What is a Date?

[LovesTimone]

My DH and I have a date night or day all the time... Sometimes that date is to a fancy restaurant getting dressed up, sometimes like today we are going to look at the decoration at the parks and get some pictures for our Christmas card, Sometimes it just the two of us on a boat ride down the ST. Johns river... Married people date each other all the time.

DH and I were friends first, hanging out in groups, then more and more just the two of us... sometimes we would meet, others he would pick me up, I even picked him up a couple of times.

It sounds like you are trying to figure out where you both are at in the equation. Are you wondering if you are in a relationship? Casual dates or you wanting to see where its going, do you want more? You need to know what you want, be honest with yourself.

Having a open line of communicating is important in friendship as well as in relationships. There are some signs that he is interested in more, which for me worked when I was in the dating game. Have you been to his house? Have you met any of his friends, or family? With the up coming holidays have you talked about spending time together? Do you plan to get together again while on a date, or make plans for the future.


Another thought sometimes guys are trying to figure out, what you are thinking, or maybe he is just cautious of the relationship as you were friends and not wanting to mess things up, in case it doesn't work out.

When all else fails.. just ask him.

 

[slpeters]

I think i's not a date until both parties have somewhat clearly expressed at least the potential for a romantic entanglement. If that hasn't happened it's not a date. If it happens midway through the evening than the evening might very well become a date but it wasn't to begin with.

When this topic comes up I always think of an episode from oh so many moons ago in grad school. This guy in one of my theology classes asked if I'd like to get coffee after class. It sounded nice--I had to drop something off with one of my professors and ask a question but I could meet him say fifteen minutes after class at a particular coffee house. He was there when I arrived. We chatted for about twenty minutes--theology and movies as Divinity students will. It was nice. About twenty minutes in my boyfriend came up in conversation, I hadn't seen some movie but he had, that sort of thing. And this guy freaked. If I have a boyfriend what am I doing here on a date with him? And I'm thinking: this is a date? This can't be a date--I did this exact same thing with the woman who sits next to me in Biblical Studies last week. And surely she didn't think it was a date.

Well that's what I though all those years ago but decades later I sort of wonder. Maybe she thought it was a date too. Maybe there were men and women all over campus wondering why we never had a second date--where I never realized we'd had a first...

 

[amberpi]

I think a "date" is a bit of "know it when you see it." I can't imagine going on dates in the early phases where someone picks the other up. What if they are a creeper? Yikes!

 

[Wishing on a star]

It sounds like you are trying to figure out where you both are at in the equation. Are you wondering if you are in a relationship? Casual dates or you wanting to see where its going, do you want more? You need to know what you want, be honest with yourself.

Having a open line of communicating is important in friendship as well as in relationships.

THIS!!!!
What you consider to be a date, which it seems you have a more 'romantic' idea of a date in mind... And what others, or he, consider to be a date, are two different things.

I think that you should not be asking so many other opinions of others, which can really cloud the issues, and take a good, hard, objective, look at what YOU are hoping for, wanting, expecting, or actually requiring of any future dates, or a future relationship. That is all that matters.

I would caution you that, at the point you seem to be, that you will now be setting a precedent for this guy.
If you are happy with occasional 'meetings' with out him putting forth a lot of initiative or effort... If you are happy with occasional meetings, other than doing more involved or intimate things during your time together... Then great!!!

But, if not... then just remember, you are setting precedent now, for any developing relationship.

You need to make sure that the two of you are continuing to be on the same page.

 

[xlsm]

I think i's not a date until both parties have somewhat clearly expressed at least the potential for a romantic entanglement. If that hasn't happened it's not a date. If it happens midway through the evening than the evening might very well become a date but it wasn't to begin with.

