Did you ever "break up" with your family?

[TeresaBelle]

Sad stories both, but why are they almost identically worded?

I noticed that too. Weird. I feel like usnuz is probably legit. Not sure about the other, as they just joined yesterday.

 

[crazymomof4]

I kept trying to fix it until I realized I didn’t break it. I’ve worked really hard to forgive but man, I have some scars on my heart that will just never go away.

Love this! Explains how I feel as well.

With all of them I keep trying which makes DD and DH nuts but I’m not a quitter. I have learned how to keep myself at a safe distance though.

Yep, my children are all adults now and know me to be one who has always stood up for herself. So for years they would say, with regard to how my bro and SIL were treating me, "Mom, why do you take that from them/him? You don't let anyone else treat you that way!" It was that DNA. That's what was the difference. I kept swallowing all the words I wanted to say & put up with the criticism just to keep the peace, because he was my only sibling.

I soo feel for everyone on this thread. This is such a difficult thing.

 

[Keli]

I never have had any family that I needed to separate myself from so I haven't had to experience this firsthand. I've seen it with friends though and it seems like it is a pain that really never goes away for some. It's just so sad.

My husband isn't as close to some of his siblings as I would like, it makes me sad to think of how much time passes between contact but there is no animosity, it's everyone getting busy with life and their own kids/grandkids taking up their free time. I think they all love each other but I'm afraid it will take losing a sibling or a parent to remind them to spend time together while everyone is here and healthy.

 

[wenrob]

Everyone on my mother's side of the family (excluding my mother). She knew they were a toxic, manipulative bunch, verbally and at times physically abusive. My mom kept trying to have a relationship with them, but never protected her kids from them.

Someone had to break that chain...it was me.

This was the breaking point for my DH. We put up with A LOT of emotional manipulation from his dad. That spilled over to my DD on our last visit there over 15 years ago. My DH packed up the truck and we never looked back.

 

[usnuzuloose]

Sad stories both, but why are they almost identically worded?

I have never seen that other post, so I don't know. I only have the one sister.

 

[RedAngie]

No, I haven’t broken up with any family members. Drifted apart, sadly yes.

There are a few I’m not particularly fond of, but we play nice on the rare occasions we see each other.

One cousin “divorced” most family members decades ago. Suits me fine.

 

[billlaurie]

If only we could choose our family members! If someone is so toxic that you would never ever associate with them, it makes no difference to me whether there is shared DNA. It comes down to self preservation. I did it and my life is so much better.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Yes.

The ball presently is in my court for at least one portion (as they've reached out several years past) but I've been at peace of where I'm at for quite a while and have no wish to return to before at this time. The door isn't nailed shut it's just closed for now. Mentally it's what I have to do for myself and maintain that decision for now.

My sister has actually done the same thing as me just the opposite in who she cut off. I have seen my sister once in 16 years, I have seen my father twice in 16 years. My sister has seen my mom once in 16 years (and consequently my mom's side of the family). The issue between my sister and I is not the same as between my father and I and same for the issue my sister has with my mom. None the less it's an issue that has made us both living our lives separately without actively wanting to return to the past. I am also at peace with that. That door also is not nailed shut but is closed at the moment.

To others (I mean in real life) not familiar with toxic family members it probably comes across as strange and unfathomable the schism in my family as in what it is.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Cut all ties with a cousin when she went against my uncle's wishes and contested his will after he died. Screwed me and my siblings out of a lot of money and personal effects that we had requested.

Why did she end up winning if you don't mind me asking?

When my grandmother passed away my mom, aunt and uncle were all worried my other aunt would put up a fight about my other aunt (who is autistic) in terms of letting her stay in the duplex my grandmother had bought (and had always been paid outright for so no mortgage) since the value was included in the estate amount to be split. My autistic aunt didn't need the money she needed a place to stay. Luckily the other aunt didn't put up a fight but there was some stressful months there wondering just what she would do. That other aunt is someone who most have cut off because she's a user of people, manipulative, moocher so there was some real valid concern over just what she would do.

