Whould you be responsible for someone else's child?

[Princess_Belle]

Well my DH and I talked and we decided to set some rules. This is what we came up with

Answer the Phone if we Call
You must be in the same park as us
Dont leave a park to go back to the room with out telling us
Meet us 45 prior to any dinner reservation
Meet us 1 hour prior to any night time show
We all leave the parks at night together
Stay with us at DTD (Ive heard bad things about younger people being alone here)

Apparently they thought we were going to put them on a leash and not let them get 2 ft away. We have added the cousin to the reservation and ADR's so everything is set. Also this trip is not for me & my husband it was a trip for my DSIL as a graduation gift. Now we just have to figure how we are all gonna live in a POP room for 6 nights. And figure out how we are going to get everything there in our car. Our trunk is very small and the girls refuse to ship anything. Meaning my husband and i will have to ship all our stuff

 

[UrsulasShadow]

Oh no this just got met thinking about my own trip. I am taking My 2 DS ages 5 and 15 and my DS friend age 15 I am planning to attend PPP with my younger son and had told DS and friend they could go to Hollywood Studios during day and then make their own way back to resort in evening and wait for me to return after the party. They also will both have their cell phones with them. I was thinking this was going to be no problem as they are very mature and responsible young men and we do live in a huge city so I figured they would be smart enough to take the buses from in WDW with no problem. I also was believing WDW had awesome security and I would not have to be too concerned about them too much but now after reading a few post I feel I may not be doing the right thing here. Any thoughts????

Your situation is entirely different than the OP. You are the parent to one of the children. You have experience and confidence that your children will behave to your standards. You know the children in question, and how they are likely to react to situations. There is a larger age difference between you and the children you are caring for. Your instinct tells you that your charges will be fine, and you should follow that.

 

[WDSearcher]

Now we just have to figure how we are all gonna live in a POP room for 6 nights. And figure out how we are going to get everything there in our car. Our trunk is very small and the girls refuse to ship anything. Meaning my husband and i will have to ship all our stuff

You have to SHIP your stuff? Why? That I don't get at all. Everyone gets one bag, and maybe you put something up on the roof in a carry-all. You're only going for a week, and it's not like you're going to need dress-up clothes, suits or stuff like that.

Then again ... I don't understand over-packers. I never bring more than one suitcase. 13 days in China ... one suitcase. 10 days in California ... one suitcase. I'd ship home souvenirs and stuff I bought, but I never needed to ship clothes.

 

[CarolA]

Personally I think you are over reacting... if the child is 17 next year she will be a legal adult. If you can't trust her to walk around Disney what's going to happen when she goes to college? I gave 17 year olds in Paris France more freedom then you are giving them in Disney and NONE of them were related to me!

This whole thing sounds bad. You are taking an 18 year old and trying to play "parent" when you are 21? Personally your "rules" are very overbearing for people this age.... Would you have wanted to be treated this way at 18? And using your "School" trip as your basis is probably not that sound.

The girls want to take too much stuff etc.. This needs to become a team effort not a dictatorship lead by you and DH! Show the girls the trunk. Show them thier half, then be quite!!! Quit telling them things like "we will ship our stuff" No you won't. If they overpack they can cram thier bodies in the backseat with their valuable junke. Trust me they will learn. All of my Girl Scouts did. I refused to assist them with thier stuff. I treated them as adults responsible for thier decisions. Some of them learned to regret them. LOL!

I can see this trip report now.... DISASTER!

Personally I think you should step back and either deal with these two as ADULTS and not as children. Set out your expectations. Sit down with the 17 year old's parents and lay down the ground rules based on a combination of your confidence and the parent's confidence in their daugther. Your current rules read just like the ones I had for 14 years on a trip to Disney! Yoare treating them like children and it will backfire. (What are you going to do when they don't show up ONE hour in advance...scream at them?)


If you can't deal with it, just withdraw the invitation.

 

[MareSINY]

If you are hesitant I don't think you should do it, this is your vacation and if you aren't going to be comfortable you wont enjoy your vacation.

