Don't lknow what to do about my husbands family....vent long!

[imthatgirl]

My husband comes from a large very close family. Which is great...most of the time.
But not now....we've decided to go to WDW without any of them for the first time. In past trips we've taken anyone who can and wants to come. Sometimes it's been as many as 8 extra people and other times we've just taken his baby sister(she's 14 now).
We are going to WDW in May...in just 18 days. We booked this trip a little over a week ago. So not much planning went into it and we decided to make this just a family vacation. we can't afford to take his baby sister and we didn't want to ask others, and really most people can't go on the drop of the hat like that.
Now we have his baby sister in tears...his older sister mad at us(oh yeah forgot to mention we told 2 of his sisters who are both getting married this year we couldn't be in their weddings since we didn't have the money to spend on 2 weddings in one year).

All because we chose to take a family vacation.....with just our family, you know the way most people vacation!

 

[cherjp]

Well there is a saying that you can choose your friends but you can't choose your relatives!

Would it be possible to explain the extra cost involved or could they contribute at all?

Either that or you have to be really strong and say sorry but as this was very last minute we can't afford anything extra to be spent we cant take you etc etc etc.

Hope you manage to sort it out.

 

[frkymcky]

Well there is a saying that you can choose your friends but you can't choose your relatives!

Would it be possible to explain the extra cost involved or could they contribute at all?

Either that or you have to be really strong and say sorry but as this was very last minute we can't afford anything extra to be spent we cant take you etc etc etc.

Hope you manage to sort it out.

My SIL loves to remind me that she didn't have a choice when it came to her brother but I certainly did!!! LOL

Anyhow....be strong, it's your family and you are allowed to vacation without any in-laws or siblings. Regardless of vacations, weddings can be very expensive. I wouldn't stress too much, plan your vacation and enjoy yourself.

 

[ZeroMyHero]

We're in a similar boat when it comes to vacations. My dream is to take a Disney vacation with just my in-laws, my mom, and us (DH, DDs and me). NO ONE ELSE. His sibs and extended family would be furious and also find a way to crash the vacation, regardless of what we want. So, I feel your pain. That said, you are entitled to take a family vacation with just your immediate family. Those are the best kinds, IMO.

 

[imthatgirl]

We're going and of course we sticking with "this is our family and we have every right to go on vacation"....it's just hard to be strong with that without looking smug or arrogant.
Which we aren't...we're just in love with a mouse!!!

 

[BlondeAlligator]

I certainly support your decision to take your own trip to WDW without anyone else. There's no law that says that you have to take every single trip with extended family! If there was, DH and I would be in jail A LOT. LOL!

One thought, though...the sisters who are getting married might be burt by your decision to travel again instead of take on the cost of being in their weddings. I don't know how much that would have cost you, or how close you all are, but their wedding days are important to them, I'm sure. I assume you will still attend the weddings and give a gift, so not being IN the weddings might not have saved you that much. From their point of view, they might be wondering why you couldn't afford to be a bigger part of their special days, but now can afford a last minute vacation.

Agian, I don't know all the details...just offering something to think about before you get too upset with them...you know how brides can be.

 

[design_mom]

I agree with BlondeAlligator. You are certainly within your right to take a vacation as a family. I also think, although the 14 year old is disappointed, she's old enough to understand that sometimes her big brother can do something alone with his wife and kids. I am sure it's uncomfortable at the moment, but I wouldn't let that affect my decision too much.

I *sort of* understand the sisters' being upset since you said that DH comes from a 'close' family. I can see where they might expect him to make their weddings a priority. I was by no means a "bridezilla" but I would have been hurt hurt if my sister (don't have a brother) prioritized a last-minute vacation over being in my wedding.

You are well within your rights as a family to take the trip, of course... and if you make the decision to go then you'll have to live with the family consequences, too.

 

[AlexTina]

Hang in there and enjoy your trip. I am in a similar situation in that my cousin is getting married in Maryland in Sept. my aunt is of the opinion that we should either go to disney and the wedding or if we can't afford both we should forfeit our vacation plans in favor of the wedding in Sept. (that's not gonna happen!). We go on our disney trip every year, we look forward to it and our kids look forward to it. If my aunt thinks that I am going to give up a 10 day disney vacation so I can spend a fortune on clothing, airfare, and hotels for my family of 5 to go to Maryland for a weekend she's nuts. Is she going to be upset? Probably. Will she get over it? Eventually.

I should add that although I come from a fairly large close knit family I am not close at all with this particular cousin and we were not aked to be in the wedding just to attend it. I pretty certain that the only person that will even notice that we're not there is my aunt.

