UPDATE Post 91! Does anyone else hate hosting overnight guests? Am I weird?

[Pink Partridge]

I despise hosting people overnight in my home. I don't have a specific reason, I just don't enjoy it. I don't like being an overnight guest either. We get hotel rooms wherever we visit.

I love spending time with out of town friends, but when it is bedtime I will bid you farewell. I don't want to wake up with you in my house.

Well, I just received an email from a cousin. Her son is in a long weekend basketball tournament in December in my home town. They live 2 hours away and she "will be crashing at our house, as hotel rooms are not covered for parents". I was floored. First of all, who tells someone they are staying at your house for three nights? She didn't even ask. She told. Secondly, we have a wedding on that Saturday that she plans on "crashing" at my home.

I politely wrote her back and said that we were unable to host her and her husband, as we would be gone to a wedding that Saturday.

She wrote back and said that us being gone was "Not a problem. Just leave us a key".

Now I am annoyed.

I wrote her back and said "We aren't comfortable doing that." And I gave her a list of hotels nearby.

She wrote back that I should be ashamed of myself for not wanting to help them save money on a hotel when I am right in the same town with empty bedrooms. And that I have "control issues" if I can't even handle having a guests for the weekend".

So, I am done with her. I have no use for someone like that. I don't feel badly. It is not my job to help her save money. Don't sign your child up for a travel league if you can't afford to travel.

But it got me thinking, am I wrong for not opening my home up to overnight guests? Do you have an open door policy for out of town guests?

Does anyone else hate having guests stay overnight(s)? And why do you hate it? Am I a freak?

 

[TheIncredibles!]

I don't like overnight guests either and would have been highly irritated if somebody TOLD me they were staying at my house for their convenience.

 

[RedAngie]

While I don't hate having occasional overnight guests, <I> extend the invitation, nobody's going to TELL me they're staying at my place. She's damn right I have "control issues" about who gets to stay at my house. If that makes me a freak, I'm fine with it.

Stand your ground.

 

[Meriweather]

I only like the close family spending the night (DD, DS and DGD). They rest I feel like I am on call all the time and am being a maid and waitress.
Not in my personality to do otherwise since I don't like other people messing around in my kitchen

 

[Klayfish]

I despise hosting people overnight in my home. I don't have a specific reason, I just don't enjoy it. I don't like being an overnight guest either. We get hotel rooms wherever we visit.

I love spending time with out of town friends, but when it is bedtime I will bid you farewell. I don't want to wake up with you in my house.

I'm 100% with you. We don't host overnight guests. Not any specific reason other than what you said, I don't want to wake up with you in my house. I also don't want to do that to anyone else. I try to make sure people understand it's not me (or my wife) trying to be rude. We're just not the type who like having guests in our house overnight or being a guest in anyone elses' house overnight. We let our kids have friends do "sleep overs" sometimes, but that's the extent of it.

 

[Disney Dynamite]

So your cousin wants to shame you and control who you let into your home but has the audacity to call you controlling? Nope. Your home, your decision. You're absolutely not in the wrong for opening your home to overnight guests if you don't want to. I'm also not a fan of overnight guests, especially ones who try to invite themselves. My husband travels frequently for work, and we're sort of protective of the time we do have at home together. We don't enjoy overnight guests, and hosting overnight guests simply doesn't work for us.

 

[prprincess]

I dislike it. As a working mom with a super busy household, so my house is always a complete mess and having people over requires several days of preparation and cleaning up. I also don't like staying over people's houses, and rather fork out the money to stay at a hotel in order to be comfortable.

 

[tvguy]

Nice change of pace. I have 2 bedrooms that go unused the rest of the year.

 

[Poohforyou]

I'm not crazy about overnight guests. I tolerate immediate family here and there. however, even if I loved it someone like your cousin wouldn't be staying. talk about ballsy.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I host people all of the time. Both for short stays or overnight stays. Heck, we hosted on person for a full year because she didn't have a place to live. Oh and a few years ago, we had 8 people staying here. It was pretty cozy.

