OT: Send kids to daycare while you are home?

[KirstenB]

I worked until dd1 was 5. I felt a lot of "working mom guilt", so whenever I had a day off, dd1 had the day off from daycare. But, THAT IS WHAT WORKED FOR ME. That doesn't me your way is bad, just different. Please don't worry too much about this. There are some people who feel SO strongly on any given topic, they could never imagine not doing it their way. Til something comes along and forces them to consider another way.

 

[RachaelRol]

Hot Topic, thought I would add my two cents:

I am a "working mom" who until my DS was four refused to send him to daycare if I was home.

I was an extreme case of even when I had the flu or Bronchitis and I stayed home from work I had to be with DS. If I was off DS was off from daycare. DH and I never did anything w/o DS on weekends or days off because we both worked. I call this "Working Mom Guilt."

I tried to fit in with the SAHMs by joining swim classes for DS and all I heard in the locker room was, I would never send my son to daycare.... I want to be a full time mom, etc. It was down right abusive to the point I dropped the class.

DS attends a "high end" day care that offers extended day Kinder as our town only has 1/2 kinder. Again, I tried to be part of the good mom group. I was class parent to DS class and joined the parents association. it was led by SAHMs or moms who worked part time. Immediately, I felt excluded and guilty b/c I took advantage of the extended hours and work. I did not know about Stamp It Up and Joe Corbi's Pizza, etc. And again, the comments about how children should not be at the day for more than 7 hours... It kills. This year I am not class parent, couldn't deal....

I guess my point is we are all moms. Comments like only SAHM are full time moms and working moms are part time moms are just plain mean. We should support one another.

it took a long time and trouble in my marriage to realize that its okay to spend time with just DH. Its okay for DS to spend the night at my sisters so DH and I can enjoy our anniversary, a nice dinner or just a quiet night at home.

I don't need anyone's approval. My son is well adjusted, confident, independant, smart, kind, respectful and loving. I think my DH and I get some credit for this although he was raised by the daycare according to some.

 

[momto2girls]

I don't understand why someone would care whether you put your child in daycare when you are home or not.

When my daughter was in preschool, I probably only sent her 2/3 of the time. Some days we were just having too much fun that I just chose to skip it. In fact, I signed up for it as an option for days when I felt that she'd want to do something different. I never intended her to go every scheduled day. Of course, some people might say that I was wasting my money or doing her harm by not keeping her to a strict schedule but I didn't care what they thought. I was doing what was best for us and you are doing what is best for you. That is all that is important.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

wow! if i worked, i would never do this and i know DH would never ever do this. We love every moment we get to spend together with our children! He often takes days off (like today!!) just to spend some extra time with the kids!

 

[willoughbyclan]

I certainly say different strokes for different folks and you have to make the decision based on what you are comfortable with.

I have 4 DDs and last year my youngest daughter was in pre-school (5) days a week. Had to pay whether she went 5 days or 1 day. My workweek is usually (3) days per week, with the occasional exception of extra days. I did routinely take her to pre-school on the days that I didn't have to work (out of the home). Not only to keep her in her routine but so that I could do things around the house and errands allowing me more time to spend with our girls when they were home. On the occasion that she did stay home with me it seemed to make it even harder for her to return to school. Kinda like starting the first day of the year all over again. At her age, it was really confusing to her what days she was staying home and what days she was going to pre-school. Got to where she was asking me every night and then becoming upset when it wasn't her day to stay at home with mommy. Once I made the decision to take her to preschool everyday (took her really late and picked her up early on my days off) just like her older sisters she seemed to adjust better. So in the sense, it worked out better for her. BTW I would not have taken her on my day off if I had to pay for it unless it was for a doctor appt, etc.

I wanted to share with you an episode that I had relating to one of the posts regarding how certain folks will gossip about what is right and what is wrong.

