Any non-AP parents out there??

[Gillian]

Sooo....can anyone tell me if a bumbo is as cool as it looks? Friends are expecting their first child soon and they registered for one. I want to have another baby so I can try out all the new gear. That's not going to happen, but should I get it for them?

 

[emh1129]

Sooo....can anyone tell me if a bumbo is as cool as it looks? Friends are expecting their first child soon and they registered for one. I want to have another baby so I can try out all the new gear. That's not going to happen, but should I get it for them?

I do agree that they look pretty cool- we haven't gotten one yet because a chiropractor friend of ours was concerned about the possible physical effects on having baby sit before he/she is ready. I personally didn't think it was too different from just letting a baby sit on your lap, but maybe there isn't as much support, so baby slumps a little bit? I'm not sure, but I am curious about it..
And they do seem to hold their value. I've seen a lot of them sell for about 2/3 retail price.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Sooo....can anyone tell me if a bumbo is as cool as it looks? Friends are expecting their first child soon and they registered for one. I want to have another baby so I can try out all the new gear. That's not going to happen, but should I get it for them?

My SIL had one, it was ok but not great. Her DD did sit in it some, but would get restless after 10 min or so. I think that is about all I would recommend anyway. For a baby that is dying to sit up, but can't I can see it being a cool thing.

They came out after my youngest was too old for them so I never tried them out on a baby myself.

I have heard some criticism too, but mostly just like bouncers and walkers, don't leave the child in them too long and you should be fine.

 

[kerrynic78]

Sooo....can anyone tell me if a bumbo is as cool as it looks? Friends are expecting their first child soon and they registered for one. I want to have another baby so I can try out all the new gear. That's not going to happen, but should I get it for them?

My DD loved her Bumbo. She is now 7 months and sitting on her own but from about 4-6 months she loved it. I would put the tray on and she would play with all her toys. She loved being able to sit up. Although most babies don't use it for too long, I loved having mine.

 

[Aristomommy]

I do agree that they look pretty cool- we haven't gotten one yet because a chiropractor friend of ours was concerned about the possible physical effects on having baby sit before he/she is ready. I personally didn't think it was too different from just letting a baby sit on your lap, but maybe there isn't as much support, so baby slumps a little bit? I'm not sure, but I am curious about it..
And they do seem to hold their value. I've seen a lot of them sell for about 2/3 retail price.

Sorry to say but your chiropractor friend is wrong about the Bumbo. It is actually used for children with developmentally delays and many physical therapists (including myself ) use them and highly recommend them. It requires absolutely minimal trunk control to be able to sit in a Bumbo seat. The main concept of the Bumbo seat is that the child's hips are lower than legs, which "anchors" the child safely. Important part is though, that a child has good head control, as the back support come to the shoulders at most (depending on size) and no support is offered to the neck. That's why it is not recommended before 4 months old or so. DS loved his Bumbo as he was highly alert and hated laying down and just looking at the ceiling. He much rather observed DD playing and watching the cat etc. HTH.

 

[WDWfor5]

I apologized to the poster for dwelling on that word -although my intention was not to be nasty and mean sprited; I just don't like the term. If that is not enough for you --we can keep this going.

You are not exactly flowing with the milk of human kindess yourself...

Chobie - I'm not sure what more anyone could ask of you As for those still harping on her about it, Chobie's apologized for dwelling on that word even though it upsets her - what else would you like from here? She has a right to be offended by a term that is most certainly inflamatorry regardless of it being an widely used term for militant breastfeeding moms. As the granddaughter of jewish immigrants, I find the word horrifying and not something that should be used lightly. Even being a completely obnoxious PITA about parenting issues, is not enough to be called a NAZI in my book but whatever.

As for the militant AP moms - while they exist and can be offensive, so do miltant non-AP moms exist and they are offensive as well. Saying that "you would never co-sleep as it leads to infant deaths but hey if you want to do it that's your choice" (which is basically what some posters have said) is no less offensive than some one saying "I would never use formula for my baby because it results in infant deaths, but hey if you want to feed your baby formula, that's your choice" Either statement is inflammatory and meant to tell the other parent that they are taking unacceptable risks with their baby that you being a superior / more aware mother would never take.

