What age would you let your child

[disney1990]

exactly! My godson was diagnosed with leukemia at 2- he always wanted his ear pierced so by kindergarten he was the boy with the pierced ear, in 2nd grade he had a second hole in that same ear and he also had long hair- once it fell out he did not want it cut again until he was about 13 years old--who cares, it made him happy and when he passes away at 14 everyone was happy that he at least got what he wanted and no one made him wait for silly little things like that.

I am so sorry for you loss. I know when our granddaughter had cancer at 8 our world ended. 5 years later, she is cancer free and I am forever grateful. My heart goes out to you.

 

[marmalade]

your definition of "kid things" might be different than mine... to me a kid thing is to want pink hair.. I sure as heck don't want pink hair as an adult and who says because my girls have pink purple blue green and any other color streak they want aren't doing things you define as "kid things"...

I'm an adult and I kinda want some pink streaks in my hair, and I am the most boring person in the world when it comes to fashion.

 

[U2_rocks!]

I don't really feel that strongly one way or the other. These are my thoughts.

I do believe that colours like pink, blue etc. are just fun things to do, like playing dress-up. But I wouldn't want permanent color when there are many wash-out hair colors available these days. Wash-out colors are just so much more versatile because they can be easily changed or gotten rid of.

If you're talking about natural looking highlights to enhance beauty, that's sort of a more grown-up thing to do. It goes along with the wearing of make-up, shaving legs, waxing eyebrows etc. Whatever age those things are appropriate to make the girl more attractive is the time to consider the hair as well. I honestly don't think any of the attractiveness enhancing things are appropriate until the girl is going through puberty. Both of my girls (9 and 11) are far away from puberty and still look like little girls - I really don't think there is a need to enhance their attractiveness in any way. I have let them wear pale lip gloss once or twice, but usually they are au naturel.

For me the time will come when they are starting to look like young ladies and naturally want to start enhancing themselves in some way when they are going out to a party or something (not allowed at school). Professional highlights for me are iffy because I don't even want to spend the money on proper ones for myself! I have learned how to get natural looking streaks in my own hair from a box and I will happily put a few in my DDs' hair when I feel like it's the right time. Once you start these things you have to be prepared to continue, at least occasionally, because streaks look worse when they are growing out (unless the hair was long enough that you can just cut them off, or they were so subtle to begin with).

 

[Jaime4004]

And that is fine, I'm only concerned with my daughter, not your's or anyone else's




I might not be able to choose what they focus on, but as their parent I still get to influence their impressionable 8 year old minds, and allow certain things or not based on what I think is right for them. When they are older, things change.

I agree. Somewhat... You can try to influence, but in the end your daughter has her own brain and her own likes/dislikes. I make the decisions on when she's allowed to color hair/wear make up, and for now it's 13. Doesn't mean she's not going to keep thinking about it or focusing on it. I don't control that...

 

[luvmy3]

I agree. Somewhat... You can try to influence, but in the end your daughter has her own brain and her own likes/dislikes. I make the decisions on when she's allowed to color hair/wear make up, and for now it's 13. Doesn't mean she's not going to keep thinking about it or focusing on it. I don't control that...

My dd is 14, we've already been through this stage so its really a moot point for me. At 8 my dd wasn't in the least bit interested in hi-lights, she was more interested in catching frogs.
You are right though, and my goal wouldn't be trying to control what she "thinks", but as a parent its my job to control what she is allowed to do, and at 8 years old, she is allowed to be a kid and do what I, as her parent, think are appropriate kid things. Coloring your hair, or I like how the pp said it, enhancing yourself for beauty, is not one of those things IMO. (YMMV and that is perfectly alright) They older she got, those "kid" things changed.

 

[ccgirl]

I would say 16. Her school goes up through 8th grade and they would not be allowed in school with dyed hair.

 

[Colleen27]

Its just hair. It grows back. I've never really set limits on what the kids could do with theirs or when. DS14 has had a mohawk (that didn't last long... it was too much work ), but now he's just lazy about his hair and prefers it short enough that he doesn't even have to brush it. DD11 does semi-permanent streaks in wild colors over the summer but chose to attend a school where she can't do that during the year so we let them fade out by fall. She has a whole rainbow of mascara-like streaking wands for the weekends, though! She knows she could have stayed at the public middle where she'd have more freedom but she loves her private school and is willing to accept the uniform and to be there.

