If Your Child Goes To College Across the Country.....

[Luv Bunnies]

Do you fly out every fall to help your child move in? When our freshman son moved into his dorm in August, the whole family went to help and get a sense for where he would be living for the next year. We spent a week sightseeing around the area and attending parent orientation (which we won't have to do next fall). DH and were discussing vacations for next year and I mentioned all of us going to help move DS into his sophomore dorm (he will be in a different building). DH doesn't think we necessarily need to go next fall. I'm sure DS could handle unpacking his own things (we're using a summer storage service that will deliver his boxes directly to his new room). But, personally, I would like to see his new building, meet his roommates (he'll be in a four-person suite with two rooms and a shared bathroom), and make sure he's all set for the year. Plus, we definitely have a lot more sightseeing to do in the area around his school.

So, if your child has to fly to and from school, do you fly out with them to move in each year?

 

[because]

Do you fly out every fall to help your child move in? When our freshman son moved into his dorm in August, the whole family went to help and get a sense for where he would be living for the next year. We spent a week sightseeing around the area and attending parent orientation (which we won't have to do next fall). DH and were discussing vacations for next year and I mentioned all of us going to help move DS into his sophomore dorm (he will be in a different building). DH doesn't think we necessarily need to go next fall. I'm sure DS could handle unpacking his own things (we're using a summer storage service that will deliver his boxes directly to his new room). But, personally, I would like to see his new building, meet his roommates (he'll be in a four-person suite with two rooms and a shared bathroom), and make sure he's all set for the year. Plus, we definitely have a lot more sightseeing to do in the area around his school.

So, if your child has to fly to and from school, do you fly out with them to move in each year?

I think the most important person you need to ask is your son. What are his feelings? Does he want his family there to help him move in or would he like to do it himself with friends and roommates?

 

[yoopermom]

Our DS would have hated it, and just asked us to pay for the UHaul after freshmen move in. His DGF, OTOH, loved having her parents there for as many moves as possible. Best to take it on an individual basis. Could you visit at a different time of year, perhaps?

Terri

 

[BrinkofSunshine]

My mom only helped me move into my first dorm; she never visited during my sophomore year at all (different dorm, in a different part of the city even). An old friend of hers happened to have a son attending the same school so they helped a little with move-in, but it wasn’t really necessary.

I would ask him what he wants.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Echoing PPs, leave it up to your son.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I agree, ask your son.

We only flew out to help ours freshman year. They're a junior now.

 

[QueenIsabella]

As others said, ask your son. By now, he's familiar with campus and the city, and probably has many friends to help him, including upperclassmen who have BTDT with moving.

When my oldest went off to college, we lived 2 hours away--of course we helped her move. But then WE moved, 800 miles away, during the summer between sophomore/junior year. By then, she was a seasoned pro--she rented a storage unit over the summer, and moved herself, with the help of friends. It was really no big deal to her--what helped a lot was, she was working at orientation, so she got to move back a few days earlier than most.

She's now graduated, and DH did drive up in a U-Haul with some stuff from her room here. He stopped along the way, picking up some furnishings from her grandmother, who unfortunately died this summer. Between her stuff from home, stuff from Grandma, and cast-offs from friends, she was able to furnish her entire apartment for free. (It makes my cheap heart so proud!) My point is, your son probably knows way more about the ins and outs of moving/furnishing/living on his campus than you could ever hope to. If he says he'll be fine without you, believe him.

 

[Southernmiss]

Regardless of how close or far away you are, it is up to your son.

We helped ds#1 move in his sophomore year, but once arriving on campus to his place we realized it was more awkward than helpful. (He needed my van to transport his stuff.) We put his boxes in his room and then left the rest to him.

The latter years are different than 1st year.

 

[mjkacmom]

We drove dd and ds freshman and sophomore years because they didn’t have cars (about an hour away). We moved them in and left (and only a sibling or two to help). Dd had a car junior and senior year, so she just moved in herself, hopefully ds will have a car next year and move himself (he will be off campus, dd was off campus by junior year).

 

[Meriweather]

DH drove DS from WA to PA when he first went....so much stuff.
After that, we never went. He just came home for breaks.

 

[mom2rb]

Freshman year, I flew up with him and helped him get set up. Sophomore year he got a car. It is a 22 hour drive so I go with him and fly home. In the Spring, I fly up, pack and clean his dorm room while he finishes up his finals. Then we drive home. He flys home during breaks.

 

[nkereina]

I agree it's a personal choice. I attended college away from home and my parents always came to help me unpack and I loved it, and was grateful for it. It was nice to have the help getting settled, help hanging things, setting things up, laundry, etc. It felt good to have that comfort while getting settled in before starting the new school year. But boys might be different!

Could just you or just you and DH go for a long weekend to help him move in and then take a whole family vacation somewhere else another time during the Fall? Or is there a parents' weekend at another time during the semester when you all could visit where the school has things planned? My university always did something like this in October I think.

 

[dina444444]

I went to college all the way across the country. My mom moved me in my freshman and sophomore years. She also helped me move out my sophomore year as I transferred schools at that point and we needed a rental car to move my stuff between where I had been going to school and where I would be going to school. For my junior and senior year I moved in and out on my own.

 

[MomofKatie]

We moved DD in before her freshman year, but she handled moving out and back in for sophomore year. We were 8 hours away before- now we are 14 hours away. We are planning on me flying down at the end of the school year to drive with her back home for the summer- she hasn't made the long drive before, and we feel she needs Mom to keep her company (she might not feel the same, lol).

 

[georgina]

Nope. DD went to school across the country. We flew out with her to move her in freshman year; over the summers she used a storage pod brought to campus by the pod company and picked up to store (shared it with friends) and then she just flew home and back with her 2 suitcases of stuff. The storage place even kept her things while she was on a semester study abroad. We moved her out graduation weekend.

 

[rigs32]

There are no parent activities for you other than unloading a few boxes on move-in weekend. I'd save the trip for parents weekend that's usually in the fall.

Most school often allow upperclassmen to move in just a day or two before classes start. So unless your son asks you to be there for move-in, I don't think it's fair to expect him to give up that very limited time to settle in to be with the family.

 

[JaxDad]

My children are not in college yet, but I'm interested in how things will work. I'm assuming that like the OP I'm definitely going to want to go the first year, help out, and check out the area. I think after that, I will likely just ask my children what they want.

My college was about 20 hours driving distance from home, and freshmen were discouraged from having cars. I rode the bus the first trip to school, with my bike boxed up in the cargo area, then found rides for getting home at Christmas and summer. I never had much stuff, so I was able to stash it with friends. I drove my beater the next three years, and my parents didn't make their first trip to the school until I graduated. I understand why they did it that way, but it's not how I want to do it.

 

[Colleen27]

We expect that we will, but the kid who wants to go cross-country is specifically looking at urban schools so she won't need a car. So she may need help from us unless she ends up with a roommate or friend who can help with moving things in and out of storage for the summer. I figure we'll probably drive her down in the fall and pick her up in the spring, but I don't have any expectations as far as how much help she'll want or need. It might just be dropping off/picking up and making a vacation of it without her once she's where she needs to be. She can fly or take the train home for breaks during the school year.

 

[smiths02]

I would just ask you son as others have said.

I don't believe that my mom came to see me in college once and then at graduation (CA--->GA). Flights, time off work, and hotels were too much money. I was fine.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I was only an hour and a half from home, so my folks did drive me there and back each year, rather than pay for a storage unit. But if I'd been far away, I only would have planned on that the first time. I definitely agree with asking your DS how he feels, but I expect he'll be fine without it next time.