Worried about Mom - Child just diagnosed with Asperger's

[DutchsMommy]

I am wondering if anyone might be able to suggest books, website support groups etc etc for a friend of mine. Her son has been diagnosed with Aspergers recently and she is having a bit of a hard time dealing with it. She lost a son just before his first b'day when he fell down the stair at the babysitters. She got pregnant with the DS in question a few months after the accident and I know inside she is thinking that maybe that caused his problems now. She also has a younger DD who is a very 'easy going' child and she is feeling guilty that she is not giving any attention to DD. We got together last night for a girls night and I was worried with some of the comments she was saying (keep in mind we had had a few glasses of wine so the emotions were high). Anyway, she sounded really depressed - like 'I don't know why DH wants to stay with me, this is all my fault, I dan't do anything to help DS, I'm so frustrated etc etc etc. Anyway - I really feel taht these are probably common feelings for someone going through a challenging time but I don't feel like I can offer her alot more than a shoulder to cry on because it is true that I can't know what it's like to be in her shoes. I was hoping that perhaps speaking to others in a similar situation - and in a more 'protected' environment like the internet might allow her to see she is not alone and offer some suggestions for coping methods etc.

Anyway - any help anyone can provide is appreciated.

 

[roseprincess]

First of all, to your friend. It must be very hard to deal with the tragic death of her baby son and learning about the Aspergers of her other son.

As of autism support groups, is there any support groups of other parents with children w/ autism in her neighborhood? School district?
Whoever diagnosed her son (school district,neurologist, psychologist, etc) should be able to give some kind of support group info to her in her vacinity where she lives. Where I live, we have a support group of mostly moms of children with autism/aspergers thru my school dist. We also have a monthly support group in our township.

Here are a couple of websites: www.autism-society.org - this lists all the support groups in the U.S. and this is the Autism Society of America website.

Also www.autismspeaks.org - this is a national autism website, I don't know if this website has message boards or not - it takes my computer a long time to download the website, so I'm hardly on it.
This website also lists book that they recommend to read.

Sounds like your friend needs someone to vent to with all the stuff going on in her home life. Is it ok to ask if your friend has had counseling for herself about her grief with the baby's death? It is possible she may have harbored feelings about the tragic death.

Hope this helps. That's all you can really do for her is just to listen.

Rosemarie

 

[mbb]

handy to you in the GTA... http://www.autism.net/

The Geneva Centre is renowned for it's work...send her some hugs from me..ask her gently if she's been open with her family doctor about how she's feeling..and feel free to welcome her here I can send you my email addy if you'd like to give her that..

 

[headoflife]

It is hard to hear the diagnosis, even if you expect it. Many mom's blame themselves. I know I did. I would recommend she look at www.aspersyndrome.org . It is a great website with lots of resource info, and a very supportive message board. Your friend is lucky to have you!

 

[Rosie]

I can't offer much practical support, just .

Learning that your child has a developmental disorder can feel like a bereavement at first and after all your friend has been through it must be a terrible blow. When my DS was being tested for Autism my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer

I don't know how other people get through the really hard times - but having a good friend who looks out for you must be a huge help. Your friend will probably go through many stages of emotions dealing with the diagnosis. I really hope she finds some ways to cope and you are able to keep supporting her.

 

[Kitty-chan]

I'm so sorry for what your friend is going through.

My DS9 has Asperger's (along with some other not-yet-specified things), and I recently read Finding Our Way: Practical Solutions for Creating a Supportive Home and Community for the Asperger Syndrome Family, a book written by a mom of three kids with various ASD. It made me laugh a lot, and gave me just a little bit more compassion for myself as I try to navigate this strange new world.

I'd also suggest the OASIS Asperger's Syndrome web forum, which seems to be a very supportive online community. I'll confess that I don't post or read much there myself, but have found it helpful at various times.

I also think that just by being her friend, you're doing a lot! I'm helped so much by friends who listen to me vent, listen to my fears, hold me when I cry. Just knowing that somebody knows the whole story and cares about how I feel helps more than anything.

 

[DutchsMommy]

Thank you all for your posts - sorry it took so long to get back and post here. I think I am going to take the links and advice, work them into an e-mail and send them to her as an FYI. Thanks again for all of your suggestions and information!

 

[Poohnatic]

I just found this post.

The OASIS site is also www.aspergersyndrome.org. Barb Kirby runs an awesome message board over there-it was my lifeline in the months after my son was diagnosed. Patti Romanoski-Bache is co coordinator of the site, and she's written a great book-name escapes me right now.

A good basic book is Tony Attwood's "Asperger's Syndrome" I have two copies, after my son was first dx'ed, one copy was constantly lent out-teachers, day care, family members. Ironically, a nephew has some shadow symptoms and my sis has held onto that copy.

For the issues common with Aspergers, I found "The Explosive Child" was a tremendous help. Even if it doesn't exactly apply to that child, it does give some great insight into how a 'rigid thinker's' mind processes things.

Good luck!

Suzanne