Invited My Wife's Brother and His Family and... Crickets

[Jack Kerouac]

Since there's only two of us we'll probably just do an Uber or Lyft from the airport to WDW and back. It's definitely more expensive, but it's probably easier in the long run that trying to coordinate a shuttle. If we do a split stay maybe we'll just rent a car so we can go between resorts, but that also seems like more trouble than it's worth.

I think we'll likely end up just staying somewhere other than AKV so my friend can have a murphy bed. I'd love to have my first stay be at my home resort, but hey, I have 33 years of Disney vacations ahead of me so it's not like I won't have another chance

We've read a lot about the cost of Uber and Lyft from MCO to the resorts. It's really not bad if its not peak pricing. Our issue would be finding and waiting for a driver with car seats for the kids. Otherwise, we would be open to it. In your case, it's probably a good plan.

33 years of Disney vacations. That's awesome! That's what I love about DVC. Before your WDW vacation is over, you already know you're coming back again.

 

[Pinnochio]

Here's the thing - WDW is still incredibly expensive, even with a free hotel. The family just may not have the funds for that kind of travel expense or want to use their scarce funds on that type of travel.

This.

 

[Her Dotness]

Great suggestions! SDC would be fun for the kids (and me). Plus I've always wanted to visit Springfield to tour the Wilson's Creek battlefield. Thanks!

You may have guessed, but I'll add anyway that hotels in Springfield were vastly cheaper than in Branson.

It's not far into Branson. About an hour's drive back in 55mph highways days.

 

[Miffy]

@Jack Kerouac:

I've read through most of this thread and I keep coming back to the same thought: that your wife and possibly you want something that involves other people who don't have the same interests and desires that you do.

The only sane solution to this problem is to completely drop the idea of vacationing with them. They do not want to vacation with you or, if they do, they have a very odd way of showing it.

I myself have no desire to go on a group vacation for any reason. One of my husband's sisters is into group vacations and years ago I went on one of these and had the absolute worst time. I would never ever do it again and I'm sure she knows this. It's not because I don't appreciate how much time and effort she puts into these things--it's because I do not want to go.

You bought DVC because you love it here at WDW (I'm here right now and loving it) and now you want to bring other people into the mix. Take Sandi's advice and do not depend on anyone else coming with you and don't be disappointed if people you've invited and have accepted end up not coming.

I have a very good friend who has broadly hinted that she wants to vacation at WDW with my sister and me (we are not DVC, btw), but I've never taken her up on it because the likelihood that she would cancel at the last minute is huge. I mean, she didn't come to my wedding, which was a subway ride away from her place.

What's my point? That you're a good person, your wife wants your kids and their cousins to get to know each other, and now you're trying to manipulate a situation that is resisting this manipulation at every turn. Forget it. Go visit these people--don't wait for them to visit you although, of course, ask first if you can visit. Maybe just for 1 or 2 days, even though it's far way. Forget about having a grand Disney vacation with them. Save this for yourselves.

 

[lilsonicfan]

But now I see it as more complicated discussion of money and pride, and me slinging around my fancy Disney trips, and I'm less sympathetic to my view. I couldn't understand rejecting such a valuable gift, and they couldn't understand why I burdened them with such an expensive "gift."

I want to say, I found this to be super insightful of you in light of a post you made just over a year ago. It can be hard to re-examine our own thought processes on these difficult situations.

 

[we"reofftoneverland]

I haven’t read the entire thread. Pieces. Honesty here, so warning. My first thought is: disaster. Extended family vacations are not fun. Period. They just aren’t. Whenever I see large groups of people with matching t- shirts on vacation, they look miserable. Disney vacation in Florida in May or June in sharing accommodations with people you haven’t seen in forever: complete nightmare from my perspective. When people do not respond pretty quickly to something like this, take the hint. They don’t want to go. It’s too much of a time commitment and too much of a financial commitment to spend with people who obviously do not get along very well for whatever reason. If I was in that situation, I would do the same thing. I wouldn’t respond. I would drag my feet. Hoping the other side would get the hint. When people want to do something, they respond. They didn’t even respond— not even to say something like hey, thanks for the invite, we have to think about this. They literally did not even respond. You guys need to respect that.