 

[Andtototoo]

I don't really feel that strongly one way or the other. These are my thoughts.

I do believe that colours like pink, blue etc. are just fun things to do, like playing dress-up. But I wouldn't want permanent color when there are many wash-out hair colors available these days. Wash-out colors are just so much more versatile because they can be easily changed or gotten rid of.

If you're talking about natural looking highlights to enhance beauty, that's sort of a more grown-up thing to do. It goes along with the wearing of make-up, shaving legs, waxing eyebrows etc. Whatever age those things are appropriate to make the girl more attractive is the time to consider the hair as well. I honestly don't think any of the attractiveness enhancing things are appropriate until the girl is going through puberty. Both of my girls (9 and 11) are far away from puberty and still look like little girls - I really don't think there is a need to enhance their attractiveness in any way. I have let them wear pale lip gloss once or twice, but usually they are au naturel.

For me the time will come when they are starting to look like young ladies and naturally want to start enhancing themselves in some way when they are going out to a party or something (not allowed at school). Professional highlights for me are iffy because I don't even want to spend the money on proper ones for myself! I have learned how to get natural looking streaks in my own hair from a box and I will happily put a few in my DDs' hair when I feel like it's the right time. Once you start these things you have to be prepared to continue, at least occasionally, because streaks look worse when they are growing out (unless the hair was long enough that you can just cut them off, or they were so subtle to begin with).

I never really thought of highlights as enhancing beauty because in 99% of all cases, I don't think highlights do enhance beauty. I think they're just a fun way to play around with hair, just like with fancy braids or chignons.

 

[aprilgail2]

IIMHO any child younger than late middle school (13 or 14) shouldn't be altering their appearance in any substantial way. They only want to do it because everyone else is and they want to fit in. I'd help them find a better way to fit in.

See I think the exact opposite! My daughter was the ONLY one in her grade that had her hair dyed and she did it to set herself apart from "fitting in"- she likes to be edgy. If everyone had blue hair my daughter would have pink hair.

Ha! That would be nice, but all kids are different. My mother has been trying to get DD to play with dolls and barbies since she was 2. Never happened... She's 8 now and has already asked for highlights and when can she wear makeup. I stated 13 on both but she's trying to talk me down. Oh, I forgot about the cell phone she's been asking for for years also. It's going to be a long few years, and she's not even a teen yet!

LOL-my daughter stopped with the whole "barbie" crap by the time she was about 6. I was very happy, I would rather she was outside playing than sitting around dressing some doll with unrealistic measurements!

 

[Reberella]

I'm 13 now and the last time I got highlights was in June of this year. I only get them once in a while, and it's just a natural shade, doesn't look too noticeable. The first time I got some was in the 4th grade, by my mom's friend who works in a salon. A lot of people in my school use box colors to dye parts of their hair crazy colors, however I don't really trust the box. Whenever the parent feels comfortable with it I guess

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

I let my dd with brown hair get a streak in her hair in 4th grade. She asked for it in third. We came up with a goal she had to reach to earn the streak. It took her about 9 months but she did it.

I had priced out the process at a salon but it was way too expensive. I asked one of the girls in my girls scout troops mom (who works in a salon) come to show me how to do it. We bleached a streak and dyed it purple.

Since then she has had it purple, teal, left it blond, and now its red.

Her principal at the time was not thrilled but dd did not break any school rules. Plus it did not distub in her learning in any way and it was my childs hair and did not break the uniform rules in any way.

She was the only kid in her school at the time to have colored hair. Now that she is in middle school she is not the only one.

I figure this is her time to play and discover who she is. It will be a lot harder when she is older. Afterall she spent most of her toddler years in princess dresses - and now she never wears a dress.

The bargin is still in place. DD has to keep her end of the bargain up or we will dye it her natural color.

 

[PaulaSue]

My girls can do things like that when they can pay for it themselves with Thierry allowance or a job.

 

[mhsjax]

I think its important to impress upon our kids that they don't need to color their hair, arch their brows, wear eye shadow or $100 sneakers....to be beautiful or to gain attention. Attitude, behavior, ambition, honor and integrity are the things we need to be paying attention to first and foremost.

