Oh pleazzzzz

[Jager_mom]

My mil is driving me nuts about the meal s I have planned!!!!

I emailed her cause she wanted to know what we had planned so she could see what she would be able to help out on money wise, so I sent her a very detailed and organized email.

Her reply really upset me, so much that I started crying when i called my dh to tell him about it.

She replid to the Fantasmic buffet by saying that she wasn't about to spend 56.00 on a buffet when she would only be eating like 5.oo worth of food(she just lost a lot of weight and is very picky now), she then said "ambience or not"?!?!

I also told her about having lunch at the BB, the Lilo & STitch character meal and dinner at the Rainforest Cafe. She pretty much said she wasn't going to DL to come home fatter, and that she would rather spend her money on suvies.

I sent her back an email and pretty much said, this is our vacation WE invited her, and these are things that we would all like to experience on our first trip to DL. I told her she need to think about what she wants to do knowing that these are things we have set in stone and then let us know so we can plan accordingly for her.

 

[eargal]

I'm so sorry! I know how frusterating it is when someone is hard to plan for and won't "roll with the punches". It sounds like your response was very appropriate and straight-forward. Personally, I would have made my husband respond but I'm a chicken and NEED everyone to be happy with me at all times.

 

[Jager_mom]

I am the same way, at the end of the emai I said I hoped I didn't sound rude

 

[kurt90]

Good for you! It's a shame some people have to act that way. Right after my mom had a miscarriage, she was devistated and later on when she was outside bringing in the clothes to go home, her MIL yelled at her because the sheets were touching the ground!

Don't worry about it. It's your vacation, and you're there to have a good time!

 

[stagemomx3]

(((HUGS)))) mils can be difficult! If losing weight for her was tough, than of course she is going to be sensitive(sp?) about it, and not want to be put into to much temptation. Keep that in mind when you read her comments, she probably does think all of those meals you have sound wonderful, yummy, and fun, thus hard to resist!

As for the dessert buffet, well that is the one thing on our trip in June that I think we could have spent the money better some place else. While the chocolate dipped strawberries were yummy, and having a chair to sit on was nice, our view was not that good, it was partially obstucted by a pillar. Neither of my two boys (8 & 9) wanted any of the desserts from the buffet and we ended up buying them churros from the stand outside of the seating area. We went to the later show so we did get the "stay and watch the fireworks" bonus that seems to help off set the price as well. However it was a good, we've done it once, now we don't have to do it again, kind of thing.

I hope your mil comes around and gets into the spirit of your vacation so that you all have a very enjoyable time!

 

[brenda1966]

It stinks when people don't want to do the same things you do when they are tagging along on your vacation! But I can honestly say that if someone told me they signed me up for a $60 dessert buffet I'd probably say something to make them cry too. LOL. Unless they were going to pay for me!

For my family, spending a lot of time and money on sit down meals has never been a priority. My mom would faint at the price of the Fantasmic buffet. So when I booked a trip and knew I wanted us all to do a Princess lunch for my daughter, I picked up the entire tab for my parents and sister. I didn't want the cost to be an issue at all.

Perhaps offering to pay for her or asking if she even wants to participate? Maybe she'll just trot off to bed early that night, and that's okay.

 

[Jager_mom]

I told her that I planned on paying for her ticket but I am not able to pay for that and her Disney ticket...here is her respone to my initial budget......


"""WHOA - - - you and I gotta talk about some of this..... cuz I am not about to pay $56 for me just for a meal that is an all you can eat buffet when I will eat about $5 worth of food........ ambience or not.

I can make do without having to pay high prices for meals...... I am not at Disneyland to eat fancy.... I am there to have fun on the rides......... I would rather spend money on memorabilia then spend it on food I have nothing but lbs to show for...........

bit of a shock for me!!!! """""

here is my response that I sent her.....
"""""'
here's our response to the prices of the meals....

First I wanted to ask if you looked at the link for the Fantasmic desert buffet? Because if you didn't it tells you why tickets are that much, yeah you get some treats in a souvineer box to eat while watching the Fantasmic show.But having the great seat to watch the Fantasmic show is what we are paying the 56.00 for, it's like buying a ticket to a concert. People will stake out seats to watch this show 3 hours in advance, we will get to walk up to a sectioned off area with seats reserved for us right in front of the show., without the wait.

The lunch at the Blue Bayou is pretty much the big meal of our vacation, yeah it's a little pricey but not much, everyone goes out to one nice restaurant while on vacation. I have a menu if you'd like to see it they have salads on it that are most likely not more that 15.00 that you can order if you are worried about that, or you can get a plate to share with one of us that only costs 4.99. Every place I picked out for a sit down meal has plenty of salads to choose from.

