Toddler Harness-To leash or not to leash

[JohnBilotti]

If it works for your child, just ignore others! Don't look at other people's faces; be busy enjoying your family and the sights of the park.







I wasn't able to use one with DS because of how he acted with it on. I should start by saying "treating a child like a dog" is HARDLY a bad thing; people LOVE their dogs, and keep them on leashes so their dogs aren't run over by cars etc. A child treated the same as a much-loved dog is a lucky kid!

Anyway I was raised with Alaskan Malamutes, and by a single mom, and when she took us some place altogether, she had me and my brother on harnesses and leads, and the dogs on leashes. And she never lost any of us.

Alas, my son thought HE was a sled dog as well, and nearly pulled my arm out of its socket more than once, and the harness just didn't work for him.



At 2, when we went to Disneyland, he walked holding hands, he was in the rental stroller, or he was on my back in the Ergo. Those are my non-harness methods of containment when he was that age (we didn't even own a stroller at that time, hence the rental).

I agree

 

[JohnBilotti]

I was at an amusement park last year and there was a couple with a little boy who had on one of those backpack leashes-the kid ran all over the place to the length of his leash while his parents hung on and looked at their phones! I moved all my kids and me over to the edge of the sidewalk so we didn't get entangled-I don't think the parents even noticed, and had one of us tripped over the leash, their kid could have gotten hurt.

I've seen parents use the harness where they just hold the leash loosely, as a backup, and still hold hands and teach the child to stay close. But then you have those who let the kid run all over like a dog. I had a couple of runners myself, so I understand wanting the safety aspect in crowds. Although I didn't use harnesses, I've never said anything to someone who does-although I wanted to say something to the couple in the first paragraph

I agree

 

[JohnBilotti]

I hate leashes with a passion and would never use one, and hate seeing them on kids. And especially when I see them on kids 3 and up! (that aren't special needs)

There is a middle ground between being in the stroller and holding hands. I only held my toddlers hands for serious things like parking lots or crossing streets. At Disney or stores they walked with me or held onto the stroller or cart.
Children can be taught to stay with you, you have to be consistent and tough. They have to know you mean it every single time, no exceptions.

There can be a few special cases with special needs children but even then not all children.

I agree

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

With all due respect, that's horsepucky.

The reason why "people" don't often use them is that the vast majority of American toddlers today live in the suburbs and are very seldom exposed to situations where they must walk for transportation reasons in high-traffic urban areas. It's not always so easy to pick your child up and carry her across the street when you are also carrying 4 bags of groceries home from the store.

Trust me, they are much more commonly used in urban areas, especially in Europe, where a pedestrian lifestyle is much more prevalent.

Besides all that, toddlers could not give two hoots about embarassment. (We're talking about toddlers here; they have been known to like to finger-paint with poop, remember?) If they do not like reins, it is because they don't like being restrained in any way. A toddler who hates the very idea of reins is also most likely going to be a toddler who hates holding hands.

I'm really happy for you that you have a compliant child who learns easily and is content to do as she is told. Not all kids are that easy, and some of them are impulsive enough to jerk their hand out of your grip and run into the street just that one time no matter how many times you have made it clear that it is dangerous. FWIW, if you read psychologial literature, you'll find that most experts agree that the average child does not truly understand the concept of danger until age 3; expecting an 18-month old to be aware of it every single time is not realistic.

I grew up in a VERY urban neighborhood and i never saw leashes used. City parents teach there children how to wait.

 

[marmalade]

I grew up in a VERY urban neighborhood and i never saw leashes used. City parents teach there children how to wait.

Do City parents also teach their kids to be so judgmental of others?

