OT: Send kids to daycare while you are home?

[TikiGoddess2006]

My DH and I are teachers. We have two little girls, ages 4 and 2. We both work very hard but are lucky to come home around 4pm each day and have the regular school vacations off. The girls are at daycare 3 days a week, with Grandma one day, and with me on Fridays (I am lucky to have one day off a week).

I mentioned to a friend of mine that we had sent the girls to their normal daycare for 2 days of our President's week vacation, so my husband and I could get some things done around the house and have some quiet time. She was surprised that we would do this -- if we were home, we should have kept the girls home with us.

The girls like their daycare, it is a home daycare with a wonderful lady and lots of kids their ages to play with. If they are home with us, most of the day is consumed with playing with them and tending to their needs.

So I'd like to get everyone's philosophy on this. Are we wrong to be sending our kids to daycare while we are home? I'm open to all opinions.

Thank you,
TikiG

 

[Darcy03231]

When my children were in daycare I sent them on days I had off from work and the daycare was open. I took them in late and picked them up early, but they still went. They just loved being there and playing with all the other children and it gave me time to get stuff done around the house (I was a single parent at the time). All weekend they would ask when they were going back to Miss Michelle's house. I didn't (and still don't) see anything wrong with it.

 

[hollyb]

Yes it's wrong. Did you have children so someone else could raise them? As a teacher don't you understand the importance of raising your children? Your home by 4pm, my DH dosent get home until 7pm and he would NEVER want them in daycare when he was home all day. Thankfully we have never had to put them in such a place.

When you have children they always come first. No question.

 

[jennifer293]

My kids will never go to daycare because I don't trust strangers with my children. I have a hard time even sending DD6 to school but I don't want to go to jail ...I don't think it is wrong if you are already paying for it anyway, and I do think parents need that break..I sent my kids to my parents house last weekend for the first time ever for 2 nights just so DH and I could spend some time together and we had a blast CHILDLESS!!! It is just all what you are comfortable with, don't worry about what those other parents think!!!

 

[twinspluscade]

My kids don't go to daycare (I'm a stay-at-home Mom), so it's kind of a tricky question to answer. My first response was, "probably not"....but on second thought I could see sending them for a few hours on a day I was off to get stuff done. Also, if I had an appointment or something, I would send them. Especially if they enjoy going, and are used to it.

I personally wouldn't for two full days if I had the time off...but every family is different. You've gotta do what works for your family. I have friends who work outside the home, and one of them still took her two year old to daycare 3 days a week while on maternity leave. Her reasoning was that they had to pay for it anyway, so they might as well send the older one while Mom rested at home with the baby. I could see where she was coming from, but at the same time I must admit I thought it was a bit riduculous--heck, my twins were 17 months when my youngest was born, and I managed to care for them all day without sending the oldest ones to daycare. To me, staying home with a 2 year old and newborn sounded like a piece of cake ;-). But that's just my perspective, and my friend did what she thought was right.

Kelly

 

[DVCLiz]

Yes it's wrong. Did you have children so someone else could raise them? As a teacher don't you understand the importance of raising your children? Your home by 4pm, my DH dosent get home until 7pm and he would NEVER want them in daycare when he was home all day. Thankfully we have never had to put them in such a place.

When you have children they always come first. No question.

Sorry, hollyb, but this is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read on the DIS. OP, it's perfectly fine to take your girls to their daycare on your days off. That's your decision, and even if you were simply dropping them off and going back home to lie on the sofa and eat bonbons, it would still be perfectly fine to do it.

I get really tired of moms who have decided that daycare is the next best thing to a dog kennel, so I'm having less and less success being pleasantly bland in response to their extreme comments like the one above. How and by whom your children are cared for during the day has no bearing on how you are "raising" your children. Period.

I'm all for each set of parents being able to make their own choices, but parents who are so judgemental about other's choices always make me think they don't have the intelligence to do a very good job with their own children, either.

 

[tammydel]

Don't worry. Not only were you able to get some things done, it is good not to disturb the routine they are used to. I find my children would almost alway rather play with other kids than be home while I am getting work done and having to keep asking them to wait when they want me to play with them.

