Shocked at kid's behaviour...

[juliebean]

I don't disagree with your last paragraph. And my post wasn't aimed at you. I'm just confused how a random meltdown NOT in a show, etc. would become someone else's problem. Most people that encounter a meltdown can walk away. I could see on an airplane, it would suck, yes. But a random meltdown in the parks?

There is a lot of judgement going on in this thread, especially of kids having average, ordinary meltdowns. I happen to agree meltdowns shouldn't be disrupting a show, etc. My kid would be outta there. Just meltdowns in general and how to properly handle them and what shoulda, coulda, woulda been done. Apparently all moms should have psychic ability to read when you kid is going to have the next meltdown, and be sure to leave the park so it doesn't disturb them. Perhaps I'm reading it wrong, but that's how it's coming across.

I can't speak for others, but my kid is like Dr. Jeckyl/Ms. Hide. Sometimes just telling her she has to hold my hand causes an issue because she's little Miss Independent as well. You may happen to witness this in WDW. It's me. Just sayin'. Do I have to run out of the park because someone doesn't want to see my kid freak out while I'm enforcing a rule? I know my kids' meltdowns lasts about 5 minutes and then she goes on her merry way like nothing happened.

I expect to see all types of behaviors at WDW, just like I would at Chuck E Cheese, or another amusement park, or the Jersey shore. If we don't feel like dealing with kids, we go to Vegas. I have sympathy for other moms, and would never, ever judge them based on a random meltdown we just witnessed. That was my point. I happen to think teenagers are WORSE! And everyone that has teenagers tells me to ENJOY this stage my DD is in.

We are doing WDW for the first time as parents. Currently seeking advice on how to schedule breaks and when. But I 'get' it's the age, and just follow others advice the best way and apply it and hope it works. In the meantime I didn't know we should be worried if a random meltdown here and there disturbs other guests. I kinda figured it's WDW and everyone should be paying attention to having fun and not how other guests are parenting their children.

I too completely expect to see kids melting down in the parks. Does you child still take naps or recently stop? When we went with a 2 and a half year old who still napped we tried to take a break at the condo mid day. Some kids can nap in a stroller or go without naps, but our's really needed that mid day break. I think the best thing is to try to be really flexible with your schedule, bring lots of snacks, and expect the unexpected.

Enjoy your little kids! What is that saying? "little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems" I have an almost 15 yo old and a very easy going one, that we always hear is so funny and well behaved out of the house. At home - MOODY and CRANKY is how I would describe him most days. I've read it's all evolutionary, so they want to leave and we want them to leave the nest, right!?!

 

[juliebean]

I know someone who has two very challenging children (ages 6 and 4) who can't deal with them now.....I can't wait to see how they react to dealing with angry, hormonal teen girls. Good luck is all I say!

The teen years can be difficult. My ds16 looks like a parent's dream on paper. She's an A student, honor roll, National Honor Society, plays HS tennis, volunteers, well behaved, nice friends.....you get the picture. She and I have been butting heads since the 7th grade. Once the hormones kicked in, my sweet baby girl was gone and left me with a crazy woman-child. She's got a temper that beats all and she changes on a dime. I love her to death, but some days want to lock her in her room until she's about 25.

My ds12 is just starting to hit the hormones and so far, it's been ok. I don't wonder if we've been through the worst with him. He had no fear as a little one and caused my heart to stop beating more than once. He's smart as can be, but finds school boring and will make the last 6 weeks of school a nightmare for me.

I guess I was lucky or did something right - they were both so easy going as little ones. At times they drive me nuts now as it seems at times that they were better behaved and more polite when they were younger. I just keep on them and tell them my expectations have not been lowered, but increased. Hopefully we all make it to the other side of the teen years successfully. I imagine we will. We'll get through this season just as we have all the ones before.

You are certainly not alone in the jekyl/hyde teens - mine can be a real pain at home, but well behaved otherwise. Honestly, I was awful to my parents too - it was almost like a pressure valve release from trying to be the perfect girl at school and fear of whether I could succeed as an adult. Maybe it's the same for your daughter. I shudder to think what it will be like with my sweet little girls! I will really miss being told how much they love me or snuggling with them.