 

[Micca]

Whenever I see large groups of people with matching t- shirts on vacation, they look miserable.

Is that because no more than one or two people in that group ever thought matching t-shirts was a good idea??? And now there will be photographic evidence that at one time you agreed to wear that shirt???

 

[jimmytammy]

My experience has been when I invite someone to join us for a trip or offer them the accommodations through our points, the reactions I get tell me a lot, especially after mentioning it a few times.
If they get super excited and are all in up front, it’s a safe bet they will commit and go. If they are wishy washy, not willing to commit, most times they remain that way. Even telling them about points and 11 month 7 month, etc., they have no skin in it, therefore, they don’t get it or don’t care.
Don’t feel bad about yourselves, you don’t know their situations either. Maybe it would create a financial burden but they aren’t willing to admit it, or any other reasons could be delaying a final decision.
My experiences in such matters, move on, do what’s best for you and your family and maybe, just maybe they will come through and surprise you

 

[EdnaMarieMode]

I haven’t read the entire thread. Pieces. Honesty here, so warning. My first thought is: disaster. Extended family vacations are not fun. Period. They just aren’t. Whenever I see large groups of people with matching t- shirts on vacation, they look miserable. Disney vacation in Florida in May or June in sharing accommodations with people you haven’t seen in forever: complete nightmare from my perspective. When people do not respond pretty quickly to something like this, take the hint. They don’t want to go. It’s too much of a time commitment and too much of a financial commitment to spend with people who obviously do not get along very well for whatever reason. If I was in that situation, I would do the same thing. I wouldn’t respond. I would drag my feet. Hoping the other side would get the hint. When people want to do something, they respond. They didn’t even respond— not even to say something like hey, thanks for the invite, we have to think about this. They literally did not even respond. You guys need to respect that.

I’ll add, even when the invited guests really DO want to go, it’s been a nightmare for me. Everyone vacations differently, and even people who frequently take Disney vacations do so differently and have different priorities and budgets.

Since we have DVC and we know with certainty we will be back soon (ish), my family doesn’t have the same “go, go, GO! Have to see it all!!!!” mentality that my parents have. They are also grown adults traveling without small children of their own and are thus not concerned about bedtimes or naps or mealtimes. All families and travel parties function differently. Add in that their travel budget and mine are not the same and it’s another vote against. I could write a book or maybe a short film about all of the nonsense that ensued (happy to share but don’t want to completely hijack this thread) and so now it’s “never again” for me.

OP I do sympathize with your wife. I have often wished for the kind of togetherness and family vacations I see others enjoying. But, I’ve had to grieve that and move on because we have to accept people where they are and accept that the effort can’t be one-sided. That isn’t to say they don’t want to take a trip with or visit with your family but your wife is likely going to have to accept that for whatever reasons her relatives don’t want to take *this* trip, at least not enough for a solid confirmation. Is she going to enjoy the time between now and then if every park reservation, meal reservation, or other basic planning question is met with the same silence?

 

[nw6675]

My DH and I are probably a little more like your BIL. My SIL desperately wants to be the Hallmark movie kind of closeness. We aren't being mean, but we just prefer our privacy and to do our own thing. We are ok just talking infrequently and not seeing them much. We love them, but we don't want to hang out with them.

That being said, we would just immediately say no if we received an offer like yours. We would not leave you hanging. I agree with pretty much everyone on here that your wife has to move on from this and may risk things getting worse if she doesn't move past it. Do something fun more locally and if they don't even want that, give them their space. A forced relationship is not a relationship.

 

[Donna M]

About the deadline, I guess I just don't want them to feel like we forced them to do this. I know this is something they are going to have to want. I can't want it for them.

So many good points so far.
When we invite my sister, her response is a resounding yes. With my brother I need to know he has plane tickets by the 30 day mark so I can cancel his room if needed since he doesn´t get the whole timeshare thing. He once asked if he could get us a one bedroom for his son, not understanding the points involved.

In your situation, the silence could be their way of hoping this will all go away without them having to say anything, for whatever their reason is.

I agree with the idea of going to someplace closer and cheaper, and your family planning a Disney trip that will make you and your family happy.