 

[jodifla]

My DH and I are teachers. We have two little girls, ages 4 and 2. We both work very hard but are lucky to come home around 4pm each day and have the regular school vacations off. The girls are at daycare 3 days a week, with Grandma one day, and with me on Fridays (I am lucky to have one day off a week).

I mentioned to a friend of mine that we had sent the girls to their normal daycare for 2 days of our President's week vacation, so my husband and I could get some things done around the house and have some quiet time. She was surprised that we would do this -- if we were home, we should have kept the girls home with us.

The girls like their daycare, it is a home daycare with a wonderful lady and lots of kids their ages to play with. If they are home with us, most of the day is consumed with playing with them and tending to their needs.

So I'd like to get everyone's philosophy on this. Are we wrong to be sending our kids to daycare while we are home? I'm open to all opinions.

Thank you,
TikiG

My DH worked from home while DS was a toddler, and Grandpa was there all day to watch him. We STILL sent him to a preschool at 20 months, because he was bored at home without other kids to play with.

If your kids like going to play at another house, what's the big deal?

P.S. You are always going to run in to the "mommy martyrs." Ignore them. They aren't worth your time.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

I did it on occasion when DS was little. He's an only child and LOVED being with the other kids. I saw no point in having him home when I was having the carpets shampooed or doing other such mundane stuff.

jodifla:

You are always going to run in to the "mommy martyrs." Ignore them.

Great quote!

 

[Hannahsmom]

I have a little different take on this situation. I feel my child is only young for such a very short time, I want to spend time with her while she still wants to spend time with me. Because I know the day is coming when she won't want to be caught dead in public with me. And really, what child wouldn't want to spend extra time with their Mom and better yet, their Mom and Dad at the same time.

 

[Dazer22]

I just couldn't resist this hot topic. Whether you stay at home or work outside the home you must remember that :

It is the choice that you feel comfortable with in the end.
When mom is happy everyone is happy; When mom is not happy and stressed it affects everyone.

Whatever keeps you and your family balanced. " Different Strokes."

 

[GJM]

Yes I have sent my DS to daycare if I was off from work. He would rather be with his friends in school and doing things then running errands with me. I also was able to get stuff done when he was at school. I would take him in later and pick him up early.

He is now 7 and guess what he is well adjusted. The teachers are not strangers - I probably knew his daycare teachers better then his lst. grade teacher.

Also when he was in daycare - they are not raising my child, they where teaching him - Not everyone has the luxury of staying home.

Thankfully we have never had to put them in such a place

Such a place - what is that suppose to mean? My daycare was a wonderful place. We took the time to find a place that we felt comfortable with. Not every parent has the option of staying home. And my DS has turned out fine and has wonderful memories of daycare (freinds & teachers)

You are not a bad parent! And anyone that has a child in daycare doesn't mean we love our child any less and we are not bad parents!

 

[DVCLiz]

I have a little different take on this situation. I feel my child is only young for such a very short time, I want to spend time with her while she still wants to spend time with me. Because I know the day is coming when she won't want to be caught dead in public with me. And really, what child wouldn't want to spend extra time with their Mom and better yet, their Mom and Dad at the same time.

Hi, hannahsmom, I just wanted to say that that won't necessarily be the case with your daughter - neither of mine ever went through a stage of not wanting to be caught dead in public with me. They enjoyed going places with their friends, of course, but I don't think it's a given, even when they are teens, that you'll HAVE to go through this phase. I know a lot of kids do it, but thankfully mine never did.

As far as your post, I think it's true if Mom and Dad are home to pay 100% attention to a child for 8 hours. Yes, most kids would love that!! But that's not the reality of anyone I know - even stay-at-home moms have things they have to get done during the day.