The best parenting advice I ever got was at a La Leche League meeting - it was "You are the expert on your own baby" and as a response to all well meaning but unwanted parenting advice "Thank you for your input, but this works well for my family"

It seems that most people complain about others being judgmental, what they really object to is being disagreed with. Being non-judgmental is almost against human nature - we all beleive we're doing what's best and can't help but think that would work for others just as well. The reality is we don't know what anyone else's life is like and therefore passing judgment is useless at best - the golden rule applies here. If you don't want others passing judgment on you, take it upon yourself to stop judging others - or at least admit that you aren't any better than the people you complan about and move on. But at least recognize that it's hypocritical to put down others for judging you while you make nasty, superior comments about their parenting style.

 

[Beccabunny]

Chobie and I have made our peace. I apologized to her as well. I also apologized for my choice of word that was insensitive, and I understand why some people would be offended. It's a word I will not use again because of its connotations, but it certainly was not inflammatory.

As for the militant AP moms - while they exist and can be offensive, so do miltant non-AP moms exist and they are offensive as well. Saying that "you would never co-sleep as it leads to infant deaths but hey if you want to do it that's your choice" (which is basically what some posters have said) is no less offensive than some one saying "I would never use formula for my baby because it results in infant deaths, but hey if you want to feed your baby formula, that's your choice" Either statement is inflammatory and meant to tell the other parent that they are taking unacceptable risks with their baby that you being a superior / more aware mother would never take.

The best parenting advice I ever got was at a La Leche League meeting - it was "You are the expert on your own baby" and as a response to all well meaning but unwanted parenting advice "Thank you for your input, but this works well for my family"

It seems that most people complain about others being judgmental, what they really object to is being disagreed with. Being non-judgmental is almost against human nature - we all beleive we're doing what's best and can't help but think that would work for others just as well. The reality is we don't know what anyone else's life is like and therefore passing judgment is useless at best - the golden rule applies here. If you don't want others passing judgment on you, take it upon yourself to stop judging others - or at least admit that you aren't any better than the people you complan about and move on. But at least recognize that it's hypocritical to put down others for judging you while you make nasty, superior comments about their parenting style.

As for the rest of this, hasn't this all been repeated over and over again? I believe we're on page 14 or something? Just sounds to me like you want to keep this going.

I think we should get back to discussing the merits of the Bumbo.

 

[emh1129]

Sorry to say but your chiropractor friend is wrong about the Bumbo. It is actually used for children with developmentally delays and many physical therapists (including myself ) use them and highly recommend them. It requires absolutely minimal trunk control to be able to sit in a Bumbo seat. The main concept of the Bumbo seat is that the child's hips are lower than legs, which "anchors" the child safely. Important part is though, that a child has good head control, as the back support come to the shoulders at most (depending on size) and no support is offered to the neck. That's why it is not recommended before 4 months old or so. DS loved his Bumbo as he was highly alert and hated laying down and just looking at the ceiling. He much rather observed DD playing and watching the cat etc. HTH.

Friend was probably the wrong choice of language- he's really just an acquaintance, so I can't vouch for his credibility
But I'm glad to hear that you as a PT think it's safe (once the child is old enough, of course).. I think they look really neat.
We never used any sort of baby gadgets before, but with this being our third, I only have so many hands, so I'm thinking about it

 

[jenandkam]

I'm the OP and I'd like to clear something up....the reason I used the term non-AP is because I was reaching out to people who did not subscribe to Dr. Sears' parenting philosophy. "Attachment Parenting" is a term he coined, not me. I think people take it waaaaayyy too literally on this thread. The word attachment comes from the style (baby wearing, breast feeding, etc.). I don't think he meant to imply that people who don't subscribe to his style are not attached to their children and I certainly didn't mean to imply that.

I don't think the title of the thread had anything to do with the "us vs. them" mentality - I think that comes from people who are so passionate about their parenting and who have a certain amount of insecurity about their parenting (as EVERYONE on this thread does) due to negative things they have heard from people who disagree - both on this thread and in their real lives. When you've heard that you're doing something that is not the best thing for your child, the natural reaction is to defend yourself to the death because they are talking about the most important job of your life.

We're all mom's and dad's on this thread - we should all recognize that we are on the same side here. We're all just doing the best we can with the information and experiences we have.

Let's face it - we're all militant nazis when it comes to our kids!!

 

[dcforbreakfast]

Add me to the list of non-breastfeeding, non-co sleeping, non-slinging, yes immunizing parents.

Breast fed for about two weeks but started to get post partum depression and decided to stop. I was a much happier mommy after that. I felt all the baby classes I went to were pretty militant about breasfeeding. I had a lot of guilt the whole time to keep going even though it was making me miserable.

