Would you let your 4th grader go?

[krcit]

I can't believe some of these posts. A mom posted a question to get some advice/feedback on a situation. Sounds like a caring, concerned mom to me. However, if she doesn't feel comfortable sending her dd 400 miles away for 14 hours, she's a 'helicopter' mom? I don't think that it's really that much of a black and white issue. I have 3 kids 9, 12, 15. My oldest would have loved to have gone on such a trip when she was 9 and I would have most likely let her go. My middle dd would have been more reluctant but with a little bit of reassurance would have gone. She was 11 last year and went on a 2 night trip with her grade and had a blast but was a bit nervous about it. My ds who is going into 4th grade on Tuesday would NO WAY NO HOW want to go on such a trip. He doesn't like any field trips, hates the bus ride, hates that kids misbehavelmao: I'm sure I'll be reminding him of this in a few years) Every child is different. OP has stated that her dd is on the spectrum but manages at school just fine. I don't think that she needs an aide because she's a bit nervous about a 14 hour trip I think she's a little girl. Bottom line is that we all try to do our best as parents and sometimes it helps to seek out others opinions and advice to get a new perspective. It doesn't help to have name-calling and just plain old obnoxious posts.

OP, good luck with making a decision. It's a tough call and one I'm glad that I don't have to make.

 

[MaumeeMom]

While a kid may not remember the field trip he went on, he certainly will remember the field trip he was NOT allowed to go on.

Exactly! It has been..., well lets just say it has been quite a few years since this happened to me and I still remember it - vividly! Sitting in the office with the nuns while everyone else was off on an adventure and then getting teased for it for years - Memorable!

I'm not saying anyone here falls into this category but, I thought of this thread when I read this article this morning:
Link

 

[momx2]

really, "A new Dis low...." or a taste of the truth that many can't handle. We do not live in a safe world and need to be very careful where we let our kids go without us. That does not mean living in a bubble, it means being "street wise" and keeping our kids/teens safe.

No, I'll stick by my original statemtne of "a new Dis low...". Hope you feel superior, have a good night.

 

[princessmom29]

really, "A new Dis low...." or a taste of the truth that many can't handle. We do not live in a safe world and need to be very careful where we let our kids go without us. That does not mean living in a bubble, it means being "street wise" and keeping our kids/teens safe.

You may be "street wise", but are your kids learning to be? How can they really if you are shielding them from ever actually being exposed to any situation where they might need to be? Kids who don't know how to handle things themselves are tragedys waiting to happen when they become adults and don't have Mommy keeping them home anymore. They don't really know what to look out for or how to handle situations that come up. Telling them is NOT enough. They need to have the opportunity to take the little risks to be able to handle the big ones. I am a high school teacher and I see it all the time. Kids that are kept in a bubble, and yes not allowing them to go anywhere on thier own IS keeping them in a bubble, are the most likely to get into real trouble once mommy is nto holdingthier hand anymore.

 

[heatherwillmom]

There are so many sides to this argument. My DD went on very few field trips without me or DH until she was in 7th grade, yet she is now a very independent,"street-wise" 16 y/o. There is a big difference in being over-protective & giving too much freedom. There was a local girl who was 14 & allowed to date a 19 y/o because her parents said they wanted her to be independent. The 19 y/o turned out to be a drug dealer. The 14 y/o witnessed a drug deal so he shot her. My BIL was the investigator on this case. Wanting to go on a field trip with your 9 y/o is not being over-protective. This mother is being a good & concerned parent.

 

[PaulaSue]

Sorry OP and others, I would NOT let my 4th grader go, HS yes, 9 year old no.

 

[Magic Mom]

There are so many sides to this argument. My DD went on very few field trips without me or DH until she was in 7th grade, yet she is now a very independent,"street-wise" 16 y/o. There is a big difference in being over-protective & giving too much freedom. There was a local girl who was 14 & allowed to date a 19 y/o because her parents said they wanted her to be independent. The 19 y/o turned out to be a drug dealer. The 14 y/o witnessed a drug deal so he shot her. My BIL was the investigator on this case. Wanting to go on a field trip with your 9 y/o is not being over-protective. This mother is being a good & concerned parent.

How does letting your child go on a controlled, adult supervised field trip to the state capitol comapre with letting your 14 YO date a 19YO drug dealer? So funny!

 

[heatherwillmom]

How does letting your child go on a controlled, adult supervised field trip to the state capitol comapre with letting your 14 YO date a 19YO drug dealer? So funny!

It compares as much as the pp who compared it to the Holliway girl disappearing. It has to do with how much you watch your children.

 

[momx2]

How does letting your child go on a controlled, adult supervised field trip to the state capitol comapre with letting your 14 YO date a 19YO drug dealer? So funny!

That's the problem! Many overprotective parents believe that letting your child go on this field trip could/probably will lead to a situation like this. They can't see that there is no link, their minds just automatically go there.

OP, I'm glad you came back and told us about the autism. While you didn't think it was important, it is the MOST important feature of your question. I think only you can make the decision because you know your daughter, but I would try to let her go if at all possible just because she is getting older and she will have to learn to deal with these situations in the future and a chaperoned field trip might be the best place to start. I would worry about the distance also though.

 

[Magic Mom]

It compares as much as the pp who compared it to the Holliway girl disappearing. It has to do with how much you watch your children.

No, really it doesn't compare at all.

