Did you ever "break up" with your family?

[penn19]

Yes. It’s unfortunate. But my life is so much better

 

[WDWEPCOT]

Yes and took way too long to do it because I kept giving them chances - not any more ! I’m done and better off - I hate being used and lied to - I’m ok with the decision and if other in family don’t like it I don’t care it’s not their business - I don’t tell them how to run their life don’t tell me - too much game playing is how we all ended up where we all don’t speak - figure it out ! But alas they don’t they just keep stirring the pot and I’m so glad I’m out of it .
Everyday life is hard enough no one needs extra crap added to the mix - I don’t miss any of it - it’s like weights being lifted
No I won’t give out more chances I’m fresh out
Only you can make the decision and it has to be what you can live with and what you want - don’t let someone guilt you - search your soul and find your answer that is right for you!
I wish you all peace and happiness it’s out there - try Disney I hear they have magic but that comes with a price !

 

[crazymomof4]

Sadly, yes. My brother and only sibling. His first wife bashed his birth-family for 18 years and he took her side on everything. It was like he was brain-washed to believe everything she said about us. He woke-up the day she walked out on him. After she left, he described his years with her as having been "in a fog". Yes, we all saw that but he didn't see her control during the time they were together. So.... now fast forward 10 years into wife #2. The same pattern has slowly began happening again. Funny how women know just how much they can get away with when it comes to controlling their husband, isn't it? And some men just allow themselves to be controlled and don't even realize it. Welp, I'm not up for Round 2. I'm too old now and have been through too much to be their beating bag into my golden years. You would think a sibling who has known you for over 50 years would know you well enough to stand up for you and say, "No, that's not who I know my sister to be. You've got it wrong." If he truly believes the things she says about me then he doesn't know me well enough to deserve the position of "friend" in my life, much-less, "brother".

Reading through this thread, somehow gives me comfort. Knowing others have reached the point where they've said, "enough!". Gives my very painful decision some validation.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

I haven’t seen my sister in 10 years, but that was her choice not mine. She divorced the man she’d been with since she was 14 (and father of my niece and nephew) and he was (and is) truly part of the family. I was 3 when they started dating, he’s like a brother. She demanded that we stop speaking to him and when we said that we didn’t want to do that she left the entire family. Since she’s left, both my grandparents died and she missed both funerals, and our dad almost died of covid, was in the hospital for 3 months. She didn’t even call. At first I missed her but I’ve gotten over it. It kills my mom though.

 

[Grand Koalafornian]

No, I am extremely fortunate to have a great family. Every year I have a better appreciation of how lucky I am.

DW and I have "adopted" a few younger adults who have had to cut off their families, though. It's really sad, but their families are abusive, and/or don't accept them (LGBTQ). I think they are all better off without their awful families constantly putting them down or worse.

One in particular, her mother is just the worst. I don't get how you can choose a romantic partner (in this case an ex-husband) over your own child. Then again, maybe it's easy when you think of your kid as a prop.

 

[prairie_girl]

Cut all ties with a cousin when she went against my uncle's wishes and contested his will after he died. Screwed me and my siblings out of a lot of money and personal effects that we had requested.

 

[pixgermany01]

I have a brother, we are 5 yrs apart.He wants nothing to do with me. We never even lived together

 

[Cheburashka]

Was it permanent?

My sisters and I haven't spoken in 2 1/2 years.

I don't know if it will ever be resolved.

I never thought I would be saying this, but maybe I'm better off.

Have you ever felt this way/had this happen?

Yes, I grew up in a dysfunctional family and out of resentment and annoyance cut contact with most immediate family members in my early 20's, but in my late 20's I grew up and got over that. In my 40's now, I look back and still know that some things were wrong growing up and some dynamics in the family still are unfair, but life is not perfect and unless something very extreme happened (outright abuse, abandonment), I believe in maintaining family ties. I'm not emotionally close to any of them, but I do my part to keep things harmonious and enjoy holiday family get togethers most of the time.

The exception to this is my father, who dropped out of our lives when I was in my teens. That (plus other shady things from childhood) is something I do not forgive or look past. When he finally tried to make contact again at the end of his life, my younger brother was enthusiastic, but I declined.

