Would you buy something even though your S.O. Is completely against it?

[roliepolieoliefan]

Hi

it’s been a while since I posted but wanted some honest opinions and I know u guys will give them lol
My daughter 16 really wants a kitten
She’s wanted one since she was little
I’ve put her off but she’s still pretty persistent about it
We have 2 dogs that she shows, so she spends a lot of time with them.
Husband is completely against the kitten, no good reason just that we don’t need another animal , vet bills, food , litter box etc etc
DH is not an animal person , like his whole family
In the 30 years we’ve been married we’ve always had dogs and at a time a cat
He tolerates them but not like me and the kids are , completely in love with them
DH can be controlling and a real butthead to put it nicely
I’ve always just said ok but this time I’m inclined to say forget it we’re getting a kitten

Am I crazy ?

 

[KPeterso]

Not sure if my Dad was completely against it. But a number of years ago, my mom went out and bought herself a new car when my Dad was out of town. Came home and told me that I had to tell him since he would not kill me. Ummm, thanks? Oh and to tell him I test drove it. In the end, it was her car. Neither he nor I liked driving that car so it was truly her car. Buying a car at that time was not really on the radar and having witnessed it, I think it should have been discussed versus her going behind his back and doing it.

So different situation, but a perspective.

 

[TwoMisfits]

Um, I wouldn't. Cats are long term...and if there's drama, that's long term drama.

If he's a no, but has allowed cats when there were no dogs, I'd just wait for no dogs (or for your 16 year old to grow up and get their own place)...

EDIT TO ADD: But from your write up, I'm not sure this is the only issue right now...and if it's not, I wouldn't add to them - I'd try to solve the current ones 1st...

 

[design_mom]

I guess you know your dynamic the best. If it were me, I'd lay out my best argument to DH including an unequivocal "I want to do this." My husband would likely say OK if I directly said "I want to do this" while grumbling that he didn't plan to take care of it, etc. However, if it is truly a hard "no" from him, I would not go against that.

In addition, cats live for a pretty long time (usually). Your daughter is 16. In few years she'll be out on her own and can get her own kitten. If she were 6, I might feel differently, but she's waited this long... it's not worth creating a major rift with your "butthead" husband. You're going to have to live with him.

 

[sam_gordon]

Hi

it’s been a while since I posted but wanted some honest opinions and I know u guys will give them lol
My daughter 16 really wants a kitten
She’s wanted one since she was little
I’ve put her off but she’s still pretty persistent about it
We have 2 dogs that she shows, so she spends a lot of time with them.
Husband is completely against the kitten, no good reason just that we don’t need another animal , vet bills, food , litter box etc etc
DH is not an animal person , like his whole family
In the 30 years we’ve been married we’ve always had dogs and at a time a cat
He tolerates them but not like me and the kids are , completely in love with them
DH can be controlling and a real butthead to put it nicely
I’ve always just said ok but this time I’m inclined to say forget it we’re getting a kitten

Am I crazy ?

It depends on the item. An animal? No, DW & I would need to be on the same page. If you insist on getting one, make sure you or your daughter change the litter box, take care of it's food and vet bills, and keep it from bothering him.

 

[soccerdad72]

I can't think of anything I have bought that fits the description.

Family pets should definitely be a joint agreement.

 

[tzolkin]

I think your post title is different than what you're actually talking about. "Buying someTHING" is completely different to me than getting a pet. Having a pet in the house affects everyone and I would absolutely not do it unless everyone was on board. If your spouse didn't want a particular piece of furniture or an unnecessary kitchen appliance or something, that might be different.

I like animals and we have had several pets, but if I had to live with an animal that I did not want/found irritating/etc I would be absolutely miserable. It's really unfair to make your husband uncomfortable in his own home just because your daughter wants a kitten.

 

[VandVsmama]

Hi

it’s been a while since I posted but wanted some honest opinions and I know u guys will give them lol
My daughter 16 really wants a kitten
She’s wanted one since she was little
I’ve put her off but she’s still pretty persistent about it
We have 2 dogs that she shows, so she spends a lot of time with them.
Husband is completely against the kitten, no good reason just that we don’t need another animal , vet bills, food , litter box etc etc
DH is not an animal person , like his whole family
In the 30 years we’ve been married we’ve always had dogs and at a time a cat
He tolerates them but not like me and the kids are , completely in love with them
DH can be controlling and a real butthead to put it nicely
I’ve always just said ok but this time I’m inclined to say forget it we’re getting a kitten

Am I crazy ?

