What is a Date?

For me the key issue is if there is romanitc feelings (or the development of, or hope to develope those feelings) between the people involved. If yes--it is a date. If not, then it is not (but, yes, there can be soem misunderstadning if one party has those feeligns and the other does not, as illustrated above).

It'S not uncommon for friends to do things together and still have one person drive who then picks up and drops off the other---that is not a date, if they are just friends and nothign more.

It'S not uncommon for people who are romantically inclined towards one aother, or seeing one another in the hopes that such an inclination will arise, to meet at the place they are going to spend time together and then head their seperate ways at the end of the outing. That is a date.

Transportation really has nothing whatsoever to do with it.
 
I agree with everything you have said. It is not a big deal to me that we haven't gone on that many traditional dates. Our relationship is anything but traditional.
Now we are finding out more of what is important here... Which, is what the two of you, and nobody else, thinks about what is a date, and what is a relationship.

Having said that, I will just repeat what I posted earlier....
If you are moving from friends, to a more intimate, personal, exclusive, relationship with a future together... I would caution you very strongly that you are def. setting a precedent here about what, and how much, you expect from a partner.

Like the old saying says.... you get what you pay for.
You shouldn't expect more than what comes in the box.
 
NIf you are moving from friends, to a more intimate, personal, exclusive, relationship with a future together... I would caution you very strongly that you are def. setting a precedent here about what, and how much, you expect from a partner.

Like the old saying says.... you get what you pay for.
You shouldn't expect more than what comes in the box.

Meh - while I don't disagree in terms of setting a precendent....I also don't think that's a cautionary tale.

My husband and I had a very ************* experience. I also had a solid understanding of where he was in his life and didn't expect big expenditures of money or grand gestures.

We have been married 11 years, and it would have been incredibly short-sighted of me (and I'd even say overly judgemental) to base my opinion of him then on what/how much he could do for me at the time we were dating. We married for love, and I got WAY more than what I "paid" for (in the best way possible) at the time we were dating.
 
Now we are finding out more of what is important here... Which, is what the two of you, and nobody else, thinks about what is a date, and what is a relationship.
Only if my current relationship status as any bearing on what YOU think of as a date. I didn’t ask because I’m concerned about my relationship. I asked because I was curious how others defined a “date.”

My husband and I had a very ************* experience. I also had a solid understanding of where he was in his life and didn't expect big expenditures of money or grand gestures.
.
This is very important. Knowing where someone is in their life and not expecting something that is unrealistic.
 


You are dating. You are going out exclusively it seems and having sex. That is dating.
Yes to first. As to the second that is a bit presumptuous. Also why I hate the FWB label because that is the assumption (and yes I do know that is what most consider the “benefit.”) This is why I used the term friends with Romantic interest.
 
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Yes to first. As to the second that is a bit presumptuous. Also why I hate the FWB label because that is the assumption (and yes I do know that is what most consider the “benefit.”) This is why I used the term friends with Romantic interest.

Do both of you have the romantic interest? Or just him? (Not that you have to answer. The DIS can get quite nosy and some start picking things apart. This is for you to figure out for yourself.) You mentioned that it seems to have developed and you've kissed. You also mentioned that he always had some romantic feeling toward you, when you didn't.

FWB usually don't have "romantic" feelings towards each other, unless they are Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman in a movie about FWB. That's what the "benefits" are about. That two friends who get along in other ways can be reaping the benefits of sex without the romantic interest or attachment. And supposedly, they can end it easily without hurt feelings at it never was a "relationship" in a romantic way.

If you are enjoying some benefits, good for you. But, you did mention that your guy always had feelings for you in a romantic way. They usually don't diminish as things get more "intimate," even if one says they can handle it. If he's always feeling more, and even saying things like you and he are dating, going on dates, but to you, you are not, (and that's why you are asking what a date is,) then understand he may be incredibly hurt when things don't grow between the two of you, as he'd eventually expect & want, as Disney Doll described. And you may lose a good friend in the end, not just the benefits.
 


Do both of you have the romantic interest? Or just him? (Not that you have to answer. The DIS can get quite nosy and some start picking things apart. This is for you to figure out for yourself.) You mentioned that it seems to have developed and you've kissed. You also mentioned that he always had some romantic feeling toward you, when you didn't.

If you are enjoying some benefits, good for you. But, you did mention that your guy always had feelings for you in a romantic way. They usually don't diminish as things get more "intimate," even if one says they can handle it. If he's always feeling more, and even saying things like you and he are dating, going on dates, but to you, you are not, then understand he may be incredibly hurt when things don't grow between the two of you, as he'd eventually expect& want, as Disney Doll described. And you may lose a good friend in the end, not just the benefits.

Yes the interest is on both ends. He had an interest long before I ever would have considered it and when the opportunity for him to pursue it he did. It took awhile for me to reciprocate but eventually I did. There are complications/obstacles that have prevented things from progressing into a more serious relationship. Neither of us are using terms like my boyfriend/girlfriend/dating. Anytime I have meet anyone he has introduced me as his friend. We enjoy each others company and the time we spend together. In the end isn't that what matters?
 
Yes, but we aren't the ones conflicted about this "relationship" and asking advice every few months on DISboards......
I’m being given it unsolicited. I really was only curious how others define a date, not dating, a date. Funny how someone can ask for one thing but be given something else. Like asking for a coffee and being given a shot of tequila.
 
