Vent/rant/wwyd

[gotomu212]

I dunno, when DW & I got engaged, we picked the date FIRST, and then booked the rest off that. If there is a difficulty finding venues, caterers, etc, it seems they're only compounding the issue by failing to nail down a date.

We were opposite. We knew the church we wanted to be married in and the venue we wanted for the reception and a general month. We found out what the availability was at those locations and then picked the date both were open.

Nine months out, especially in Germany, is pretty early to be planning a wedding. A long engagement is rare over there. I think it’s fine to ask that they let you know the date as soon as possible, but I wouldn’t be looking for deals until they give you the date (it just leads to disappointment at missing great deals)

 

[MamaBelle4]

Am I the only one who thinks it is presumptuous for the groom to say "it's September, so start looking at flights," but then NOT provide a date?

Yes, I expect you to come, cancel your current plans and look for flight details. No, I don't have a date set yet. I don't think it's unreasonable for OP's husband to say, "Look, you want us to look at flights, we need an actual date."

 

[jalapeno_pretzel]

I still want to understand what this "vacation package" entails. When I think of out-of-my-area or overseas wedding, I don't think "vacation package." I think airfare + hotel. Maybe rental car.

 

[Southernmiss]

A little background. My brother in law lives in Germany and announced his surprise engagement January 1. My husband (his brother) and I live in the states and have to travel to his weddding. Not going is not an option, and we are blessed that we will have enough saved to go.
The issue I have is he has not given us any information about travel plans, dates, etc. my husband and I already canceled our anniversary vacation when we found out he was getting married so that we could afford to go.
When His father asked him when the wedding is, he said September so start looking at flights. But no date. I started looking around and there is a vacation package out there that MUST be booked by February 5 to save $1500.00. But since I have no date I cannot book it. I know I have no say in picking their wedding date, but at this point it has really been frustrating knowing that I can save this much but can’t book it because I have no date.
My question: is it ok to say “hey we need an exact date so we can take advantage of this amazing deal?”

No. Your question is too pushy.

Engaged for 27 days.

Stop looking at flights. Give the couple some space to get over the 'Eek! We're engaged!' phase.

If nothing from bil to dh in next 2 weeks, then dh needs to contact his brother and remind him of needing time off and making arrangements.

Your need of saving some $ does not trump their need to settle in and pull some plans together first.

 

[sonnyjane]

Am I the only one who thinks it is presumptuous for the groom to say "it's September, so start looking at flights," but then NOT provide a date?

Yes, I expect you to come, cancel your current plans and look for flight details. No, I don't have a date set yet. I don't think it's unreasonable for OP's husband to say, "Look, you want us to look at flights, we need an actual date."

The comment to start looking at flights was not made to the OP or her husband but to someone else who relayed that on, so who knows what was actually said.

The OP and her husband were not asked to cancel their current plans. They did so voluntarily in anticipation of the travel costs of attending this wedding.

 

[Southernmiss]

Am I the only one who thinks it is presumptuous for the groom to say "it's September, so start looking at flights," but then NOT provide a date?

Yes, I expect you to come, cancel your current plans and look for flight details. No, I don't have a date set yet. I don't think it's unreasonable for OP's husband to say, "Look, you want us to look at flights, we need an actual date."

Meh. That was a convo with his father. Maybe said in excitement. "Dad, I'm getting married in September! Start looking at flights, I want you to be here."

 

[MamaBelle4]

The comment to start looking at flights was not made to the OP or her husband but to someone else who relayed that on, so who knows what was actually said.

The OP and her husband were not asked to cancel their current plans. They did so voluntarily in anticipation of the travel costs of attending this wedding.

Meh. That was a convo with his father. Maybe said in excitement. Dad, I'm getting married in September! Start looking at flights, I want you to be here."

I had missed that it was said to the father. I thought it was said to the brother.

I do still think it's okay for the brother to say, "Hey we need an exact date so we can plan."