When this topic comes up I always think of an episode from oh so many moons ago in grad school. This guy in one of my theology classes asked if I'd like to get coffee after class. It sounded nice--I had to drop something off with one of my professors and ask a question but I could meet him say fifteen minutes after class at a particular coffee house. He was there when I arrived. We chatted for about twenty minutes--theology and movies as Divinity students will. It was nice. About twenty minutes in my boyfriend came up in conversation, I hadn't seen some movie but he had, that sort of thing. And this guy freaked. If I have a boyfriend what am I doing here on a date with him? And I'm thinking: this is a date? This can't be a date--I did this exact same thing with the woman who sits next to me in Biblical Studies last week. And surely she didn't think it was a date.

Well that's what I though all those years ago but decades later I sort of wonder. Maybe she thought it was a date too. Maybe there were men and women all over campus wondering why we never had a second date--where I never realized we'd had a first...

Same thing happened with me in college. I had a person I considered a friend from class ask if I wanted to get coffee, same scenario where I had to do something else first, then we met up. Never even occurred to me that it was a date b/c I had zero interest beyond casual friendship with this person, but he thought it was a date and there was a LOT of awkwardness when he'd randomly start showing up after some of my other classes.

 

[disneychrista]

It sounds like you are trying to figure out where you both are at in the equation. Are you wondering if you are in a relationship? Casual dates or you wanting to see where its going, do you want more? You need to know what you want, be honest with yourself.

Honestly, I was just curious how other defined a "date." I totally agree that married couples can have dates. Where they plan to do something, as a couple.

I know where we are now, I know the potential and I know ultimately what I want in a relationship. That would be a completely different thread.

 

[luvsJack]

A date is whatever the two people involved want it to be. It can be meeting for breakfast, a movie, a fancy dinner or whatever. It can be the man picking up the woman and going out. It can be the woman picking up the man and going out. There is no hard and fast definition of a date.

And dating is, to me, a step in a relationship. It’s not necessarily the prelude to a relationship. It can BE the status of the relationship until the couple is something more like say engaged.

Whatever you and this man are happy with is exactly as it should be. Don’t worry so much about the old fashioned thought of a date unless it is truly important to you. If it is, just tell him so.

 

[disneychrista]

Whatever you and this man are happy with is exactly as it should be. Don’t worry so much about the old fashioned thought of a date unless it is truly important to you. If it is, just tell him so.

I agree with everything you have said. It is not a big deal to me that we haven't gone on that many traditional dates. Our relationship is anything but traditional.

 

[1GoldenSun]

So how do you describe a date?

I can't remember (sigh).

 

[GreatLakes]

Spending time with someone you have a romantic interest in is a date. It doesn't matter what you do or where you do it.

 

[mummabear]

Well sure. I was stating what I think a date is before marriage. That seems to be what the OP is talking about. I do think going on dates with your husband/wife are quite different then meeting someone and deciding to date them though.

Dating when you first meet someone is because you enjoy each other's company and/or you're trying to get to know one another to see if you want to take your relationship to a deeper level. That could include getting together with friends or family.

Dating in marriage is when you're making an effort to keep the spark alive or your trying to reconnect with your partner without the distraction of your kids or other people.

Just my opinion.

I know this wasn't your implication but I had a little giggle thinking it meant well you enjoy each others company before you get married, after that well you know them wwell so not so much lol

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I believe the term is very subjective. To me it means making plans and then getting together and doing whatever you planned. I believe that the term "date" would imply that there is a romantic interest.


I think the transportation etc... is irrelevant.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

We have meet for drinks & even dinner many times over these 7 months.

Of course those are dates. Why wouldn't they be dates?

 

[tzolkin]

So I guess in my mind I'm still holding on to the old fashioned guy asks girl out, guy picks girl up, etc of what a date is. It doesn't change the relationship that is forming between him & I. I just haven't seen them as dates.

You say this, but in some sense you definitely have seen them as dates even though you're not labeling them as such.

If you didn't see them as dates, why would you consider yourself to be dating/seeing this person? There must be some "date-like" aspect to these interactions for you to consider yourself dating, right?

