my sight for 18-20 years and then send her out completely unprepared to deal with it as an adult and be fairly certian that she will run into some kind of serious trouble. Children MUST learn to cope without mommy and daddy LONG before they are adults if we expect them to have any hope of successfully functioning as indepedent adults. I truly feel sorry for kids that never experience life outside mommy and daddy. I see it fairly often where I teach and most of those kids have real problems when the go away to college. There is no one there to stand over them and they simply cannot cope. Many of them end up moving home. Some are still there at 25-26. This is NOT what I want for my child.


ETA: As to the op's situation: knowing that this child in autistic changes the discussion completely. I work at the autism mainstream school for our district, and have taught many children at various places on the spectrum. Each has differnt abilities and challenges. O do think tohugh, that if being on the spectrum is effecting praticipation in normal school activities like this trip, perhaos she should be recieving services. An aide that knows her and her challenges could make allthe diffrenece in situations like this.

 

[delmar411]

Short answer, of course my child would go.

Long answer, my children would be going on that trip w/o a second thought. Older DD has already done the 3/4? night trip to some science/nature camp that the school system runs for every 5th grader. If a child doesn't go then they are put into the 4th grade classroom for the days that everyone else is gone. All the teachers go and I don't believe any parent chaperones are allowed (they have some other school personnel as chaperones).

But I suppose if OP's child has been diagnosed on the spectrum and the OP can provide documentation of this and can get a plan in place before this trip that includes provisions for her DD for field trips, that those provisions should help to ease the OP's mind. Right?

I doubt you could get the provision that OP is allowed on all field trips but having an aide assigned to the child is not out of the question I'd think.

 

[kdnaylor]

Go with your gut. I would not let my kid go with people I didn't know. Last time I met up (we had to follow instead of riding the bus) with my child's field trip. When it was time to go the kids loaded the bus. As the last child entered the bus the door closed and maybe 15 seconds passed by. The bus left. There is no way they did roll call or number count that fast. No one even checked the restrooms to make sure there weren't any kids in there!
For the teachers who have posted on here that you just need to let your child grow up ....you CAN teach independence while still being protective!!! THIS is our DUTY as parents to keep our children as safe as we can! They aren't small adults ...they are children!
If it were me and I didn't feel comfortable with the teachers or chaperones, I would let my child skip school and do something fun with them with that $80! Have your own field trip to a local musuem, go to the library, park, out to eat!
Honestly, even if nothing happened do you think they would really remember the school field trip in 10 years? If something did happen, you would always remember it.

 

[PlutoPony]

Go with your gut. I would not let my kid go with people I didn't know. Last time I met up (we had to follow instead of riding the bus) with my child's field trip. When it was time to go the kids loaded the bus. As the last child entered the bus the door closed and maybe 15 seconds passed by. The bus left. There is no way they did roll call or number count that fast. No one even checked the restrooms to make sure there weren't any kids in there!

Not to hijack the thread, but in my experience you CAN do roll count that fast. When I've been on field trips, once back on the bus each chaperon did a check to see if their group was all accounted for. As soon as you knew your group was all present, you let the teacher/leader know. Most of the time a majority of the groups were checked in by the time the last kids got on the bus so once they were on and accounted for, you could be on your way.

 

[Hannathy]

Not to hijack the thread, but in my experience you CAN do roll count that fast. When I've been on field trips, once back on the bus each chaperon did a check to see if their group was all accounted for. As soon as you knew your group was all present, you let the teacher/leader know. Most of the time a majority of the groups were checked in by the time the last kids got on the bus so once they were on and accounted for, you could be on your way.

I agree 100% If I only have 5 kids to account for and I walk them to the bus and stand there as they get on then my count is over and the teachers says all groups here and we say yes, then that's it and we roll.

For heaven's sake what do you mean not with people they know they are with their teacher that they spend 6 hours a day with. How much do you expect to know the people from school? Do you meet every parent of over 100 kids. Geeze

I do remember field trips from not only 10 yrs ago but from 40!

