Mulan Is Back

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Mulan -

About the summer - why not tell DD and DS that even if DAMM won't let them talk to you that they should know that you are thinking about them all the time and miss them. Maybe tell them at a certain time every single day that you stop and think about them extra hard - like at 12:34pm or some fun easy to remember time like that.

That way they can look at a clock and see the time and know you are thinking about them at that very moment even though they haven't spoken to you.

Good luck!

 

[daisy2]

I wasn't sure if you have done this already. But this is just an idea I know you were going to send along a journal type book for the kids to write in or at least you dd. Here is another thing you can do. Make a small memory book with pictures of their kittens and so they have something to look at. Maybe slip it in a reading book or use them as book mark for her. Also there is a book called "The kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn. It's basically about a baby racoon that goes to school and misses his mom so his mom opens his hand and spreads out his tiny fingers and she gives "Chester" is his name a kiss right in the middle of his palm. Basically whenever "Chester" missed his mom he would put his hand up to his cheek to remember that his mom loves him. This might be a good book to get your daughter to read to her and your son. I hope this helps. It might be good for you as well. Have your kids kiss your hand and whenever you miss them you could put it up to your cheek. I know it sounds corny but I would do it just to keep close to my kids.


You can google the book it's Called The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn. I use this book in my preschool class at the beginning of the year it helps the preschoolers get through the first couple of weeks of school. Just a suggestion I thought I would share maybe this would help.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Sorry about tonight! Question, when he has them for 5 weeks straight, do you get them for the weekends?? Or do you not see them for 5 weeks??

 

[2poohbears]

I completely agree about "The Kissing Hand". I read this to the boys when they started pre-k this year. Make sure you read it first, though - because it made me cry. It's a very sweet story.

Do you think DAMM was hoping to get witnesses who could say the kiddos were upset & didn't want to go with you? What he did is so hurtful to the children. I'm sorry they experienced that.

Enjoy your week with the children & try not to think about DAMM! I know this will be a rough time for you coming up.

 

[gottalovethem]

Mulan - I thought my battle with X was long, but I CANNOT believe that you are still struggling to have your children full-time. I am so sorry that this has carried on so long and that he is still traumatizing the kids. Poor children and poor you! I pray that at some point soon you will have primary placement and custody!

 

[lwartberg]

My mom and I have a special "time" too!!

11:11.

Whenever we see it we kiss our index finger and say "I love you!" She lives in Florida and I live in Texas, but we even do it when we are together.
BTW I'm almost 29!!!

 

[littleteapot]

Argh. What a jerk.

Glad you have a good week planned. We'll be praying for your sweet little family the whole 5 (hopefully 2) weeks.

 

[momlady]

I've found you too! I was just wondering re: phone visitation -- with this being a 5-week block of custody, if he doesn't let you speak to the children is there something you can do right away to ensure that the whole 5 weeks don't go by without contact? I know it's technically not an "emergency" but given the ages of your children and that you are the usual full-time custodial parent, surely it is in their best interests that you be allowed to speak to them!! Refresh my memory - is there something in place now that says you must be allowed phone visitation, and he is not following it? Or is there nothing on paper yet?

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

I wasn't sure if you have done this already. But this is just an idea I know you were going to send along a journal type book for the kids to write in or at least you dd. Here is another thing you can do. Make a small memory book with pictures of their kittens and so they have something to look at. Maybe slip it in a reading book or use them as book mark for her. Also there is a book called "The kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn. It's basically about a baby racoon that goes to school and misses his mom so his mom opens his hand and spreads out his tiny fingers and she gives "Chester" is his name a kiss right in the middle of his palm. Basically whenever "Chester" missed his mom he would put his hand up to his cheek to remember that his mom loves him. This might be a good book to get your daughter to read to her and your son. I hope this helps. It might be good for you as well. Have your kids kiss your hand and whenever you miss them you could put it up to your cheek. I know it sounds corny but I would do it just to keep close to my kids.


You can google the book it's Called The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn. I use this book in my preschool class at the beginning of the year it helps the preschoolers get through the first couple of weeks of school. Just a suggestion I thought I would share maybe this would help.

I ordered them a photo flipbook from Snapfish- it should be here early this week. I have a little journal for DD with 1 saying for each day they will be gone.
I love the book idea- I will get that today!

Sorry about tonight! Question, when he has them for 5 weeks straight, do you get them for the weekends?? Or do you not see them for 5 weeks??

No, I do not get them

My mom and I have a special "time" too!!

11:11.

Whenever we see it we kiss our index finger and say "I love you!" She lives in Florida and I live in Texas, but we even do it when we are together.
BTW I'm almost 29!!!