But I invite people. Granted, sometimes it feels like an obligation. But it is still my choice.

 

[JessM]

I don't mind having overnight guests. Most of the time if they are overnight guests it means they do not live nearby and I don't get to see them much so I'm always happy to open up my home. I do appreciate being asked and wouldn't like being told but don't think I would ever say no to family. Plus it's an excuse to get the house cleaned up.

 

[mjkacmom]

I don't mind it when DH's sisters stay here, because I really like them, and they always ask nicely (even though I've told them that they are always welcome). However, we have 5 bedrooms, and no guest rooms. One bedroom has a bunk/trundle for my : girls, another a twin loft for ds18, another a twin for ds13, and another a full plus full trundle for dd20. I guess it depends who is going to be home.

I've also had them stay here when we weren't here. I actually had a friend stay at our apartment from out of town when we were on our honeymoon.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I also dislike it but if I had family in town they could stay a night or two. I have a smaller place so no one asks to stay with me since I have two kids and only 3 bedrooms. I have aunts and cousins who have more room that get asked first. I wouldn't give them the names of hotels. In my culture that would be seen as highly disrespectful and rude.

Now when I go out of town I get a hotel room. I like my own space.

 

[Hikergirl]

I'm with RedAngie. I have no problem with overnight guests, we live a few hours away from most of our family and friends so it does happen when they come to visit. I have never had anyone tell me they were staying, and in fact I'm the one usually insisting they stay here instead of a hotel. One time my SIL asked me to stay here for a night because her ds was in a tournament in our area. Key word- asked, she did not tell me they would be staying.

ETA I don't think its weird that people don't want over night guests either. Also, I would never have anyone stay overnight here without us being here unless they were VERY close family or friends.

 

[Aimros]

I don't love it, but I tolerate it to an extent. I have close family that moved out of town and they wait until the last minute to ask to stay over which drives me crazy... but at least they ask! I would have said the same to your cousin.

 

[anniemae]

I hate overnight guests. I am an introvert and I like my private time. It is difficult for me to be "on" all the time. I need to be away from people to re-charge and my home is my sanctuary. I want to put on my pj's and watch TV with my family and not have to entertain anyone, not have to talk to anyone, not have to keep the kitchen neat, not have to retreat to my room because I need a break. Maybe it's the introvert in me, but I really don't like anyone in my space, except DH and kiddos!

I also hate staying with family and MUCH prefer a hotel. I don't like being in someones house because I feel like I am intruding. If I want a drink, I feel like I am sneaking around the kitchen because I don't want to bother the hosts for a drink. I feel like I can't get up until the hosts are up. I just don't like it.

 

[NMAmy]

I like overnight guests but I have two guest rooms and just DH and I at home so prep time is minimal. It used to be more of an ordeal when we had kids at home.

I usually prefer to stay in a hotel but staying with DD is just like home to me. I also have one sister-in-law who is an amazing hostess. They have a huge house so no sharing bathrooms and she's a fantastic cook. They are the perfect combination of being involved and letting us do our own thing so staying there is such fun. DD hates staying with other people but she adores staying at their house.

ETA: I can't believe the gall of the OP's cousin, however. You are not a control freak at all--she's being extremely manipulative. Good for you for standing your ground.

 

[Klayfish]

Maybe some of my feelings come from having live in nannies in my home for 5 years. What an awful experience. I'm sure we were as much at fault for it being a negative experience as our au pairs were, but ugh, it was miserable.

 

[antmaril]

I agree with you. I don't want to have a guest or be a guest.

 

[moon]

Oh, my, I have a bunch of cousins like that. Not only they would TELL us they were crashing, but also told us at what time to pick them up at the airport. We're kind of dumb..OK, really stupid and went along with this for years...never a thank you, never any contact unless they needed accommodations.

Now for several reasons we no longer speak. Good riddance!