 

[momx2]

It compares as much as the pp who compared it to the Holliway girl disappearing. It has to do with how much you watch your children.

That was a poor comparison also, IMO. A fourth grade field trip to a state's capital is nothing like a senior trip to Aruba, nothing. I don't know why it was ever brought up, except maybe as an attempt to make the pp who are in favor of the child going on the feild trip feel like bad parents.

 

[heatherwillmom]

Everyone is entitled to their opinion

 

[RMulieri]

I would let my child go.In fact I let my 4 yr old go on long field trips during summer camp.Was I worried? sure. But I also realized that these trips allowed for her education,growth and independence which are just as important to me as being a good parent .

 

[princessmom29]

I realized last night that my 6 year old Child in K went 2 hoursd away on an all day field trip without me last year. The went to the Gulf Shores Zoo last year. I totally had no problem with her going, so much so that it took me a while to connect it to this discussion. Her class of 16 had 5 parent chaperones. I didn't even blink an eye or consider it an issue at all.

 

[mjkacmom]

OP, I'm glad you came back and told us about the autism. While you didn't think it was important, it is the MOST important feature of your question..

This. A typically functioning 9 year old on an all day field trip - absolutely (I have one right now). A 9 year old on the autism spectrum - I'd be there for her. Apples vs. oranges. As for not letting typically funtioning 9 year old go on field trips without their parents present, give me a break. I live in a suburb of NYC, we have TONS of field trips, and even in the local news (again, NYC news), there has never been a report of anything negative regarding a field trip. I find it sad how often kids are left on school busses (which is about twice a year), but in spite of the amount of field trips going on here, no reports of any accidents or crime.

 

[Leajess99]

I am going to try to be gentle, but no doubt, people will be insulted. I have a 9y 4th grader, I would not hesitate to send him on the trip. Really an educational trip with 10 chaperons? No issue at all.

Now here is the part with which people are going to take issue: Maybe your daughter is so anxious and insecure because you hover too much. If you are always there to fix or orchestrate things for her she will never learn to "go with the flow." This is a good point to start allowing her some independence, to learn to handle situations, in a controlled setting, without mommy to fix it or control it. Honestly, my son wouldn't even be phased if I wasn't going. He would be excited about the trip.

Are there honestly parents who "follow the bus?" I can't imagine, for the life of me, ever doing this. I also can't imagine how humiliated my son would be if I did. I can just imagine the teasing that would ensue.

I've only "followed the bus" on field trips in which I was permitted to attend but chose to ride in a car instead. I did this when my son was in 8th grade and went to Six Flags and again when my youngest went to the Pumpkin patch (actually rode with another mom) and to Kentucky Down Under for the end of year Kindergarten field trip. I would never follow the bus on a trip I was not invited on and like you can not understand parents who would.

My youngest was new to her school last year and the only person I knew at that school was a 1st grade teacher (not hers) but I trust her school. I feel at ease with her principal and the staff as they are always very friendly and seem quite competent. Oh and the Prinicpal knows every student's name which is quite impressive. Just because a school is new does not mean that the teachers and staff are unequipped to handle issues.

 

[Leajess99]

She was not an adult, she was a teenager. There were chaperon's who were suppose to be watching out for her.

If one thinks that chaperon's can possibly be sure that nothing happens to all of the kids on a trip, think again.

Umm, 18 is a legal adult!!!!!!!! She was a legal adult and even had voting rights.

 

[mdsoccermom]

Umm, 18 is a legal adult!!!!!!!! She was a legal adult and even had voting rights.

Heck, at 18, she could have joined the military.

 

[krcit]

This. A typically functioning 9 year old on an all day field trip - absolutely (I have one right now). A 9 year old on the autism spectrum - I'd be there for her. Apples vs. oranges. As for not letting typically funtioning 9 year old go on field trips without their parents present, give me a break. I live in a suburb of NYC, we have TONS of field trips, and even in the local news (again, NYC news), there has never been a report of anything negative regarding a field trip. I find it sad how often kids are left on school busses (which is about twice a year), but in spite of the amount of field trips going on here, no reports of any accidents or crime.

There was that little girl who drowned on a field trip to Long Beach this past May or June. Completely different circumstances than the OP's situation though.

 

[Leajess99]

I'm not sure what being gifted has to do with this, but being autistic is an important detail. Considering that, I don't know if I would let her go. But something to consider is that this might be an important trip for her to build her confidence in herself that even though she has a medical issue that makes some situations more difficult to handle, she does have the skills to deal with those situations.

Some gifted students are very much book smart but lack the common sense part. If you have watched the television show Bones you would see that while Dr. Brennan is quite smart, she lacks some of the common sense and takes everything literally. I know about this as I have a child like this in the gifted program as well.

OP, with a child like this you have to find a way that works for them to teach them to be safe. I know your daughter is young but have you considered getting her a cell phone if you decide to let her go on the trip?? This is what I have done with my daughter. She has a cell phone that she takes with her and her teachers know why she has it. I always make sure the teacher's, or whichever other administartor is with her, cell phone number is in her phone. On her first overnight trip in Downtown Louisville I was worried but she did fine. It also helped that I had the administrator's phone number so if I needed to call her I could.

Take some time to get to know the teacher and get her phone number is case you need to get ahold of her. With your daughter being on the Spectrum than maybe you should talk to the teacher about your concerns on this field trip. If the teacher does not know your concerns than she cannot fairly address them.