Why do people assume

[Wendy1985]

So what grinds my gears is why are people judged by what they own if you were to walk into my condo you would think I was rich not true

everything was gifted to dh and I with very little exceptions

so I get a little tired of others saying not to me thankfully but to others you can afford this 3,000 dollar watch but not therapy why assume the watch was not a gift

 

[dez1978]

People make a lot of assumptions about a lot of things. A friend of ours owns a restaurant and people assume he is rich. When in reality he really makes about 100k/year. Which isn't poor by any means, but considering the time and effort he puts into it and the loans and financial obligations it takes to open a restaurant, it's also not a lot. It's def not what I'd consider rich.

 

[BrianL]

So what grinds my gears is why are people judged by what they own if you were to walk into my condo you would think I was rich not true

everything was gifted to dh and I with very little exceptions

so I get a little tired of others saying not to me thankfully but to others you can afford this 3,000 dollar watch but not therapy why assume the watch was not a gift

It works the other way too. I live modestly, live in a basic house, drive an old car and such. I'm not rich at all but I could easily afford "more" but I choose to save more money and spend it on the things I really like. Some people don't understand that at all.

 

[OhDannyBoy]

So what grinds my gears is why are people judged by what they own if you were to walk into my condo you would think I was rich not true

The good thing about people and their judgements is they can mean as little or as much as you choose to let them.

It works the otehr way too. I live modestly, live in a basic house, drive an old car and such. I'm not rich at all but I could easily afford "more" but I choose to save more money and spend it on the things I really like. Some people don't understand that at all.

I certainly understand that. My wife and I are all about living below our means. We both drive modest vehicles and don't have much in the way of toys and what not.

I don't need to or care to impress anyone but my wife.

 

[JimMIA]

We get it both ways.

We have some friends who have always been envious of the salaries we made, conveniently ignoring our advanced educations and job responsibilities compared to theirs. And now that he and I are both retired, they are envious that my retirement is 50% higher than his. They are perfectly fine financially -- nice house, good standard of living, great vacations, kid's college paid for, etc -- but still envious.

Our neighbors, OTOH, feel sorry for us. We don't drive Lambos or Maserati SUVs like one neighbor, and don't have boats, ATV's and every imaginable toy like another neighbor, or cruise 5-6 weeks a year like another neighbor. We're actually pretty boring.

We love them all, but we can't help being amused from time to time.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

My siblings assume that we have money cause we choose to go on vacations every year, usually WDW. They never go anywhere. What they don’t understand is we normally stay at a value resort and I budget for it all year long. The rest of the year we seldom do anything. We don’t buy anything unless we need it and we don’t go out for dinner either.

 

[SmallWorld71]

In the earlier days of our marriage, DH and I really struggled financially. Every year, my grandparents, who lived in SW Florida would pay for plane tickets for the kids and I to travel down to visit them. They spoiled us while we there. We went out on the boat, to the local yacht club, out to dinner and so on. I would occasionally run into someone very accusatory who was sure I was really scamming the system and that I was actually just pretending to have to budget every penny.
Now we are in a much better place financially, but we take lessons from our earlier days and we can be pretty cautious about spending. Now people just think I am cheap because I don't buy fancy clothes, cars etc.
You just can't with some people so I don't even bother trying.

 

[mrodgers]

I get assumptions from coworkers. They think because I'm a daylight employee, I am loaded in regards to my hourly rate. Ah, no, perhaps there's the 26 years vs. your 8 months that has something to do with how my measly salary is a lot more than your measly salary. I still am forced to live in a 1976 trailer on rented property and will never have the opportunity to retire or live in a nice home again.

 

[kanerf]

Remember the lesson from Full Metal Jacket, assume makes an *** out of you and me.

 

[SandyinMonterey]

When remodeling bathrooms in our house, several contractors have said, "well, the average/starting cost IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD is about $50,000." What difference does that make?!

