your opinion please- I'm totally confused!

[Tink&PirateMama]

Hi!
I'm really confused about something, and I'd love some input thank you!

The background is my DH and I eloped 9 years ago. We had been planning on a destination wedding, but there was SOOOOO much family drama, in the end we just said we'll go back to our eloping plans. And so we married in the snow on christmas eve, and then called everyone on christmas day and said- we're married! No one complained directly to us. And it was completely perfect and we couldn't have planned something more beautiful. But anyway, we had planned the following summer to have a BBQ party- but then I was pregnant and there was even more family drama going on. So again we said, we just want to be happy, so invited a few friends over and left it at that.

I'll also add I'm not a 'dream of a wedding' type of girl. I never expected to marry, never dreamed of a white dress, and am beyond happy with our wedding, and now our VR plans- they are so beyond even my wildest expectations! I'm so excited about everything. And, I will admit that I am very excited to finally get a wedding cake- that sounds so yummy, LOL! My point in saying this, though, is I sorta feel like - well, not bride material- at all!!! So I feel a bit inadequate with making some of these decisions. Oh the poor people that have had to deal with me on the phone - what do you mean there is a filler in the cake- what is that exactly? LOL! I'm not exaggerating! It's very sad!

Anyway, the VR is just going to be us and our two kids. It's too much for most everyone we know financially to come- but I was SHOCKED when a few different people have said to me they think we should have an event when we get home- something to show pictures (one person said I should even where my dress). This seemed.... incredibly unnecessary to me! And really over the top? I could totally see it for a wedding, but for a VR to have an at home party? Now, this would in no way be like a reception, but still- I mean, I figured we'd put up a nice website with a picture slide show, send out nice pictures for christmas cards, show video to friends/family that wanted to see it... and leave it at that. Do you think we should have a little party at the house to share pictures? I would have never even considered the idea, but as I said, multiple people are asking. It seems over the top to me?? I'm not sure I'd even want to do it, but I'm curious if this is even typical?

But i know nothing about this stuff, so I figured you all would be able to tell me!

So what do you think?

Thank you!!!

 

[lurkyloo]

I think that if you're really uncomfortable with the idea, you shouldn't feel obligated to do it. As you pointed out, you can share your pictures/video with anyone who's interested one on one.

But if you aren't averse to the idea, what if you just made it REALLY casual and told people you were gonna show your video on this day and maybe have a potluck or pizza or something and if they want to come by they're welcome to?

That way you wouldn't feel uncomfortable and others wouldn't think it was a gift-grab or whatever...

 

[Tink&PirateMama]

Thanks Lurkyloo!

I'll have to think about how I really do feel about it- it just caught me so off guard I had never even thought of the idea before! The idea of wearing the dress again though- that REALLY freaks me out! It's a definite no!

You know, that's a good idea you have- doing something super casual, to show the video and pictures. I do stuff like that all the time, so it wouldn't feel over the top, and it would give the people that wanted to see everything a chance to feel like they did. And by the time we have everything it will be the holidays... so we can have hot cocoa and popcorn and cookies... and maybe plan for a disney holiday movie for all the kids right after. Hmmm.... I'll have to think about this more- but I would be very comfortable with something like that. I'll have to talk to DH about it.

Thank you!!

 

[Chilly]

Sounds like they want a free party to me!

Do whatever you want, that makes you happy.

 

[CinderelliT]

We are having an at home party after our vr. I think you've read through it in my pj. Due to the economy and financial constraints, especially now that my grandmother is so ill, no one is going to come to our VR. We kind of like it this way, but we still wanted to include our family in our plans. We are having a party at the park in the harbor. I am going to wear my dress again for our blessing. We are having our local pastor give a blessing, and then he will officiate the sand ceremony, since we aren't doing it on the ship.

Then we will change into some relaxing hawaiian shirts, and have a potluck picnic and just relax with family and friends. That being said, we are doing this b/c we want to, and our family wanted some way to celebrate with us.

It's totally up to you as to how much you want to do, and how formal or casual you'll want to make it.

Good luck!

 

[LittleStinkerbelle]

I think you should do whatever you're comfortable with and not feel pressured by other people to have a party if you don't want to. To me, the beauty of the vow renewal is that we can do it completely how *we* want to. With our wedding we were trying to accomodate alot of people and some aspects of the wedding weren't really how I wanted them but we did things a certain way to keep peace and also because certain people (namely our moms) had dreamed of things.

We're renewing our vows next year (sadly not at Disney, but happily we are doing something else) and heck we're not even telling anyone about it until we get back. With that said, we're taking our trip in the spring but our actual anniversary is in the fall. We might take a few people out for dinner and cake and share our photos from the trip then.

 

[Tink&PirateMama]

Sounds like they want a free party to me!

Do whatever you want, that makes you happy.

LOL! Thanks!

We are having an at home party after our vr. I think you've read through it in my pj. Due to the economy and financial constraints, especially now that my grandmother is so ill, no one is going to come to our VR....
It's totally up to you as to how much you want to do, and how formal or casual you'll want to make it.

Good luck!

OMG I totally forgot about yours- it is so beautiful on the beach, yes I remember!! I can't believe I forgot! I remember it was a fantastic plan!

Oh it's either I'm too casual, or that we don't have much family that wouldn't cause a lot of drama... but honestly, I never even thought of wearing a dress or doing anything nice like you have planned- even for after our actual wedding! I am sure I could not pull it off. Hmm... Maybe I should be more celebratory about it? I don't know. Sigh... I'm just not bride material!!

I think you should do whatever you're comfortable with and not feel pressured by other people to have a party if you don't want to. To me, the beauty of the vow renewal is that we can do it completely how *we* want to.

Yes, you are totally right about this! I guess that I understood that in terms of the vow renewal, but didn't even begin to think about the rest of the events at home, if we had any...

Thank you ladies!!!

 

[Elsha]

I understand the family drama entirely (well I think I do to an extent )...
My DH and I have decided that due to family drama we will only be able to have our moms and their immediate families to our VR...which means 2 separate parties when we get back for the dads, and their families.

No matter what the family drama is...try not to let yourself get worked up over it for your VR. That's your day with your DH. Same with after you get back. You don't want to have any stresses taking away from your memories.

I would suggest a pot luck (as stated above) or even a back yard BBQ...light and easy, which is what my DH and I did for a reception after our tiny city hall wedding. We invited friends and family, and just relaxed.

As for the wearing your dress again, I think that's ridiculous. And I do agree with an above poster that some are looking for a free party. If you decide to give it to them...let it be on YOUR terms.

 

[Tink&PirateMama]

I understand the family drama entirely (well I think I do to an extent )...
My DH and I have decided that due to family drama we will only be able to have our moms and their immediate families to our VR...which means 2 separate parties when we get back for the dads, and their families.

Oh sorry to hear that, I know it sucks to have all the extended family issues!

And the update:
So- I talked to DH tonight about this, and told him about the thread and what you all said. While he is terribly romantic proposing all of this magic and so excited about the VR, he seemed to be like me when he heard of the 'reception' type idea. A deer caught in the headlights look came over him when I brought up the idea of an at home get together! It was quite funny! I guess we're meant to be together for our inability to deal with extended family and big functions

Anyway, after he had a bit of time to sit with the idea, even the laid back idea here at the house (pizza, BBQ, movies, whatever)... he said definitely not something he wants to do at all. And since I'm not that in to it... I guess it's not something we'll be doing. Funny thing is, we have small parties/bbqs all the time... I can't quite figure it out... Oh well!

Thank you all for your input- it was really helpful, as always!!