All the things I priced out for you are things that we have had in the plan since day 1. I had actually planned on paying for your fantasmic ticket but I can't pay for that and your disneyland ticket.


Matt and I talked about this and we have decided to leave things the way they are, this is our first family vacation and a first time to Disneyland for all of us, we don't know when we will be able to come back so we want to make it as memorable as possible. W just want you to understand that all these things are really important to us and we are looking forward to each one of them. We are not going to these places for just the food we are going for the experience and memories.

Hope I didn't sound rude I am not trying to be at all. I guess you just need to figure out what you want to do and let us know so we can plan accordingly."""""


I have to just say that this was just a vacation for my husband ,I and the kids she asked if she could come along over 1 year ago. I just am hurt because I have been doing ALL the planning, making all the reservations, Calling aroung researching 100% everything and all she has done is tell us that she would rather do this or that, it just hurts a little after all the time and effort I have put into this....KWIM???

 

[twinsmom2]

I think you are doing a great job! i just had to do the same thing with my MIL when she came on our trip. I researched for months and discussed it with her all along the way but she still tried to change the plans at the last minute because she had something else to do (ride the 'big rides') while we were trying to be a family (she wanted DH to go with her). Luckily DH stood by me and our girls had a good time. It sounds like your DH is with you so give him a big kiss and enjoy your trip (especially when she is of doing something else!)

 

[Jager_mom]

Thank you

 

[blackjackdelta]

I would not change a single thing!!!!Unfortunately it is starting to sound like you are being setup to have a less than admirable(sp) time while you on the trip. If you really have to take her along, then let her spend some time by herself and not ruin your fun. It is impossible to be everything to everybody all the time...and if you try you will wind up the loser.

Just my .02 from a male.

Jack

PS You are the one who makes the fun!!!

 

[brenda1966]

Sounds like partly it is a communication issue. She hears "$60 buffet" and thinks there's no way I'll eat that much food, while those of us Disneyfans know that it's more a ticket to a show than a ticket for food.

It's tough to travel with family and while I am always the organizer, I do allow people the option to go off and do their own thing if they don't like my plans. And thankfully my parents agreed to take my daughter back to the room for a nap and let me have a few hours in the park by myself one day so I could go do things I wanted to do that others might not. So I say, make your plans as you want them and let her decide when she's going to participate and don't let it bother you if she's off doing something else.

 

[JenDisneylandlver]

I think you did the right thing. It is YOUR family vacation after all, and you should be able to do the things your family wants to. Honestly this is why we don't travel with my inlaws any longer. We did one trip with them (not only FIL and MIL, it was all my BIL's and SIL's with their families too). They wanted to run the whole show, including telling us to go in late to the park with them (like 10 am). To not eat out basically at all, make sandwiches back at the hotel ect.. Right down to making rude remarks about the souviners we bought our son (I usually buy a lot when we are there, they don't believe in much souviners). By the middle of the trip we were doing things off on our own. Thankfully MIL and FIL had the rest of his family to be with. It's something I won't do again. Infact they are there RIGHT now. LOL Something I didn't even know about till last week, we've had our plans for next week for months. They don't even know were coming. It's possible we might even run in to MIL and FIL on Sunday. Or BIL sometime during the week. Since I don't get a long with them to begin with, it's not something I want to deal with on our family vacation. I already told DH and he agrees that we'll be polite, say hello. But decline doing anything together, we are on OUR vacation.

I understand her issues with eating and just having lost weight. But this is a vacation. It's almost impossible to stick to a diet on vacation. I don't bother! LOL No one can expect their whole family to not eat at certain places on vacation because they may be tempted to indulge. As that can happen anywhere you eat! JMO

You were polite and explained your views. Espeically with this being your first family trip there. I don't blame you for wanting it special. It's best to get this out now then when your there and she doesn't want to participate! Good luck!

 

[CalGal]

Is there room for compromise? I've got to admit, my concern about my weight made me hesitate about going to the Fantasmic buffet (although I don't regret for a moment making the decision to go). Perhaps your MIL can take the kids one evening so you and your DH to do the Fantasmic buffet on your own. Fantasmic can be a little scary for little ones, and can be a romantic treat for you and dear hubby. Just a thought. The character meal is something so precious that I would hope your MIL would treasure the memory, and I think its possible to eat fairly reasonably at BB and RFC. (It's been awhile since I did a character breakfast at Paradise Pier; I thought you could order off a menu there instead of having to have the buffet).