Great idea, I love it! I will definately do it.

I've found you too! I was just wondering re: phone visitation -- with this being a 5-week block of custody, if he doesn't let you speak to the children is there something you can do right away to ensure that the whole 5 weeks don't go by without contact? I know it's technically not an "emergency" but given the ages of your children and that you are the usual full-time custodial parent, surely it is in their best interests that you be allowed to speak to them!! Refresh my memory - is there something in place now that says you must be allowed phone visitation, and he is not following it? Or is there nothing on paper yet?

Its in the court papers I get to call them every night BUT if I don't get to talk to them I can at any time call the local sheriff and demand a child welfare check and tell them that I have phone visitation and he is not allowing me to talk to them.

No matter what, we will have a great week together and make as many memories as possible.

Mulan

 

[JoiseyMom]

No, I do not get them

OMG!!! Not that i am suprised by this..but he gets to see them every other weekend, and gets them for 5 straight weeks, and you aren't supposed to see them at all??? ***?? How can that be legal?? I know it's not ethical or moral or in any way shape or form in the best interests of those sweet children. My thoughts and prayers are with you next week. Also, document document everything when you get them back to prove to the court that this was so very detrimental to the health and welfare of your children!! Hugs!!!

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

My atty just got back to me and says that now is not a good time to request a transfer till the kids are back home.
She also suggested that my atty from down there should handle the phone visitation etc if I encounter any problems-
I agree with all this but it just seems like she waited on all this till the last minute...I just feel like I am getting a raw deal

I am wondering if I should call DAMM and try to make a deal with him by doing 2 weeks, then I get 2 weeks then he gets 2 weeks then I get 2 weeks and then he gets 1 week....of course this will just be torture on the kids and me and he's not going to comply with what I want- should I just let him 'drown' in the court papers and take it from there and see what happens? Part of me feels like a failure as a mom for doing this, but I remember last summer- we did every other week and it was terrible- remember?
Its too late to get anything done in court now...I guess my only option is to wait out the storm. If after a week he is not letting them talk to me then I guess I have to reopen a dusty case in county and let JTB decide who is right and who is wrong and take my chances that the case will someday get transferred to county. I don't know what to do? HELP!

Mulan

 

[cherjp]

Hi Mulan

under no circumstances call DAMM to do a deal for the holidays, i know you are going to be worried sick but it will backfire BIG TIME and i think you will suffer more in the long run,DAMM isnt a man able to be reasonable at all , and i know its gone to be really hard but i think he will NOT last 5 weeks straight with the kids it will be too hard for him, you mentioned earler that if you dont get to talk to them then you can call the cops and child welfare, i think you will have to bite the bullet and follow this path if you cannot get in touch with them, DAMM isnt a normal human being remember this and if you call him he will only call on his buddy JUDGE TIGHT BREEKS and you will be hauled up infront of him for defying court orders and... maybe thrown in jail again.
Please listen to your friends here first before acting.

love
cheryl
xx

 

[haley's mom]

Mulan,

Did the court already state 5 weeks in the summer? If so, you should allow this to happen. I know it was be extremely hard on you especially if he does not allow you to talk to them.

But if you call and try to make a deal, and he says no. That will get you pissed off at him.

What you need to do is focus on summer 2009. How do you want the visitation to happen? This way you have 12 months to fight this one out. I'd say it's too late to change this year.

He'll know you want to revised and schedule and he'll say no just beacuse he can. Still a control thing.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[deedeetoo]

I know you have a raw deal in this arrangement but do not call him and try to make a deal. Every time you have called him to do something outside your custody agreement he says no and then he manages to twist it around so that it backfires on you and you get in trouble for it. This has happened over and over again. Doing this just puts him in a position of power over you which he enjoys and then takes advantage of.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I agree. DO NOT CALL HIM!!! The good ole judge will not like you trying to change his court order and you know DAMM will make sure he finds out.
I can't imagine how tough it will be but you must follow through and let the kids go.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

DO NOT CALL HIM and don't let him know how much the whole arrangement upsets you either. If you do then you just give him POWER over you and he will be more likely to keep the kids the entire 5 weeks.

Let the KIDS know how much you are going to miss them but do NOT let DAMM know. Remind him you will be calling at X time each nite to speak to the kids per your court order but DO NOT ask him to modify the arrangement at all.

Stay strong. If DAMM thinks you are going to be busy and out having fun then you bet he will find a way to shorten his summer visit. DO NOT suggest him bringing them back early - if he thinks this is what you want then that is absolutely the last thing he will do.