 

[Wendy1985]

When remodeling bathrooms in our house, several contractors have said, "well, the average/starting cost IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD is about $50,000." What difference does that make?!

Exactly my dad bought the condo I live in because he wanted me to live some place that was safe dh and I could not afford it

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

I get what you're saying. I've had people assume that I've got money because I occasionally take my kids to Disney World, but they don't know me well enough to see that we spend the 6 months before a trip seriously skimping on groceries (like not eating meat at all) and everything else we can possible do to save money; for example, I applied for a new credit card with zero introductory interest so that I could charge the trip and then make payments after our last trip.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

I was at a supermarket not too long ago, and as usual I was using my SNAP card to buy groceries. I took my wallet out of my purse- a Vera Bradley purse-and as I was swiping the card, the woman behind me said to the woman with her, "but she can afford Vera." She obviously didn't think I heard her comment. I just said, "excuse me, not that it's any of your business but the purse was a gift." I took my bags and left. Even if I *had* bought the purse myself, it's nobody's business to assume that I'm living high on the hog on benefits. As it happens, I'm not.

 

[Colleen27]

People make all sorts of stupid assumptions based on all sorts of outward cues. We travel a lot and send our kids to private school, which gets us a lot of assumptions that we're wealthy (at least by local standards). We're not. We live in a money pit of an old house and my van is showing its age, which gets us some assumptions that we're living above our means. We're not. We just prioritize our spending differently than most, and my husband is such a control freak/perfectionist about house projects that I'd rather wait for him to have time to work on the house than try to hire a contractor that would meet his standards. Fortunately I learned many years ago just to let all those assumptions roll off like water from a duck's back.

 

[JimMIA]

When remodeling bathrooms in our house, several contractors have said, "well, the average/starting cost IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD is about $50,000." What difference does that make?!

It makes a LOT of difference. Pricing for anything around your home is directly related to the neighborhood.

I recently got fed up with the guy who was cutting my yard and checked with my neighbors for recommendations. One guy told me, "Well, with a home like this, you should be paying at least $150, but I'll charge you $125." We hired another neighbor's guy for $60 per cutting.

Ran into the same thing with lawn spraying -- one guy wanted $170; we got a neighbor's guy for $70.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I was raised to not talk socially about income/salary and honestly it makes me cringe when people talk about it because often it's in a boastful way. There's reasons salary can legit come up in conversation but it's far fewer than it normally does. Even my closest friends never knew what I make, it was a conversation of necessity to speak with it about my husband.

People can make poor assumptions about what you have in relation to things. Sometimes it's a two way street though, you (general you) make a comment and it gets a comment back but I know for the OP that's not the case. I wouldn't let it get to you OP

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I was at a supermarket not too long ago, and as usual I was using my SNAP card to buy groceries. I took my wallet out of my purse- a Vera Bradley purse-and as I was swiping the card, the woman behind me said to the woman with her, "but she can afford Vera." She obviously didn't think I heard her comment. I just said, "excuse me, not that it's any of your business but the purse was a gift." I took my bags and left. Even if I *had* bought the purse myself, it's nobody's business to assume that I'm living high on the hog on benefits. As it happens, I'm not.

This is a good post for that recent thread about Starbucks pay it forward. Lots of people assuming if you're in the line at Starbucks you can afford it as if there weren't things like a gift card (which I guess was funny to a poster) or some other reason someone was in that line.

FWIW a lot of people sell wallets and purses at garage sales or social media. I see it a lot on Nextdoor and yes tons of Vera Bradley on there. So even if you didn't get it as a gift it doesn't mean you bought it for a lot of money either. Also I don't know about you but I've shopped at Vera Bradley outlets and gotten an ID case (which I use as my wallet) for a few bucks. Recently I bought one at Hallmark and used a Hallmark coupon. Grand total for the ID case was like $3+tax. On my two Disney Vera Bradley purses I used Disney gift cards I got for my birthday and a portion of one was converted gift card to a Disney gift card. My Harry Potter Vera Bradley is the only one purchased without aid though my husband did it for a birthday or Christmas gift can't remember.