 

[Mkrop]

Once again this most likely does not apply to most parents, it is the ones who are doing NOTHING to actively parent their child's bad behavior or their meltdown, that are the issue.

No one said that our kids didnt melt down ever, just that we have now learn a few things on what not to, the preventative measures. I call DS13 my guinea pig child bc I made all my mistakes and tried new things with him, some went well and others I am sure will come out in therapy someday.

My children are as different as night and day. They dont even look alike, I call them chocolate and vanilla. So I know all about what worked for one may not work for another. I have had to adapt plans to accomdate each kid and their personalities.

My kids have had meltdowns despite planning, but the difference is that I am not about to let my kid's meltdown infringe on other people. If it is brief and I can get in under control quickly, then we continue on. If not you will definitely be seeing or have seen me heading to the nearest bathroom or parking lot, to quiet them down. No shopping or ride is more important. And my older son has had to learn patience sometimes as well bc sometimes his fun has had to take a momentary break.

DS8 had some developmental delays with crawling and walking, he didnt walk until he was 19 months old and even then it was rough going. One thing we discovered was he did not like his feet dangling in a shopping cart. He got no feedback in his legs, did not know where his body was in space, it drove him crazy. I had no idea why until he started PT. He would do fine in a stroller bc his legs hit the back of the stroller. So ya know what, since I wasnt about to subject him, myself and all the other patrons of the grocery store or Target, I didnt shop a lot, DH did it or I ran out when he got home. Or I got what I could with him in the stroller and me carrying a basket. I learn to adapt and I learned that always have Plan B in my back pocket. I learned to prioritize my shopping. If diapers and poster board were the essentials for that trip, those were the things I picked up. If I got more things, then bonus. But if he meltdown for whatever reason, I had my essentials and we left. I did not do like some moms I see, continue to read labels on cereal boxes or keep looking for the right size in the pants section, while my child screamed his bloody head off, that is what is rude. If you dont do this, then the comments on this thread dont apply to you. But ya know I could have pulled the "oh my child has a documented medical reason to scream his bloody head off and disturb all of you card" but I would not do that. It is rude.

So once again, many of us have had children meltdown and are not perfect, we do know what it is like to parent different children, we dont have amnesia just bc our kids are out of the toddler years, yet many of us did not infringe on the rights of others by letting our kids disrupt others....not rocket science here!

 

[Rylee]

Just wanted to note that NONE of the things I mentioned as problems I had with kid behaviours were largely harmless fits by toddlers or preschoolers - they were all things being done by kids at least 6 with their parents there!

I was just about to point this out.

The girl who kicked my husband in the back was almost as big as my normal sized 8 year old. I guessed conservatively that she was 6 or 7. Her mother was holding her arms down from behind and she kicked my husband in the back by arching her back against her mother and kicking her legs up. Yes, the mother knew - my husband yelled because it was a shock and also because our daughters were in the line of fire.

I have a preschooler and a high schooler, so I don't quite get how this became older parents versus younger - but let's not pretend like parents automatically do the best they can - I know a lot who just give in or ignore bad behaviour because it's easier at the moment - but trust me (and if it's unwanted advice, then ignore it) it's much easier, if more time consuming, to teach a 2 or 3 year old how to behave than a 7 or 8 year old. I don't expect any kid or teen to behave all the time, but I do expect their parents to parent.

I totally agree. Anyone who believes all parents are doing their best is either living a very isolated existence or living in LaLa land. I won't go into the abuse and neglect I have seen some children suffer, since it's not the topic of this thread, but I assure you it exist as surely as parents turning a blind eye to their child's inappropriate behavior exist. Also, some parents are better at parenting than others. Does it have anything to do with love... in some case, yes, in others, no.

I would also like to add... I don't think there is anything "ordinary" about the "average" child having a melt down beyond a certain age. Once a child can communicate their needs, any meltdowns should begin to subside. Once a child reaches the age of reason, they should cease to exist.