There´s an option of texting each of them and saying something like, "I will be making reservations on .... If I don´t hear from you I will assume that you won´t be able to join us this year.¨ That forces them to talk about it if they really want to go.

Good luck

 

[ILoveMyDVC]

I've invited many groups over 30 years. Some of the best times have been with groups. Those friends, I love and will continue to invite them - the room is always on me, as long as they are willing to come.
But there are others that will never see another invitation. The ones that want to go on Imagination to see 3 or 4 times...never (If it was a child, SURE), the ones that can't agree on a freakin pizza, nope.
And it's a requirement for dating. If you can't even consider a stay at OKW in the winter because it is associated with WDW and you are that small minded, you're OUT. Done. Gone. See ya. I'll be on Main Street, U.S.A.

Mods et al: as soon as I posted this, I realized that my last comment could be misunderstood. I am talking about men who just hate all things Mickey, Minnie, Disney, etc ..always have. This is not a reflection of recent political events.

 

[Turn the Page]

Speaking from some similar experience, do NOT force the issue. You made the offer, you put it out there, they know about it, the ball is in their court. There is nothing worse than having to pester and cajole people who don't really want to be there.

I agree with PP's who suggested just booking a room big enough for everybody and letting it go. Alternatively, you could say "I need an answer by x date so I can book the room" and if they don't let you know then just book a room for your family and move on.

 

[keishashadow]

Branson, MO. That's where we could meet half way and have something to do.

I vote for a bonus trip for your family pre or post this planned WDW to visit with the estranged family members in Branson. Have you considered a weekend visit to the home town to meet up, see the parents & reminisce? of course, that’s contingent if on good enough basis that something all branches of the family would want to explore. there are members of my extended family I’d never go on vacation with, period. No need to explain

if you hit it off, then by all means, invite them to join you @ WDW the following year.

after having no face 2 face communication for so long, personally wouldn’t want my first trip “home” as a DVC member to be so stressful. Since you haven’t been particularly close, seems like a gamble to set yourself up for potential disappointment trying to read their behavior in this.

The wondering if they would indeed follow through & take you up on your generous offer alone, let alone the chance they’d back out at the last minute, could easily cast an unfortunate pallor on what should be a special time for your family.

The things we do to keep family happy good luck

 

[chuff88]

I've invited many groups over 30 years. Some of the best times have been with groups. Those friends, I love and will continue to invite them - the room is always on me, as long as they are willing to come.
But there are others that will never see another invitation. The ones that want to go on Imagination to see 3 or 4 times...never (If it was a child, SURE), the ones that can't agree on a freakin pizza, nope.
And it's a requirement for dating. If you can't even consider a stay at OKW in the winter because it is associated with WDW and you are that small minded, you're OUT. Done. Gone. See ya. I'll be on Main Street, U.S.A.

Mods et al: as soon as I posted this, I realized that my last comment could be misunderstood. I am talking about men who just hate all things Mickey, Minnie, Disney, etc ..always have. This is not a reflection of recent political events.

I also have one specific friend who, any time I'm going to Disney, it's basically an open invitation for him to join. His reason to decline has always been funds (we've often worked out a deal where I'll pay for the entire hotel room if he can just pay for his own park ticket and airfare, which usually works for him), but now that I'm DVC I'll get to go more which mean's HE'LL get to go more. We're planning a weeklong trip in July of 2024 and I told him if he can get there and pay for his park ticket all I'd ask is for a couple hundred dollars to cover some of my costs and he's totally in on that. We fly from different cities too, so he's free to fly as cheaply as he wants and I'm free to fly in the comfort of business class if I want with no hard feelings. I'm really excited that we'll get to take more Disney trips together because he's a blast to have around, and we're already hoping he can join my mom and me on one of our future trips.

 

[disneyseniors]

My wife's brother and his family live sixteen hours away from us. Since having kids, they no longer travel to see his parents (or us, as we live about ten minutes from them). We last visited them in 2016 when our oldest and their oldest were 16 months and three months, respectively. My wife is eager to have our boys see/meet their cousins. Usually around the beginning of the year, she brings up the idea of traveling to see them during our boys' spring break and I would stay home due to tax season. I'm hesitant to have her drive that far alone and because previous visits have not gone well. I also want them to have some skin in the game as well. Since buying DVC late last year, we have discussed from time to time the idea of inviting her brother and his family to join us in WDW in May/June 2024 once school gets out.