 

[slo]

My brother broke up with our entire family 6 years and broke my mom’s heart. I was never a big fan of his, so I was not upset about this for me, but I’m still very angry with what he did to my mom. Because of this, when the day comes that my mom passes away, him and his wife will not be allowed to attend the wake or funeral - I will leave a picture of them both with the funeral director. If he refuses to leave the police will be called. I will not allow him to ease any guilt he may have by crying over my mother’s casket. He chose to cut us out of his life so he can live with that decision. My mother knows what I will do at her wake or funeral and she understands. In my opinion, I am now an only child.

 

[tazdev3225]

I haven’t seen my sister in 10 years, but that was her choice not mine. She divorced the man she’d been with since she was 14 (and father of my niece and nephew) and he was (and is) truly part of the family. I was 3 when they started dating, he’s like a brother. She demanded that we stop speaking to him and when we said that we didn’t want to do that she left the entire family. Since she’s left, both my grandparents died and she missed both funerals, and our dad almost died of covid, was in the hospital for 3 months. She didn’t even call. At first I missed her but I’ve gotten over it. It kills my mom though.

My brother broke up with his boyfriend of 5 right before a holiday about 12 years ago. He brought his "ex" to dinner at my mom's house then told us later they were no longer together. I remained friends on Facebook with the ex and my brother went crazy. He disowned my parents for being abusive when we were children - he was in his late 40's by this time and they were typical parents of the 60's but not abusive. My other brothers were disowned for not accepting his being gay and abusing him as a child. He beat up our younger brother often so not sure where that came from. And evidently I did the same thing and refused to do as he ordered about the break up. We all wondered what took the boyfriend so long to leave my brother. My brother has his own demons to deal with and sadly with him everything is always the other person's fault - he is PERFECT!

My brother broke up with our entire family 6 years and broke my mom’s heart. I was never a big fan of his, so I was not upset about this for me, but I’m still very angry with what he did to my mom. Because of this, when the day comes that my mom passes away, him and his wife will not be allowed to attend the wake or funeral - I will leave a picture of them both with the funeral director. If he refuses to leave the police will be called. I will not allow him to ease any guilt he may have by crying over my mother’s casket. He chose to cut us out of his life so he can live with that decision. My mother knows what I will do at her wake or funeral and she understands. In my opinion, I am now an only child.

My brother did the same thing. My dad had cancer about 6 years ago and when my one brother who still had a marginal relationship with him told him about our dad he was very dismissive. He didn't want to "Be drug into their drama". I was furious. My dad was seriously ill and the doctors really only gave him a small chance of survival and I didn't need that from my brother. Thankfully my dad is now a survivor of almost 6 years. My mom truly hopes he will one day speak to her again. She found a friend she hadn't seen in years but still lives around the corner from my brother. They are now speaking on a regular basis and the friend watches out for my brother for my mom. My parents are in their 80's so realistically they could leave us at any time. I don't want my brother at their memorials, my parents don't want big funerals, because he will make it all about him. I am really upset that my parents want him to inherit equally. They gave him their house that he lives in, that should be all he gets in my opinion. I hate feeling this way but to see how much my mother hurts over his actions really bugs me.

 

[AndreaDM]

Yes, several of them.

People get to tied up in blood is thicker then water and forgive everything because it’s family stuff. You are family biologically because people did the deed, not that big of a deal.

I agree, just because you share DNA with someone doesn't obligate you to forgive and forget, nor does it require you spend every holiday together either.

 

[ronandannette]

I have a sister, we are 10 yrs apart. She wants nothing to do with me. We never even lived together.

I have a brother, we are 5 yrs apart.He wants nothing to do with me. We never even lived together

Sad stories both, but why are they almost identically worded?

 

[china mom]

I have been referring to my one brother as my "ex-brother" for decades. I figure if you are able to divorce someone you chose, you should be able to divorce someone who were were stuck with by the happenstance of biology.

I did call him when my mother was dying and told him the end was nigh and he should come... he didn't. I called him when she died to let him know and vowed to myself that I would never hear his voice again.

Ex bother texted me to let me know that my youngest brother died - which I got over in about four seconds.

I have one brother who I am kinda close to but otherwise don't mind that the rest of the family is gone. The drama is gone with them.

 

[happymommy]

I recently had a cousin (that I don’t know well, only met her briefly a couple times growing up) who started spreading some bad rumors about me and my sister after my dad passed (and she also asked us for money). I have since cut ties with all of my dad’s side of the family for the most part. If they are toxic, it’s better for my mental health to just not deal with that. I don’t live anywhere near any of them (and it was a large family), so will never see any of them again likely.

