Spinoff of the Engagement Ring Thread

[MrsDuck]

DH bought what he could afford when we got engaged (.5 carat) and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I got a fancier wedding band but by the time it came time to buy the wedding bands we were making considerably more money.

I'm not a jewelry kind of girl. Never have been. The only things I wear is my engagment ring and wedding band. Sometimes I've thought about upgrading my engagement ring to something larger but always can't find myself able to do it.

Many of my friends are getting engaged now and their hubby to be makes more than my DH did when he proposed (early!); their rings are bigger, obviously. But, there's something really wonderful about looking down at my ring and it being proof of how long we've been together and in love. (of course, not saying someone with a larger carat isn't in love) To each his own.

 

[nugov2]

The thing that's so stupid about this is that essentially, women "buy" their own ring. Sure, they don't spend their own money necessarily, but if your husband-to-be plunks down $10,000 on your ring, that's 10k less that you have for your lives together.

Who says he'd use that money on your life together? He might buy you a $300 ring and himself a $9700 entertainment system before you get married . Everyone has different priorities and it is his money to do with as he pleases. I guess with all things, if it isn't causing a financial strain I don't think it is stupid. People spend $10,000 on vacations all the time and that comes and goes in just a week or two the ring should last a lifetime and then can be passed down to your children.

 

[Lynne M]

I actually think that is just as bad/tacky as saying no b/c the ring is too small. If he had the money saved and it was no big deal to spend it to him b/c he had a lot saved, why fault him for it? Also not everyone who spends 3 or 4 months salary still doesn't have the money to put 20% down on a house(which I think usually comes from both people...I know I was working when we got married b/c we didn't have kids yet so assuming he should use the money for a house payment is a little presumptuous) guess if you discussed it over and over stating never spend over x amount of dollars on my ring, but I don't think that is standard. My dh knew I wasn't a fan of flashy jewelry, but he purchased a high quality diamond. You can have a 4 carat diamond that cost less than a 1 carat if you buy a low grade diamond so unless you were a diamond expert or asked flat out what he spent size doesn't define cost.

I agree that the marketing is doing what all marketing/advertising is meant to. Guilting guys into thinking they need to spend a certain dollar amount is not right, but again that is their job..to sell their product. I would never want to have my future spouse in debt over a ring, but at the same time you should be smart enough to decide what amount is comfortable for you. Like all advertising you need to choose not to believe it as gospel...I mean I'm pretty sure not everyone thinks frosted flakes are great even though the commercial clearly tells us they are

No offense intended....that's why I said I'd be saying no because it would mean he didn't know me. Going on the assumption that three months' salary would be about $12K, I looked at some jewelry store sites to see what a ring in that price range would look like. I wouldn't wear any of them, they're not at all my taste. I dress very simply and casually, at work and at home, and I like very simple, plain jewelry. I'd also be deathly afraid every minute of the day that I'd damage it or lose it. It'd sit in a jewelry box 95% of the time.

And to be honest, I just couldn't get past the idea that someone would spend 25% of their salary for the entire year on jewelry for me. I mean, I had a 3 bedroom condo painted, fully carpeted, and outfitted with all-new appliances for $12000. That's a year's worth of mortgage AND property tax payments. Sure, if the guy's a millionaire, $12K is nothing. But I don't know any millionaires, and for myself and the kind of guy I'd be likely to marry, that's a mind-blowing amount of money that would go a really long way for us.

Everyone's taste and preferences are different, of course, and that's a good thing. But it's just not something I'd ever want.

 

[plutosbuddie]

How can I start.. Rings are personal. And honestly size is the last think anyone should be worried about.. MY Fiancé did spend a good amount of money for both my wedding ring, engagement ring and diamond it was under
10,000.00. I think that for us it's perfect. We are older, both 30. Both have stable graduate degree paying jobs and we are comfortable spending that. The ring I bought for him was just a tad under 5,000.00. It matched mine.
We bought nice rings and our wedding will be a little on the less expensive side.. Small guest count a disney escape wedding.. It's all about compromise and what everyone is comfortable with! He asked me if I would rather have a huge wedding and a lower price point ring, or a higher price point ring and lower budget wedding. We went with the lower budget wedding. It's still at disney'

 

[Fire14]

I was older when I married and I always said I wanted nothing bigger than a quarter caret and I preferred a low setting. I got a almost 1/2 caret and he/jeweler friend had setting lowered for me. 12 plus years later I still say my "rock" is to big but I don't see myself trading it in. I was also girl in jewelry store acting like brat because my wedding band to be was to "fancy" for my tastes, I wanted plain sliver style, I got Annv. band style after I compromised.

