Wedding! Ups and downs

[Boopuff]

My youngest DD just got married last weekend! (Yeah!). Our last wedding. It wasn’t a big wedding, at least by today’s standards, they had about 90 people. The setting was in the Rocky Mountains. Lots of family flew in. The wedding was perfect except for a few odd things: one girl (guest of grooms buddy) helped herself to the desserts before the cake was cut! that was something! My darling SIL (who I’ve mentioned on here before) was a pita staying with us the night before. She then handed my DD a card, and there’s no gift. Yep nothing. Gotta love family! Rant over

 

[Dan Murphy]

My darling SIL (who I’ve mentioned on here before) was a pita staying with us the night before. She then handed my DD a card, and there’s no gift. Yep nothing.

That does not sound right.

Congratulations to your daughter, you and all your family. Boopuff.

 

[longboard55]

we just had a great wedding, but from my family 4 out of 11 who did rsvp after being asked to respond were no shows. Do people understand weddings are very expensive and a no show still gets charged. The worse part is there were ones I never wanted to invite, but since they are family I did.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

Congrats to your DD, what a beautiful place to get married!

 

[Jangles]

one girl (guest of grooms buddy) helped herself to the desserts before the cake was cut! that was something!

Is this not customary? I don’t think we have a ‘rule’ like this in the U.K., and you know how much we like our rules and traditions.

 

[MamaMermaid]

Congrats!

 

[Pooh2]

My youngest DD just got married last weekend! (Yeah!). Our last wedding. It wasn’t a big wedding, at least by today’s standards, they had about 90 people. The setting was in the Rocky Mountains. Lots of family flew in. The wedding was perfect except for a few odd things: one girl (guest of grooms buddy) helped herself to the desserts before the cake was cut! that was something! My darling SIL (who I’ve mentioned on here before) was a pita staying with us the night before. She then handed my DD a card, and there’s no gift. Yep nothing. Gotta love family! Rant over

If that was the worst of it, sounds like a wonderful day!
May they have a long and happy marriage!

 

[leebee]

Sounds like a good time was had by all, pretty much. I think it's odd that the guest helped herself to the dessert table, but if it was laid out like a buffet, maybe she didn't realize it's customary for waiting for the cake to be cut before having dessert. Also... did you SIL have to fly in for the wedding? Maybe she felt that given the cost of airfare, just being there was enough? Dunno, just wool-gathering.

It IS annoying when you feel you have to invite guests and then they don't show up. DD's wedding, there were 6 from the groom's side who didn't show. Groom didn't really know these people but his mother insisted they had to be invited. All were in their 80s and 90s and we knew they weren't going to show, but there were enough of them that we wouldn't have been able to just add a seat for them if we hadn't planned on having them. DDs wedding was fairly inexpensive, as weddings go these days, but that was still about $300 for no-shows (and of course the health laws prevent one from taking leftover buffet food home- we sure would have been happy to take 6 guests-worth of prime rib home with us for the week, hahaha)!

Congratulations on your daughter's marriage!

 

[Minnesota!]

I would have been helping myself to dessert, too, probably - didn't realize there was a time-delay on it. Oops.

And we got plenty of "just cards" at our wedding. While a gift is nice, there was no expectation. "Presence is present enough"

Sounds like a beautiful location, however!

 

[fla4fun]

There are a lot of reasons someone would not give a gift. Yes, they could be cheap, miserly, or ignorant of societal tradition. They could also be unemployed, or have recently incurred unexpected debt, medical or otherwise. I have been unemployed for a year and a half now. I would hate to think that if I got invited to the wedding of someone I was very close to that I would be judged on whether or not I gave a gift or how much I spent on it. I would also hate to think I would not be able to attend if I didn’t ”cover my plate”. Attending the wedding of a loved one isn’t the same as just telling someone not to eat out if you can’t afford it. If I had been invited to a wedding, I would have most likely had to postpone any major gift until I am working again.

It’s possible that the SIL is known for doing this for all holidays and weddings or this could be a one off. I don’t know enough about the situation to judge one way or the other.

I have never been to a wedding where there were desserts offered other than the cake, so when I read the OP, I assumed someone had helped themselves to the wedding cake prior to the official cutting. I am glad I was mistaken.

No shows are a big pet peeve of mine. I find it very disrespectful and unless it was something serious like a major health event or accident, I don’t know that I would be forgiving them for a while. I feel this way regardless of whether it’s a wedding, or a holiday gathering, or a simple dinner party. My invitation isn’t just a placeholder until you get a better offer. If you RSVP you are attending, be there.

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

A lot of people are doing gifts via venmo, instead of putting cash in a card; or the gift could have been sent from a store/Amazon, and delivered to their residence. Also, not everyone brings their gift to the reception.

 

[auntfrannie]

ARound here (Pittsburgh area) there are always massive cookie tables. They're always put out at the beginning and there isn't an expectation for people to wait. You usually see to-go containers because people always make a TON of cookies and people are encouraged to take some home.

 

[shoney]

As long as she didn’t cut the cake and eat it, I don’t see a.n issue with grabbing a dessert

Nothing in card ..that’s another story.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Who puts out dessert but doesn't expect people to eat it?

Wouldn't the desserts want to brought out with the cake and then served all together?

I say no party foul on that one and throw it back on either the couple or the wedding planner or the catering company for leaving out desserts before the cake was cut if the intent was to eat them together.

 

[longboard55]

Also on gifts. We received about 90% of the actual gifts, other than cash by direct delivery. Which was fine. But I would say most came without any enclosure on who it was from. They could figure out most from the registry. But really seems if you do that it would be a good idea to send a card by mail claiming the gift

 

[Christine]

I wasn't aware of the dessert rule. Whatever wedding I've been to, if the food is out, no matter what, it's fair game. The cake cutting is a separate event not marked to kick off anything. It's usually done well after the finish of the main meal (much too long of wait for cake IMO, lol) and is kind of the end of formal ceremonies. If there was a dessert table out and it wasn't supposed to be touched, I think it should have been set back somehow.

 

[ronandannette]

I wasn't aware of the dessert rule. Whatever wedding I've been to, if the food is out, no matter what, it's fair game. The cake cutting is a separate event not marked to kick off anything. It's usually done well after the finish of the main meal (much too long of wait for cake IMO, lol) and is kind of the end of formal ceremonies. If there was a dessert table out and it wasn't supposed to be touched, I think it should have been set back somehow.

This is exactly how it's done here too. If I'd have been at that wedding I might have been guilty of goodie-grabbing, without realizing it was a gaffe.

 

[SirDuff]

I'm another confused why taking desserts that were set out is "something". Maybe we don't understand the set up?

 

[kymom99]

I'm another confused why taking desserts that were set out is "something". Maybe we don't understand the set up?

I would have been self conscious to take desserts if no one else was. But otherwise I don’t know how you keep people from it if something is set out.

My niece had a dessert table, but in the center was a small wedding cake to be cut. Also some home made pies that had to be cut. So maybe that sent the message that what was on that table was to be served with the cake after dinner.

My friends son had several dessert stations from what I understand. (I wasn’t invited). They had those bundtinis, I think a s’mores table, and a cake. An awful lot of sugary stuff, but their choice. I’m not sure if people helped themselves whenever. I’ll have to ask.

 

[focusondisney]

The last couple of weddings I’ve been to have played out like this: cocktail hour, bridal party introductions, couple’s first dance, cake tcutting, dinner, everyone parties. It actually worked well. You have everyone’s attention for the first dance. The caterers can get going on slicing/ plating the cake to serve for dessert instead of having a delay between dinner & dessert.