Would you have agreed to this?

[DebbieB]

My brother bought a home with a large above ground pool a few years ago. He really didn't want the pool, but it came with the house. After they moved in, he found out that the neighbors considered it the neighborhood pool from the previous owners. After one summer, they took it down and sold it. He really didn't want to keep it up plus he didn't want the neighbors always around.

 

[Minnesota!]

Nope.

 

[aaarcher86]

I feel sad for that girl. She needs to be able to do things without siblings in tow. It wasn't her fault the parents decided to have so many kids.

Sounds like Mom and Dad are trying to keep things "fair". They need to get over that fast with 4 kids!

That's what I thought. Such a strange request.

My kids are 18 months apart and I wouldn't make a stipulation like that. Kids have their own friends and their own things going on!

 

[low-key]

I dont even have to read your post, my rule is agree to nothing

 

[hereyago]

When I was a teen and had my license, I would drive friends to.school, this lasted a weeks. one of my friends said I had to take her sister or her mom wouldnt let her go nope, her sister was obnoxious. I think the mom didn't want to deal with the younger sister whining.

 

[dbarker]

I say No.
However, while growing up, I couldn't go anywhere or do anything if the siblings couldn't go (our parents' rules.......I hated it)

 

[slo]

I never do this.

When I was a kid my best girlfriend had to ALWAYS take her little sister with her, and my friend HATED it.
Therefore, with my girls, I go out of my way to make sure my kids have alone time with their friends.
If my oldest has a friend or friends over to swim, my younger DD isn't allowed in the pool unless she's invited by her sister, and the same goes for my younger DD.
It's always been this way, so they are used to it, and don't think twice about it.
One time my neighbors DD's asked to use the pool when my older DD had friends over and in it.
My younger told the other girls - Not until my sister gets out, because she has friends over.

Because I've always made sure my kids had their space, they 90% of the time invite their sister to join them after they've had some time alone with their friend.
Perfect example was last night. Older DD had 2 friends over to use the hot tub and the pool. After they sat around and had their alone time to talk about things they probably wouldn't want my youngest to hear, my oldest came in and asked my youngest to join them, and my youngest did.

This may not work for others, but it sure has worked well for us.

 

[Ceila]

DD13 asked a friend to come swim at our house. The parents said not unless her younger brothers and sisters come too. Um, NO. You're talking four extra kids under the age of 11. I have four children (she's the youngest) and I never did things like this. I think kids need to know their brothers/sisters may get invited to something your not sometimes. I'm not trying to be mean, but really. I think that's unreasonable to expect me to agree to that. (And no the parents weren't going to stay and watch them either.)

Did you put stipulations like that on your kids invitations to places?

Did you actually hear that directly from the parents, or through your daughter and/or her friend? At 13, we're well past the point of parents hashing out plans unless it's something major. Hanging out at each other's house is something my kids can certainly plan for themselves, with a quick check from me on timing and availability of their chauffeur, lol. I wouldn't have been talking to the mom directly, so I'm guessing your information is second- third-hand.

I'm guessing that your daughter's friend already had an obligation to watch her siblings when your DD invited her over. She likely asked one of her parents who, as a PP suggested, joked "sure, if you take your siblings with you." 13-year-olds being what they are, she and your DD probably figured it couldn't hurt to ask you if she could bring them so the two girls could hang out together. Without more details, stringing the parents up as rude and selfish seems a bit premature.

 

[lauradis]

Maybe- sometimes. But I wouldn't agree to it if I didn't feel like have them all there. Im the oldest sibling, somedays it was drag my two sisters with me or not go at all.

Now as a mother I have worked really hard to not have my older children as the babysitter.

 

[mjkacmom]

Dd12 and dd14 have good friends who are siblings. However, in the summer, one of them is in charge of #3, who is 7. When we invite them swimming, sometimes I allow the 7 year old, sometimes not (and I'm good friends with the mom). It's more work for me yo watch a 7 year old in the pool, and sometimes my kids would prefer not having the 7 year old there (a bit of a whiner).

 

[cabanafrau]

No, wouldn't have agreed to that.

I've always despised when parents of twins attempt to force that issue. My younger DD has an extraordinarily high proportion of twins in her grade at school, so this has been quite the issue over the years, with several of the parents making waves about it at school. Once HS started it created issues where one twin qualified to be in a class, the other actually didn't and the parents attempted to force admittance. When controversy started to brew about qualified students possibly getting bumped out or other unqualified students trying to force their way in as well, the school finally had to push back and tell the parents their twins would either be separated or neither could take the class. Senior year and one family is still insisting their twins not be separated, to the obvious detriment of their kids.