I wouldn't even assume anything if I saw you in that checkout lane just by you pulling out a Vera Bradley wallet.

 

[DisLiss]

I hear that kind of thing so often! All I can guess is that the people making assumptions don't personally know many people who believe giving away items they no longer want/need, or people who give more valuable gifts, or they don't realize how easy it is to find people selling used items for steep discounts. Or (in the case of low income individuals) they don't realize how many groups/people/organizations give perfectly nice items out to those who need them.

We have someone in our life who loves to buy the newest gadgets. A single individual, no kids, good job. Doesn't travel much, doesn't go out much. But just loves to be the first to buy anything new. And they are forever asking us if we can use this, or would our kids like that. So we always have stuff we wouldn't have even considered buying ourselves, just because this person wanted something newer.

We also find that people in that same sort of position often give our kids incredibly generous gifts for birthdays and holidays.

And we know a family who lives in public housing, receives government assistance for food, WIC vouchers, etc. And their kids are forever being given lovely things from school, different organizations, and friends and family.

It really surprises me that some people seem to think that people only own what they have personally purchased. Maybe we know more generous people than others?? But people are forever giving us things. I had to just turn down someone offering us furniture, because my house is full, LOL!

 

[DisLiss]

I was at a supermarket not too long ago, and as usual I was using my SNAP card to buy groceries. I took my wallet out of my purse- a Vera Bradley purse-and as I was swiping the card, the woman behind me said to the woman with her, "but she can afford Vera." She obviously didn't think I heard her comment. I just said, "excuse me, not that it's any of your business but the purse was a gift."

Something similar happened to a family I know. When smart phones were still relatively new, their oldest child was given one by a family friend. They didn't even have any plan for it. The child used it to play games that had been downloaded on it for them or to use the internet if someplace with free wi-fi. So they were shopping one day and someone in the check-out made a snotty remark about them not buying their own food, but being able to buy a "fancy phone". And after that the mom didn't let the poor kid take it when they went grocery shopping anymore, because she didn't want to "invite" any more comments, which is really sad. :'(

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

When remodeling bathrooms in our house, several contractors have said, "well, the average/starting cost IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD is about $50,000." What difference does that make?!

It tends to matter when it comes to finishings and their quality level. Granite shouldn't cost more in X neighborhood than it does in another down the street. But if you are going from formica to granite because the surrounding area commands granite not formica then yeah what the contractors are talking about make more sense. And if a contractor is charging more for the same item just because your're in a certain neighborhood that's not a contractor I would be using no matter how common someone else finds that to be the case. I'll find someone who doesn't try to overcharge me just because I'm located 2 miles away from homes that cost significantly less than mine.

At least in my area suppliers are getting items from virtually the same places and builders have existing partnerships with places. When our house was built the cabinet place was in our metro but the other side of the state line, the lighting place (where we picked out all the light fixtures for the house) was on our side of the state line just in a different city about a 15 mins drive from where we were living at, the place where we picked out our appliances (sans fridge) was on our side of the state line but the place we met to pick out the engineered hardwood floor color, cabinet color, tile colors., carpet colors, paint for the walls and exterior, trim color was located at a design warehouse on the other side of the state line. These are all places contractors get their stuff from.

The place where my mom got her carpet last year (she replaced all the carpet in her house) and the place where she got the granite from (she was going from laminate to granite and built in wood peninsula all wood no different type of top to granite). None of these costs are anywhere dependent on this or that neighborhood to the contractors that installed them but it will depend on type of carpet like nylon vs polyester or granite like I mentioned or laminate flooring vs engineered or true hardwood. Some costs also include difficulty like gluing down flooring as opposed to free floating or click lock type flooring.