That said, I guess I have a much looser definition of a date than most people. I don't think the word necessarily implies romance. ("Dating", yes but "a date" no) The "two people making plans and going out to do said plans" falls under the definition to me. Ex. My mom or a friend asking me out for dinner/drinks/whatever on a specific day/time-- "Sure, it's a date"

Many woman don’t want to depend on their date for transportation for safety reasons. That’s doesn’t mean it’s not a date.

This is definitely true. Lots of people meet online now, but I don't know any women who will give men their addresses to be picked up for a first date. They meet in a public location so they can "escape" if he seems sketchy. They still consider it to be a date regardless of the transportation arrangement.

 

[soccerdad72]

What is a Date?

This...

 

[disneychrista]

Of course those are dates. Why wouldn't they be dates?

Only because we meet for drinks when we were just friends. And those were definitely not dates.

If you didn't see them as dates, why would you consider yourself to be dating/seeing this person? There must be some "date-like" aspect to these interactions for you to consider yourself dating, right?

I don’t really consider us dating. We are friends with romantic interest. If I had to choose a relationship status on Facebook it would be "It's Complicated."

 

[Disney Doll]

A date is when 2 people make plans to do something together. It can be 2 girlfriends meeting for brunch and shopping. It can be 2 guy friends meeting to go to a sporting event. It can be 2 people with a romantic interest (real or potential) meeting for drinks, dinner, or some other event.

I’m going to go out on a limb here based on what you’ve posted, so forgive me if I’m reading it wrong. It sounds like it’s a bit of a FWB situation. Perhaps you guys are having a bit of a difficult time “transitioning” from “just friends” to boyfriend/girlfriend? If all your relationship exists of is meeting for dinner/drinks with a bit of “benefits” thrown in, then my 56 year old self would consider that to be casually dating and I’d have no problem dating other people as well, if the opportunity arose. Especially if my desire was to meet someone to truly make a part of my life, develop a relationship, fall in love, get married etc. If that’s the case, you don’t want to close the door on anyone else because you’re in this “complicated” relationship with your FWB guy.

I’ll be honest...I’ve known more than one person (women and men) who have been “strung along” on these FWB type situations. Someone who is interested will be interested. They’ll be interested in getting to know you, they’ll be interested in spending time with you, they’ll be interested in meeting your family because they’ll want to see what makes you YOU. They’ll be interested in becoming part of your life.

It’s fine to be casually looking dating this guy. But I wouldn’t walk around thinking “I have a boyfriend”. If someone else asks you out, by all means, go.

 

[disneychrista]

I’m going to go out on a limb here based on what you’ve posted, so forgive me if I’m reading it wrong. It sounds like it’s a bit of a FWB situation.

As I said it’s complicated. I don’t fully disagree with your FWB conclusion. However I’d say it is more than FWB but less than boyfriend/girlfriend status. Under different circumstances things might be different. As far as dating other people that is not something I’m interested in at this time for reasons other than this.

 

[Skywalker]

I was talking to a few friends about what constitutes a "date." One friend defines a date as making plans to do a specific thing and then doing said thing. I said the guy I have been seeing for 7 months and I have only gone on one date because he has only picked me up & dropped me off once - hence a date in my mind. We have meet for drinks & even dinner many times over these 7 months. Another friends said meeting for drinks was a date in her mind.

So how do you describe a date?

I would generally describe a date as when two people who "like" each other make plans to go out and do something fun together.

However, in your case it sounds like maybe you have hovered somewhere between friends and dating, sticking to the same patterns you had when you were friends (meeting up for dinner or drinks in much the same way you did before) so it doesn't feel like dating. If you think your only dates are when he picks you and drops you off, maybe tell him so. There is nothing wrong with wanting this relationship to feel special and working at it a bit. Don't let him be lazy lol.

 

[Floridaman999]

This is a date: 11/20/2018