My (3) oldest DDs attended a church daycare on the days that I worked both before and after school. One of my DDs who was 9 at the time came home one day to tell me that a couple of the daycare ladies were talking about me on the playground that day. She was on the swingset and the workers didn't realize that my DD could hear them. Apparently there was discussion about the fact that I would drop my DDs off at the church in the morning to catch the school bus while I went to the local gym to workout before heading off to work. They thought that if I had time to go to the local gym that I should have been putting my DDs on the bus myself. I know there will be different opinions on this but I didn't think I was doing anything wrong at the time and I still don't. The daycare was paid for and why shouldn't I use it so that I didn't have to take time away from them in the evenings (which gets pretty crazy with homework, dinner, etc.).

Needless to say, I had a little "discussion" with the daycare director and demanded personal responses from the workers.

So that being said, do what you will feel comfortable with, everyone is different. I don't have a problem with it at all.

 

[brymolmom]

I have a little different take on this situation. I feel my child is only young for such a very short time, I want to spend time with her while she still wants to spend time with me. Because I know the day is coming when she won't want to be caught dead in public with me. And really, what child wouldn't want to spend extra time with their Mom and better yet, their Mom and Dad at the same time.

This is a much nicer way of stating this than some pp's have gone with...thanks for that - however, I don't believe this was the question the OP asked. OF COURSE we all want to spend time with our kids while they're young (and hopefully when they're older too - but more limited likely). That doesn't mean that other things don't have to get done - laundry, house cleaning, paying bills, trips to the bank, groceries, etc. And I know my kids would prefer to be with their friends playing rather than being dragged on errands or 'helping' me clean the house. If it was a matter of being able to stay home and play vs. send them - then the answer is obvious, but I think the OP and dh had to get some other non-kid related things accomplished. And sending them to the sitter is fine to do that.

Oh yeah - and to the pp's who think it is an outrage - you really shouldn't be using the computer to post to threads...don't you think your kids need you right now? Even if they're sleeping...they must need you to do something for them. Kids come first - WAY before using the computer.

 

[pweyl36]

P.S. You are always going to run in to the "mommy martyrs." Ignore them. They aren't worth your time.[/QUOTE]

 

[mom2aredhead]

wow! if i worked, i would never do this and i know DH would never ever do this. We love every moment we get to spend together with our children! He often takes days off (like today!!) just to spend some extra time with the kids!

Since you don't work, you really can't say whether you would or would not do this, can you? Never say never. And please don't imply that those making choices different than yours do not love our time with our children. Statements like this sound extremely judgemental and only perpetuate the SAHM vs WOHM wars. Mothers should support each other regardless.

 

[treboats]

wow! if i worked, i would never do this and i know DH would never ever do this. We love every moment we get to spend together with our children! He often takes days off (like today!!) just to spend some extra time with the kids!

Yet you'll take enough time away from your kids to make 16,xxx posts on a message board. Everyone needs time for themselves no matter how you go about it. I get sick of hearing people judge working Mom's. I can tell you of all the kids in our subdivision the most disrespectful ones are from the three families with the SAHM's.

I sent my 2 year old to the sitters while I was on maternity leave 2 days a week. How exciting for him to sit at home and watch me BF most of the day. In fact on the days he didn't go he would sometimes ask to go he wanted to play with the kids.

To the OP I say good for you. DH and I took a vacation last summer for 4 days by ourselves with no kids and it really was a great thing for us it helped revitalize our marriage.