 

[nugov2]

No offense intended....that's why I said I'd be saying no because it would mean he didn't know me. Going on the assumption that three months' salary would be about $12K, I looked at some jewelry store sites to see what a ring in that price range would look like. I wouldn't wear any of them, they're not at all my taste. I dress very simply and casually, at work and at home, and I like very simple, plain jewelry. I'd also be deathly afraid every minute of the day that I'd damage it or lose it. It'd sit in a jewelry box 95% of the time.

And to be honest, I just couldn't get past the idea that someone would spend 25% of their salary for the entire year on jewelry for me. I mean, I had a 3 bedroom condo painted, fully carpeted, and outfitted with all-new appliances for $12000. That's a year's worth of mortgage AND property tax payments. Sure, if the guy's a millionaire, $12K is nothing. But I don't know any millionaires, and for myself and the kind of guy I'd be likely to marry, that's a mind-blowing amount of money that would go a really long way for us.

Everyone's taste and preferences are different, of course, and that's a good thing. But it's just not something I'd ever want.

I wasn't offended, just giving a different perspective. Plus I do think people equate larger with more money when really that isn't the case.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I was older when I married and I always said I wanted nothing bigger than a quarter caret and I preferred a low setting. I got a almost 1/2 caret and he/jeweler friend had setting lowered for me. 12 plus years later I still say my "rock" is to big but I don't see myself trading it in. I was also girl in jewelry store acting like brat because my wedding band to be was to "fancy" for my tastes, I wanted plain sliver style, I got Annv. band style after I compromised.

I originally picked out a ring for DW & by the time it came time to pick it up, budget had improved. But the next size up just looked gaudy. We nearly ended up going smaller (DW has very dainty fingers), but ended up settling on the one I originally chose.

 

[TheDisneyPrep]

DH saved for 9 months for my ring. I did not ask or specify what I wanted or how big, he just had in his mind that the main stone could not be less than 1 carat and also knew that since I am VERY sentimental there would be no upgrading later on so it was important to him that he got me something he felt was really good quality and nice.

Married 18 years and if he ever decided to "upgrade" me it would immediately be a right hand ring, it would never replace the engagement ring and certainly not the ring he put on my finger the day we got married Nothing can replicate the significance of that for this sentimental girl

this is what i am hoping for! my fiancee saved for a year and a half for my ring. he knew that he wanted at least 1.5 carat. i told him at one point that maybe we shouldn't do an engagement ring - and instead put that money toward a house. little did i know that he had the ring and was proposing two days later.

my wedding band has been purchased and was a fraction of the engagement ring.

i, too, never want an upgrade. my ring is perfect and beautiful and works for us. i feel like this is a really personal decision - he was willing to save and sacrifice to get what he thought i should have - not what i thought i should have... and i look at it everyday with love!

 

[TheDisneyPrep]

Going on the assumption that three months' salary would be about $12K, I looked at some jewelry store sites to see what a ring in that price range would look like. I wouldn't wear any of them, they're not at all my taste. I dress very simply and casually, at work and at home, and I like very simple, plain jewelry.

i think you would be surprised! my ring was in the 12K+ range and looks a lot like this -- very simple!

 

[TheDisneyPrep]

so it is worth the money to us...kind of like a Disney trip.

I think is the best line of the whole discussion!! The idea is "your mileage may vary," and just as we choose different Disney hotels and experiences we choose different ways to solidify - to signify - to commemorate - our engagement experiences!

 

[disykat]

Who says he'd use that money on your life together? He might buy you a $300 ring and himself a $9700 entertainment system before you get married . Everyone has different priorities and it is his money to do with as he pleases. I guess with all things, if it isn't causing a financial strain I don't think it is stupid. People spend $10,000 on vacations all the time and that comes and goes in just a week or two the ring should last a lifetime and then can be passed down to your children.

Most married people have a say in each others finances. Even if they keep seperate accounts, they have a vested interest in each other's spending.

Sure, a single person can spend however they want, but it may make someone think twice about marrying them if they don't find those spending habits tolerable.

 

[Colleen27]

Who says he'd use that money on your life together? He might buy you a $300 ring and himself a $9700 entertainment system before you get married . Everyone has different priorities and it is his money to do with as he pleases. I guess with all things, if it isn't causing a financial strain I don't think it is stupid. People spend $10,000 on vacations all the time and that comes and goes in just a week or two the ring should last a lifetime and then can be passed down to your children.

