what would you do--grandkids and christmas gifts

[Dznypal]

we have 4 DGK between the ages of 5 to 16
I alwasy try to keep the gifts the same number of gifts
and close to spending wise just something my mom always did
and she did a great job at it

this year we did good with the number of gifts
however the oldest DGD the amount spent
was a good amount higher then the rest
some of that due to the fact shes saving for a car so we gave her some cash to put towards it
I know the 5 yr old wont notice anything as long has theres gifts with his name on them

Im afraid that the 9 and 11 yr old might notice the cash
so what would you do
get the other 3 gift cards or cash
or just leave it as it is
we do have 2 adult kids of our own so they buy for each others kids which our the DGK Im talking about
so theyll be no shortage of gifts thats for sure I just dont the the others to feel bad

 

[jormom1030]

My parents do a set amount for each grandchild. It doesn’t matter the number of gifts. That to me is the fairest way to do it.

 

[starlite_]

Just leave it as is. As much as you try to be equal it's not always gonna be possible in real life and it's ok for them to realize that. They shouldn't be counting how much you spend on them anyways.

 

[DIS_MERI]

I would leave it as is and not worry about it, unless you don't plan to do something similar for the younger kids when they are saving for cars.

 

[nw6675]

Leave as is and just keep the $ amount the same.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

I always try to spend close to the same amount n gifts for our 3 granddaughters too, but we also give them checks to put into their savings accounts. We do the same thing on their birthdays.

 

[AgentMama]

I'd leave it as is. We have a bunch of nieces and nephews and while we try to keep everything even, it isn't always. They know we love them and we often do special things and experiences with them throughout the year. I think as long as things are mostly even, being a little off every once in awhile goes unnoticed.

 

[wenrob]

Just leave it as is. As much as you try to be equal it's not always gonna be possible in real life and it's ok for them to realize that. They shouldn't be counting how much you spend on them anyways.

This. I try really, really hard to make everything as “even” as I can with birthday/Christmas gifts for my kids but sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way. Older DD’s Christmas gifts this year are more monetarily than the other two by a lot but they have a couple more things to unwrap. Her birthday presents were pretty modest but the other two got to go to Disney (she joined us on her dime) and pretty much got a “yes” for whatever they asked for while there. In the end it balances out and they all know that’s how I do things sometimes. I think as long as it’s not a favoritism thing where you’re consistently giving more to one and not the others, you’re fine.

If you’re really worried about it, you could give the cash to DGD in private and give her a small gift to open in front of the others like a car ornament.

 

[Micca]

If it comes up, you can tell the 9 &11 y/o you'll do the same for them when they're 16...AND...the 16 yr. old will be running some errands for you when they get a car, picking up prescriptions, dry cleaning, get you to appointments, etc.

 

[Southernmiss]

Can you just discreetly give the $ in an envelope? Seems easy enough.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

slip the GK the cash out of sight of the others

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I don't think it's a problem to contribute toward the older one's car fund and not give and equal amount to the younger ones. Kids have different wants and needs, depending on their age and stage in life. The older one wants a car. The younger ones just want cool toys and other fun stuff. Someday, they'll be saving for a car and you'll make the same contribution to them.

 

[disneyseniors]

we have 4 DGK between the ages of 5 to 16
I alwasy try to keep the gifts the same number of gifts
and close to spending wise just something my mom always did
and she did a great job at it

this year we did good with the number of gifts
however the oldest DGD the amount spent
was a good amount higher then the rest
some of that due to the fact shes saving for a car so we gave her some cash to put towards it
I know the 5 yr old wont notice anything as long has theres gifts with his name on them

Im afraid that the 9 and 11 yr old might notice the cash
so what would you do
get the other 3 gift cards or cash
or just leave it as it is
we do have 2 adult kids of our own so they buy for each others kids which our the DGK Im talking about

I had that problem when I had teens and little grandkids in the same family. I would give what was age appropriate and not think of the cost. My Mom used to spend the same amount of money on each kid, but that is hard for me to do. The teen saving for a car has more needs than the other ones. I don't think anyone will be offended by you giving a little more to the oldest. If anyone says anything, just say that they will get the same treatment when they are that age. Honestly, this was never a problem with our grandkids. Hope this helped!

 

[nw6675]

I don't think it's a problem to contribute toward the older one's car fund and not give and equal amount to the younger ones. Kids have different wants and needs, depending on their age and stage in life. The older one wants a car. The younger ones just want cool toys and other fun stuff. Someday, they'll be saving for a car and you'll make the same contribution to them.

This. Heck the youngest might be enthralled with the box.

 

[nw6675]

And we don't keep things exactly even. We have a 35 son, 12 daughter, and 2 year granddaughter. An odd combination so we mostly do money for the son, DIL, and GDD (8 hours away) and traditional with DD

 

[slo]

My grandma used to give me money as a secret between us - always made me feel super special. So I’d take the oldest to the side and explain why they are getting more, give it to them without the others seeing and tell her, “it’s our little secret.” She’ll love it.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
Merry Christmas

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I'd give them all the gifts for Christmas, then give the 16 yr old the cash, when she's ready to buy the car. I'd also put the same amount of cash I gave the 16 yr. old in the bank for the others to use later. It won't make the same financial impact, when the younger ones are ready to buy a car, but you'll know they're going to get at least as much as the oldest one did.

I know someone who bought two of her grandchildren a car, when they turned 16. When the third turned 16, she said she didn't have the money. I don't recommend taking a chance that will happen. It took the youngest a long time to forgive her for that. It didn't help that they were only a few years apart in age, but that's a different story for a different time.

 

[sk!mom]

I would want gift number and dollars spent equal. Both for the kids feelings but also for their parents feelings. Bad feelings have started or festered in many families due to the presumption that someone is favored over others.

In your specific situation, I wouldn’t gift car money as an Xmas gift. I’d give that separately when the time comes, and she’s actually buying the car. The other kids and their parents can look forward to the same when they reach driving age.

 

[HopperFan]

Oh my Mom went through this as her grands were spread out. So spread back in day was 25, 20, 16, 13, 11, 11, 7, 5. That is a tough gap. Christmas was a big deal for her and she worked so hard at gifts and sometimes the money spent just isn't spot on. The youngest two are siblings so they would get similar gifts. Same with middle three siblings, all girls, similar gifts with variance. 13 was my girl and 16 was boy - clearly different likes so they would get completely different gifts. Oldest is my DS who is disabled so very specific gifts for him. I would say for all but my oldest the amount spent was in a ballpark range of each other.

The VARIANCE came with .... Mom was an artist and crafty, each kid got a painted crafted Santa Clause she worked all year on. Attached to Santa was a small jewelry style bag with cash in it. Kids always peeked but didn't pull it out ... mine were instructed not to because they got more. The older ones got more than the middle group more than the younger group. As they got older they got more money.

SO after my ramble I say keep it the same and if anyone says anything then I would answer "she is older and saving for a car ... when you get older and saving you will get more."

 

[wide awake]

Do equal for all. Giving unequally is just asking for hurt feelings and resentment.