Back in March, my wife got the courage to email them and invite them. We told them we would cover their stay with our DVC points, they would have to cover the other expenses, WDW can be expensive, it requires a lot of planning, etc. About a month went by and we never heard from them. Last week, I finally just texted him and asked, "Did you and your wife get an email from my wife?" He replied, "About the vacation? Yeah." He then followed that up with saying he and his wife hadn't really talked about the invite but he didn't see why they couldn't go. We've heard nothing else from them.

We plan to go even if they opt out, but we would plan our trip differently (longer and with a split stay) if they do not join us. The 11 month mark is next month, which I plan on booking the home resort (Poly) portion of the trip at that time. I don't really want to give them a deadline of 11 months out, but I also don't want to find out at six months that they want to join us.

Any suggestions on how to proceed?

I guess I don't give then any slack in this situation. To make you wait and have to retext them?? No way.
I feel they are just plain rude. It's obvious they don't want to visit family if you live so close. And what does having kids have to do with visiting your parents? I would think they would want their kids to meet gramma and grampa??
If your wife insists on the kids meeting their cousins, I would pick a day and tell them to meet you at a local park or somewhere like that.

I think you will be extemely lucky if they actually have the courtesy to refuse.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

I guess I don't give then any slack in this situation. To make you wait and have to retext them?? No way.
I feel they are just plain rude. It's obvious they don't want to visit family if you live so close. And what does having kids have to do with visiting your parents? I would think they would want their kids to meet gramma and grampa??
If your wife insists on the kids meeting their cousins, I would pick a day and tell them to meet you at a local park or somewhere like that.

I think you will be extemely lucky if they actually have the courtesy to refuse.

While I agree with your sentiment, because as of today we have not heard anything from them, it is we who live close to her parents. Her brother and SIL live sixteen hours away in TX. I'm not saying you're wrong though about who they are, because I don't think being closer would make much difference. Her brother has traveled to Chicago (about an hour from us) for work since moving to TX and he mostly tried to avoid letting us know he was around.

My wife and I have talked and we are just going to remain patient, but silent. If we hear from them before the 7 month mark, we will be open to them joining us since we invited them. If it's within the 7 month window, then, based on their sincerity, it will either be better luck next time, e.g. Happy Gilmore's hockey coach, or we can potentially talk about a future trip together.

 

[chuff88]

I feel like you've arrived at a reasonable solution!

 

[lilsonicfan]

The only unreasonable part of what you said is that you might discuss a future trip together. No. Do not do this! Even “better luck next time”, that should just be “oh well!”

 

[Timandalicia]

My wife's brother and his family live sixteen hours away from us. Since having kids, they no longer travel to see his parents (or us, as we live about ten minutes from them). We last visited them in 2016 when our oldest and their oldest were 16 months and three months, respectively. My wife is eager to have our boys see/meet their cousins. Usually around the beginning of the year, she brings up the idea of traveling to see them during our boys' spring break and I would stay home due to tax season. I'm hesitant to have her drive that far alone and because previous visits have not gone well. I also want them to have some skin in the game as well. Since buying DVC late last year, we have discussed from time to time the idea of inviting her brother and his family to join us in WDW in May/June 2024 once school gets out.

Back in March, my wife got the courage to email them and invite them. We told them we would cover their stay with our DVC points, they would have to cover the other expenses, WDW can be expensive, it requires a lot of planning, etc. About a month went by and we never heard from them. Last week, I finally just texted him and asked, "Did you and your wife get an email from my wife?" He replied, "About the vacation? Yeah." He then followed that up with saying he and his wife hadn't really talked about the invite but he didn't see why they couldn't go. We've heard nothing else from them.

We plan to go even if they opt out, but we would plan our trip differently (longer and with a split stay) if they do not join us. The 11 month mark is next month, which I plan on booking the home resort (Poly) portion of the trip at that time. I don't really want to give them a deadline of 11 months out, but I also don't want to find out at six months that they want to join us.

Any suggestions on how to proceed?

No good situation ever starts off: “My wife’s brother…” Good luck with that.