Tina

 

[imthatgirl]

OK I kind of understand where is sister is coming from...but on the other hand I think she needs to stop and remember that not everything revolves around her.
Heres the deal with the weddings....last year one of his sisters asked me, DH and my 9yo daughter to be in her May 2010 wedding. We gladly said yes. then 2 months later another sister decided she also wanted to get married in 2010 in November and would also like me, DH and my 9yo daughter in it.
At that point we had to tell both sisters no, I couldn't do one wedding and not the other. Being in both would be a financial strain and quite frankly I didn't want to spend thousands on their weddings. Neither of us did.
Being in a wedding doesn't just stop at the tuxes and dresses(which for 3 people would run about $600 a wedding) there are also showers, gifts, batchelorette parties, getting hair done, make up done....we estimated about $2500 for all 3 of us to do these two weddings.
To me....it's not fair to expect other people to do that. nor do I think our annual family vacation should be cancelled for their weddings.
So the decision to do neither wedding was made months ago and really does not effect, or should not effect our family vacation.
Whew....yes there is too much drama in a big family, lol.

 

[imthatgirl]

Hang in there and enjoy your trip. I am in a similar situation in that my cousin is getting married in Maryland in Sept. my aunt is of the opinion that we should either go to disney and the wedding or if we can't afford both we should forfeit our vacation plans in favor of the wedding in Sept. (that's not gonna happen!). We go on our disney trip every year, we look forward to it and our kids look forward to it. If my aunt thinks that I am going to give up a 10 day disney vacation so I can spend a fortune on clothing, airfare, and hotels for my family of 5 to go to Maryland for a weekend she's nuts. Is she going to be upset? Probably. Will she get over it? Eventually.

I should add that although I come from a fairly large close knit family I am not close at all with this particular cousin and we were not aked to be in the wedding just to attend it. I pretty certain that the only person that will even notice that we're not there is my aunt.

Tina

Honestly I don't think it even matters how close you are to the cousin. People need to realize that they have no claim on other people's time or money. What you choose to do with your time and money is strictly your decision. I'm sure if her wedding was more convienient you would be there....it's not, so send a card.

 

[surfergirl602]

I think the older sisters are understandibly hurt by your decision. In our family, wedding would trump vacation. If my sibling told me that she was choosing a vacation over my wedding day, I would be very upset by it. But, if the vacation was planned before the wedding date was announced, that's a different story.

 

[tzolkin]

Being in a wedding doesn't just stop at the tuxes and dresses(which for 3 people would run about $600 a wedding) there are also showers, gifts, batchelorette parties, getting hair done, make up done....we estimated about $2500 for all 3 of us to do these two weddings.

To me....it's not fair to expect other people to do that. nor do I think our annual family vacation should be cancelled for their weddings.

I agree. And many weddings are getting totally out of hand for what they expect from the bridal party. I didn't ask anything of anyone in my wedding (I bought all the dresses) and would not have been offended if anyone (except our parents) was unable to come.

DH was asked two years ago to be in a friend's wedding. The couple moved right before getting engaged and DH has probably only talked to this "friend" two or three times in the last two years. He recently got an email about the "bachelor party"-- a 5 day weekend in FL... we live in NY, so this involves taking off work, plane tickets, hotel, plus expenses. The groom also lives in NY. I just don't understand who plans a vacation without consulting with anyone and then just expects that people will go along just because you've given them the honor of being in their wedding?? DH obviously said he couldn't afford to attend (at least $1000). Then we finally get the info for the wedding (still over 6 months away). They're getting married in a remote location at a place that's $250/night with a 2 night minimum (no other hotels around). Then the guys are going to golf ($150) while I just sit at the hotel by myself. So just the wedding was going to wind up costing us over $1000 + gift + have to find childcare for 3 days. In total this wedding would have cost us over $2000 and 8 days of DH's time. Sorry, but it's not worth a Disney trip.

 

[BlondeAlligator]

I am not close to my cousins, and did not attend their weddings. Sisters, however, are a different story. No one should EXPECT you to be in a wedding, but I think that being asked is an honor, and I would never turn down one of my sisters (even when one of them was having her second wedding!). I typically do one or more family vacations per year, but when there is a major life event, like a wedding, I have skipped my vacations in order to be there for my family; they have done the same for me as well. That's just how we roll...

You are certainly within your right to continue on with your vacaiton plans. I wasn't saying that you should change them, just that you should try to be sensitive to the brides, whose feelings might be hurt.

As for the younger sister, she should not be feeling entitled to join you just because she has in the past. She's old enough to know better & be mature about it.

Wow...I'm feeling really happy right now that I don't have any trips planned with family! LOL...it's so unfortunate when previous acts of generosity turn ugly like they have for you guys. I hope that everything smooths over & that you can go and enjoy your vacation!

 

[imthatgirl]

I am not close to my cousins, and did not attend their weddings. Sisters, however, are a different story. No one should EXPECT you to be in a wedding, but I think that being asked is an honor, and I would never turn down one of my sisters (even when one of them was having her second wedding!). I typically do one or more family vacations per year, but when there is a major life event, like a wedding, I have skipped my vacations in order to be there for my family; they have done the same for me as well. That's just how we roll...