I've taken my nieces (separate trips) to Disney for long weekends (Fri - Mon). I was nervous when I did it the first time, my niece was almost 5 and I just wasn't sure how it was going to go. It went great, we had a super time and so last September I brought my other niece who was 4 at the time. We also had a great time. Now mind you, I am older than you by 15 years.

Several years ago I brought a co-workers daughter with me to Italy, she was 16 at the time. I was nervous about traveling there alone (my sister's husband was in the Navy so I was going to visit and stay with them) and my friend thought it would be a great experience for her daughter. Well, she spent most of the time there in her room listening to Nsync (this was 6 yrs ago. LOL) She never wanted to go out and see the sights, and when we were out she slept in the car most of the time. Then we missed our connecting flight going home and were stuck in Rome for two days. She cried, wanted to go home, etc. etc. We laughed about it, but at times it was very stressful being responsible for someone else's kid in a foreign country that we couldn't seem to get out of. So I can totally understand your apprehension on doing this.

I say go with your gut!

 

[AmyinKY]

I have not read all of the post here. My advise, sit down with MIL, SIL, cousin, cousin's parents and your DH. Ask questions such as, have you been to WDW before, where else have you been before on vacation (this 17ys may have travelled with a band or chorus group before and thinks nothing of trips with rules, etc., do you have food allergies, etc. Find out exactly what the girls want to do on this vacation. They may be very willing to stay in the same park with you, want to eat meals with you, etc.

Before saying a flat out no, and with this also being you inlaws, I would have a sit down meeting and discuss what you are willing to compromise on and what your rules are. You may very well be on the same page and not even know it. Also, bring an estimated budget with you so the money side of things is out in the open as well.

Amy

 

[aristocats_lover]

OP, My DH and I are the same age as you and yours. Last summer we took his sister (13 at the time) with us on a short trip (we live two hours away, but we stayed the night) when she came to visit us for the week from MI. I can not stress enough how important the notarized medical authorization form is. Also, the insurance cards for both girls, and any pertinent allergy or medication information (that includes contacts, etc for eye injuries). If something were to happen, you don't need to waste possible precious time.

That being said, Anna never left our sight, but she was 13. She was perfectly happy spending time with us. I personally don't think it's neccesary to bring the cousin on the level that she should have fun with her brother and you, but I know it's sometimes hard for them to see it that way. If we were to take DH's other sister (who's just a year younger than me) I wouldn't let her out of my sight even though she is over 18 just because that's the kind of person she is (always in trouble, and I don't mean little things). Even though someone is 18, or even over 18, if you're taking them there, YOU are responsible. Maybe not legally, but to his family, it's your job to keep them safe.

I wholeheartedly second the no DTD without you. Other than that, if you can trust the girls to follow the rules, I would say go ahead with it. But give them the expectation that they will only be treated as adults if the act like adults, including being trustworthy. After that, all bets are off.

 

[labdogs42]

Well my DH and I talked and we decided to set some rules. This is what we came up with

Answer the Phone if we Call
You must be in the same park as us
Dont leave a park to go back to the room with out telling us
Meet us 45 prior to any dinner reservation
Meet us 1 hour prior to any night time show
We all leave the parks at night together
Stay with us at DTD (Ive heard bad things about younger people being alone here)

Apparently they thought we were going to put them on a leash and not let them get 2 ft away. We have added the cousin to the reservation and ADR's so everything is set. Also this trip is not for me & my husband it was a trip for my DSIL as a graduation gift. Now we just have to figure how we are all gonna live in a POP room for 6 nights. And figure out how we are going to get everything there in our car. Our trunk is very small and the girls refuse to ship anything. Meaning my husband and i will have to ship all our stuff

Those rules seem a little overboard to me. Yes, I am a parent and yes, I have been to Disney as a college student. These "kids" are adults. Treat them as such and they will act as such. Just stop and ask yourself why? to each rule. Why do they need to meet you 45 minutes before an ADR? Because you don't trust they will make it in time? That's setting everyone up for failure. Just tell them what time you plan to arrive for the ADR (15 minutes ahead is standard) and expect them then. If they don't show, eat without them. Don't pay for the meal they need to eat instead. I think you are going a little overboard with the whole "I'm responsible for these "kids" thing". They are only a few years younger than you! Don't try to be their parents. This trip can be a blast for all of you if you just relax.