 

[mlraabe]

Wow! I just read this entire thread - I guess that already makes me a bad parent since I just got home from my part time teaching job and my two youngest are currently entertaining themselves! I have to say that it took me a long time probably after #3 to realize that I do need time to myself. I stayed home (went to grad school at night) until DD8 was 2. Then I started my part time teaching job. It was then that I realized what my Dh had been saying the previous 5 years was true. I needed time alone and the two of us needed time together. Since then, there are a few days during the school year that DS5 andDS3 attend their preschool classes at the school and Dh and I both take the time off and enjoy a kidless morning. Also, we now get a sitter and go out at least once/month and sometimes more. It has done wonders for our relationship (not like it was bad before but it is so much better now!). I wish I would have realized how important that time was for Dh and I 11 years ago! So, I guess, unfortunately I used to be the type of parent that would never leave her kids to do anything(although DS11 did attend "preschool"). But, I am proud to say now that I have realized that I have a life too and my kids are just fine - if not better people - because of that! Ok (gasp) we actually took our first trip away without kids in the fall and had a great time - there are more planned!

 

[kribit]

I can tell you of all the kids in our subdivision the most disrespectful ones are from the three families with the SAHM's.

This is exactly what I was trying to say in my oh so long winded post. I'm a SAHM and I would be harder on fellow SAHM's before I would ever criticize a mom that works out of the home. Let's face it, I took time out of my kids day posting, when I could have been participating "full-time" in my twins game of twister. No one is better than the next because they make different choices on how to raise their children.

Now, for that game of twister. Logging off.

 

[Trixie15]

I have not read all the responses, very intentionally; I want to give an uninfluenced opinion.

I am a SAHM. I decided that as soon as I was able, I would not work. I just couldn't stand the idea of not being there once my first was born, before that I had planned on being a working mom. That doesn't mean I will always be a SAHM, I tend to look ahead and keep my resume up. You never know what the world will bring that might require me going back to work.

However, my kids all go to preschool even though I am home. And I swear it is the best thing I have done for them. They love it. They love what they do there. They love being with other kids. And all the teachers are great, especially the ones we have had. It has been good for them on so many levels. Socially. Seperating from me. Learning different routines. Preparing them for school. It's just great. Not to mention, all I can get done. Laundry. Clean house (I tend to spend my time with the kids when they are home--which is the majority of the time--rather than dusting, it's not going anywhere and the kids are growing up). Run errands. Doctors appointments. Grown-up conversation with a friend so I don't totally loose my identity.

So, do I think it is wrong? Absolutely not. One, they like it. Two, they are getting something important from it. Three, productive, happy parents is also good for them. Four, it could be more upsetting to change their routine.

If you know what you are doing is right for your family; do not even consider allowing anyone to second guess you. There are all sorts of different ways to do things--home schooling, public school, private school. Music or Art lessons. Baseball or basketball. Bottled water or Tap. Point is, it can get a little silly. Truly, I believe those that feel that you are totally "wrong", really need to justify to themselves that they are making good decision/filled with self-doubt. I mean not were not talking about anything that is black and white like murder...

 

[1rockinmamato2]

OP, I see nothing wrong with sending your children to daycare on your days off!

I've tried to read through most of the comments and I find it very funny that many of the negative responses on this topic have started out with, "If I worked..."

I had six weeks of leave after DD was born. DS goes to daycare and I sent him every day while I was on leave and staying home with DD. At first I felt guilty about it, but it was my best friend who's a SAHM who told me it was okay to do what I was doing. I then realized that it was the best decision for our family. DS loves daycare and I got to spend six beautiful weeks focused just on our newborn during the days. I felt I owed that to our DD.

I also feel like I owe it to my children to take care of me and my own state of mind. I don't love my children any less just because I take time out for myself. I love my children very much and as their mom I make many sacrifices for them, but I try to parent in a way that prevents my children from defining who I am as a person.

 

[Sue/Kalamazoo]

I am a in home child care provider. Most of my kids are here when their parents take a day off here or there. I've never had anyone leave their child with me for a whole vacation time. It's better to keep the kids in a routine and some of the kids get sad if they can't come and play with their friends.

I'm paid if they are here or not. I don't have a problem with it and neither do any of the other providers in my area.

 

[my4kids]

I see two sides to this. If it is once in a long while and you truly have something to get done that can't be done with them there(doct. appt. painting a room) then it's fine. If you and hubby are just doing laundry, cleaning out drawers or watching TV., then I think it is kind of wrong. Family together time is so important, more important than them seeing friends at daycare that they will see next time they go anyway.