 

[hsmamato2]

I thought the modern family episode was LOL funny..... and I still,after 19 years of parenting don't understand all the debate about kid leashes..... it seems simple enough,if you have a kid who doesn't(or won't) listen, a leash is a good way to keep them near you without breaking your back..... I think this,as with all things...is overused,and for kids who are PLENTY old enough to stay by their parents. (like Lily in the show,she was too big for such a thing,but it was funny)
this is excepting a special needs situation,but it reminds me of the stroller overuse thread somewhere on the disboards..... I used a leash on my runaway baby,and I didn't have to with the other kid. Once the kids are able to reason, they are safe nearby in a park type situation. (like 3 and up,IMO) my kids both RAN at 9 months,and didn't sit in strollers much,so holding the hand of a tiny running person for 3 hours is nearly physically impossible......the leash kept them safe,if necessary.

 

[Hannathy]

I grew up in a VERY urban neighborhood and i never saw leashes used. City parents teach there children how to wait.

I worked for years in a big city that people relied on Public transportation and I never saw a leash either.

 

[CandleontheWater]

I worked for years in a big city that people relied on Public transportation and I never saw a leash either.

As someone who lives in a city and takes public transportation everyday, I think the reason you don't see a lot of leashes is because it is much easier and safer to strap kids into a stroller in a public transportation setting. Two year olds don't move as fast as adults, and they could easily get trampled or crushed by closing doors. How many kids do you see in a strollers on the subway everyday?, I see at least 20 every time I'm on the metro.

 

[ccgirl]

Who cares??

Something I learned as a parent is to not use the terms of always or never. That one time you look down to look at that park map could be the one time your child walks away and gets injured.

Sure...you could keep the child in the stroller but then they are not getting exercise and Judgy McJudgerson will judge you about that too.

So, I say again....who cares.

The person judging a parent for trying to keep their child safe when it is of no consequence to them whotsoever is the one that really needs to look at themselves in the mirror.

We just got back from a trip to the Orlando parks. My DS4 saw a bunch of those monkey backpack harnesses and commented that he was sad he did not have his. So, I guess he was not embarassed or scarred for life.

 

[nadira36]

It't not safe but i've also taught my child not to run into streets. I also hold her wrist vs hand on the sidewalk. I also pick her up if we are crossing high traffic spots just in case. Leashes are not a majority because MOST people can handle their kids. There is a reason why people don't really use them. It's embarrassing for all parties. I think "Modern Family" showed well that no matter what you call it it's a leash for a child. If you keep your child engaged and if you take there lead there is no need to worry about them running off. It's parenting, no one said it would be easy. It's not for safety as much as it is for parents not to have to watch their kids.

As I said, I'm sure some parents really do use them as a means to not watch their children. However, your post comes off as very judgemental. You perceive others as taking the lazy route, but unless you are that parent, of that child you have no right to say whether the parent is using it for one reason or another.

First and foremost even with only 1 child I believe many people would find it difficult to focus 100% of their attention on their child 100% of the time at Disney world. We're not talking about day to day life here, we're talking about the place where a child will see 100 million amazing things every 2 feet. Whether that's the duck waddling across the walkway, or colourful banners or a cool shirt, or a character, or hear fun music coming from the opposite direction. It doesn't matter what grabs the kids attention - it happens. It's fine and dandy to say 'take the lead' of course you said to take the child's lead, but that would just be exhausting for any sane person to follow a toddler's whim through Disney - through the grocery store, maybe. Disney? Nope. Okay so the parent has the lead. No worries - what about when the toddler is just plain tired of following the parents lead? What would such a great parent do? Follow the toddler around? Strap the toddler into a buggy (kicking and screaming), grab the toddler and carry them (while they thrash)? Or give the toddler a sense of freedom while still 'steering' the toddler where the adults want to go?

Which one will leave everyone feeling the most sane, the most connected, and leaving the toddler feeling the most respected?

Oh sure a single child with 2 (or more) adults should be easy to parent - no question about it.

But with 3 kiddo a - and only 2 hands it's rather difficult to keep everyone going in the right direction, esp since they're all different speeds.

Don't even suggest I don't parent well enough. That I can't handle my kids. Don't suggest I'd use a leash because I'm lazy.