 

[Mo-Yo]

No offense, but when I suggested ground rules, I wasn’t thinking edicts.

Perhaps a more friendly, less authoritarian approach would serve you…and the girls…better.


More like -
“Girls, I am really excited about this trip, and I think we can all have a great time together. But, as you probably realize, I am a bit nervous about this “being in charge” thing. I want to have fun, and I want you to have fun…but I also want to make sure that we are all on the same page so that we all return home happy and healthy – with great memories of the trip.

Le me tell you how I picture the trip – I picture us all staying together most of the time. We really want this trip to be a way to celebrate SIL’s graduation together. I made some great ADR’s that I think we will all enjoy. Here they are….(blah, blah). I hope you guys want to do that with us.

Obviously, spending 24-7 together for six days is a bit much, and we might not always want to do the same things, so if you guys want to branch off, I understand. I’ll worry, but I understand, and I’m okay with that as long as we make a plan where I know where you are (ie, what park, at the pool, at the hotel) and we are in touch by cell phone pretty regularly. Me and DH might like a little time alone, as well.

This is a vacation, and I don’t want you to feel like you are in prison, but I don’t want to spend six days worrying either. Please don’t put me in a position where I have to act like a mother…or a camp counselor.

Obviously, I expect that you guys follow Disney rules…and the law (ie. drinking, drugs, etc) and I know you are good kids and don’t want to get involved in that stuff, anyway, but if we have any problems like that, your mom’s have agreed to come get you/let us send you home/etc. But I really don’t expect it to come to that. We’re all adults here, and I know we can work together. Don’t you think?


Tell me about how you picture the trip….Does anything I said not make sense? Can you anticipate any problems?

Oh, One more thing. One small bag per customer. If you want to bring more, you need to sit with on your lap or ship it. Pack light, it’s hot, and you can do wash at the hotel if you want.

Great…let’s go have fun"

 

[Princess_Belle]

This whole thing sounds bad. You are taking an 18 year old and trying to play "parent" when you are 21? Personally your "rules" are very overbearing for people this age.... Would you have wanted to be treated this way at 18? And using your "School" trip as your basis is probably not that sound.

The girls want to take too much stuff etc.. This needs to become a team effort not a dictatorship lead by you and DH! Show the girls the trunk. Show them thier half, then be quite!!! Quit telling them things like "we will ship our stuff" No you won't. If they overpack they can cram thier bodies in the backseat with their valuable junke. Trust me they will learn. All of my Girl Scouts did. I refused to assist them with thier stuff. I treated them as adults responsible for thier decisions. Some of them learned to regret them. LOL!

I can see this trip report now.... DISASTER!

Personally I think you should step back and either deal with these two as ADULTS and not as children. Set out your expectations. Sit down with the 17 year old's parents and lay down the ground rules based on a combination of your confidence and the parent's confidence in their daugther. Your current rules read just like the ones I had for 14 years on a trip to Disney! Yoare treating them like children and it will backfire. (What are you going to do when they don't show up ONE hour in advance...scream at them?)

If you can't deal with it, just withdraw the invitation.

I had all these same rules at disney when I was 17. Did I complain! No I was just glad I got to go. I expect them to follow these simple rules. As I did when I was 17! I have reasons as to why I want to MEET them (Not them come to us) before we go to dinner or a nighttime show. This was the same rule that the DSIL had last Sept. I dont want the coming back to the room 2 hours after we do bc they were last last people in line at the bus stop. Also This is the cousins first ever trip to Disney World. She is not familiar with anything about the parks. If she and the 18 yr old get separated while leaving the park. I can imagine the fussing that would cause. It will be easier if we all leave together. I am not going to make them ship their stuff. But if I allowed them to bring everything they want to bring, then my husband and I would have to ship both of our suitcases. And thats not fair to us! I am giving them an option of shipping anything that is not that important or stopping at a grocery store once we get in Florida (things like body wash). These are the way the rules will stay. I'm standing firm and so is my husband. I am willing to take them to Disney! That is enough reason for me as to why they need to follow some simple rules.

