Would you let your 4th grader go?

[MaumeeMom]

I am from Alabama, and have followed the Holloway story for the beginning. I find it in horribly bad taste to make this kind of comment about Ms. Holloway. That poor girl is NOT dead because her mom didn't hover enough. She is dead because she happened into the path of what has been proven to be a serial killer. I would not have expected the chaperones to stay with them every minute. Ours never did on my high school trips. We were given free run most evenings with a time to be back at the hotel. No matter anyone's opinion here, the fact remains that the teens on that trip were legally adults with the excetion of a few that missed it by a couple of months. I spent 4 weeks in Paris at that age, and no one was holding my hand or following me around 24-7. We had classes in the morining, and were responsible for ourselves the rest of the day and evening. No bed checks ect. We were adults and expected to be responsible for ourselves. We send students from my high school to Europe every year. This year we sent a group to China. They are not expected to stay with a chaperone at all times. They are big enough to handle a few hours of freedom. Yes, bad things can happen, but they happen anywhere, even in YOUR town. We cannot be with our kids at alltimes os we need to teach them how to be aware and street smart. Holding thier hand on every field trip does nothing to further that.

Thank you! Seriously, there is no comparison with this situation and the Natalie Holloway story. At 19 Natalie was an adult. I had lived by myself for a year by the time I turned 19. This is field trip is not even an over night trip! It is a day trip with a ratio of 1 adult to 5 kids. That is better than most overnighters our kids do here.

Children need to learn to handle themselves in situations without their parents. OP's child needs to learn that Mommy can't just write a note and then she will get her way. She needs to learn to have confidence in herself to be by herself for a day. It isn't like she will only be with complete strangers. The child's teacher will be there and her school friends. There are kids that go do programs like sleep away camps were they know absolutely no one and they do fine.

Talk about the trip with your child and outline your expectations such as stay with the group, listen to the teacher, don't wander off.

I've been the child left behind and it is awful, I would never do that to my child.

 

[jodifla]

She was not an adult, she was a teenager. There were chaperon's who were suppose to be watching out for her.

If one thinks that chaperon's can possibly be sure that nothing happens to all of the kids on a trip, think again.

19 is an adult. What are you talking about?

 

[jodifla]

I can't believe only ONE person brought this up. I was about to post the same thing. This is the type of thing that my son with Autism would do...freak out about something as simple as table positions in the cafeteria changing.

The inability of a child to cope with some (minor) changes in environment, routine, schedule, etc. as well as her apparent anxiety and insistence that you "fix" something that she perceives as "wrong" are HUGE red flags for a more serious issue that needs to be dealt with.

If in fact your child has an underlying issue causing all this, I'd totally understand your concern and hesitation with this whole situation. As mentioned, I have two sons on the Autism spectrum. My oldest is 6. I'd be pretty hesitant to allow him on this type of field trip in only 3 years, unless there is SIGNIFICANT improvement in his behaviors and ability to cope with things.

I think you need to be looking below the surface. Your daughter's behaviors are not typical.

I thought about this as well...but if the daughter is accustomed to her mom fixing everything for her, she might just expect it. It's certainly not a typical reaction.

 

[ILoveMyGirls]

go a head, send them all out and when something happens to one of your kids, rem. this conversation.

I am from Alabama, and have followed the Holloway story for the beginning. I find it in horribly bad taste to make this kind of comment about Ms. Holloway. That poor girl is NOT dead because her mom didn't hover enough. She is dead because she happened into the path of what has been proven to be a serial killer. I would not have expected the chaperones to stay with them every minute. Ours never did on my high school trips. We were given free run most evenings with a time to be back at the hotel. No matter anyone's opinion here, the fact remains that the teens on that trip were legally adults with the excetion of a few that missed it by a couple of months. I spent 4 weeks in Paris at that age, and no one was holding my hand or following me around 24-7. We had classes in the morining, and were responsible for ourselves the rest of the day and evening. No bed checks ect. We were adults and expected to be responsible for ourselves. We send students from my high school to Europe every year. This year we sent a group to China. They are not expected to stay with a chaperone at all times. They are big enough to handle a few hours of freedom. Yes, bad things can happen, but they happen anywhere, even in YOUR town. We cannot be with our kids at alltimes os we need to teach them how to be aware and street smart. Holding thier hand on every field trip does nothing to further that.