To be clear -
As for the children, I'm not talking about the average child crying because they are tired, hungry, over-whelmed, scared, disappointed, etc. I'm talking about full blown tantrums, running the risk of causing injury to others, or being unnecessarily loud and obnoxious.
As for the parents, I'm not referring to parents who are doing their best to deal with the child. I'm talking about parents who choose to ignore the behavior or turn a blind eye, and continue to allow their child disrupt the enjoyment of others.
As for the situation, I'm not referring to outdoor places, I'm not even talking about confined spaces such as an airplane or the Small World ride where you can't remove the child. I'm referring to places such as theaters and restaurants, etc., where the parent has the choice of removing the child so their negative behavior doesn't affect the experience of others.

 

[Hannathy]

Than maybe you should find a babysitter. I really hate hearing screaming kids at the stores I go into especially when they scream throughout the store. A minute or 2 fine but the ones that really get me are the ones who keep it up. If you know your child does not want to be there and then by all means please don't bring them there as they do disrupt other shoppers (per your own admission).

Amen! I hate to hear a screaming child in a store. Get a sitter, leave them with Dad, or leave the store. Once the child starts screaming there is nothing you need so badly it can't wait till you go out to the car and the screaming stops or you can take the child home and come back alone.

I also agree that tantrums should not be happening to the ordinary child once they can speak and understand things/communicate well.

 

[hannahdrewmom]

You leave before they get into the cranky frame of mind.
You leave before they can scream for 10 minutes.

I absolutely agree with you.... however.... sometimes its great and theory and doesn't actually happen. There are times that his timing and my timing are not perfect. I may lose track of time.... (I know terrible parenting at it's finest. But if that is the biggest mistake I make in my term as a parent than I'll count that as a HUGE blessing!) The waiter may have taken longer to get the check. Or he may just have gotten tired before his normal time. Either way there are times REGARDLESS of how well you plan that it happens. So it is what it is. There are times when they are cranky and you are heading out then instead of the 10 minutes prior.

 

[Mahnahmahnah]

I too completely expect to see kids melting down in the parks. Does you child still take naps or recently stop? When we went with a 2 and a half year old who still napped we tried to take a break at the condo mid day. Some kids can nap in a stroller or go without naps, but our's really needed that mid day break. I think the best thing is to try to be really flexible with your schedule, bring lots of snacks, and expect the unexpected.

Enjoy your little kids! What is that saying? "little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems" I have an almost 15 yo old and a very easy going one, that we always hear is so funny and well behaved out of the house. At home - MOODY and CRANKY is how I would describe him most days. I've read it's all evolutionary, so they want to leave and we want them to leave the nest, right!?!

I understood what you were referring to in your OP and I'd be upset in your situation as well. Again, I just read what appeared to be judgements of parents of kids who have meltdowns. I think we cleared up which kids are allowed to have them. lol

And, no, she gave up naps some time ago. But, she goes to bed at 7 every night, and tells me it's time for bed! Gotta love that. Not sure if she'll nap there, she might, so we'll certainly try.

And I think people say teens are worse to try and scare us moms with toddlers. You know how when someones' pregnant and along come all the moms with the birth horror stories? Kinda like that.

I absolutely agree with you.... however.... sometimes its great and theory and doesn't actually happen. There are times that his timing and my timing are not perfect. I may lose track of time.... (I know terrible parenting at it's finest. But if that is the biggest mistake I make in my term as a parent than I'll count that as a HUGE blessing!) The waiter may have taken longer to get the check. Or he may just have gotten tired before his normal time. Either way there are times REGARDLESS of how well you plan that it happens. So it is what it is. There are times when they are cranky and you are heading out then instead of the 10 minutes prior.

Agreed. I've been in Target with a meltdown underway, but it was all the pharmacist fault! If they would have had the script ready when they said, it would have never happened. Don't tell me it'll be 5 more minutes when it's really 25. (And I call them in.)