 

[LAH LAH]

I personaly don't think the OP's rules/guidelines are too strict. She is in charge...if she tells them to sit in a corner till she comes back she is well with in her rights (not that you would...just making a point) The OP has to do what SHE feels comfortable doing...

I hope you have a wonderful trip!!!!

 

[Ktharee]

My three friends and I (all girls) all went to WDW for 4 nights for our high school graduation. Plenty old enough. My parents needed convincing, but I had never gotten into any trouble so they folded. I think you need to set your rules. Yes, you aren't THAT much older than them, but they aren't going without your say, so I guess you are in control. Don't buy park hoppers. This way you are all in the same park. Make sure cell phones are always on. Get a waiver from both sets of parents. Set meeting points and times. Not too strict, but check in at least twice a day or mandate you eat together. These aren't "kids". I understand that yes you are ultimately responsible for their well being, but you needn't worry they are going to "talk to strangers" as they should know better. If you feel comfortable that they are responsible, respectful young adults and will adhere to the ground rules, go for it. If not, don't.

 

[HunnyPots]

I think you'll be fine as long as you don't go too far with the authoritarian attitude. If you do, these girls will likely see how far they can push you. They are plenty old enough to be on their own in the parks, and they know that, which is why they are mad at you .

Cell phones are wonderful things! Just make sure everyone has theirs on, call if you need something and let them go.

As far as being "responsible for someone else's child", I think you're worrying needlessly. Have her parents sign (and have notarized) a medical release form with insurance info in case of an accident or illness. If you're worrying about her getting into some kind of trouble, she's 17 and would be held accountable for herself.

The extra guest may turn out to be a blessing in disguise. You SIL will have a buddy so she doesn't feel lkie the odd one out and you and your husband will have some time to enjoy your trip just the two of you. See? Everyone's happy!

 

[Mo-Yo]

I personaly don't think the OP's rules/guidelines are too strict. She is in charge...if she tells them to sit in a corner till she comes back she is well with in her rights (not that you would...just making a point) The OP has to do what SHE feels comfortable doing...

I hope you have a wonderful trip!!!!

Actually, I think having a wonderful trip would be difficult if op has an attitude that she could tell the girls to sit in a corner (even if she wouldn't).

These are young adults for Pete's Sake, and if her attitude is to control every aspect of the girl's behavior for six days straight then I agree with the the OP, the trip report will be a DISASTER!!!

And if that's OP's attitude, driven by fear or responsibility or annoyance at having an uninvited guest (None of which I fault her for), then I think all parties will be much happier if the trip gets cancelled.

I think maybe, it would do OP good to talk to Cousin's mother and see what her expectations are. If she thinks she has a "babysitter" then forget it, don't bring her. If she thinks her daughter a responsible young adult is accompanying her cousins on a trip as more or less an equal (with ground rules) then OP is off the hook...unless of course she doesn't want to take her under those circumstances.

At 17, there is NO WAY I would have gone on a vacation anywhere with a cousin/aunt (whether 4 or 20 years my senior) who insisted on treating me as incompetent child with no self-control or responsibility.

If OP insists on the "babysitting" stance then I say "run away, run away" from this situation before you end up with a horrible vacation and a real, family mess on your hands.

