Still believing - Spoiler alert - Update

[Allison]

He doesn't want to ruin this for her.

How ruined will it be for her is she is disappointed she doesn't get the item she is holding back from telling you? It is time to have a discussion.

 

[DopeyDame]

OK,I'm going to be the nay-sayer and stick with your husband on this one.
It's November. This seems like a *horrible* time of year to have this discussion with her.
Get through this Christmas, and then - sometime in February or June or whenever there's no emotional attachment to Christmas, then take her out to a nice lunch and have a conversation with her. But doing that now, a month before Christmas, seems pretty cruel to me.

 

[cabanafrau]

DD is an enigma. In some areas, she is very bright and in other areas, she struggles with a language processing delay that spills over into other areas. She has incredible logic in some moments and can be oblivious in others. She spends hours watching you tube vides involving technology (smart phones, ipads etc) and can explain how to fix things but then moments later demonstrated such little understanding about something like did she just meet the real Ariel.

She is in 7th grade. Do some seventh graders still believe?

Not having an understanding of the fiction or reality of Ariel bears some consideration.

I did co op preschool with my kids, so I had days I worked different shifts in various classroom roles. I vividly remember sitting with my oldest's 3 year old class on the carpet for story & discussion when they had to name things that lived in the sea. The answer of mermaids was explained as fictional and did not have a felt outline to go up on the felt board. A 14 year old should have no gray areas regarding something like Ariel being real or fiction.

 

[DopeyDame]

How ruined will it be for her is she is disappointed she doesn't get the item she is holding back from telling you? It is time to have a discussion.

Does Santa always bring everything your kids ask for? Our Santa certainly does not.

 

[BrianL]

The way I remember it, I'd say in around 5th to 6th grade, a lot of kids including myself really wanted to still believe, maybe even keeping up a pretense, or trying to apply kid logic to it like, "of course Santa's real, because my parents never would've spent that much money on something for me." It's more like trying to hold on, you know? Realistically, we all knew. By 14 though I'd say that was pretty past, not that I was ever told directly.

Of course, years later, I came to realize that Santa is real, but he's more than just a person, but rather a spirit that lives in all of us.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Of course, years later, I came to realize that Santa is real, but he's more than just a person, but rather a spirit that lives in all of us.

 

[mumto3girls]

The way I remember it, I'd say in around 5th to 6th grade, a lot of kids including myself really wanted to still believe, maybe even keeping up a pretense, or trying to apply kid logic to it like, "of course Santa's real, because my parents never would've spent that much money on something for me."

Oldest DD recalls some boys laughing at her for still believing in 3rd or 4th grade. She told them Santa had to be real because there was no way her parents would ever buy her all those things all at once. LOL. She said were it not for that she would have been done believing much sooner.

 

[china mom]

Does Santa always bring everything your kids ask for? Our Santa certainly does not.

She definitely does not. But, this is the only item she is asking of Santa (so far). At this time, there are only three things on her list: a book, a desk chair and the Mac she wants from Santa.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I don't agree with PP's that every 7th grader doesn't believe. I know two 7th graders, who have lived together for 18 months now, and I am pretty sure one of them believes and one hasn't since he was about 9-10. There are some kids who are more immature than others, and some kids who WANT to believe, so they do!

In the case of the two kids I know, you have reminded me that a talk needs to be had with one of them in order to feel out the question of whether or not he still thinks Santa is real. Last year, he did, and the conversation wasn't pushed further. This year, if he still believes, the conversation will start getting logical and some concrete-thinking leading questions will be taking place. If it still doesn't register, I will leave it alone and revisit after the holidays. It's time....these kids will be teenagers in a few months!

 

[pxidst119]

My DH is 43 and he still believes, LOL.

I tend to handle most of the holiday stuff and he always says thank goodness Santa is real so I always tease him that he still believes.

I’m sure she knows or has at least googled it. I’ve never told my girls (now teens) specifically and they all go along with it because it’s so much fun but they all know the reality of it. I usually refer to it as the believing in the Spirit of Santa now that they are older.

Once I read a really sweet letter (I think on disboards) from a parent to a child about the truth about Santa. I’ll see if I can find it.

 

[pxidst119]

I don’t post a lot but I’ll try to post this link to the letter.

https://www.omaha.com/momaha/blogs/...cle_0ccfa038-eb26-11e7-b133-c7e1c454992c.html

 

[Disneylover99]

I don't agree with PP's that every 7th grader doesn't believe.

You're right. I finally told my son in grade seven. I felt bad about it, but I felt it was time.

Now my daughter is in grade seven and she still believes. I think I'll tell her a few months after Christmas as a previous poster suggested.

 

[Allison]

Does Santa always bring everything your kids ask for? Our Santa certainly does not.

If there is some big special thing that is being asked for then now is a good time to explain the reality.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I don't want to get into details that much, but I know of the occasional 7th grader who still believes in Santa. But it's not typical.

I think you should break it to her nicely

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think you have to take into consideration your own child's cognitive ability especially as I didn't have the issues that it appears your daughter does.