I know this may sound judgmental, but some of the AP stuff I read is kind of creepy to me. BF'ing a four year old is creepy. I look at my five year old and cannot even imagine. I mean, the kid can ride a bike and cut his own food. Why would he still BF? I don't get the co-sleeping either. How do you and your husband have any couple time with that? And then I always hear these same parents complain when the kids (at 3, 4, or five or whatever) don't want to go to their own rooms.

However, to each his own! There are no rules that say you have to do it a certain way.

As long as you love your kids, they'll be fine. Oh and be consistent with discipline and you'll be great.

 

[4littlemonkeys]

I know this may sound judgmental, but some of the AP stuff I read is kind of creepy to me. BF'ing a four year old is creepy. I look at my five year old and cannot even imagine. I mean, the kid can ride a bike and cut his own food. Why would he still BF? I don't get the co-sleeping either. How do you and your husband have any couple time with that? And then I always hear these same parents complain when the kids (at 3, 4, or five or whatever) don't want to go to their own rooms.

BF and older child...it's not for you and that's fine. It's really not for a lot of people. Let's face it...it's not a social norm here. As long as you leave those who do it alone then that's all that matters. My 3½ year old just recently weaned. I actually got more crap when she was younger because she had a feeding tube placed (still has one) and there was "now no reason to breastfeed". That made no sense to me since it was sometimes all you could get into her orally. Her GI actually asked me at one point to NOT wean because of her issues. She was at least 14-18 months of age when he brought that up. And in fairness my 3½ year old can't ride a bike, can't cut her own and food and even has a very hard time walking up stairs. Despite all that I still would have nursed her as long as I did. But it is something very weird for this society. It's not a social norm and this country is really all about social norms. In a sociology class we had a project where we were to break a social norm in public and had to document the results. A friend of mine went into an elevator and pretended he operated the thing and made really odd comments. I forget what the other things were but it was hysterical. I went to the mall and was going to ask people for bites of their food from the food court...people sitting and eating. I never got that far because I had to nurse my daughter and next thing I know there's some man who I realize is walking past over and over and over again and there was a woman with a mean look on her face as she watched me. I needed to get home to return a phone call so we skipped the food court and considered the project done.

Co-sleeping...been doing that since the beginning and I have 4 children and there was 1 ectopic. So we were finding that time . We personally have never had a hard time getting a child out of bed. Right now I have a 3½ year old in bed. She tells us she wants her own bed. There are 2 problems with that...we need to order on and she is fed at night with a pump (like an IV pump). She has on 2 occasions that I can think of had it wrapped tight around her neck and it's not uncommon for a port to open and feed the bed rather then her. So for me right now it's so much easier to have her in bed. When we get back from Disney she will be getting her new bed and moving. I may sleep on the trundle the first couple of nights. So there are ways to have another baby without the bed. And I do know people who had a hard time getting kids out of the bed...we didn't. For us it was really easy.

We all have to accept that there are social norms. The problem is when a norm is broken how people react. Some people react well and others not so well. At the same time we forget that our social norms aren't always right, aren't always the best thing, sometimes they are the greatest thing. It all comes down to the reaction after seeing a norm broken.

Man I wish I could remember what other people did for their projects...some were really original and down right hysterical.

 

[bellebud]

Sooo....can anyone tell me if a bumbo is as cool as it looks?

My sil had one for my nephew, and he loved it. He let her know when he was ready to get out. He was so cute sitting up w/ his older bro and cousins.

I'm the OP... We're all mom's and dad's on this thread - we should all recognize that we are on the same side here.

I didn't want to post again about the ap/non-ap thing, but i've been thinking that because of our love for disney (the reason we're all on this site to begin with), everyone else pretty much thinks we're nuts anyway, so we might as well stick together! I've had people ask me *what are you doing on the computer so much?* To which I answer *oh, just surfing around* (yea right!)

 

[dcforbreakfast]

BF and older child...it's not for you and that's fine. It's really not for a lot of people. Let's face it...it's not a social norm here. As long as you leave those who do it alone then that's all that matters. My 3½ year old just recently weaned. I actually got more crap when she was younger because she had a feeding tube placed (still has one) and there was "now no reason to breastfeed". That made no sense to me since it was sometimes all you could get into her orally. Her GI actually asked me at one point to NOT wean because of her issues. She was at least 14-18 months of age when he brought that up. And in fairness my 3½ year old can't ride a bike, can't cut her own and food and even has a very hard time walking up stairs. Despite all that I still would have nursed her as long as I did. But it is something very weird for this society. It's not a social norm and this country is really all about social norms. In a sociology class we had a project where we were to break a social norm in public and had to document the results. A friend of mine went into an elevator and pretended he operated the thing and made really odd comments. I forget what the other things were but it was hysterical. I went to the mall and was going to ask people for bites of their food from the food court...people sitting and eating. I never got that far because I had to nurse my daughter and next thing I know there's some man who I realize is walking past over and over and over again and there was a woman with a mean look on her face as she watched me. I needed to get home to return a phone call so we skipped the food court and considered the project done.