Also agree with the restaurants. We generally go to 'restaurants' with play areas at this time. We are fully aware that our DD will not last long periods of time in restaurants. So we go to the better ones, such as Outback or Chili's , EARLY, along with all the other brats.

I think it's universal that brat time in restaurants if from 4PM-5PM.

 

[ScotsMinnie]

Arranging a sitter to go to the supermarkets is just not possible for many people. Many people are scrimping to buy their children healthy food without spending a fortune on someone to look after them while they shop for it just in case they have a meltdown.

I think that this consideration for others thing works both ways. I see people asking for those with young children who may have a meltdown to be considerate to others but don't see much consideration for those parents back. Comments like telling people if their child starts to scream they should leave the park or get a sitter for food shopping and not really very helpful.

My 2 are a little older now and I can recall one time my youngest had a meltdown in Outback so we left because that was the only thing that would fix the situation (we were at the end of the meal anyway and if we hadn't been I would have taken her out for a calm down). Please do not think that because I am not judging parents whose children are crying and having a meltdown I think there is anything acceptable about bad behaviour. I don't accept bad behaviour from my girls and some of the incidents described here are terrible. Some people would probably describe me as quite strict when it comes to behaviour. They are not perfect but I know I can take them anywhere and they know how to behave, and how to be well mannered and polite. There is a difference in my opinion in a parent ignoring a child kicking another child/adult and someone dealing with a meltdown in a child too young to cope any other way.

I think this is an issue more of tolerance and cutting some people a bit of slack. As most people have said, a recognition that the world does not revolve around you is something that many people could benefit from remembering. Whether you are a Mum with a crying child or someone who wants to shop for groceries in silence.


As a "useful" piece of advice please see this link to an advert used here in the UK for a cold remedy I think. Always makes me smile.


Tantrum advert!

 

[stashbin]

I try real hard not to judge a parent for their child's behavior because all kids do crazy things sometimes. I know if I am in the store and my kid is melting down then I am trying to deal with it. ugly stares from other parents are not going to help my situation.
Kids melt down for a multitude of reasons. Most of the time it's because they are tired or hungry but sometimes it's because mommy told them no when they asked for something. Am I going to leave my buggy full of groceries because my kid is crying?
My point is, I just try to be considerate of others by tending to my kids if they need to be tended to and not giving dirty looks when others tend to their kids differently than I do mine.

 

[3pletprincesses]

My kids have been raised to behave in public - with 5, I had to be very strict about how they acted in public, because I would've been in BIG trouble taking them out if they misbehaved! I get a lot of compliments from strangers - I think they panic when they see us (on a plane, in a restaurant) and then are pleasantly surprised.

I'm the same way with my triplets. I say it only once and then we are out of there. They know and listen. Can't loose control when they outnumber me at all times It's always nice to see people coming up later and admitting they were worried for nothing.

That being said, we do have melt downs like any other family except that it can be ugly since they feed of one other. that's when I pick up and leave and it's quiet time for everyone

 

[maxiesmom]

I try real hard not to judge a parent for their child's behavior because all kids do crazy things sometimes. I know if I am in the store and my kid is melting down then I am trying to deal with it. ugly stares from other parents are not going to help my situation.
Kids melt down for a multitude of reasons. Most of the time it's because they are tired or hungry but sometimes it's because mommy told them no when they asked for something. Am I going to leave my buggy full of groceries because my kid is crying?
My point is, I just try to be considerate of others by tending to my kids if they need to be tended to and not giving dirty looks when others tend to their kids differently than I do mine.

There is a difference between a melt down, and a child just plain behaving badly, or in a way that may cause injury. And sometimes, it is the parent's fault.

Today at work I got to see this in action. A couple of younger women were shopping with 3 kids. They were running all over the place, with no reaction from the moms (I'm assuming). That is, until one of them went out the door. But even after that, there was no attempt at controling the kids, or making them behave. They ran around, the climbed up on displays, they yanked stuff fixturing around. A bit of discipline is sometimes called for, and not handing it out is doing no one any favors. If I had just been a shopper, instead of an associate, you can bet I would have gave those 2 women looks.