 

[paisleys]

I had a whole post typed up that I deleted! To answer the OP's question: Yes. I would just love to figure out how to get all of these people out of my head though. Out of sight is rarely out of mind with these things.

 

[holden]

I have a cousin that we (my parents and brother) have completely cut ties with. She needs help and refuses to get it. Instead she goes through her phone calling people to mooch off of. She lives on government money which she spends on weed. Her mother and siblings (her father passed a few years ago) have also cut her out of their lives. She's like a leech that sucks you dry.

 

[Pink Partridge]

I have a cousin that we (my parents and brother) have completely cut ties with. She needs help and refuses to get it. Instead she goes through her phone calling people to mooch off of. She lives on government money which she spends on weed. Her mother and siblings (her father passed a few years ago) have also cut her out of their lives. She's like a leech that sucks you dry.

It is difficult to accept someone like that.

And always scary to have them in your home, because they steal. We have a family member (1st cousin) that it is way more than weed. And he would rob you blind and not think twice. That is why he no longer a part of our life.

We saw him last a family funeral, and he was just there to ask people for drug money. I wouldn't even make eye contact.

 

[holden]

It is difficult to accept someone like that.

And always scary to have them in your home, because they steal. We have a family member (1st cousin) that it is way more than weed. And he would rob you blind and not think twice. That is why he no longer a part of our life.

We saw him last a family funeral, and he was just there to ask people for drug money. I wouldn't even make eye contact.

I can totally relate. It's sad because she needs mental health help but refuses to accept that she needs it.

 

[evilmommie]

Yes. My only sibling, my sister. Haven’t spoken to her in over 2 years.

Took her middle son in to help him, he was 29 at the time. It turned into a nightmare...my sister never once reached out while he was living with us or to even text to thank me for saving her son from some really awful circumstances. Too long of a story.

 

[Planogirl]

Yes, my mother. I finally had enough and lost my temper after 40 years of misery. She ended up offended of course and wouldn’t speak to me again. Best thing I ever did. My sanity thanked me.

 

[evilmommie]

I can totally relate. It's sad because she needs mental health help but refuses to accept that she needs it.

100% the situation with my nephew. And, my husband and I were the only ones willing to help him. Everyone else wants to act like nothing is wrong.

 

[prairie_girl]

Why did she end up winning if you don't mind me asking?

When my grandmother passed away my mom, aunt and uncle were all worried my other aunt would put up a fight about my other aunt (who is autistic) in terms of letting her stay in the duplex my grandmother had bought (and had always been paid outright for so no mortgage) since the value was included in the estate amount to be split. My autistic aunt didn't need the money she needed a place to stay. Luckily the other aunt didn't put up a fight but there was some stressful months there wondering just what she would do. That other aunt is someone who most have cut off because she's a user of people, manipulative, moocher so there was some real valid concern over just what she would do.

It’s a very long story but she claimed they were in a relationship (despite being first cousins) and the judge bought it. They were considered common law because they had lived together for the required amount of time.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

It’s a very long story but she claimed they were in a relationship (despite being first cousins) and the judge bought it. They were considered common law because they had lived together for the required amount of time.

Oh my wow, yeah okay whew that's a new one and not one I would have ever imagined. Sorry it all happened

 

[AuntieMe3]

We do not have relationship with my DHs mother, and two half siblings. They are blocked from contacting us in all forms(phone, email, social media). DH tried to be a good son and take care of his mom like his dad asked him before he passed away and she is just terrible....influenced by the two siblings so we have nothing to with them, finally, after many years of heartbreak for my DH. The only family members we do have contact with also do not have a relationship with the same people.

 

[mrsstats79]

My DH no longer talks with his mother or siblings. 1st his mother kicked her grandchildren to the curb when their dad (her favorite child) died. Then when my father in law lay dying in the living room (on hospice care) my sil started screaming at my husband over so thing she perceived my dh was saying. All went down hill from there. FIL died that day and after the funeral my dh has not spoken to his mother or sister.

The upside of all of this is we have a wonderful relationship with his nieces that were disowned.