 

[mom2rtk]

No, wouldn't have agreed to that.

I've always despised when parents of twins attempt to force that issue. My younger DD has an extraordinarily high proportion of twins in her grade at school, so this has been quite the issue over the years, with several of the parents making waves about it at school. Once HS started it created issues where one twin qualified to be in a class, the other actually didn't and the parents attempted to force admittance. When controversy started to brew about qualified students possibly getting bumped out or other unqualified students trying to force their way in as well, the school finally had to push back and tell the parents their twins would either be separated or neither could take the class. Senior year and one family is still insisting their twins not be separated, to the obvious detriment of their kids.

Yuck.

 

[cabanafrau]

Yuck.

I agree. I wonder if it would have reached such a critical mass if there weren't such an incredible amount of twins in one grade level. I've lost track how many, but it's over a dozen for sure.

 

[mom2rtk]

I agree. I wonder if it would have reached such a critical mass if there weren't such an incredible amount of twins in one grade level. I've lost track how many, but it's over a dozen for sure.

I'm surprised that early on the school admin didn't just say "Sorry, due to the high number of multiples, no special requests can be accommodated."

 

[mom2rtk]

@cabanafrau, college should be fun for those twins. I'm going to go out on a limb and predict that those parents are requiring their kids attend the same school and choose each other as roommates?

 

[TheDisneyNurse]

That's a very odd request. I definitely wouldn't know how to react to something like that. My older sister always liked to tag a long when I went to friend's houses, but we were always sure to ask for permission first. I definitely wouldn't mind having siblings tag along when I have kids of my own, but I would expect them to ask permission first. Tt's only polite, right?

 

[cabanafrau]

I'm surprised that early on the school admin didn't just say "Sorry, due to the high number of multiples, no special requests can be accommodated."

I don't know how the other elementary schools handled it, but it was quite a dust up in ours. What made no sense was that the policy had been only allow requests to remain together for kindergarten, separate thereafter. I thought it was such an issue in ours because all but one set had older sibs & the moms had relationships with or preferences for certain teachers & the school made the mistake of bending to the pressure. It hit the fan when the large numbers of twins from all the schools fed into the HS and the indulgence of keeping them together couldn't be sustained.

 

[cabanafrau]

@cabanafrau, college should be fun for those twins. I'm going to go out on a limb and predict that those parents are requiring their kids attend the same school and choose each other as roommates?

We shall see. They're heading into senior year in the fall. None of the sets that I'm familiar with will be heading away to college. I'm sure some I don't know are likely to do so. The ones with the parents who won't allow them to be separate definitely are not heading off to college.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

DD13 asked a friend to come swim at our house. The parents said not unless her younger brothers and sisters come too. Um, NO. You're talking four extra kids under the age of 11. I have four children (she's the youngest) and I never did things like this. I think kids need to know their brothers/sisters may get invited to something your not sometimes. I'm not trying to be mean, but really. I think that's unreasonable to expect me to agree to that. (And no the parents weren't going to stay and watch them either.)

Did you put stipulations like that on your kids invitations to places?

Absolutely not! My kids are allowed to have friends and are allowed to do things with those friends without their siblings. I hate people that are like this.

 

[poohsneighbour]

No, wouldn't have agreed to that.

I've always despised when parents of twins attempt to force that issue. My younger DD has an extraordinarily high proportion of twins in her grade at school, so this has been quite the issue over the years, with several of the parents making waves about it at school. Once HS started it created issues where one twin qualified to be in a class, the other actually didn't and the parents attempted to force admittance. When controversy started to brew about qualified students possibly getting bumped out or other unqualified students trying to force their way in as well, the school finally had to push back and tell the parents their twins would either be separated or neither could take the class. Senior year and one family is still insisting their twins not be separated, to the obvious detriment of their kids.

I don't have too much experience but there was 1 set of twins in my eldest DS' year and 2 sets in my youngest DS' year. All 3 sets were separated into different forms at secondary (high?) school at their parents request. In fact our school has 2 separate 'populations' (like having 2 different schools in one as the populations don't mix in classes until later in the school) and all the parents asked for the kids not to just be in different forms where they may get quite a few lessons together but different populations. Their reasoning was that the kids all needed their own friends and identities.

I too would decline to have the younger siblings tag along unless I was friendly with the parents and knew the children well - when I would invite them when they were welcome rather than have them invited. I do appreciate it may be a bit of 'chinese whispers' in this situation though where the older girls may have given the wrong impression just to be able to get together.