The is parenting in a different manner, and then there is bad parenting.

 

[livndisney]

There is a difference between a melt down, and a child just plain behaving badly, or in a way that may cause injury. And sometimes, it is the parent's fault.

Today at work I got to see this in action. A couple of younger women were shopping with 3 kids. They were running all over the place, with no reaction from the moms (I'm assuming). That is, until one of them went out the door. But even after that, there was no attempt at controling the kids, or making them behave. They ran around, the climbed up on displays, they yanked stuff fixturing around. A bit of discipline is sometimes called for, and not handing it out is doing no one any favors. If I had just been a shopper, instead of an associate, you can bet I would have gave those 2 women looks.

The is parenting in a different manner, and then there is bad parenting.

But haven't you been reading this thread? Giving the "moms" a look is "judgemental", and you must not remember what it is like to have toddlers

 

[Dustykins]

But haven't you been reading this thread? Giving the "moms" a look is "judgemental", and you must not remember what it is like to have toddlers

You haven't been reading, I think. Not a single mother on here has even hinted that they think it's okay to let their kids run wild, destroy things and generally be brats. All we've said is that we don't appreciate the dirty looks we get when our children are having a contained (as in, not blocking anyone's way, injuring anyone nor destroying property) melt down in a non-quiet, non-crowded environment (i.e. not in a show, a restaurant or a line) and we're handling it (sometimes that means not actually talking to the child because that makes it worse and doing our best to finish what we need to do and get the heck out of dodge).

 

[livndisney]

You haven't been reading, I think. Not a single mother on here has even hinted that they think it's okay to let their kids run wild, destroy things and generally be brats. All we've said is that we don't appreciate the dirty looks we get when our children are having a contained (as in, not blocking anyone's way, injuring anyone nor destroying property) melt down in a non-quiet, non-crowded environment (i.e. not in a show, a restaurant or a line) and we're handling it (sometimes that means not actually talking to the child because that makes it worse and doing our best to finish what we need to do and get the heck out of dodge).

Trust me, I have read the thread LOL

A "contained meltdown"? That is a new one.

 

[hannahdrewmom]

You haven't been reading, I think. Not a single mother on here has even hinted that they think it's okay to let their kids run wild, destroy things and generally be brats. All we've said is that we don't appreciate the dirty looks we get when our children are having a contained (as in, not blocking anyone's way, injuring anyone nor destroying property) melt down in a non-quiet, non-crowded environment (i.e. not in a show, a restaurant or a line) and we're handling it (sometimes that means not actually talking to the child because that makes it worse and doing our best to finish what we need to do and get the heck out of dodge).

I think a controlled meltdown is in fact possible. The child is meltingdown and the parent is in control. They have a plan and are doing something about it.... whether actively trying to calm the kid or strapping them down and getting them out of there. They are contained and not harming themselves or others. They may be loud but the parent is doing something about it (which may in fact be by not getting in the childs face).

I think what Maximom is talking about is something TOTALLY different. That is an out of control situation that more than a dirty look is warranted no mater what the age of the kids.

After re-reading this mass of mess that this thread has become, I actually think alot of us are saying the same thing but in different ways. Believe it or not I think most of us are parents that have a desire to actually parent!

Edit- just wanted to add that having an older kid and looking back is a lot like pre-kids when you would say I would never. All of us remember those times prekids when we looked at a child and thought I would never XYZ and then it happened! UGH! I think the older parents do that to a degree too... you do forget. It's the same for the preschoolers and infants. It's easy to look back and say I would never. There is a reason that we only remember the good times. It's there is nothing wrong with that. That doesn't mean that their advice is any less beneficial... it just means that sometimes the judgment isn't needed and if you really took a minute to empathize (not with the out of control Maxi is talking about) but some of the others... you might not judge as quickly if you remembered the time you were ready to loose your mind with a toddler. We all have those days... with any age child. It's part of being a parent.