Absolutely it depends on circumstances. DH & I were living together before we became engaged, and as such our finances were already somewhat enmeshed. He would never have bought a $9700 entertainment center or any other high priced "toy". We were actively saving for a house together and on his own he was dealing with some credit card debt from bad decisions in his young-and-single years. Dropping 3 months salary on a ring would have set back both of those efforts considerably, and if he'd spent that much I'd wonder about our fiscal compatibility.

No offense intended....that's why I said I'd be saying no because it would mean he didn't know me. Going on the assumption that three months' salary would be about $12K, I looked at some jewelry store sites to see what a ring in that price range would look like. I wouldn't wear any of them, they're not at all my taste. I dress very simply and casually, at work and at home, and I like very simple, plain jewelry. I'd also be deathly afraid every minute of the day that I'd damage it or lose it. It'd sit in a jewelry box 95% of the time.

I'd have felt the same way. I live in jeans and tees, I don't wear jewelry or makeup on a day-to-day basis, and I have a number of messy hobbies that make fancy jewelry rather impractical. If a man proposed to me with a $10K ring I'd be flattered but I'd also wonder what the heck he was thinking and question if he really knew me well enough for us to make a lifelong commitment.

 

[Aliceacc]

About two weeks ago I saw a story online directed at men about purchasing engagement rings. For lack of a better term, I'd call it a "metrosexual man's"
website. It said the guideline for price is now three months salary. The tone of the article seemed to be if you don't spend that much, you don't love your fiancée enough; you're a loser in the man department, etc.

What a crock!! Since when did the guideline jump to three months salary from two. Even two months is way too high. No guy in his right mind is going to spend that much.

Average salary for men is something like $48000. Three months of that is $12000. Getouddahere!!! Even two months is $8000. No way.

The article said the average engagement ring costs something like $5800, so I suppose most men are smart enough not to follow the nonsense of the diamond cartel.

I personally wouldn't spend anywhere near $5800, and I'd seriously consider calling off the engagement if the woman was disappointed about it. And if she dumps me for being too cheap, I'd say I dodged a bullet.

Jim

I think that number is circulated by the Jewelry industry. Not exactly an unbiased source.

I was thrilled to get my engagement ring in 1988. (Our silver anniversary was Tuesday.) But it was about getting married to the man of my dreams, not about bling. It was about the engagement far more than the ring.

$5800 would go an awful long way towards a down payment on a house.

I can assure you that my husband spent nowhere near a month's salary on my ring. He knew me pretty well, even 26 years ago.

 

[sajetto]

Who says he'd use that money on your life together? He might buy you a $300 ring and himself a $9700 entertainment system before you get married . Everyone has different priorities and it is his money to do with as he pleases. I guess with all things, if it isn't causing a financial strain I don't think it is stupid. People spend $10,000 on vacations all the time and that comes and goes in just a week or two the ring should last a lifetime and then can be passed down to your children.

ITA! I never had huge demands about my ring, but my DH did invest a little something into it and it is special to me. I stare at it a few minutes every day. In fact, I sent him a text about it while I was in a workshop last week. I had gotten several compliments on it that day and just wanted to let him know. My children love the ring too. My 4 year old likes to look at it and I am glad to know that when I'm not longer on this earth it can go to her.

Spending habits are definitely about priorities. When we got married we chose to do the tiny wedding because our view was that inviting 150 of your "closest" friends was a big fat waste of money. YMMV

 

[Patience]

My engagement is .5 of a carat. We married in 1993 when we not long out of college and graduate school. Fast forward to today and we are doing well financially and most of my friends have "upgraded" their original diamonds. I don't want another one. As many others have said, I am not much of a jewelry person but I mostly don't want to upgrade my diamond because we have other priorities now like one daughter in college, retirement savings, house repairs, family vacations, etc. I would see it as a waste of money if my husband bought me a bigger diamond. Besides, my little engagement ring has history and the story about when my husband bought it is cute. I wear my little diamond proudly.

 

[fairestoneofall]

my engagement ring was very simple and definitely not even a month's salary (which is completely fine). i didn't love my wedding band though, and that was more of a matter of DH completely ignoring what i wanted and just getting something someone sold to him.

he bought me a beautiful sapphire and diamond ring for our 10th anniversary and that is what i wear now. i ended up buying a very simple diamond band to wear with it.

i don't think it's so much the amount spent versus the sentiment behind it. a ring isn't going to prove anyone's love. yes, i'd take a huge diamond, but it doesn't mean my husband loves me less because i don't have one.