Yes, that is def. what matters!!!!

But, your above post makes no sense. Your question about dates and the situation regarding your relationship are all related. Def. NOT coffee/tequila.
I have never heard of coffee and tequila going together at all.

I do think that when somebody starts a thread, a kind of general thread, like this, that it does open it all up for comment and opinions.
I offered mine out of the best of intentions, because, just to me, I would not be happy/satisifed with such a set-up long term... I don't think that many women would be happy with 'meeting up' as the sum total of a committed personal intimate relationship.

IMHO, the word 'date', the semantics of the word, is meaningless and not worth asking about. I believe that this thread is about a lot more than that.

This does seem to be a real fork-in-the-road so to speak in your relationship, so I just felt compelled to my thoughts and caveats.

You seem be kind of defensive about any such comments??
 
I’m being given it unsolicited. I really was only curious how others define a date, not dating, a date. Funny how someone can ask for one thing but be given something else. Like asking for a coffee and being given a shot of tequila.
Respectfully, it was you who explained that you do not consider it to be a date if he doesn't pick you up and drop you off at home becuase many of the outings you do together are pretty much the same types of things you did when you were just friends---so you pretty well brought the type of relationship it is and has been into the equattion yourself.

Besideas which, many (maybe most) peopel define a date much less by what the activity is or who drives and much more by the feelings or hoped for feelings involved between the people---so it is extremly relevant.
 
But, your above post makes no sense. Your question about dates and the situation regarding your relationship are all related. Def. NOT coffee/tequila.
I have never heard of coffee and tequila going together at all.
My comment was about asking for one thing but getting a lot more.

I do think that when somebody starts a thread, a kind of general thread, like this, that it does open it all up for comment and opinions.
Yes threads have a way of taking on their own life. I have no problem with that.

This does seem to be a real fork-in-the-road so to speak in your relationship, so I just felt compelled to my thoughts and caveats.
As for what is going on with my relationship and where it is heading...Honestly only time will tell.[/QUOTE]
 
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Respectfully, it was you who explained that you do not consider it to be a date if he doesn't pick you up and drop you off at home becuase many of the outings you do together are pretty much the same types of things you did when you were just friends---so you pretty well brought the type of relationship it is and has been into the equattion yourself.
So one should ask others but not put in there own thoughts?
 
So one should ask others but not put in there own thoughts?
um, I not sure how you are getting that from what i said.

You asked others about what a date is (which many alredy define as having to do with the kind of relationship that the people involved in the activity have) and then you talked about what kind of relationship you and this man have and have had-----thus, it is logical that others also discussed the relationship--it both answered the question and addressed the added thoughts you provided. Yet, suddenly you seem taken aback that people are doing just that: discussing the relationship. And you describe doing so as something totally off base and unrelated (like asking for coffee and getting tequila), which it is not. It is related to your question and your thoughts. I am completely confused as to why you feel otherwise.
 
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um, I not sure how you are getting that from what i said.

You asked others about what a date is (which many alredy define as having to do with the kind of relationship that the people involved in the activity have) and then you talked about what kind of relationship you and this man have and have had-----thus, it is logical that others also discussed the relationship--it both answered the question and addressed the added thoughts you provided. Yet, suddenly you seem taken aback that people are doing just that: discussing the relationship. And you describe doing so as something totally off base and unrelated (like asking for coffee and getting tequila), which it is not. It is related to your question and your thoughts. I am completely confused as to why you feel otherwise.
It was part of the original conversation I had had with friends that led to the original post. I didn’t bring it into it later. No where in any of my posts did I ever ask if we were dating or help defining our relationship. I understand why the thread evolved into relationship talk and have no issue with it. I have issue with someone saying I came here asking for advice which I did not.
Maybe a better analogy would asking for tequila and getting a margarita. Getting more than your asking for.
 
So disneychrista, I guess you didn’t get the answer you wanted to hear.

Let me give you a personal perspective. I knew my DH was the right guy for me because it wasn’t complicated. We met. He wanted to spend time with me. I wanted to spend time with him. We both had many “circumstances” in our lives at the time but still made time for each other because it was important for us to be together and to develop our relationship and not keep it at the level of dinner, drinks and some physical affection. He made me feel valued. I assume I did the same for him. We’ve been together for 30 years. Married for 27.

Best of luck with your complicated relationship.
 
So disneychrista, I guess you didn’t get the answer you wanted to hear.
No. You are incorrect. I wasn't expecting any certain type of response. This wasn't tell me you agree with me thing. I knew every one would have different opinions on what constitutes a date.

Let me give you a personal perspective. I knew my DH was the right guy for me because it wasn’t complicated. We met. He wanted to spend time with me. I wanted to spend time with him. We both had many “circumstances” in our lives at the time but still made time for each other because it was important for us to be together and to develop our relationship and not keep it at the level of dinner, drinks and some physical affection. He made me feel valued. I assume I did the same for him. We’ve been together for 30 years. Married for 27.
That is great. I am happy that you are happy. I understand what you and others are saying. And I do appreciate (the unsolicited) advice & input.

Best of luck with your complicated relationship.
Thank you. It is nice to have someone to share time with. I honestly don't know what the future holds. I do know that neither of us are looking for this to lead to marriage. So for now I am enjoying the time we spend together.
 

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