You are certainly within your right to continue on with your vacaiton plans. I wasn't saying that you should change them, just that you should try to be sensitive to the brides, whose feelings might be hurt.

As for the younger sister, she should not be feeling entitled to join you just because she has in the past. She's old enough to know better & be mature about it.

Wow...I'm feeling really happy right now that I don't have any trips planned with family! LOL...it's so unfortunate when previous acts of generosity turn ugly like they have for you guys. I hope that everything smooths over & that you can go and enjoy your vacation!

These aren't "my" sisters. I am not very close to them.

 

[imthatgirl]

I think the older sisters are understandibly hurt by your decision. In our family, wedding would trump vacation. If my sibling told me that she was choosing a vacation over my wedding day, I would be very upset by it. But, if the vacation was planned before the wedding date was announced, that's a different story.

Again, these aren't my siblings.....and we will be going to the weddings.

 

[design_mom]

These aren't "my" sisters. I am not very close to them.

But they're your husband's sisters, right? And you said in the first post that he comes from a "close" family, so I would assume *he* is close with them.

But since he obviously agrees with the decision to go on a vacation instead of being part of the wedding party, I guess his choice is made. I don't think anyone is saying you don't have the right to make the choice for your own family, but some of us feel that we understand why the sisters are upset: You bowed out of the wedding for financial reasons, yet you are spending money on another "optional expense." If you had just said "I'm sorry, we don't wish to participate in the wedding..." then the two would be totally separate decisions, but since you said you couldn't do it because of the expense, then are likely spending a similar amount on your trip, I can see why they're upset.

 

[imthatgirl]

But they're your husband's sisters, right? And you said in the first post that he comes from a "close" family, so I would assume *he* is close with them.

But since he obviously agrees with the decision to go on a vacation instead of being part of the wedding party, I guess his choice is made. I don't think anyone is saying you don't have the right to make the choice for your own family, but some of us feel that we understand why the sisters are upset: You bowed out of the wedding for financial reasons, yet you are spending money on another "optional expense." If you had just said "I'm sorry, we don't wish to participate in the wedding..." then the two would be totally separate decisions, but since you said you couldn't do it because of the expense, then are likely spending a similar amount on your trip, I can see why they're upset.

He is close to them. Well I mean we all live in the same area...by close I guess I mean they're all in each others business. He never calls them, or meets up with them for m=lunch or anything.
Like I said we made the decision to be in one wedding and then when asked to do the second we decided it was just too much money for us. that decision was made 6 months ago. I honestly don't think we should weigh each decision we make from now on because of the fact that we chose not to be in the weddings.
We take a yearly vacation...which is very important to us. My husband works very hard. He works 7 days a week to provide for my family, vacation time is SO very important to us....I don't feel that his sister has any claim in what we do with the money we earn. Sorry.

And of course we told them why. 2 weddings in one year...of course thats a lot of money. It was sort of selfish for sister #2 to even decide to get married in the same year. Had she just waited a year we would have done both.

I also want to add that I never bowed out of the second sisters wedding. When she asked us we told her no and then bowed out of the first sisters wedding. the first sister totally understands that 2 weddings in one year is ridiculous.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Having gone with inlaws to Disney, I agree that you need to vacation by yourself occasionally.

But, I would seriously reconsider the decision to NOT go to your husband's two sisters weddings. Saying "you can't afford it" and but then you go on vacation? Wow, I dunno. I could see how that would be insulting.

 

[imthatgirl]

Having gone with inlaws to Disney, I agree that you need to vacation by yourself occasionally.

But, I would seriously reconsider the decision to NOT go to your husband's two sisters weddings. Saying "you can't afford it" and but then you go on vacation? Wow, I dunno. I could see how that would be insulting.

Oh no, we're going to the weddings.

 

[Luvchefmic]

He is close to them. Well I mean we all live in the same area...by close I guess I mean they're all in each others business. He never calls them, or meets up with them for m=lunch or anything.
Like I said we made the decision to be in one wedding and then when asked to do the second we decided it was just too much money for us. that decision was made 6 months ago. I honestly don't think we should weigh each decision we make from now on because of the fact that we chose not to be in the weddings.
We take a yearly vacation...which is very important to us. My husband works very hard. He works 7 days a week to provide for my family, vacation time is SO very important to us....I don't feel that his sister has any claim in what we do with the money we earn. Sorry.

And of course we told them why. 2 weddings in one year...of course thats a lot of money. It was sort of selfish for sister #2 to even decide to get married in the same year. Had she just waited a year we would have done both.

I also want to add that I never bowed out of the second sisters wedding. When she asked us we told her no and then bowed out of the first sisters wedding. the first sister totally understands that 2 weddings in one year is ridiculous.

I think you are 100 % right in your decision and you and your immediate family DH, you, & children have the right to go anwhere you want...just because others were taken with you, or joined you, in the past it shouldn't be a "given"....just one more thing regarding your avatar and my avatar/user ID......what's your kid doing with MY mouse !! ??