Co-sleeping...been doing that since the beginning and I have 4 children and there was 1 ectopic. So we were finding that time . We personally have never had a hard time getting a child out of bed. Right now I have a 3½ year old in bed. She tells us she wants her own bed. There are 2 problems with that...we need to order on and she is fed at night with a pump (like an IV pump). She has on 2 occasions that I can think of had it wrapped tight around her neck and it's not uncommon for a port to open and feed the bed rather then her. So for me right now it's so much easier to have her in bed. When we get back from Disney she will be getting her new bed and moving. I may sleep on the trundle the first couple of nights. So there are ways to have another baby without the bed. And I do know people who had a hard time getting kids out of the bed...we didn't. For us it was really easy.

We all have to accept that there are social norms. The problem is when a norm is broken how people react. Some people react well and others not so well. At the same time we forget that our social norms aren't always right, aren't always the best thing, sometimes they are the greatest thing. It all comes down to the reaction after seeing a norm broken.

Man I wish I could remember what other people did for their projects...some were really original and down right hysterical.

Great post 4littlemonkeys! God bless your little ones, I imagine it's not easy for you with all that you're taking care of. I think your reasons for co-sleeping etc are different than most. I'd likely be doing the same thing. You sound like a wonderful mommy.

PS I may try tasting everyone's food at Le Cellier (as part of a social test of course)

 

[two-foxes]

As a new mom of a 7 week old, the different types of parenting styles and the books about them are CONFUSING!!!! But, I do believe you cannot spoil a newborn. If my son cries, I usually pick him up and comfort him. I carry him around in the bjorn for a bit during the day....but I know that when he turns about 3-4 months old, that will ease up and I want him to learn to calm down on his own. I currently BF, although it is one of my least favorite things to do, but I am doing it because I know it is the best for him right now....ask me again when I start back to work in Sept...I hear formula calling my name! He sleeps IN our room, not in our bed....I enjoy that....it may be a hard thing to break as we have a main floor bedroom, and his is upstairs....lots of walking I obviously do things from both parenting styles, and I am good with that....after all I am the parent to my son, so it's my call, right?

I read the "On Becoming Babywise" and my word, seems a bit harsh for a newborn....plus after hearing about the author, I liked it even less.

 

[dcforbreakfast]

As a new mom of a 7 week old, the different types of parenting styles and the books about them are CONFUSING!!!! But, I do believe you cannot spoil a newborn. If my son cries, I usually pick him up and comfort him. I carry him around in the bjorn for a bit during the day....but I know that when he turns about 3-4 months old, that will ease up and I want him to learn to calm down on his own. I currently BF, although it is one of my least favorite things to do, but I am doing it because I know it is the best for him right now....ask me again when I start back to work in Sept...I hear formula calling my name! He sleeps IN our room, not in our bed....I enjoy that....it may be a hard thing to break as we have a main floor bedroom, and his is upstairs....lots of walking I obviously do things from both parenting styles, and I am good with that....after all I am the parent to my son, so it's my call, right?

I read the "On Becoming Babywise" and my word, seems a bit harsh for a newborn....plus after hearing about the author, I liked it even less.

Two Foxes, your little man is ADORABLE! Congrats to you. Hope you're feeling ok. If it makes you feel any better, I stopped BF at two weeks and my son is perfectly healthy and extremely smart (he could read books..not talking about memorizing books because I tested this out...but he could read just before he turned four). Formula worked fine with him and he's a big boy. 95 percentile for height and weight! (I'm raising a linebacker)

Yes it is your call, all of it! You cannot spoil a 7 week old. Some great advice I got was always put them to sleep awake, so they learn how to put themselves to sleep. Oh man was that good advice. We've never had ANY sleep issues.

Sometimes this was hard when he was a newborn b/c after that last bottle he was gone to the world, but I'd burp him and he'd be kind of awake and that was good enough. Also don't start anything you don't want to still be doing when they're five (like rocking them to sleep, singing whatever). They get soooo used to routine.

I'm so happy for you and your little bugger! I'm jealous!

PS: Do some internet searches on that babywise thing and you will see how unsafe it is for babies. My neighbor tried to get me to follow that book. Some of these books are written by crackpots IMHO.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I read the "On Becoming Babywise" and my word, seems a bit harsh for a newborn....plus after hearing about the author, I liked it even less.