Take a breath and count to a million if you have those thoughts to call him and ask him anything again.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

Mulan,

You are a very faithful woman. And, you know that sometimes God works in some really weird ways. You have always believed, all along, that He has put you on this journey.

I believe, truly, the judge did not make this order on his own. I think there's some divine intervention going on. I believe this five week visitation order was not done to punish you, it was done to end this whole situation once and for all.

DAMM will not be able to handle the kids for 5 weeks. He's not. It's hot, it's summer, they get bored, no way, no how. And, if he thinks for one moment that you are living the high life and enjoying your summer while he's "babysitting the kids" - he'll put an end to your "fun" real fast.

If you abide by the terms of this agreement and he goes all nutso because he can't do what he wants when he wants, you'll end up with the kids. And, you'll be able to use all that as ammo next time holiday visitation comes up.

You MUST abide by the terms of the contract - that's what it is. A contract. You can't pick and choose which terms, you have to follow all terms.

Remember the wisdom of Solomon. You need to let them go with love and affection. You can make the keepsake books, and set times for them to know you are thinking of them and little "lovies" etc.

You have to follow the orders. Period. You can't call him. You can't discuss this with him. If you do, you are still letting him have control. The judge has spoken. You must abide.

I know this is so much easier said than done. I can't imagine what you are going through, honestly. My heart breaks for your kids and for you. But, every single step you have taken has been one on this journey. You must see it through to the end. What you may think are horrible obstacles may ultimately be hidden gifts meant to be unwrapped when you least expect them.

My best to you and your children.

 

[cherjp]

Mulan,

You are a very faithful woman. And, you know that sometimes God works in some really weird ways. You have always believed, all along, that He has put you on this journey.

I believe, truly, the judge did not make this order on his own. I think there's some divine intervention going on. I believe this five week visitation order was not done to punish you, it was done to end this whole situation once and for all.

DAMM will not be able to handle the kids for 5 weeks. He's not. It's hot, it's summer, they get bored, no way, no how. And, if he thinks for one moment that you are living the high life and enjoying your summer while he's "babysitting the kids" - he'll put an end to your "fun" real fast.

If you abide by the terms of this agreement and he goes all nutso because he can't do what he wants when he wants, you'll end up with the kids. And, you'll be able to use all that as ammo next time holiday visitation comes up.

You MUST abide by the terms of the contract - that's what it is. A contract. You can't pick and choose which terms, you have to follow all terms.

Remember the wisdom of Solomon. You need to let them go with love and affection. You can make the keepsake books, and set times for them to know you are thinking of them and little "lovies" etc.

You have to follow the orders. Period. You can't call him. You can't discuss this with him. If you do, you are still letting him have control. The judge has spoken. You must abide.

I know this is so much easier said than done. I can't imagine what you are going through, honestly. My heart breaks for your kids and for you. But, every single step you have taken has been one on this journey. You must see it through to the end. What you may think are horrible obstacles may ultimately be hidden gifts meant to be unwrapped when you least expect them.

My best to you and your children.

well said

please listen Mulan.

 

[mylilnikita]

I am quite sure he will get tired of hearing they are bored, and won't last the 5 whole weeks. Just do as the order says, don't call him because you are just setting yourself up for him to tick you off when he says no.
As for the phone calls well that is tough call, if he doen't let you talk to them, well you could do that whole thing again in the bad county and he will just think it's power of you that you will be getting upset when you can't talk to them-that idea about having the kids think about you at a certain time is good.
As for the kittens, are you going to have them both? Because if he wants to have the family experience for 5 weeks let him experience what you do on a daily basis kittens and all. And if he does get tired before the 5 weeks, well what are you going to do? Take the kids back becuase he can't handle it? Would he turn that against you later on-i.e. tell the kids you took them from him when he still had such and such number of weeks? Yes, you could use it to your advantage as well, but as long as things stay in bad county, the ball is in his court.
Your attorney needs to change counties pure and simple no hee hawing around.

 

[2poohbears]

I agree with everyone else - DO NOT CALL HIM. When you go to the drop off, do not show him how upset you are about the 5 weeks. He WANTS you to be upset. He WANTS you to worry. It gives him POWER. I don't think he'll be happy having the kids the whole 5 weeks, either. They will cramp his style.

Follow the court order to the letter. Don't give DAMM any excuses to haul you back into his buddy's court.

I know this will be probably the most difficult thing you have ever done in your life, but you will get through this. Feel free to come here and vent/cry/lean on us any time over the next few weeks. I hope you are still journaling as well - I think it would be good for you to write out your thoughts, and to also think toward the future over these next few weeks. Use this time wisely for yourself.