It's the fact that I know my children (and my own levels of tolerance) that I'd bring a leash with me to Disney. I don't like getting smacked in the face while carrying a toddler. I don't feel it is respectful to force a child into a buggy against their will, but there's also no way I'd just let my toddler wander through Disney on her own. At 15 months she believes everyone can be commanded like the dog and as such she calls 'come' and 'sit' to everything, but her name? no way. Where we're staying? Where we're going in the parks? nope.

Incidentally she's taken to pretending she's a dog and just yesterday her sister started walking her around the house on an actual leash - she certainly wouldn't be embarrassed by a leash - she'd thinks its great that she turned into a puppy dog just like her best friend.

 

[Aliceacc]

Final analysis: You do what you think is necessary to keep your kids safe. Other people are going to criticize your choices no matter what they are, so their opinions simply do not matter. They'll see a three second snapshot of your family and make an instant value judgement on everything from the quality of your parenting to any other judgement they can come up with. They assume that what worked so very well with their child -- or would work on their kids if they had some--would work equally well with each of your children, and with all children everywhere. Again, their opinions do not matter.

A harness is a tool, useful for some people in some situations. And, like any other tool from a hammer to a boxcutter, it can be misused. That doesn't invalidate its use as a tool for those who use it properly.

As to the bit about "especially kids who aren't special needs"-- exactly how do you determine which of those kids you've never seen before are special needs??

 

[powellrj]

While I know my story isn't about WDW, when my now 29 year old DS was about 15 months old, my father was very ill and was in CCU for weeks and weeks and then spent more time in the hospital after that. I was walking through parking garages and going through mazes and mazes of halls. I had him stay with people in the beginning, but it wasn't always possible to find someone to watch him so many time he came with me to wait in the waiting room with my mom so I could visit my dad and she could visit with my DS.

I never took him with me that I didn't have him on his leash. Not because I wasn't watching him, it was because all it would take would be a second and he would be away from me and I didn't want him hit by a car in the garage or in anyones way. Even as far back as this was, many people asked me where I got my leash and what a great idea it was so he was free within limits.

 

[camac517]

Ah yes, another perfect parent. I asked another poster to please offer their advice on how I can get my two two year olds to understand not to run away. Please offer your advice. I am certainly consistent but my runner in particular just doesn't seem to comprehend that he cannot run away and try to get out of mommy's hand. Your parenting advice please because I would sure like to stop these behaviors and there must be something wrong with what I am doing. Once again, I am patiently waiting.

I'm right there with you! I have 2 1/2 yo twin boys! One will somewhat stay with me and the other bolts immediately. I've tried everything to get them to understand that they can't run away but it's not sticking. We used the monkey harnesses for just a little bit at WDW last September but they kept sitting down on the ground so they weren't working either. Luckily, they would stay in the stroller pretty well or hold our hands when walking. They were 23 months then. This September they will be 35 months and it will be interesting to say the very least!

 

[adisneymama]

Ok. Here's what you do.

Teach your little one how to attack on command. Biting shins and crotch punches are particularly good. Then, if you do get dirty looks, detach the "leash" and yell 'Attack!' Then, once your kid has the offenders in tears of pain say 'Bet you wish he was on a leash now!'

Seriously though, I don't have kids, but have been to WDW a few times now. My guess is that you're not likely to get many dirty looks there. And as other posters said, it's your kid. You do what you think is right to keep him safe and any judgemental people can bugger off.

(Oh, and as a side note, I happen to think those little backpacks, like the monkey one, are insanely cute.)

 

[4sellers]

We took our 1 1/2 yr old daughter and our 4 yr old son last yr without a harness. We thought about using one ,but thought it would be more of a hassle to keep unhooking them and how much extra heat it would be for them to wear something like that. We bought a smal double stroller with a cover ,bought seperately,to keep them coralled in and buckled up. The shade was easy to convince them to stay in it. When it came time to stand in line it was no issue because we kept them in front of us holding hands or munching on a snack. The small fan misting spray bottle worked out great for cooling them off while in the stroller as well. My kids begged to get back in the stroller after about the first 100 ft or so in each park. If your child or children are very hyperactive and do not react or listen to your basic commands while in out in public at home, then you might need the harness ,with comfortable straps so it does not rub the kids raw while in the heat. We also put cards in each of their back pockets with names,numbers and hotel on it,just in case.
Hope this helps.