 

[mdsoccermom]

While a kid may not remember the field trip he went on, he certainly will remember the field trip he was NOT allowed to go on.

 

[Kat77]

Just because she is designated G&T (our school starts in 3rd, usually about 6 kids, my kids are/were in it), doesn't compensate for being on the spectrum (ds12 is also ADHD, as well at GT, and his teachers have made some small modifications for him, on their own, especially while taking tests). Can you get a 504, and get automatically allowed on field trips like those mom's with kids with food allergies? My neighbor's ADHD ds has one (and he gets a little modifications).

What she said.
My DS10 has Aspergers and is G&T. One does not cancel out the other, he still needs interventions to make him sucessful at school. We are given the option of attending any field trips we'd like to but I do not think that is stated on his plan. My kid gets more out of it when I am not around so I avoid them unless a teacher is hinting she'd prefer I attend.

I am VERY familiar with the field trip you are referring to as I've had one child in fourth grade for the last four years in Texas. (We have the photo, lunchbox, t-shirt and wb's to prove it) It is a great trip! The company provides training and background checks for all volunteers. I can understand their concern with unapproved parents having access to the students and do not doubt they woud inform security of unauthorized visitors. I paid for all four kids to go on this trip, only my youngest did not attend because he was being medically homeschooled at the time of his class trip but the other three went and had a great time. I chaperoned the first year with my oldest child, who is also my most neurotypical. The trip is scheduled and efficient. Every chaperone is given an itenerary for their group. Your DD will get a lot out of the trip!

 

[brergnat]

Hey OP, your daughter's autism spectrum disorder is absolutely an "educational" issue and she should be receiving accommodations, at least. It is your lawful right to request an IEP to discuss these things. SOCIAL delays/deficits only become more magnified as kids get older, and they are required to participate in these types of SCHOOL FUNCTIONS (field trips, etc.) in the future. Her social deficits are affecting her ability to participate in "normal" classroom activities, and this is the time where YOU have to be proactive in getting accommodations for her.

Just because she is "gifted and talented", that does not mean ANYTHING. My son is only in first grade, and his ENTIRE IEP has goals that are social in nature. He needs NO help academically. He's unbelievably intelligent, and could really be in about 4th grade right now. He receives no "special services" outside of being in a specialized academic classroom placement this year, because that his how our district handles K and 1st grade special needs students.

You are not helping your daughter by not having some sort of legal (IEP or 504 plan) accommodations set up for her. Legally, if you can demonstrate that your daughter's social issues are hindering her ability to function without extreme anxiety at school (the cafeteria issue is a problem, as is this field trip), then the school is most certainly required to provide services or accommodations.

 

[brergnat]

Oh, and one thing I forgot to mention. I understand that you don't want to "make a big deal" about your daughter's condition. However, please understand that she is getting older and pretty soon, SHE is going to figure out really quickly that she is "different" (she already knows this, obviously) and it is your job to educate HER about her condition and help her learn ways to overcome her personal issues. Hiding from it or trying not to make it an issue will make it a bigger issue.

We speak openly about our son's autism to others, and in front of him. We talk to him (using explanations he can understand at this age) about why he gets overly anxious, melts down over small issues, etc. Education is the best weapon against ASDs. The more you, your child, and others know about it, the better everyone can understand and find ways to help. And, your daughter's biggest challenge will be understanding her own autism, how it effects her, and how to be able to function in a society not yet aware that Autism just makes people different, not any better or worse than everyone else.

 

[Magic Mom]

really, "A new Dis low...." or a taste of the truth that many can't handle. We do not live in a safe world and need to be very careful where we let our kids go without us. That does not mean living in a bubble, it means being "street wise" and keeping our kids/teens safe.

I can't believe you would want someone to remember a conversation about parenting if their child was killed. That's not telling the truth, that's something I can't say without getting points for.

 

[Hannathy]

I can't believe you would want someone to remember a conversation about parenting if their child was killed. That's not telling the truth, that's something I can't say without getting points for.

Oh I can. That is part of the helicopter syndrome, they are the only perfect parents and the rest of us don't deserve to have children.