 

[Princess_Belle]

I'm not being a dictator here. I am going to let them do what the want. I just want them to realize that they cant do whatever they feel like doing 24/7. I just want them in the same park. Thats not had to do. I want them to meet before meals and before any fireworks show. Then if we all leave together it will be easier. Pretty much other than than I'm not going to tell them what to do. We were planning on spend a lot of the time together already. So following these rules should be no problem. The girls have agreed to the rules. I would never make them stay at the room, or yell at them if they weren't at dinner on time. I know these girls and time will run away from them. That is mainly why we need rules in the first place. If they get caught up in the fun of disney and completely miss dinner then I'd be upset. That is why I need to set a few basic rules.

 

[LadyntheTramp]

Hi...I have been following this thread and just wanted to chime in. To the OP, I don't see anything wrong with the rules you posted. Its not like you are making them check in every 10 minutes. I looks basically like you want them to check in just a few times a day, for dinner and stuff. And I fully agree with leaving together it can get hectic and being together means less worrying on everyone's part. Also I am the same age as you and if I was taking my sister (who is about the same age as you SIL) my rules would be about the same. My only comment is go and have fun. Also, if things go well you can always alter the rules, if you see they are being resposible, (kinda like a reward day at the end of the trip). But don't tell them that...hehe..and that's just an idea.

Have fun and I think the cousin and SIL should just be greatful they get to go.

 

[PrincessV]

Wow. I'm genuinely surprised by a lot of the reponses here. At 17, I had a full-time job, an apartment of my own and a car. Had someone indicated that I might not be able to handle touring WDW without a guardian, I'd have been appalled.

OP, I'm not sure I understand what concerend you about being the "responsible" party - was it a money issue, what might happen in an emergency, or not trusting the cousin? It sounds like you've got it all resolved, but just in case you were concerend about any of the above:

Moeny: I'd set out the financial expectations from the beginning so everyone's clear on who's paying for what.

Emergency: I'd have the cousin's parents provide you with a signed and notarized note giving you/your DH the authority to act on their behalf should you need to in a medical emergency.

Trust: If you can't trust her to act properly, I wouldn't bring her at all.

 

[SLP_PoohBear]

I'm not being a dictator here. I am going to let them do what the want. I just want them to realize that they cant do whatever they feel like doing 24/7. I just want them in the same park. Thats not had to do. I want them to meet before meals and before any fireworks show. Then if we all leave together it will be easier. Pretty much other than than I'm not going to tell them what to do. We were planning on spend a lot of the time together already. So following these rules should be no problem. The girls have agreed to the rules. I would never make them stay at the room, or yell at them if they weren't at dinner on time. I know these girls and time will run away from them. That is mainly why we need rules in the first place. If they get caught up in the fun of disney and completely miss dinner then I'd be upset. That is why I need to set a few basic rules.

I think the ground rules you set are fine, just make sure to come off more like a friend to them than a mother and they will be more likely to respect you. When you get to the park before you go your own ways say something like "ok guys we'll meet you at (insert time) is that ok?" You should be ok. Also, even though you & your DH both set the rules it might be better for him to give the park orders of the day when you are on your trip. Since he's related to the 2 girls they might be more incline to listen to him since he is their older brother/cousin and you are just an "in law" (kind of like the whole "your not my mom i don't have to listen to you" mentality)...don't worry many of us have been there too. And if all else fails and you are still suspisious you could always follow them lol

 

[DaveCN]

Rules seem to be fairly reasonable, though I think 45 minutes before ADR is a bit much.

And the DTD rule is a bit silly. If they were 13, sure, but at their agem with phones, c'mon.

Let them know that you will tighten up the rules if they break your trust.

 

[seashoreCM]

If you take a minor (child) with you, you must do what you have to do so that first aid and emergency situations are taken care of, and ask questions later. This may mean you have to autograph various documents thus putting you first in line on the financial hook. It would then be up to you to recover from the child's parent or guardian.

Also you need to make sure your guest has a good time in general, comparable to your own family members unless a directive to the contrary came from that child's parents. This may mean advancing funds for meals, park hopping, etc. if the child didn't have enough money.

In short, you are acting in loco parentis. If you don't want to do this, then immediately uninvite the child.

Disney hints: http://members.aol.com/ajaynejr/disney.htm