On something like this, I would not overrule him. You both have to agree or nobody gets a cat.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

It's not fair to bring a living thing into what is sure to become a conflict.

 

[Nicolepa]

Your daughter is 16. You aren't getting a cat for her, you are getting a cat for you. I would not get a cat (or any pet) if my husband was not 100% on board. Butthead or not.

 

[GreatLakes]

I would not bring any living thing into my home against my wife's wishes. Not a pet, not even a plant.

 

[chickapin parterre]

....well...my DW is controlling and a real butthead to put it nicely...and she is getting a dog even though I have put my foot down on no more dogs!!!

Your daughter is 16...in two years the cat will become yours as she explores higher education, paying for the cat supplies, roommates, overseas travel.

who will have the burden....I will for the above dog, wife can not bend over to clean up after dog, can't carry the dog food bag and prone to tripping...full speed ahead she says....regardless of medical injury and long term consequences.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I like animals and we have had several pets, but if I had to live with an animal that I did not want/found irritating/etc I would be absolutely miserable. It's really unfair to make your husband uncomfortable in his own home just because your daughter wants a kitten.

I understand what you’re saying but if it was up to my husband we would NEVER have had any pets
He’s miserable with the 2 we have now

 

[cabanafrau]

Your DH isn't an animal person. You currently have two dogs that you show. Dog ownership is expensive, time consuming and affects the whole family. Showing dogs is a serious time and financial commitment. In the past you've had other dogs and a cat. He doesn't want another pet. He's controlling and a bit of a butthead. You'd like validation to support doing what you want and overruling his wishes on this.

Sounds like a recipe for a happy home and marriage. Mazel tov!

 

[disneychrista]

I would not get a pet of any kind if my spouse was adamantly against it.

I say the above with never having had a spouse or partner to need to comprise with decisions.

 

[needsomesun]

If he doesn't have a good reason, except that he doesn't like cats, and the rest of the family wanted it, I'd totally be getting it. As long as he is not expected to take care of it at all...

 

[OneOftheB's]

Would I buy something against my DHs wishes. Honestly it would depend. But I’m going with a hard no on getting a cat (or dog for that manner) unless the adults in the house are in agreement. IMO you are making a long term commitment to buy or adopt a pet. I’ve seen too many animals returned to the shelter where I volunteer because dad didn’t agree with the adoption (to the point we will call the other adult to verify he/she is ok with a new pet). Plus your daughter is 16; she might be going away to college in another 2 years and completely out of the house in 6, cats are expected to live 13+ years.

 

[Colleen27]

So I have two different answers for you.

To the direct question in the thread title, yes, I would and have. My husband is not an animal person either and I've overruled him on that on several occasions when I thought the benefit of having a particular pet (we have dogs, cats and rabbits) justified it. And he's always come around, probably because most of his objections are rooted in being resistant to any and all changes rather than in any active dislike or financial concern. In fact, the dog he didn't want is now closer to him than anyone in our household except the child who is training her for 4H. It is one of those cases, in our marriage, where he isn't nearly as strongly "against" as I am "for" and the stronger view ends up prevailing. But the kids and I also handle 100% of all of the animal care, so he gets to engage with them on his own terms up to and including having nothing to do with them if he's not in the mood.

But to the specific situation you outline, no, I wouldn't. I wouldn't get any pet for a child that is just a year or two away from going off to college, no matter how much the child wants it, unless the rest of the household was 100% on board. Because really, that pet isn't going to be your daughter's for very long and it will be yours for much, much longer. If you're getting it for you, that is a different thing... but then you need to have that conversation with your husband rather than dressing it up in your daughter's desire. I'd also encourage you to think about how having a new animal companion might work out for your daughter as she does prepare to leave - will it make the transition harder? will she want to come home more than she should or attend school closer to home out of attachment to her pet? will she want to live off campus to be able to take the cat with her, and would that be a financially responsible choice? will she feel guilty about leaving the cat behind? Leaving her bunnies behind was one of the hardest aspects of transitioning to college for my daughter.

 

[Brett Wyman]

Shoes? Sure. A car? Maybe depending on your financial situation. Pets are a 10-20 year commitment. Don't buy a pet unless everyone is one board.

 

[NannyBeBe]

I would not do it. First, because a husband and wife should be in agreement on an animal; and second, because it would not be fair to the poor cat. No animal deserves to live where it is not wanted.