 

[Magic Mom]

go a head, send them all out and when something happens to one of your kids, rem. this conversation.

 

[Allison]

go a head, send them all out and when something happens to one of your kids, rem. this conversation.

How about we get back to the subject at hand which is a 4th grader on a day field trip not an adult in Aruba.

 

[wanttobeinvienna]

Wow, it sounds like you bully your way with the school. I could see if the Principal was talking one on one with your child but they were in a class full of kids. It is not like she was interrogating your child.

Ahhh... LOL - no I absolutely don't bully my way through the school, but maybe I can see how the post appears that way... and maybe I can see how conversations take an odd turn...

I have 4 kids in 3 different schools, all in the same county. Each school has an "open door" policy, and they talk about it at each open house. If we ever want to come into the class room, as long as we had checked in the office, we were always welcomed. Same thing goes for eating lunch, helping in centers, participating in field trips, etc. Am I a bully?-- far from it. Am I a person that expects policy and protocol to be followed, or to be informed if it has changed. Absolutely. It is why we have chosen the schools we have for our children.

The only other thing I would point out is I worked in the education system as well... and we had an open door policy. In advising families of school options, that is often a question that parents have. The majority of the child's day is away from the parent. It isn't "hovering" to want to see them during that time.

To the OP- hang in there... You know the situation best. You know your daughter. Whatever the decision, it will all work out beautifully. You will make the right one for you AND your daughter. You don't want to blindly parent. It is perfectly acceptable to question what is going on in your daughters life. Best of luck.

Interestingly, I have never heard the term helicopter parent before this thread! Nobody can look at this itty-bitty snippet of someone's life and determine their entire parenting style! We all have good days and bad days-

 

[momx2]

go a head, send them all out and when something happens to one of your kids, rem. this conversation.

Wow!!! A new Dis low....

 

[mom2val]

OP here.... Not that it is really anyones business but DD is on the autism spectrum. She does not recieve any special services at school. She is 1 of 2 fourth graders at her school that is designated gifted and talented.

 

[Magic Mom]

I'm not sure what being gifted has to do with this, but being autistic is an important detail. Considering that, I don't know if I would let her go. But something to consider is that this might be an important trip for her to build her confidence in herself that even though she has a medical issue that makes some situations more difficult to handle, she does have the skills to deal with those situations.

 

[Hannathy]

go a head, send them all out and when something happens to one of your kids, rem. this conversation.

OK I did! My DD is away at college this year and I am very proud that she is a capable, strong, intelligent young woman capable of making good choices and watching out for herself. She has flown by herself from a young age, attended camps, competitions, conferences, national seminars,orchestra trips, in different states and even to Italy for up to 3 weeks, and I have never gone on 1 trip. Could something happen to her? of course. Something could also happen to her sitting on her front porch. you can't live in a bubble worrying about what might happen because guess what it might not ever happen (which is much more likely). All you can do is teach them how to make good choices and give them lots and lots of chances to practice this in gradually increasing doses of independence starting when they are young. It doesn't come to them overnight when they turn 18.

 

[Allison]

No, it's not people's business but you invited them to say what they think and give their opinions by posting on a discussion board.

 

[mom2val]

I'm not sure what being gifted has to do with this, but being autistic is an important detail. Considering that, I don't know if I would let her go. But something to consider is that this might be an important trip for her to build her confidence in herself that even though she has a medical issue that makes some situations more difficult to handle, she does have the skills to deal with those situations.[/QUOTE


Unless we tell people the average person just see DD as being a little quirky. We don't make a big deal about her being on the spectrum bc 99% of the time it's not an issue. I only mentioned her being gifted to clarify that her issues are social and therefore the school provides no services and will make no special concessions.