I did too, then I just ignored it all and went with my gut.

Your little one is very cute. Love the siggy picture.

 

[4littlemonkeys]

But, I do believe you cannot spoil a newborn.

I read the "On Becoming Babywise" and my word, seems a bit harsh for a newborn....plus after hearing about the author, I liked it even less.

1. Milk spoils...not babies!

2. I have to recommend being careful with Babywise. There is serious controversy over the methods. You will see people saying that it's dangerous if you don't use common sense. Well when the book tells you do xyz...parents believe it because they are trying to find guidance. So I would be careful there.

I also will add that I'm not a fan of the Baby Whisperer.

I can tell you that Happiest Baby on the Block http://www.thehappiestbaby.com/

and

The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/

are nice books. The Pantly book leans more towards co-sleeping and breastfeeding however it does not push it as the only way. She does talk about cribs and bottles. It is a crib and bottle friendly book...it really is.

When you read these many moms will say "duh that's common sense"...they just needed somebody to tell them because it was so simple that you don't even think of it.

Spoil a baby...I love when people say it because my response is milk spoils, not babies. They usually have nothing more to say after that. So spoil your son ...it's good for him.

 

[two-foxes]

1. Milk spoils...not babies!

2. I have to recommend being careful with Babywise. There is serious controversy over the methods. You will see people saying that it's dangerous if you don't use common sense. Well when the book tells you do xyz...parents believe it because they are trying to find guidance. So I would be careful there.

I also will add that I'm not a fan of the Baby Whisperer.

I can tell you that Happiest Baby on the Block http://www.thehappiestbaby.com/

and

The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/

are nice books. The Pantly book leans more towards co-sleeping and breastfeeding however it does not push it as the only way. She does talk about cribs and bottles. It is a crib and bottle friendly book...it really is.

When you read these many moms will say "duh that's common sense"...they just needed somebody to tell them because it was so simple that you don't even think of it.

Spoil a baby...I love when people say it because my response is milk spoils, not babies. They usually have nothing more to say after that. So spoil your son ...it's good for him.

I had read some negative things on Babywise in my Baby 411 book....but after my son's doctor, whom I really like, recommended it, I gave it a read. Hmmm....didn't think it was all good...not all bad, but not all good at all. I took a Happiest Baby on the Block class at my OB's office. It was a short 2 hr class of the highlights, and I really should get the book!

My biggest recommendation for ANY parent, AP or otherwise, in my whole 7 weeks experience of motherhood is an Amby Baby crib. I could throw all the books away about sleep....our little man sleeps soundly for about 8 hrs (excluding one feeding at about 4:30 am) because of that bed!

 

[DisneyPhD]

I can tell you that Happiest Baby on the Block http://www.thehappiestbaby.com/

I went to a seminar put on by my local county schools. It was great (and $5, what a deal, came with your choice of free book or video too!)

It was really neat to see. He was such a nerd, but a cute one. It was funny because anytime anyone had a crying baby in the audience, you could see he was just itching to get his hands on them. Sure enough, the 5 S's worked! Of course this was after my DD was out of the baby stage. It was great. I really enjoyed it. He presented on toddlers too.

Can you tell me more about Amby Baby crib? I have never heard of it. It might not be the bed though. My oldest slept great on her own, from birth. My youngest, well lets just say she didn't.

 

[two-foxes]

I went to a seminar put on by my local county schools. It was great (and $5, what a deal, came with your choice of free book or video too!)

It was really neat to see. He was such a nerd, but a cute one. It was funny because anytime anyone had a crying baby in the audience, you could see he was just itching to get his hands on them. Sure enough, the 5 S's worked! Of course this was after my DD was out of the baby stage. It was great. I really enjoyed it. He presented on toddlers too.

Can you tell me more about Amby Baby crib? I have never heard of it. It might not be the bed though. My oldest slept great on her own, from birth. My youngest, well lets just say she didn't.

DH was the master swaddler and "shhhh'er" for the first couple of weeks....it is truely amazing how that worked! Nerdy or not, the doc sure knows what calms a little one!

The Amby crib is a like a hammock.....and my son LOVES it! Here is info on it...www.ambybaby.com. My only concern is how long they can sleep in it. Amby says up to a weight limit, but I have read that it doesn't do to well for little ones over 6 months or so. And I have read a review about an 18 month old somersalting out of it But, it is portable, so for now, it can go wherever we go...not that we are jet setting quite yet