Rob Sellers and Family

Logan, Ashlyn, and Malissa/wife

 

[floydfamily4]

Pesky is right.

People will judge you for a lot of things. In fact, no matter how you play this, someone could be judging you.

Strap him in the stroller. He struggles. Judgemental person thinks 'Geez. Give the kid a little bit of freedom.'

Hold on to his hand all day. He struggles or becomes unhappy because his little arm is tired. Judgemental person thinks 'Geez. That looks so uncomfortable. I'd be trying to get away too.'

Have him walk along side you. He stops suddenly in front of people. Judgemental person thinks 'Geez. Can't she get that kid to move? People are going to trip over him.'

Have him walk along side you. He bolts or wanders. Judgemental person thinks 'Geez. Can't she keep her child under control?'

Carry him around. You get exhausted and he gets restless. Judgemental person thinks 'Geez. He's a little old for her to be carrying him around like a baby.'

I'm guessing you understand my point here.

Do what's right for you, because unless you know your 2-year old is going to act like a perfect angel the whole time he's in WDW (yeah, right ) someone could be judging.

PERFECT response!!

 

[ilovepooh]

I had one of these for my grandson:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/NEW-MICKEY-...pt=UK_Baby_Baby_Safety_ET&hash=item3373e64b09

What do you care what other people think? If you have a runner, you need to keep him safe!

I think the animals on the back style leashes are nice. We used it at the zoo and other parks without dirty looks. Personally, I think making sure your child doesn't get lost in the crowd is more important than what other people think.

 

[ilovepooh]

Also, for those who think its about "teaching" their child to behave are ridiculous! I have 2 boys and I must say the first one was easy and listens most of the time. However, my second child, who is raised with the same rules and lessons as the first, is constantly testing me with his behavior. He has more tantrums than my first ever did, and has a completely different personality then his brother. I am certainly worried he would run off without thinking twice. My oldest was always more cautious. Have I taught him correct behavior? Of course I have, but he chooses not to listen! He has no fear no matter the consequence. I have a handful with him and therefore will put the monkey on his back for his safety! Judge me if you will, but personally I don't care! Using the harness is a parents choice if they feel the need to protect their child from harm. That doesnt make someone a bad parent!

 

[Lisa71]

No one can judge another parent. Our DS has special needs and actually does better not using a harness...my very bright sister who is now in her late 30s had a harness on her as a child as she ran off once at the zoo and my parents decided that she should not be eaten by alligators simply because she did not always listen. She has her Master's degree now, so I am glad they allowed her to live. Safety is what is important and NOT judging others.

 

[twinboysmom]

I'm right there with you! I have 2 1/2 yo twin boys! One will somewhat stay with me and the other bolts immediately. I've tried everything to get them to understand that they can't run away but it's not sticking. We used the monkey harnesses for just a little bit at WDW last September but they kept sitting down on the ground so they weren't working either. Luckily, they would stay in the stroller pretty well or hold our hands when walking. They were 23 months then. This September they will be 35 months and it will be interesting to say the very least!

You will see such a huge difference in that year! We have now gone 4 times since the boys were 18 months old and will go for their 5th in 2 weeks. Each trip the listening has gotten a bit better. At least yours held hands at 23 months. My runner was in full motion at that time! We harnessed a lot during that trip but not near as much at their trip at 30 months.

I am still here, patiently rechecking this thread for one of those parents who can tell me how to make my two year olds listen. I have seen the same two posters, one more so than the other, say over and over again as to how her
ONE child listens. Well, tell me how to do it. Tell me how to not embarrass myself and my sons by not having to harness them so they understand why running away is not allowed. You can say that you teach your children over and over again so tell me how to do it please.