 

[ILoveMyGirls]

really, "A new Dis low...." or a taste of the truth that many can't handle. We do not live in a safe world and need to be very careful where we let our kids go without us. That does not mean living in a bubble, it means being "street wise" and keeping our kids/teens safe.

Wow!!! A new Dis low....

 

[nchulka]

Hannathy I have to say that I completely agree with you. Do you follow Lenore Skenazy over at free range kids too? Her blog has changed my life and my kids for the better

 

[Hannathy]

Hannathy I have to say that I completely agree with you. Do you follow Lenore Skenazy over at free range kids too? Her blog has changed my life and my kids for the better

No I don't but I'll have to wander over there and take a look.

 

[npmommie]

Lol - when I was in HS (graduated mid 80's), we'd always have a yearly field trip to NYC (King Tut, Avita...), and they would let us wander at lunch time (Times Square was full of peep shows and hookers). Lots of kids went to a restaurant (Beefsteak Charlie's?) to get beer.

LOL
I was in HS same era as you and our drama club did a trip every year to NYC, we would go and see a couple of broadway shows, and come home very late.
but we also got to wander around, and we went to Beefsteak Charlies ( or was it Steak and Brew) for beer too. Too funny!!!
you just brought back some memories for me.



OP.......I am not sure what I would do in your situation. I know its a hard decision

 

[heatherwillmom]

Wow you wouldn't let a 7th grader go on a field trip without a parent? Wow is all I can say I can't imagine hovering over my children to that extent.

It was a week long trip 600 miles away. I think it would take a pretty poor parent not to go if they had the money & could take the time off from work. My kids always come first in my life.

 

[Jey12]

OP here.... Not that it is really anyones business but DD is on the autism spectrum. She does not recieve any special services at school. She is 1 of 2 fourth graders at her school that is designated gifted and talented.

It's really not anyone's business and I'm sorry you felt you had to tell this bit of information just to defend yourself. Once you posted about the cafeteria I think most of us figured as much. I think the suggestions of getting to know more parents and the teaching staff are excellent ones. Talk in detail with the teacher about the trip. Try to find out what parent will be assigned to your child and speak with them about her needs. Make sure everyone is comfortable with her and what calms her should a situation arrise. If you can maybe make a trip to the capitol prior to the class one with her? That way she will be more familiar once she is away from you. If none of these satisfy your mommy instinct then yes it might be better if she stays home. Although I think if she really wants to go you should let her. As long as she understands you won't be there. If the school allows her to go and she panics over something that is going to distract the other parents and the other children are not going to be supervised as well as they should be. I would hope the school wouldn't take this chance if they didn't think it shouldn't be an issue? Of course I am only assuming here, but I would hope they've taken her special needs into consideration even though they are only social. This is a social type of trip afterall. Whatever you decide I'm sure it will be the right choice for your family.

go a head, send them all out and when something happens to one of your kids, rem. this conversation.

My goodness, really? Is it that important to you to be right that you would want someone to remember a conversation with you in the face of a tragedy involving a child??? Ugh.

 

[badblackpug]

OP here.... Not that it is really anyones business but DD is on the autism spectrum. She does not recieve any special services at school. She is 1 of 2 fourth graders at her school that is designated gifted and talented.

Yes but this is a very important detail. Without telling us this it makes it sound as if your daughter is more anxious or immature. Knowing that she has an autism diagnosis changes the scenario quite a bit. Really, I hav e no experience with autism, but maybe this is a good opportunity to help her learn to deal with these things. You have several months to prepare her for the trip. I am assuming that the teacher knows that she has an autism diagnosis. Maybe like a PP suggested, you could be in the area, but not the actual trip and if there was a problem the teacher or chaperon could call you and you could pick her up. I wouldn't tell your daughter you were going to do this because she may expect you to pick her up, but it might be a good back up plan.