About the IEP meeting- I have no say and I understand that but at least I can try to figure out possible solutions to suggest to the parents. They have been dealing with school districts for 6+ years to get her services and I still feel more educated then them If they need to have this meeting anyway and I can be present, I think it would be a huge help to the parents to have that support there.
Honestly, if the school district is resistent to providing additional services, it would be far better to have an educational advocate there. I am not trying to be rude at all, honestly but as an educational advocate, I can tell you that unless you are extremely knowledgeable about federal education laws, this child's specific clinical needs (and I don't mean in a general "she needs more help way", I mean in having an intimate, working knowledge of her specific clinical OT, ST, PT needs and the specific therapeutic approaches that work best for those needs), and North Carolina's specific education statues, a school district is not going to take your participation seriously. This is not to say that being there to provide support to the parents is inappropriate, but if you end up doing a lot of the talking, your words don't carry any weight as you are not a member of the IEP team. And even if you are extremely knowledgeable, as you do not live in state and would not be a consistent player, there is nothing you can do about it if they choose to ignore your words.
An educational advocate has legal authority to act on the behalf of the family. They have a specific expertise in special education law and if the parents are unhappy with the results of an IEP, an educational advocate can initiate the appeals process, represent the family before the school district's appeal board, and if necessary sue the school district in court if the family is still not satisified. School districts pay *very* close attention when an educational advocate is part of an IEP process because of the power to sue. It is very costly for school districts to be sued and most of the time they will avoid it at all costs and even grant concessions they are not legally obligated to, in order to avoid a lawsuit while they can carry on the status quo with everyone else. I have seen very diligent parents also be able to fight this type of battle without an educational advocate with success. But, unless you are invested with the authority to act on these parents behalf, no amount of passion or zeal on your part will affect much. Parents can choose to grant educational guardianship to other parties, but as you do not live in the same state, you would not be eligible.
I strongly suggest you offer to help the parents find an educational advocate. If money is an issue, there are many organizations that will provide these services for free, *especially* law schools. Some of the best educational advocacy I have ever seen has been from enthusiastic law school students who had the time and enthusiasm and extremely small caseloads to really focus on each individual child. I handled the really complex cases in our office, but with almost 400 kids to monitor, I often encouraged parents to use the Boston University law department and there is not a single parent who used them who did not get what they wanted for their children.