Here is my experience. I have no idea when I actually stopped believing but I do know that there were gifts long after still addressed from Santa. My mom and dad and stepmom didn't really believe that I believed they were from Santa but they were honestly just part of the emotion, part of the feeling one gets, part of the holiday. At some point it stopped but I think that was when probably 15/16/17 but TBH I've been getting gift cards (by my own choice) for a while anyways so I'm an oddball kid.

It was common at my mom's that we would go shopping for clothes and some of those clothes would end up as gifts from Santa and gifts from my mom. It was also common that a larger gift (in size or price either way) was also reserved for Santa so at least IME and with someone of normal cognitive ability saying "she was holding one item back because it was too expensive to ask us for so she was going to ask Santa" didn't necessarily equate to someone fully and absolutely believing in Santa-though that is pulling from my experience.

Santa to a lot of people evokes specific feelings so one may not actually believe in Santa a person who takes a sleigh, down people's chimneys and deposits gifts but that doesn't mean they don't believe in the feelings the holiday season brings.

In the past has your daughter always gotten the gifts she asked for to be from Santa?

 

[ronandannette]

I found out the truth about Santa when I was nine and I was absolutely mortified that I’d fallen victim to that ruse for as long as I did, not to mention the betrayal I felt knowing my parents would actively lie to me for that many years on end. If it had been allowed to go on until I was fourteen, I probably would’ve ended up a teen runaway. So yeah, she’s long past the point of needing to know the truth, IMO.

That said, I really do not think it’s possible that she still believes. One would have to have zero critical thinking skills, unlikely odds within their social interactions, and no access to the internet in order to continue believing to the age of fourteen in this day and age.

ETA: Just saw she’s in 7th grade, so maybe it’s not quite as bad as I imagined if she does still believe. At 14, I was in my Sophomore year of high school so that’s what I was picturing.

In fairness, not all kids feel that way. And I'd venture no parents actually see it as lie per se, much less a betrayal, which to me implies the knowledge of potential harm. You may be a bit more literal than the average person. We're lucky I guess, that we never really portrayed Santa to our DS as a real entity, any more than we did Frosty the Snowman, although they are both part of our Christmas themes.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

In fairness, not all kids feel that way. And I'd venture no parents actually see it as lie per se, much less a betrayal, which to me implies the knowledge of potential harm. You may be a bit more literal than the average person. We're lucky I guess, that we never really portrayed Santa to our DS as a real entity, any more than we did Frosty the Snowman, although they are both part of our Christmas themes.

I realize not all kids feel that way, I was just relaying my experience. I saw it as a lie then and, well, still see it as a lie today. Needless to say, I will not be telling my son Santa is real. Lol.

 

[OhDannyBoy]

What is the benefit of telling her? To save her a little embarrassment or maybe a bit of teasing at school? You'd think that would have already happened anyways.

I don't think I'd tell her given the information you've given us as I don't see any reason to do so. That bit of information can

That being said, from other things you have described in the thread like her not understanding if Ariel is real or not at 14, you may want to consult someone professionally. This would raise concerns if it was my daughter.

 

[Jaime4004]

I told two of my kids during sixth grade (so they were 11 and 12) for pretty much the same reason. I figured most of the other kids knew by then and didn't want it to become an issue. The definitely did not know before I told them. My last is a 5th grader and I really want to tell him too. He's so logical that I used to joke that he'd figure it out before the older siblings. But he's still holding out. I'll give him one more year too.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

If you still believe in Santa - please stop reading this thread.






For those still here. I have a dilemma. What do you do about a child who still believes but is probably a little too old to still believe.

My daughter is turning 14 in a couple of weeks. We have all been wondering if she still really believes or is faking it for our sake. I have a friend whose adult daughter have never admitted that they know Santa is not real but play along for fun. My friend was trying to convince me that my daughter HAS to know.

But, then, just yesterday, I was talking about needing a Christmas list so I have something to tell relatives and she gave me several items on her list but then admitted that she was holding one item back because it was too expensive to ask us for so she was going to ask Santa.

My husband is adamant that I don't spoil this for her. My son (16) makes a compelling argument for cluing her in. None of us want her to be made fun of in school and DS reminds me that finding out stings for a day or so but then you get over it.

What do you think? Tell her or not?

I'm quite a bit older than your daughter and I still believe in Santa. Why? Because I choose to.
As for most of the people that swear up and down Santa doesn't exist or that thinking people can't possibly believe in Santa it's a moot argument. The truth is, Santa has been around since before we were born and will still be around long after we're dead, buried, and our bones have crumbled to dust. You see men die. But Santa is more than a man. Santa is an idea. And ideas live on even after men die. And long after we are gone, kids and adults that get it will still believe. I love the movie Polar Express because it really drives home one point. You either hear the bell, or you don't. You either choose to believe or you don't.

When it came time for the talk with my kids, I told em he truth as I laid it out. And then I told mine to think of someone that really needs something and we'll go get it. My son saw a kid at school that absolutely needed a jacket and his dad was out of work. So we went and got it and Santa claus got it for him. You should have seen that kid when school was back in. My son learned. It's our job to help Santa out. He still hears the bell as do I. As for your daughter, maybe she will and maybe she won't hear the bell. But it is time for a talk so she can make up her own mind.