I know 2 STAYHOME moms who send their kids to daycare!!!!!!!! Both of these mom's have monster children ofcourse. They just are more concerned with shopping and their own "alone time" to take care of their own child! This is more than wrong.

I had a friend who ran an inhome daycare and the kid across the street was in the daycare. Her parents would put her in daycare even when they had the day off so they could "get things done" The little girl would look out the window and see mommy gardening and daddy washing the car and would cry, and not understand why she couldn't be with them. It was heartwrenching. This kid is a little mixed up now too.

I don't know, when I worked full time, I missed my babies so much my heart hurt. I couldn't have imagined having a day off and not spending it with them. That was the whole joy of having the day off.

 

[RachaelRol]

To the OP I say good for you. DH and I took a vacation last summer for 4 days by ourselves with no kids and it really was a great thing for us it helped revitalize our marriage.

Same here. It took me a long time to get it too. My DH said the same thing for a long time too. Happy parents equal happy kids!!

 

[DVCLiz]

I see two sides to this. If it is once in a long while and you truly have something to get done that can't be done with them there(doct. appt. painting a room) then it's fine. If you and hubby are just doing laundry, cleaning out drawers or watching TV., then I think it is kind of wrong. Family together time is so important, more important than them seeing friends at daycare that they will see next time they go anyway.

But why is it "better" for your children to sit and watch you fold the laundry, or clean out a drawer? What benefit does it give them that makes it so much better than playing at daycare? And how can watching TV be counted as family time when it is the most passive activity of all? That's what I don't understand about this argument.

 

[dfarner]

I don't know, when I worked full time, I missed my babies so much my heart hurt. I couldn't have imagined having a day off and not spending it with them. That was the whole joy of having the day off.

My4kids- My feelings exactly...

For the working moms, do what you must for your family to survive, but when I see working moms dropping babies off at daycare in their $65,000 SUV's that really rubs me the wrong way... give me a break. It's all about making choices. Some mothers, many mothers work because their family is a 2 income family. Some mothers work even though they don't need to work. To each his own.

 

[jodifla]

My4kids- My feelings exactly...

For the working moms, do what you must for your family to survive, but when I see working moms dropping babies off at daycare in their $65,000 SUV's that really rubs me the wrong way... give me a break. It's all about making choices. Some mothers, many mothers work because their family is a 2 income family. Some mothers work even though they don't need to work. To each his own.

I agree, it's all about making choices. And people have to decide what's right for themselves.

I think it's perfectly fine for someone to work just because they like working.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

My DH and I are teachers. We have two little girls, ages 4 and 2. We both work very hard but are lucky to come home around 4pm each day and have the regular school vacations off. The girls are at daycare 3 days a week, with Grandma one day, and with me on Fridays (I am lucky to have one day off a week).

I mentioned to a friend of mine that we had sent the girls to their normal daycare for 2 days of our President's week vacation, so my husband and I could get some things done around the house and have some quiet time. She was surprised that we would do this -- if we were home, we should have kept the girls home with us.

The girls like their daycare, it is a home daycare with a wonderful lady and lots of kids their ages to play with. If they are home with us, most of the day is consumed with playing with them and tending to their needs.

So I'd like to get everyone's philosophy on this. Are we wrong to be sending our kids to daycare while we are home? I'm open to all opinions.

Thank you,
TikiG

there nothing wrong with it
when my kids were in daycare and i was a retial store manager then went everyday
if i was closing i still had them go in the morning for routines sake but alos i can do errands, clean, cook, sleep after working overnights and other things that can be done quicker
if i was off during the week they uusally went a half day
i had already paid for the week very few daycares will let you come and go as you please
you pay for a slot and use it as you see fit
i am a sahm now
theres nothing wrong with what you did