I might share DNA with them, but that is no reason to have them in my life.

 

[easyas123]

Me - No. But I am lucky to have a truly nice family.
My husband - Yes. For the good of his mental health. Once upon a time I tried to tell him to never turn his back on family. Then I learned how absolutely toxic they are. Now I let him decide lol.

Same situation with my husband & I. It was amazing the peace he achieved when he separated himself from the guilt of constantly trying, but getting no positive response from it.

 

[wenrob]

I just made my older DD’s best friend my kids “In Case of Emergency” if that says anything. (Can’t be DD because she lives in another state.) They just can’t be depended on.

It’s complicated. I am not “divorced” from my family but I am just emotionally exhausted from trying to keep us all together. Aside from my (step) brother and his wife no one puts in any effort. I’m expected to be the one to touch base, create get togethers, holidays, acknowledge all events, birthdays etc. It dawned on me a few years back that I’m the only one who does this and when I backed off I became an awful person who didn’t “reach out.” If I don’t call or text I don’t hear from anyone.

My sister… gosh, I never thought I’d go weeks/months not seeing or hearing from her. It’s always been the two of us against the world. She really did a number on me after my dad died. Emotionally abused me for eight months. I kept trying to fix it until I realized I didn’t break it. I’ve worked really hard to forgive but man, I have some scars on my heart that will just never go away.

With all of them I keep trying which makes DD and DH nuts but I’m not a quitter. I have learned how to keep myself at a safe distance though.

DH is absolutely divorced from his dad. That’s never going to change. The man has alienated all of his children, grandchildren and family save for his twin sister. She has chosen to do the same.

 

[RogueX]

Everyone on my mother's side of the family (excluding my mother). She knew they were a toxic, manipulative bunch, verbally and at times physically abusive. My mom kept trying to have a relationship with them, but never protected her kids from them.

Someone had to break that chain...it was me.

 

[La Stilla]

Oooh, sometimes is too hard, but I just can't, even when it's damaging to me. I feel rooted with them.

 

[Donald13]

My brother broke up with his boyfriend of 5 right before a holiday about 12 years ago. He brought his "ex" to dinner at my mom's house then told us later they were no longer together. I remained friends on Facebook with the ex and my brother went crazy. He disowned my parents for being abusive when we were children - he was in his late 40's by this time and they were typical parents of the 60's but not abusive. My other brothers were disowned for not accepting his being gay and abusing him as a child. He beat up our younger brother often so not sure where that came from. And evidently I did the same thing and refused to do as he ordered about the break up. We all wondered what took the boyfriend so long to leave my brother. My brother has his own demons to deal with and sadly with him everything is always the other person's fault - he is PERFECT!




My brother did the same thing. My dad had cancer about 6 years ago and when my one brother who still had a marginal relationship with him told him about our dad he was very dismissive. He didn't want to "Be drug into their drama". I was furious. My dad was seriously ill and the doctors really only gave him a small chance of survival and I didn't need that from my brother. Thankfully my dad is now a survivor of almost 6 years. My mom truly hopes he will one day speak to her again. She found a friend she hadn't seen in years but still lives around the corner from my brother. They are now speaking on a regular basis and the friend watches out for my brother for my mom. My parents are in their 80's so realistically they could leave us at any time. I don't want my brother at their memorials, my parents don't want big funerals, because he will make it all about him. I am really upset that my parents want him to inherit equally. They gave him their house that he lives in, that should be all he gets in my opinion. I hate feeling this way but to see how much my mother hurts over his actions really bugs me.

how incredibly selfish of him. That’s not drama that’s a sick parent. What a warped perspective he has.

 

[hulagirl87]

yes. I don't talk to my dad and haven't done so in about 15 years. My sister and I wrote him a letter telling him we were upset that he was choosing his new family (stepmother and stepsister) over us. He never responded. I ran into him 2 years ago at the grocery store and he cried when he saw me.

I don't talk to my sister now either. She picked on me my whole life and I never stood up for myself. She scared me. We are both in our 40's now. Our birthdays are super close so my mom has always gotten us all together for one party. 5 years ago after some banter back and forth, I told her that her haircut was silly for a 44 year old and she threw her whole cake at me narrowly missing my son in his high chair. I haven't talked to her since.

DH doesn't talk to his brother any more either.

And my best friend doesn't talk to her sister.

That's why I say you pick your friends for a reason. People you want to be with and spend time with. You can't always like your family.