Surrogacy for convenience

[mousefan73]

?

So exactly my point, that a womans worth to society is based on whether or not her uterus is used.

Oh please. That has nothing to do with it. I’m sensitive to the issue that for many women they have struggles where they cannot have their own children biologically. Some make the choice to adopt or go through IVF surrogacy. Nothing wrong with that And their worth is not less. I have friends who choose not to have kids and their worth is not less than a woman who has kids.

I stand by my opinion that this is vanity and entitlement. She wants babies but doesn’t wanna go through the work of having babies. She’s in for a rude awakening because to be honest pregnancy is easy part and it’s over rather quickly. She has twins So I hope she has a night nanny so she can get her beauty rest


since you bring up the question of uturises does anyone ask the question what puts a woman in a financial situation that would have her willingly sell her body for nine months to carry another woman’s child for money.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Interesting fact: in the Netherlands the surrogate is the legal mother of the child (if the surrogate is married, the husband is automatically the legal father). When using a surrogate you have to go through some legal paperwork to basically adopt your own child.

That is the case in the U.S. too.

There's got to be an easier way to make a living. And under the Canadian law that requires surrogacy to be altruistic, I can't think of a person in the world (past, present or future) for whom I'd be willing to do it.

What blows my mind even more are people who donate a kidney to an absolute stranger! But it happens!

Personally, I think being a surrogate using someone else’s embryo is a nice thing to do and less involved than if the surrogate is donating an egg, too, because then the baby is “half hers”, and that leaves more soul searching to do in giving it up. I’ve read some interesting cases pertaining to the latter where the birth mother changed her mind once the baby was born. If the woman has no skin in the game other than carrying someone else’s embryo for them for nine months, then it seems to be less heartwrenching when handing the baby over to its rightful parents. I love seeing the stories of Moms or sisters or best friends carrying a baby for their loved one simply because they can’t.

I personally would’ve had a tough time with that because I’m not one of those “I love being pregnant“ people, but there are women who do love being pregnant. For them they can do it to help people but also make a significant amount of money at the same time (if money is involved; sometimes it’s not). But even I would’ve probably considered it if someone I love very much in my life was unable to start a family and needed my help that way. I probably would not have donated an egg, though. (And for the record, I have had to think through some of these difficult decisions myself as I have posted on LuvOrlandos’ thread here recently. They’re not easy ones, and I don’t take them lightly)

Apparently Jamie Chung and her husband have welcomed twins by surrogacy. They chose surrogacy becuase pregnancy would hurt her career.

Thoughts?

https://www.buzzfeed.com/larryfitzm...&utm_source=dynamic&utm_campaign=bftwbuzzfeed

Well, if Kim Kardashian could do it….

 

[mom2rtk]

Oh please. That has nothing to do with it. I’m sensitive to the issue that for many women they have struggles where they cannot have their own children biologically. Some make the choice to adopt or go through IVF surrogacy. Nothing wrong with that And their worth is not less. I have friends who choose not to have kids and their worth is not less than a woman who has kids.

I stand by my opinion that this is vanity and entitlement. She wants babies but doesn’t wanna go through the work of having babies. She’s in for a rude awakening because to be honest pregnancy is easy part and it’s over rather quickly. She has twins So I hope she has a night nanny so she can get her beauty rest


since you bring up the question of uturises does anyone ask the question what puts a woman in a financial situation that would have her willingly sell her body for nine months to carry another woman’s child for money.

All of that. If she thinks pregnancy would be a lot then she’s in for a rude awakening. But who’s to say she won’t subcontract most of that out as well.

 

[mom2rb]

I am a gymnastics coach, when I was pregnant with my twins, I had to quit working at 12 weeks. When I was able to go back to work, I could only work about 16 hours a week for a year because physically I wasn’t able to do my job. After years of pain I had my stomach muscles put back together, they had pulled apart during my pregnancy. Yet again I was out of work for months and then at very reduced hours after that. I love my boys but knowing what I know now and if I was financially able, I can’t say that I wouldn’t have made the same choice.

 

[mom2rtk]

I am a gymnastics coach, when I was pregnant with my twins, I had to quit working at 12 weeks. When I was able to go back to work, I could only work about 16 hours a week for a year because physically I wasn’t able to do my job. After years of pain I had my stomach muscles put back together, they had pulled apart during my pregnancy. Yet again I was out of work for months and then at very reduced hours after that. I love my boys but knowing what I know now and if I was financially able, I can’t say that I wouldn’t have made the same choice.

Who's to say the same wouldn't happen down the road for your surrogate though? Would you be OK with that?

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I stand by my opinion that this is vanity and entitlement. She wants babies but doesn’t wanna go through the work of having babies. She’s in for a rude awakening because to be honest pregnancy is easy part and it’s over rather quickly. She has twins So I hope she has a night nanny so she can get her beauty rest

Why not have a night nanny for rest? Over and over we hear of lack of sleep for new mothers.

Friends and I have gone in together an gotten a night nanny for new moms for the first few weeks - and have received feedback that it was the best gift they got.

 

[jrmasm]

Look how far we’ve come, not.

 

[dvcgirl67]

Sure, why not. I find it amusing with some celebrities though....because they just spring the news on us once the baby or babies have arrived. I mean, Hilaria Baldwin could be pregnant with 4 babies....due any minute, and we won't know until she posts about it.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Who's to say the same wouldn't happen down the road for your surrogate though? Would you be OK with that?

Surrogacy is a choice on both sides. While not always the case it is generally a qualification of having already had a child to be a surrogate.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Why not have a night nanny for rest? Over and over we hear of lack of sleep for new mothers.

Friends and I have gone in together an gotten a night nanny for new moms for the first few weeks - and have received feedback that it was the best gift they got.