 

[Anna_Marie]

I just don't understand some parents behavior. I see it all the time, not just at WDW. We were at Red Lobster the other night and there were about 4 children running and jumping in the aisles. Servers were dodging them, I just knew one of those kids were going to get a hot plate spilled on them. The parents were oblivious. I don't know why the servers didn't complain to a manager, because if one of those kids had gotten burned by hot food, you know the parent would have blamed the server.

 

[Mkrop]

I think a controlled meltdown is in fact possible. The child is meltingdown and the parent is in control. They have a plan and are doing something about it.... whether actively trying to calm the kid or strapping them down and getting them out of there. They are contained and not harming themselves or others. They may be loud but the parent is doing something about it (which may in fact be by not getting in the childs face).

I think what Maximom is talking about is something TOTALLY different. That is an out of control situation that more than a dirty look is warranted no mater what the age of the kids.

After re-reading this mass of mess that this thread has become, I actually think alot of us are saying the same thing but in different ways. Believe it or not I think most of us are parents that have a desire to actually parent!

Edit- just wanted to add that having an older kid and looking back is a lot like pre-kids when you would say I would never. All of us remember those times prekids when we looked at a child and thought I would never XYZ and then it happened! UGH! I think the older parents do that to a degree too... you do forget. It's the same for the preschoolers and infants. It's easy to look back and say I would never. There is a reason that we only remember the good times. It's there is nothing wrong with that. That doesn't mean that their advice is any less beneficial... it just means that sometimes the judgment isn't needed and if you really took a minute to empathize (not with the out of control Maxi is talking about) but some of the others... you might not judge as quickly if you remembered the time you were ready to loose your mind with a toddler. We all have those days... with any age child. It's part of being a parent.

Trust me, I remember those days vividly bc I was dealing with a child who was very frustrated with his developmental delays, and spending all my time in therapy with him. I remember them vividly bc I did not sleep for 3 years bc he was having sleep problems so badly he was on a waitlist for a sleep study at the Children's hospital.

I think that is a load of baloney when people say parents dont remember, sorry but I do.

I really think I am reading a different thread when people cant distinguish btw a fussy kid and a meltdown that should require the parent to remove the child from the location. It is mind boggling.

 

[stashbin]

I just don't understand some parents behavior. I see it all the time, not just at WDW. We were at Red Lobster the other night and there were about 4 children running and jumping in the aisles. Servers were dodging them, I just knew one of those kids were going to get a hot plate spilled on them. The parents were oblivious. I don't know why the servers didn't complain to a manager, because if one of those kids had gotten burned by hot food, you know the parent would have blamed the server.

This is, IMO, considered bad parenting. Me pushing my buggy in the store with a crying kid is not. And like I said before, I am not going to abandon my full buggy of groceries because my child is crying. I am going to do what I have to do to get her to stop and try to get out of there as soon as I can.

I see lots of moms like that in the store. I feel for them because I've been there. It doesn't unnerve me to the point where I can't think enough to finish my shopping. I just politely push my buggy passed them, give the mother an understanding smile, and move on.

 

[Hannathy]

This is, IMO, considered bad parenting. Me pushing my buggy in the store with a crying kid is not. And like I said before, I am not going to abandon my full buggy of groceries because my child is crying. I am going to do what I have to do to get her to stop and try to get out of there as soon as I can.

I see lots of moms like that in the store. I feel for them because I've been there. It doesn't unnerve me to the point where I can't think enough to finish my shopping. I just politely push my buggy passed them, give the mother an understanding smile, and move on.

So you say the heck with everyone else I'm so special I can finish my shopping even if it is disturbing you.

You don't abandon it you take it to a worker and say I have to leave so they can put the cold stuff back. Or you head straight to the registers and pay you don't walk around shopping.

I also think it is a bunch of baloney that parents don't remember.

 

[Mama Who]

Trust me, I have read the thread LOL

A "contained meltdown"? That is a new one.

A contained meltdown: One contained in your own house or car where it doesn't get inflicted on others.