I try hard not to gain weight when I go on vacation and am usually pretty successful. In general, I don't skimp on meals when I go to DL, but can keep the pounds off because I walk off lots of calories, choose wisely when I order, and generally stick to one big meal a day. Hopefully, your MIL can do the same I also make my DS give me a bite or two of his dole whips instead of ordering one whole one for myself.

 

[crazymomof 4]

First of all, let me commend you for taking your MIL. You want your vacation to be special for your kids. I think you had the right to plan it as you want it. Maybe your MIL should go shopping while you enjoy the restaurants! We all have our issues (mine particularly is that I am not an adventurous eater) so when I go to DL to keep my husband happy and fed I try really hard to try new things! I don't understand how she can't enjoy the Fantasmic Buffet just to see the kids faces! They have fruit there! Maybe she just feels really overwhelmed and afraid that she might lose control. That is understandable, but you cannot let her control your vacation because of this! Good Luck!

 

[Disney Fans]

I think you should do most of the vacation around the kids Like 95-99% LOL.

We have been doing on the DCL/WDWtirps for a few years now and after hearing about it for 2 years my mom said she wanted to try it out and take a trip with us (that we just got back from in late May/June-06).

Anyway, I had talked her about what we wanted to do for and with the kids and she at 1st was feeling left out, but then when I told her that me and her where going to do a few special things in honor of her ( like doing a couple of dinners to where she wanted to go, etc) It worked out fine.

And when we did something that she didn't want to do, then at that point of the trip she would go off by herself for a bit and rest ,shop or play, etc.

So, my-point to this ( I hope you getLOL) is that she, should understand that when you take a family trip = it means family, and so there must be give in take and understanding about making the kids happy.

And it sounds like you are not asking that much to go to a few dinner places that are important and special to you, so I think you are doing the right thing, and then maybe she might end up trying it out(the things she says she does't want to do) with you all or she could go rest or eat somewhere quite ( tell her to think of it like taking a brake from everyone and just spending for a little bit- doing only what she wants to do and then you all meet up later together)

If she ends up getting upset, and you think it will not work out. I myself wouldn't spend that kind of money and time to worry and not be happy. I would even reschedule the trip and go with just your family and have a happy and guilt free trip!!!
Hope this helps some and don't be so hard on yourself

 

[disneychrista]

My stance on friends and family on vacations is that they must be willing to go off on their own if they do not want to do what I have planned.

 

[CindyH]

I do 100% of the planning. My MIL knows that, and while I try and run ideas past her and DH, I usually go ahead and just make plans.

We also usually pay for everything (except her room). We asked her to come, so I think it's only right that we pay. She reciprocates (sp?) by usually paying for a meal or two (for everyone) like our dinner at Goofy's Kitchen or something like that, as well as buying souvenirs for the boys.

If your MIL really doesn't want to go to the events you have planned, then just arrange to meet her somewhere when you're done. For items that have already been pre-paid (like your fantasmic tickets) I'm sure you can sell them. Even taking a small loss would be better than having the person there grouse about the entire time.

Hope you have a good time anyway!

 

[my3kids]

Maybe I'm missing something here but if you want to do something that she doesn't want to do, then why not meet up later? You do your thing, she does hers, then you meet later and do something as a big group. Why do you have to be together all the time?

 

[Twinprincesses]

I would jsut tell her that you have already planned for these meals and she does not have to go with you if she does not want. Character meals to me are something so unique that it is a must do when visiting Disney.

 

[justkeepswimmin]

Maybe I'm missing something here but if you want to do something that she doesn't want to do, then why not meet up later? You do your thing, she does hers, then you meet later and do something as a big group. Why do you have to be together all the time?

I have to agree with this. Vacations to DL with extended family are HARD! I have done DL 3xs with a mix of relatives and each time there were challenges. On the 1st trip, for my dds bday, I did much like you did, arranging 4 special meals/ activities for everyone to participate in. We were willing to pay for everyone for 2 of these events (Bday lunch @ Ariels Grotto and Bday Party event @ Plazza Inn). The other 2 events-Breakfast @ Goofy's Kitchen and DInner @ Blue Bayou- I made clear we could not cover financially but would love for everyone to join us. MIL decided Goofys Kitchen was not worth it for her and that was FINE by us. She DID still complain about my scheduling everything even when we were paying for things and came close to ruining my spirits during the trip.

Next time she came to DL with us, I only made dining arrangements with my dh and kids in mind. I told her and FIL that they were welcome to join us or do their own thing. They generally did their own thing and no one had any hurt feelings and we still did many rides and other things as a big family.