I once read an article about a couple's experience with a night doula. It was eye opening.

Appearantly the "it takes a village" is limited to people. Reach out for additional support (not just physical but also getting advice on how to's and just the comfort of being able to reach out) from the wrong person (in this case a night nanny or doula) and you're tsked.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm discussing like I would everyday conversation but I think it's more telling that you would gravitate towards attention seeking. If you can't feel comfortable discussing with your family or your friends about your surrogacy journey or the reasons behind it because they would find it cringy, because you're not "supposed to" talk about it that's the problem.

As far as miscarriages yes absolutely. I had no idea my mom had a miscarriage before my sister until I was in my 20s. My mother-in-law had a miscarriage and her kids found out for the first time a few years ago..the same time I did. My best friend had a miscarriage and was scared to death to tell anyone, not even her mom. She cried and cried to me but didn't feel like she could discuss her feelings with anyone. For my mom and my mother-in-law it was a "we just didn't talk about it, nobody talked about this stuff" thing. For my best friend of course she was emotionally pained but it was actually embarrassment and feeling like she was a failure (even though it was her first pregnancy) and that her body wasn't doing what she wanted it to, wondering did she do something wrong how could she prevent this for the future. And because her mom was also from my mom and mother-in-law's era she never felt like she could talk to her about it or even her sister to be honest who was only a few years older. Quite frankly if this was me when I was in early 20s I'm not sure back then I would have felt like I could openly discuss it.

Infertility and miscarriages are a topic we've come a long way with but we're still working on it. That's exactly though of the same vein of surrogacy. We've a long way to come on being able to openly talk about it. There's still a stigma attached to infertility and miscarriages though lesser than it used to be. Surrogacy is still highly stigmatized most especially when it's not a medical decision.

I honestly don’t understand the shame of miscarriage, it’s normal, it’s biology, it’s statistics. One in four or five pregnancies end in the first trimester, dud sperm, dud egg, just not going to work. I never had one, surprisingly, since I was pregnant four times and honestly expected at least one. Especially with cheap dollar store pregnancy tests and women peeing on sticks before they even missed a period. My sister had two in a row, but was literally pregnant about three days before starting to test negative again (She was frustrated only because she didn’t want another summer baby with the third, but ended up with a June baby). I do understand it’s different with those experiencing infertility, hopes dashed again and again, especially when going through painful, emotional and expensive procedures. Two of my friend’s marriages didn’t survive.

 

[mjkacmom]

So is that a YES, surrogates are paid in the US? Here they legally cannot be, only reimbursed for verifiable expenses.
https://surrogacy.ca/intended-parents/expenses-reimbursement.html#:~:text=A surrogate mother (and her,, pregnancy and post partum).

https://www.westcoastsurrogacy.com/become-a-surrogate-mother/surrogate-mother-compensation
I can’t imagine not getting paid! Heck I’m trying to convince my daughter to donate eggs, it’s allowed three times and she can make over six figures in some cases.

 

[TippyThomas]

I knew if I waited long enough this one would turn, and here we are.

 

[RedAngie]

My thoughts are "do surrogates in America get paid"? Otherwise, I can't fathom why someone would do this simply to save a B-lister from the horror of stretch marks, or whatever else it was she thought would ruin her career.

They certainly CAN be paid in addition to having their medical and other expenses covered.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I honestly don’t understand the shame of miscarriage, it’s normal, it’s biology, it’s statistics. One in four or five pregnancies end in the first trimester, dud sperm, dud egg, just not going to work. I never had one, surprisingly, since I was pregnant four times and honestly expected at least one. Especially with cheap dollar store pregnancy tests and women peeing on sticks before they even missed a period. My sister had two in a row, but was literally pregnant about three days before starting to test negative again (She was frustrated only because she didn’t want another summer baby with the third, but ended up with a June baby). I do understand it’s different with those experiencing infertility, hopes dashed again and again, especially when going through painful, emotional and expensive procedures. Two of my friend’s marriages didn’t survive.

I mean it's hard to control how you feel and oftentimes it comes from pressures you've placed on yourself, pressures society has placed on you and overall lack of understanding of the likelihood of it occurring (which helps absolve a bit of "did I do something wrong" thoughts).

I don't get the shame of talking about it though well I do get it but I wish it wasn't the case. I think that led to women generally not feeling like they could talk about it and internalizing how they feel and a lack of support system throughout. Share if you want to share don't share if you don't want to but know it's okay either way, we're still getting there on that last point.

 

[punkin]

M

https://www.westcoastsurrogacy.com/become-a-surrogate-mother/surrogate-mother-compensation
I can’t imagine not getting paid! Heck I’m trying to convince my daughter to donate eggs, it’s allowed three times and she can make over six figures in some cases.

Egg retrieval is no picnic! It's a serious medical procedure with real complications.

 

[MamaBelle4]

we're still getting there on that last point.

Somehow we're still getting there on far too many points!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Somehow we're still getting there on far too many points!

Right!? And I didn't even know what emoji to use as a reaction

Like because that's the case
Love because that's def. the case
Sad face because that's the case

Somehow they all fit

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Egg retrieval is no picnic! It's a serious medical procedure with real complications.

This. Dealing with lots of intramuscular hormones and a surgical procedure which can damage your ovaries.

But beside that, there are ethical considerations that may not mean a lot to a young person, but could mean more later on when that grown up child looks the donor up for whatever their reason. I say could, because for some, it won’t matter, but for others, it may.

 

[mom2rtk]

Surrogacy is a choice on both sides. While not always the case it is generally a qualification of having already had a child to be a surrogate.

Sort of. Financial pressure can push people to make decisions against their better judgment sometimes.