That being said, I let my daughter color her ends in 8th grade when she earned the money to pay for it herself. She did it once and decided it wasn't worth the $50 to keep up with. She is now almost 16 and has FINALLY grown her nails but she has to pay for her own manicures or she can do them at home. Its funny how few things they really "need" when they are paying for it out of their own pockets That's goes for all the designer clothing as well.

IMHO any child younger than late middle school (13 or 14) shouldn't be altering their appearance in any substantial way. They only want to do it because everyone else is and they want to fit in. I'd help them find a better way to fit in.

Well I did let my DD highlight(heavy high lights) her hair when she was 10. Sorry but her hair color, as is the rest of the family, is horrible. It wasn't blond it wasn't brown just a very dull ugly in between color. So, yep not only did I let her, I suggested it. She still does it. In my view there was a need for it, and it was in no way because everyone else was, in fact she was one of the first, so really, I completely disagree with you, you can't make a blanket statement about kids and expect it to be true for everyone. OH and she has many friends and has no trouble "fitting in"

ETA, when I talking about high lights, I am talking about a natural color not and crazy color. they aren't allowed in school with hair color that isn't natural, maybe that is what everyone is talking about here.

 

[luvmy3]

Well I did let my DD highlight(heavy high lights) her hair when she was 10. Sorry but her hair color, as is the rest of the family, is horrible. It wasn't blond it wasn't brown just a very dull ugly in between color. So, yep not only did I let her, I suggested it. She still does it. In my view there was a need for it, and it was in no way because everyone else was, in fact she was one of the first, so really, I completely disagree with you, you can't make a blanket statement about kids and expect it to be true for everyone. OH and she has many friends and has no trouble "fitting in"

ETA, when I talking about high lights, I am talking about a natural color not and crazy color. they aren't allowed in school with hair color that isn't natural, maybe that is what everyone is talking about here.

And we wonder why girls grow up with self image and esteem issues

 

[mhsjax]

And we wonder why girls grow up with self image and esteem issues

Really? you don't know my daughter, how is it that you can assume this? This girl has NO, I repeat NO self image problems or self esteem issues.

 

[luvmy3]

Really? you don't know my daughter, how is it that you can assume this? This girl has NO, I repeat NO self image problems or self esteem issues. Stick to parenting your own child thank you. MIne is quite fine and well adjusted.

Based on what you said in your pp, no it isn't.

 

[mhsjax]

Based on what you said in your pp, no it isn't.

Because I looked at my DD in 5th grade and said honey, you inherited the family trait of having hair color that is in-between, it isn't blond or brown, I think it would look prettier with some blond highlights, and she said I was thinking I would like to do this. Wow and all the time I though my kids was a very well adjusted little girl. I am so glad that on the Dis boards I found out that I was in fact wrong.

 

[luvmy3]

Because I looked at my DD in 5th grade and said honey, you inherited the family trait of having hair color that is in-between, it isn't blond or brown, I think it would look prettier with some blond highlights, and she said I was thinking I would like to do this. Wow and all the time I though my kids was a very well adjusted little girl. I am so glad that on the Dis boards I found out that I was in fact wrong.

I'm sure your attitude of "its horrible, and ugly" has never come through to your dd. Mother's like you never think it does, but you are in fact wrong.
Feel free to continue to tell your dd how much prettier she'd look if she just changes what physical traits she has inherited, she's only 10 it couldn't possibly give issues when she's older.

 

[mhsjax]

I'm sure your attitude of "its horrible, and ugly" has never come through to your dd. Mother's like you never think it does, but you are in fact wrong.
Feel free to continue to tell your dd how much prettier she'd look if she just changes what physical traits she has inherited, she's only 10 it couldn't possibly give issues when she's older.

YOu would be wrong again, she is WAY past 10 sweetie, but thanks for your concern. By the way my best friend just laughed hysterically at you for suggesting my DD was not well adjusted and/or self esteem issues. Have a good day.

 

[luvmy3]

YOu would be wrong again, she is WAY past 10 sweetie, but thanks for your concern. By the way my best friend just laughed hysterically at you for suggesting my DD was not well adjusted and/or self esteem issues. Have a good day.

Of course your dd doesn't and of course your best friend doesn't think so either. My boyfriend, um he's in Canada, thinks I'm right.
Have a good day, see you on the playground