 

[Princess Roo]

What a heated and interesting subject! I'd be interested to see results to a poll on this!
I work full-time as a college professor, but am fortunate to have a flexible enough schedule to only have DS in daycare three days per week. I work full-time during the school breaks, usually, grading and preparing future classes. (Part of what allows me to juggle my schedule for working ~50 hours per week job and only having DS in daycare ~27 hours). It is very important to ME personally to not have DS in daycare full-time. (Sounds like it may be the same for you, with your Fridays home and one day with Grandma.)
However, I think that the benefit that you likely get from the occasional vacation day with the kids in daycare so that you can get work done and get some quality time with your spouse is much more than any negative impact of the children being in daycare! It's like you used half of the time that week to get caught up with other things and have "you" time and half the time to spend extra time with the girls. Makes sense to me! I would think it was kind of sad if you wanted to still do 4 full days of daycare that week - then it would be like you didn't want to be with them or something?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Honestly- if you are okay with it who cares what anyone thinks? Personally I would never do that. If I had to send my kids to daycare I would not want to send them any more than neccessary. No I don't think it's one step up from a dog kennel and it is something that many have to use but if I had off I would want to be with my kids. I have 3 kids (with one on the way) and I manage to get my work done around the house so I cannot see why you would need to send them for 2 days but then again I am not in your situation. If I really needed to get something done my dh would have taken the kids out for a while so he could spend time with them and I could work uninterupted. Different strokes for different folks. If it works for you and ou are okay with it then go for it. Would I find it odd if one of my friends did that? Probably- but it's none of my business so I wouldn't think twice about it.

 

[kellyg403]

I, too, couldn't resist...OP I think it is perfectly fine to send the kids if you feel comfortable doing it. There were times when my children were younger that sometimes I would do it. I agree, my children loved their daycare, the activities and their friends. They didn't grow up any worse for wear and yes, I feel like I was a better wife and mother because of those "off" days.

I don't love my children any less than anyone who wouldn't do it but I know that sometimes I need a break and some tasks, appointments are just not kid friendly. I would rather send the kids to have fun while I did something not so fun.

As always, there will be others who don't agree.

Kelly

 

[PrincessasMommy]

Nothing wrong with that at all imo! "Different Strokes" is right!

That said, I am a SAHM to 3 and am always with them, no breaks, no "help" and DH works 6 days a week. My BF had 1 child and put him in daycare while he was an only and the 2nd baby is nearly a year and she's a SAHM and he's still there 3 days a week - I think that is ridiculous. But.........people handle responsibility differently in life, it's no different with kids, and despite our childrearing difference (I EBF, Sling, Co-Sleep while she CIO, does daycare, baby self feeds bottle, etc) I am sure neither of our kids will grow up to be that dysfunctional because of it! At least, I hope not!

 

[TJA]

I think the most important thing is to do what you feel is right in your heart. If you are unsure, then why not take your child/children to the daycare for just a few hours during your days off? That way, you compromise. Half the day at home with you and the other half at the daycare with friends.

In asking my personal opinion, gee, it's hard to resist giving it on this particular topic. I was a hard worker at a law office for 15 years, worked my normal M-F office hours plus nights and weekends all the time. Then I got married, became pregnant a few years later, and BAM I changed like night and day after the babies were born. Suddenly work wasn't as important to me. I continued to work from home so I could be here with my children. However, I have not yet returned to work and probably will not return until my children are much older. They have now replaced me at my office and it doesn't bother me a bit. I'm happy here at home.

 

[LisaNJ25]

I dont think what you did was wrong. my first 3 kids were in home day care full time. I only stayed home when #4 was born in 2005.. 12 months after #3.

We all need a break. I am not a mom who has to be with or wants to be with her kids 24/7. That does not make me a bad mom. They spend the night at their grandparents often. My older ones also sleep at aunts and uncles or at friends houses.

 

[Aristomommy]

I have done both. DS does better with a regular routine, so I tend to take him even if I have a day off, since he only goes 3 days a week. I usually get caught up on things during those days. Or DH and I spend the day together, which benefits the children in the long run, since it strenghtens our marriage. It is not selfish or cruel to your children as some have suggested, as they are safe, well cared for and have fun with friends. Many moms feel that if they don't spend every waking moment with their children are somehow neglectful. I know many that subscribe to this thinking and are burnt out and truly not giving their best anyway. This is not everyone, but mom's need time to themselves and there is nothing selfish or bad about it.

Enjoy your day off work.